How I Fell for Rob, NOT Edward!!
It’s time again to share another story of how one of our readers fell for Rob… RobRuinedMe shares her story today
I am a 28 yr old, intelligent, practical and sensible woman….Or at least i WAS till a few months ago….Let me explain how you’ve totally ruined and corrupted me (you beautiful bastard!!!!)…..I saw you for the first time as WHOLESOME Cedric Diggory in Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire, when i was still a Draco Malfoy fan… You barely registered in my conscience at the time because of your squeaky clean Huffelpuff image…. (You see, i have a thing for BAD BOYS but that’s a tale for another day)….Fast forward three years and i came across a trailer for “Twilight” on Rotten tomatoes and was intrigued…..Dear hubs always trusts my judgment when it comes to choosing movies for the weekend movie/dinner date, so off we went to our local AMC…..I had watched the trailer at home on my laptop’s tiny screen so i was totes unprepared for your imminent assault on my “senses” and might i add “sensibility” …..
I bit the bait when i saw you strut into that blasted cafeteria …When the camera zoomed in to catch your golden eyes in the biology lab the hook got twisted in deeper….You totally reeled me in when you jumped back from Bella’s bed after the first kiss and leaned on the wall with your impossibly sexy,tortured, shadow-lit face…….
I Wiki-ed the shit out of Twilight after i got back home and discovered “Twilight THE BOOK”…For a rabid reader like myself that was like manna straight from heaven…..I promptly smuggled in copies of all four twilight books (Mind you i was still hiding this from dear hubs due to utter shame over my fan-girlness….I never really fan-girled over anything like this even when i was a teenager so how could i admit to this now!!!!)….
I snuggled in with my copy of Twilight ready to be swept into the awesomeness of EDWARD and BOY was i in for a surprise…..I was struggling to stay awake through whole chapters of Bella whining (or) Edward whining (or) BOTH whining about the other’s whining……How could this be?……I always fall in love with characters and not actors (Case in point: Draco Malfoy)…..This was really confusing…..I then discovered Jacob the character and i was hooked again…..Jacob’s angst was much more multi-dimensional and complex than Edward….Plus he has a kick-ass sense of humor and no girl can pass up a dude with a wicked wit….So i redirected my obsession to Jacob and finished reading all the books squarely on the side of Team Jacob ….It wasn’t hard at all then because all Edward had over Jacob was your pretty face…..Plus, why would a chick prefer ice cold Edward to hot smoldering Jacob …It was so against my own sexual intuition…..Heat-Friction-Sweat….Get IT!!!!
Follow the cut for RuinedbyRob’s full decent into Robsession
I then hit the internet to look up Taylor out of curiosity…That was when i accidentally discovered ROBERT PATTINSON VIDEOS!!!!!!……I saw one interview, then another, and another….Before long i was salivating like a hungry dog in front of my laptop scouring for more Rob videos and spiraling down through the usual-suspect phases of Rob addiction….I’d like to think that i still had a modicum of self control left even at this stage and i could have forced myself out at this point…..
But Life’s not FAIR, IS IT?…So, one fine day i discovered “Rob Singing videos”…..I listened to “Let me sign” and fell to my knees and cried out “WHY GOD…WHY?!!!!!!” (Editors Note: We ask ourselves this every day)….. I was at the point of no return now……You had officially ceased to exist as a fellow human being in my world……You were now Satan incarnate, hell bent on destroying my virtue and how could a mere mortal like me stand up to this other-worldly force….I couldn’t fight the DEVIL so i SIGNED!!!!!….The next few weeks were a blur of ROB-video watching, ROB-picture gazing, ROB-fanfic reading and ROB-nonTwilight movie torrent downloading (sorry if that hurt your royalties…Anyways you must be making shit loads of money these days, so give me break)…….
But one thing became very clear to me….I don’t give a shit about Edward or the TWILIGHT books….It has always been about you ROB!!!!!….I was too proud to admit that i fell for an actor and not the character, but the truth was staring me in the face the whole time….When my Rob-caine started drying up i went into a search frenzy and that was when i found LTR …. (Ok Rob, i’m done talking with you now…..If you will please step aside i need to talk with the ladies for a minute now)
I still thank the search engine gods everyday for directing me to LTR…Before i found you i was still leading a lonely life of deception (And it wasn’t even a sexy double life like Angelina Jolie in Mr and Mrs Smith)……I thought i was a freak who would be locked up in a padded room if discovered……I thought i was ABNORMAL !sniff!….This is when you ladies swooped in and saved the day…….I saw i was not alone in my parallel Rob world…There were other seemingly sane people in here, HECK its downright crowded in here if you ask me….When i read about other people’s Robsessions i was awestruck by how similar we were, even if we come from different countries….(By the way, you can file my story under Indian fangirl, as in curry and masala, not as in Quileute….But I live in the US now)…..I wanted to cyber-join hands with all of you and sing “We are the ROB”…….I guess ROB doesn’t get lost in translation…..
In fact i don’t think Rob gets lost in the GENDER GAP either….I know everyone thinks that only women/gay men obsess over him….But i have some circumstantial evidence i acquired recently which i want to present to you….
Since last month i have been feeding unsuspecting dear hubs small and subtle doses of Rob.
1) Browsing nonchalantly through a list of new release movies with hubs nearby and wondering aloud if “Remember Me” sounded like a good movie to him (when he said YES, it took superhuman effort to stop myself from dragging him to the car and driving like a crazy woman to the theater pronto)
2) Devious wifey: “Honey, have you heard of this movie called “Little Ashes” …..Its supposed to be some biopic about Salvador Dali so i downloaded it….Want to watch?”
Clueless dear hubs: “Yeah sure…..Salvador Dali huh, it must be interesting”
3) Slipping in some craptastic Bel Ami Rob photos with his breakfast…..”Look honey,that Twilight guy is doing some movie in Budapest……i wonder what’s it about…..What honey? you think we should check it out……Sure,but let me first verify if its in English or not” (Mwahahahaha,…..juxtapose visual image of villainous rubbing of hands)
Yesterday night we watched Haunted Airman before going to sleep….Today morning dear hubs gave me a sheepish grin and said that the weirdest thing happened to him last night……He dreamt of Rob!!!!!!…..He was thinking about the movie and playing out different endings for it in his dream…….Lets all pause here for a minute and ruminate on this……….
Yes, my husband dreamt of Rob and i LIKED it …..Let me assure you that my husband very solidly plays on the Straight team…I should know :-)……There’s nothing wrong with a little Roblovin’ once in a while…..There’s plenty to go around…..
My theory is that if straight males were targeted directly with Rob propaganda for a considerable period of time they will crumble just as quickly if not faster…..This is a discovery as big as Columbus discovering America (Which he mistook for India …..WTF dude?…What were you smoking on your ship and more importantly where can I get some of that)…So i felt the urgent need to immediately kiss my husband for being such an adorably malleable doll in my hands and opened my laptop to write to you about this right away……What do you gals think?…..Would love to hear from you…….
Ummm Rob….Are you still there?…Sorry Darling, for ignoring you in your own letter…..You can come sleep in my lap and pout your lips….I’ll comfort you and run my fingers through your hair till you feel all better…..
Do You have a story about how you fell for Rob? We’re always looking for new stories and letters so email us!!
Was it Rob or Edward that did it for you? Favorite NON Edward character Rob plays?