Remember how I moved this weekend? Well… A tragedy occurred & the dude I was stealing Internet from until the Comcast guy shows up here locked up his Internet!!! So I can’t get online anymore- TRAGEDY!!!!! Thankfully, Zephyersky has much she’d like to say today!
This weekend I’ve been sick. Just a cold don’t worry. When I’m sick I just want everyone to go away and leave me alone on the couch watching movies. (You could come over and bring me some orange juice though.) I know it may be shocking but I occasionally watch movies you are not in. (Never fear Domward will punish me later.) This weekend I watched The Purple Rose of Cairo. Why that one? Because a guy I once had a crush on in college told me that I reminded him of Mia Farrow’s character, Cecilia. I think at that point I started mentally singing “Cecilia, you’re breaking my heart…” and forgot all about it until it appeared on Netflix Streaming so I watched it.
Because the movie is older than you are I probably better fill you in on the plot.
Girl goes to movies to escape real life. One day a character from the movie she’s gone to several times, walks off the screen and professes to love her. After a few days of hanging out with this guy the actor who plays him shows up in town. She ends up having to choose between the fictional character from the movie or the real man.
It got me thinking, who would I choose, you or Edward. But then I thought about all the other great characters you’ve portrayed and wondered if one of them might be a better option. So in a ROBitussin (hahaha ROBitussin) induced haze I decided to take a look at each one to find the right match.
Of course I had to set criteria for this quest. I couldn’t include movies I haven’t seen, even if I’ve read the script book and seen deliciously hot (thanks PinkPixieChick for the adjectives) pictures of you on set. Although I do think Eclipse Edward is going to be the best Edward we’ve seen so far. I also think Jacob in WFE has potential too. Dirty, sweaty wife beaters never looked so FN hot!
With that rule set in place I had to exclude The Summer House. I also excluded Vanity Fair because, while I have seen the outtakes with you, your scenes weren’t actually in the movie, therefore it doesn’t count.
Choose a Rob, after the jump!
I started with Giselher in Ring of the Nibelungs. I admit it. I’ve watched the whole thing and didn’t just skip through to the parts with you. My eight year old son loves anything to do with mythical quests so I watched it with him. (Actually I played slide tile on the laptop and he let me know when you were on screen. He also wants to know if you think it’s cooler to be a dragon slayer or a king. He’s going with dragon slaying king.) Even though I’ve entertained the occasional daydream featuring a strapping young Norse sudo-princeling, I have a feeling if Giselher were to walk out of the movie I would have to spend too much time explaining the modern world and not enough time checking out what’s under the tunic.
Next up was Cedric (and I’m gonna just go ahead and lump both GF and OotP as one cause really you’re not in much of OotP). Cedric has possibilities. Just think what his magical abilities alone could do. The house needs to be cleaned – wave the wand. The clothes need to be folded – wave the wand. Want to go away for the weekend just apparate. You get the idea. The drawback to Cedric is that he is just too perfect. I can’t honestly believe that Cedric was all that great. From my experience, guys who are thought of as that wonderful at everything have some hidden psychotic defect. (There’s a small part of me that’s creeped out by the fact that I didn’t even consider that he’s underage.)
The Haunted Airman had me wanting to be the one to give Toby Jugg his bath. Truthfully, Toby is just too damaged for me. I couldn’t handle all the emotional baggage that he would come with, not to mention the excessive amount of cigarettes he goes through.
Daniel Gale is by far the sweetest most loveable character to ever rock a scarf. He may be a little awkward and needs some help picking out clothes, but he’s the guy who would bring you chocolate, hang out with your granny’s friends, go with you to your OB appointments, and do crossword puzzles with you while you’re in labor. He’s a good choice, loyal, dependable and absolutely adorkable, but he’ll take away you’re ice cream and eat it himself claiming he’s looking out for you. NO ONE TAKES AWAY MY ICE CREAM!
If Art were to walk into my life I would quote Elmyra Duff to him. “I’m gonna hug you and kiss you and love you forever (and never use you up)”. Every time I watch How To Be, I just want to hug him and tell him it’s okay. He could play his guitar and sing to me all he wants. In the end though I think his whiney obsessive nature would get on my nerves. What I’m really afraid of is finding Stuart Smalley style self affirmation notes lying around.
I think it’s pretty safe to say that Salvador Dali wouldn’t be my choice. Does he even count since he isn’t fictional? (I may have to amend my criteria.) I would love to take a swim in the moonlight with him though.
I love Edward. All who know me, know that I’m absolutely 100% team Edward. It was book Edward though who captured my heart. I read that well before the movie came out and loved him before he had your face. Honestly I think if Twilight Edward (who I will now refer to as Twiward vs. NMward later) were to come off the screen I would probably laugh at the horrible white make up. There are certainly several reasons to choose Twiward, he can climb tall trees, call you pet names like “spider monkey”, catch apples when they roll away… the list goes on and on. In the end though I want a guy who will go balls out when he’s kissing me and not plaster himself against a wall like my six year old after she’s seen a spider.
New Moon Edward left. I would leave it at that but I have to factor in that he did come back. (After Bella had to go get him.) There’s the fact that just maybe, he’d walk off the screen during the scene where the shirt comes off. Then again it maybe when he’s wearing grandpa’s tweed…but then if he has Werther’s in his pocket it could be a win/win situation. Which NMward would I get though, the “real Edward” or the creepy apparition one? Or would it be both? Sometimes would he be there and sometimes would he just be a figment of my imagination?
Tyler Hawkins, now that would be a fictional character I would love to see walk into my life. A guy who cooks dinner for you then holds your hair as you’re puking it back up is a definite keeper. He’s not afraid to carry a pink sleeping bag. He bribes carnies for giant stuffed toys. He can categorize books into bizarre groups. All of those are good qualities to have but he has shortcomings too. Topping that list is anger issues, followed by his ambivalence towards the future. Worst of all is the fact that he doesn’t drive. What am I suppose to do, ride on his handlebars? (and now after seeing the MTV MAs it changes my perspective on the handlebars.)
Now to do YOU. (I never get tired of saying that.) We all have our different reasons why you would be the one to choose: the gimpy feet; the untamable sex hair; the brooding stare; the adorable way you say nachos; the random, sometimes second hand embarrassing, things you blurt out occasionally in interviews or acceptance speeches; your incredibly talented musical ability; the way you look in Ray Bans or a beanie; your giggle; you’re ability to blend in with the homeless; your humor; or maybe it’s the adorable way you use to miss button you’re shirt. (Totally still think you do, someone just catches it now before they let you out in public.) Personally it’s a combination of all of the above. Of course there are reasons not to choose you: you’re always working; the paparazzi are always around you; your predilection for Hot Pockets and dad cases; or just the fact that you haven’t worn the sexpender pants in forever and you know what it does to us when you do.
So I have to ask. How the hell do I choose? Although, if I were to just choose you, you could pretend to be any of them, right? What do you say? Are you up for a little role playing?
Thinking it’s about time for another shot of the old ROBitussin and a nap,
P.S. I would totally choose Daniel Gale even though he’s frighteningly similar to my own husband. Except my husband brings me ice cream instead of taking it away.
Thanks PinkPixieChick for helping me find pictures and words when my brain fuzzed over.
What Rob would you choose!??