Spot Rob, the in-field guide

Dear Rob-

Since you’ve been hiding out recently sleeping in with me everyday getting into character/working out/escaping freaky stalker Twimoms, we’ve missed you around these parts. In fact we’re starting to forget what you even look like (ok, ok just go along with me on this one gals), you know when you haven’t seen someone in so long you sometimes can’t picture them in your head? That’s what this feels like Rob! But fortunately for us some crappy rag-mag has published this easy how-to guide for recognizing your body parts on other people. So when that blessed day comes and you’re spotted out in that grandma sweater of yours we’ll be able to figure out it’s YOU and not Jake Gyllenhaal with a Dadcase. He wishes!

click to enlarge

click to enlarge

Enlarge this badboy by clicking on it. Perfect size to be printed off and carried around in your handbag, Ladies. Just in cases!

Let’s break it down shall we…

  • Orlando Bloom’s Eyes– Elven eyes are better than Elven ears I suppose. But yea I can see this. And they actually kinda look related. Oh those Brits!
  • Matthew McConaughey’s Hair – Ef the hair, the only thing I’m worried about is Rob’s hair taking after Matthew’s and waking the neighbors with naked bongo playing. The boy’s not muscular enough for that kind of exertion.
  • Jake Gyllenhaal’s Eyebrows – So I take it Jakey’s eyebrows have to be pushed and pulled and plucked and tweezed and waxed into submission just like Robbie’s? Poor Jake.
  • Chase Crawford’s Lips – WTF?! I’d like to think we know a thing or two about Rob’s lips around these parts, especially when they get all smooshy. Besides, Chase Crawford looks like a melty Ken doll, I simply cannot agree with this or condone it. NEXT!
  • Jude Law’s Chin – Better than having some of Jude Law’s other uh… parts allegedly. AHEM. Sorry Judey.

Now Rob don’t play hard to get… come out and be a nice boy otherwise we’ll be forced to use the tools (this field guide*) we have to find you!

Smooches and Tweezers!
Themoonisdown

*ladies!! I know you too well.

675 Responses to “Spot Rob, the in-field guide”

  1. Spank Ransom says:

    What’s with the doggin’ on Twimoms? We make up probably more than half your readership, are old enough to know better, still young enough not to care AND don’t scream like little girls at Comic-Com. πŸ˜‰

    • Valerie(momof3crazykids) says:

      oh yeah, I am with Spank on that one. I was not the one screaming at the mall in Dallas when he was there. All those tweens wouldn’t shut up!

    • FutureMrsPattinson says:

      I also agree with this

      • Spank Ransom says:

        Thanks for the “support.” πŸ˜‰

        I’m starting to wish I hadn’t written anything b/c down below they are kinda having a field day about trashing Twimoms. I didn’t know there were such strong feelings against the term or what that represented. I just thought it meant moms who love Twilight.

        Silly Spank… πŸ˜‰

    • themoonisdown says:

      PLEASE READ:

      when we refer to twimoms we’re referring to the crazy, rabid, follow you to the hotel, ask the boxers or briefs questions to 16 yr olds type of twimoms. if that’s not you than don’t worry about it. you can be a mom and like twlight and be cool.

      i know my mom is! and half my bloggy buddies who frequent here are moms AND like twilight in a reasonable way.

      you also have to know that we write a lot of stuff for comic effect. this blog is meant to be funny on most days. and if we can’t laugh at ourselves and twilight who can we laugh at?? cause let’s face it the whole twilight-dom is quite funny! and awesome! and rad and fun cause we get to all geek out over a book series and movie saga that we love.

      • Leigh Anne says:

        And all God’s people said, “AMEN!!!!!”

        Seriously…
        if I’ve said it once, I’ve said it a billion times:
        I am a mom.
        I love Twilight.
        And I have a modicum of dignity, decorum, and class…

        I’ll leave it at that. Moon, you get me. You do. I love you. That is all.

      • Spank Ransom says:

        Given the comedic nature of my own blog I think it is safe to say I don’t take much of anything too seriously …. I was only declaring that I am not a freaky stalker Twimom but a Twilight Mom (mom who loves Twilight). Sorry if it the declaration turned into a war of words as that was never my intent. Peace and love.

        Spank πŸ™‚

  2. Valerie(momof3crazykids) says:

    All his features we love(well except a couple down below) pointed out for us on one page!

    I totally see the eyes thing with Orlando. Actually all of them. Well except Chase. I’m with you Moon, there’s got to have been somebody better to compare lips to.

  3. marialw says:

    Dear God … His Holy Hotness looks good!!! I think only a supreme being could have taken all of the best parts of the most beautiful men in hollywood and combined them into one painfully beautiful man!!! Once again, proof positive that there is a Lord and she wants us to be HAPPY!!

  4. JBell says:

    As if everything in my life didn’t already remind me of Rob – now I’ll be able to spot his eyes, nose, lips and hair on random people.

    “Sorry for staring at you Mr. 74 year old man, but you have a nose just like Robert Pattinson…”

    Oy. lol

  5. iheartedward says:

    That salutation “smootches and tweezers” is the BEST! You’re so clever, it hurts, it HURTS! haha

    (this is wendy – I chang my profile name)

  6. Carolina says:

    Lol… What a way of making a day of a 74 year old man! ;oP

  7. Leigh Anne says:

    This is wrong on so many levels…are the rag mags really so desperate for Rob news that they’ll stoop to this level?

    Oh, and Moon–you know how I feel about the Twimoms. I avert mine eyes, oh Lord…

  8. FutureMrsPattinson says:

    I don’t need a field guide to spot Rob(throws printed edition in air)

    Dear Rob
    I got this.

    Love
    Me

  9. krazykidd says:

    This is so funny! πŸ™‚

  10. debs says:

    @themoonisdown awesome post as usual. you always have me laughing. great start to a crappy morning. thank you.

  11. Jena says:

    He’s sooooo better looking than all of them.
    LMAO at the Jude Law bit.

  12. Just a Girl says:

    I take offense to any comparison of OurRob to Matthew (hairplugs) McConawhatever!

    Oh & you can call me a b*tch, douche, dealer in RobPorn but never call me a TwiMom! So you can dog the TwiMoms all u want, cause I’m not one.

    Oh & Chace looks gay….just sayin’

    *smooches*

  13. therealrobzilla says:

    Adore the Smooches and Tweezers bit!

    Do we need to define Twimom? I don’t think that you are automatically a Twimom just because you have kids. The name Twimom conjures images of Pattinson Pants, bathrobes, slippers and pj’s whilst out getting copy of DVD, etc…

    What is the real definition of a Twimom?

  14. WastingTheMorningAway says:

    Okay, so what exactly is the definition of a TwiMom? Cuz I’m a mom who loves me some Twilight. And Rob of course. But I don’t consider myself a TwiMom. A TwiMom to me is the woman I saw on DVD release night in a restaurant across the street from Borders with her freakish teenage family and a t-shirt with 3 cartoon penguins on it that said “Penguins. Lovely” (it’s a quote from one of the books people!). Now that’s a woman who would scream and try to kiss Rob if she ever saw him on the street. I, however, am way too cool to scream.

    • Just a Girl says:

      Exactly, if I thought of myself as a Twimom, I’d be on the Twimom website (skin crawls just thinking of it) instead of here with u cool ladies. So I take no offense at doggin them.

      • therealrobzilla says:

        Bingo! I refuse to lump myself into the Twimom category. I do not wear any shirts that have any animals on them. No penguins, no tweety birds, nothing. You know what I mean ladies. Who wakes up in the morning and thinks “this grown ass woman looks good in this shirt with the stupid bird winking at back at me.” Seriously.

      • therealrobzilla says:

        I must confess that I started out on the Twimom site looking for Rob porn. Then I saw that they shut down any post if it even shows a little of the actors chest. Definitely not my kind of place. Now this is my kind of place. Love you all you sexy PattinsonPervs!

        • WastingTheMorningAway says:

          I agree — the TwiMoms site is way too straight laced and I gave it up quickly. The minute I read one of their comments that it’s “all about Edward” to them, I logged off. I knew I was in the wrong place. Edward doesn’t have sex eyes — Rob does. Only Rob makes me think dirty thoughts.

          • Emmmes says:

            Yup…true that! I found my niche when I stumbled upon LTR…there’s nothing like feeling free to act like a horny teen/laugh so hard u could cry without beeing moderated!

        • kdgrimmer says:

          I also have a confession to make…I found LTR/LTT through TwiMoms so I can’t hate on them too much because they lead me to you ladies!! hehe. However, the moment I read that they don’t allow *swoon* posts…I was like “I am outta here!”

          thank you UC and Moon for being my daily double shot of rob/twilight-y goodness!

    • VanessaJ says:

      I think of the same thing when I hear TwiMom. LOL

      I don’t lump myself in that category at all. And I’ve never been to this so called Twimom’s site. Doesn’t sound like much fun.

      You gals here rock my socks! πŸ™‚

  15. JustGotWicked says:

    Im gonna agree with JBell… I have a hard enough time going through my day without thinking about him… now im going to be looking for his features on every man i see. Thank god DH has a teeny bit of resemblance.

  16. debs says:

    waaaaaaaaaah! i don’t want to start the day. too much to do and i don’t waanah. could i just hide out here? pleeeeeeeeeeeeease?

    *am having a breakdown*

    • Emmmes says:

      DEBS is there room in there for one more…pulezzz!!! I’ll be quiet , u won’t even know I’m there…I promise!

  17. Steph says:

    Yeah, I’m pretty sure that I wouldn’t scream either. In fact, I’m petrified that I’d just freeze and stand there with my mouth gaping open. Pretty much as equally uncool as screaming, I suppose. Especially when the drool starts leaking out of the corner of my mouth, but does that make me a “Twimom?!” I do not own any Twilight paraphernalia except the movie itself and no one can prove I’m addicted to LTR. No one. Muaahaahahahaha!

  18. Jena says:

    Here are some untagged Entertainment Weekly outtakes.

    http://everglowmedia.net/gallery/thumbnails.php?album=lastup&cat=-214

    • JBell says:

      I really like that picture of KStew on their header… wanted to mention that. I’m feeling congenial today.

      Did I use congenial in the right context? lol I’m still half asleep and I’m drawing a blank…

  19. beer-me says:

    aahh, a nekid bongo playin Rob!!! i can see it clearly in my mind, weird!

  20. LabTwerd says:

    When I read the word Twimom…I think of that photo of Rob “biting” the baby’s head.

    I mean, seriously. Come on. You meet Rob, and the thing you ask him is to bite your baby?

  21. Genevieve says:

    Top of the Morning to you LTR lovlies! hee hee!

    @Spank Ransom- Well put! Here here!

  22. Genevieve says:

    @Jena- Just wanted to give you the heads-up!
    Keanu porn is being mentioned on twitter (see JAG for further info) LOL

    • JustGotWicked says:

      am i the only one who doesnt like Keanu?

      Please don’t hate me… I dont think he’s unattractive but he’s not my type I guess.

      • WastingTheMorningAway says:

        Keanu doesn’t do it for me either.. He’s too feminine or something.. Every celebrity crush I’ve ever had in my adult life has looked a wee bit like my DH. Including Rob and his strong jaw (a feature that still drives me wild on my hubby).

        • JustGotWicked says:

          thats what my hubbs has too! The strong jawline… and the light eyes with long eyelashes. yummy

          I have to have a manly man without the cockiness attached. If they know they are hot, they lose my attention.

          • WastingTheMorningAway says:

            Are we married to the same man? Here I wondered why DH was traveling all the time. JK..

    • Jena says:

      Dang and twitter is blocked here at work! πŸ™

  23. spamwarrior says:

    Yet another wonderful post. Thank you!

  24. WastingTheMorningAway says:

    BTW, on the Twilight baby biting thing, wasn’t there a story out there by the mom that she didn’t actually ask him to bite her baby but that Nikki asked to hold the baby and then took the baby around and took pictures while the mom was off set? I’m not sure that I would’ve been stalking a movie set with a baby, but whatever..

  25. Just a Girl says:

    I can honestly say I have never been to twimoms site, just the thought of it makes me squirm. Once I found LTR there was no need to search further.

  26. Jena says:

    What is a nerdfighter? LOL!

  27. Carrie says:

    Dear Canada,
    Can u please find Rob. I need more pics for my RobCrotch video.
    Thanks.
    Carrie

  28. JBell says:

    Side note: I think that picture of Rob ‘biting’ the baby is kind of hot when you crop out the baby and NReed. The boy has a HUGE mouth… just sayin’

  29. Genevieve says:

    Oh oh oh! *shakes head side to side*

    http://www.laineygossip.com/

    • FutureMrsPattinson says:

      This has been in all of my Google Alerts, so the next person that says this I vow to take them out. LOL!

  30. foxy gal says:

    Like i would need help spotting him in the field… especially after he’s just left my bed!! Oh yeah… πŸ™‚

  31. WastingTheMorningAway says:

    I think I came here via the TwiMoms website. Maybe not. Maybe I was googling “Robert Pattinson Buttcrack” when I happened upon LTR/LTT.. Who knows. Anyway, the first letter I read was to Rob’s mom.. I have never laughed so hard. And will never look at goldfish the same again. And I’ve been back every day since then.. A lurker until yesterday. I’m home.. I definitely belong. I’m a perv – was before all things Rob entered my life and am 10x worse since my first RP sighting.

  32. Ayden says:

    You mean all this time we’ve spent analyzing every inch of exposed (and unexposed) skin on HHH and we need a field guide to recognizing similar parts? Ladies, we must needs step it up STAT!

    And can I just say “haha Jude has a small pene”?!

    • VanessaJ says:

      I’ve never heard that about Jude…where have I been living? LOL

      • Ayden says:

        I hadn’t heard it before either so I, naturally, had to click the shiny linky words to get the scoop. Made me giggle even though I secretly feel bad for him. It must suck having small pene pictures passed from gossip to gossip! Totes glad I’m a woman and don’t have to stress over my pene department. We can always buy bigger ones if need be!

        Easiest solution EVER! πŸ˜€

        • VanessaJ says:

          I didn’t click the shiny little link yet cause I’m at work!

          I feel bad for him too if it’s true.

          hahaha @ “we can always buy bigger ones if need be” – Isn’t that the truth!

          • Ayden says:

            Apparently he decided to change into a swimsuit out of doors at some point and a photog snapped pene pictures. They black boxed the pene area (how can they discuss pene parts but not show pene parts? Where’s the justice!?) though. Bastardos!

        • carter.hearts.rob says:

          @Ayden

          “We can always buy bigger ones if need be!”

          You. Are. My. Hero.

  33. carter.hearts.rob says:

    Good morning everyone!

    Yeah, I’m pretty sure I could recognize him regardless of whether he was wearing his glasses, his beanie, a new sweater, etc.

    Anyways, off to try and be productive today! It’s snowing HARD here in Denver. Hopefully I make it home…

    xoxo
    Carter

  34. Just a Girl says:

    @Carter Like i even had to ask that the freaks follow you too LOL I stopped blocking them, I just don’t care anymore.

  35. WastingTheMorningAway says:

    So glad I found you ladies. I really thought I had lost my marbles.

  36. Ayden says:

    Guess what (said in best sing song voice)!

    The wait for new Rob goodies is almost over! 2 days shall see the return of HHH for Kids Choice Awards!

    (insert party smiley dude here)

    WOOHOO!!

  37. pishposh71 says:

    MOrning Ladies! Thought we agreed that is was not ok to call Rob Robbie?? Go straight to jail and do not collect $200.
    I have no worries about forgetting his face LOL!
    So my Twilight blue ray came with a free TEGO promotional cell skin offer. I used Robs face. Does that make me a twimom? I have pocket Edward but dont have the balls to take him out with me? I need clarification, am I cool enough to be here or am I another crazy mom??? Im having a crisis people!

    • Ayden says:

      You have Cream of Cullen as your avatar. Definitely cool enough to be here!

    • themoonisdown says:

      our only promise was never to call him “BOB” ew shudder retch gross!!!!

      we do <3 some robbie and roberto and robicito and robalicious… ya know.

  38. JBell says:

    Ummm… not to be the buzzkill, but have we had confirmation that he will be presenting something?? Just wondering and I may have missed something since I don’t go back and read all of the comments every day…

  39. Genevieve says:

    ‘He’s gonna be pissed off when he finds out they don’t serve alcohol at that after party.’

    ErPattz made this comment last night when we were addressing his appearance @ the KCA. LOL!

  40. pishposh71 says:

    Its the Kids choice awards

  41. JBell says:

    Siiiigh. lmao Whyyyy are they trying to make him the Efron/JoBros?! Stop making him do this stupid crap! I’m so frustrated with all of this. I seriously can see him just having a nervous breakdown at the KCA. Those little kids get out of control with the screeching and screaming.

    I love in the commentary when he’s talking about how they might as well re-cast since the movie has made enough money now. “Where’s Efron?!” I just have to keep reminding myself that he takes it all in stride and makes fun of it all. It helps me to believe that he’s not letting it all effect him the way I worry it is…

    • beer-me says:

      hopefully he will be at the beginning and he can get the hell outta there AND i wont have to watch the whole thing, but that probably wont happen.

      • Jena says:

        I was looking at the lineup and they have quite a few worthy
        people who I like showing up, I think I’ll watch the whole thing.
        Besides Rob, I like Amy Poehler, Hugh Jackman, Amy Adams,
        Queen Latifah, Ben Stiller.
        And I gotta say this, I’m really starting to dig Efron, not in a crush
        kind of way but in an acting kind of way. Have you seen
        the trailer to his new movie “17 Again” (or something like that)?
        His role looks hilarious!

        • beer-me says:

          that sounds good, people i actually know! ok maybe wont be so bad! plus a few jello shots should help out!!

    • carter.hearts.rob says:

      I bet $100 he shows up with a flask on his person.

  42. Ceri says:

    Morning Ladies! Saw the “guide” awhile back and do not agree on the CC lips either. No one has lips like Rob! Its also a biiiigggg stretch on the MM hair, I don’t see it (other than it sticking up in places).

    I must say that I come here for the naughty chatter *grins* and the post updates, you ladies rock the news, but also over at Robsessed. Whoever they have working that site is on top of their sh*t!

  43. carter.hearts.rob says:

    Jena are you still out here?

    I sent you the mp3s darling!

    • Jena says:

      Thank you! I can’t access my home email from work, but I’m sure they’re there.
      I’ll check when I get home tonight!
      Thanks for doing that!

  44. Kristin says:

    Well hello there!! I love how our boy has made it big enough to be “broken down and analyzed!” I don’t care who’s what he has. He is beautiful. Nuff said. LMAO

    Also, I feel like I should address the whole twimoms thing. Yes I am a mother, yes I am married and yes I love twilight and Rob. Here is what I don’t do. I don’t puffy paint anything, I would never scrapbook anything for the cast, and I don’t own sweatshirts with built in turtle necks or holiday sweater vests. Also, you are forgetting twimoms are HARDCORE about the books. Most of them are not obsessed with the actors. Just the characters. I think since you are all here, its safe to say that Rob really trumps twilight, and anything that he does, we would love. That to me is the difference between myself and a “Stereotypical” twimom. Not saying all are that way, not at all. I think LTR is just totally different than the TwiMoms site. We are a group of hip, smart, current and hilarious women who have an acute fondness for Mr. Pattinson. Who cares if we are moms, wifes, college students or grandmas?

    I guess I will end by saying that you all shock and awe me with your wit and your prose each and every day, and I could care less if you have a kid on your hip or need hip replacement.
    I love you all!

  45. Sass says:

    The only thing that Rob and those other guys have in common is that, well, they are all guys.

  46. Jena says:

    “I could care less if you have a kid on your hip or need hip replacement.” LMAO! I absolutely love this!

  47. carter.hearts.rob says:

    I would so love for Rob to make a crack at the Jonai…

    But he wouldn’t because he’s too sweet for that, right? Maybe after a few beers at the hotel afterwards…

  48. Ceri says:

    Random and off-topic, but….

    I read The Office last night and can I just say WOW! I love me some angry hot sex *fans herself*

    I’ve also read The Submissive and Dominant (from all the recommendations here) but I just didn’t get into it. It had some hot scenes but it just didn’t move me. I think I am too independent and too strong a woman to get into The Submissive. Don’t get me wrong, some dirty talking, rough sex and some hair pulling is good with me. I think it’s the slave-like things that I just can’t get into (the collar, Master and all that)

    Anyhoo, that’s my 2 cents and I’m sticking to it. When will angsty girl update Wide Awake? Doesn’t she know that I check it every damn day for an update?

    • FutureMrsPattinson says:

      I wasn’t in to the slave like thing either, but you can pull my hair and call me a dirty…..girl all day Rob!

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