Rob’s Mailbag: Our Intern answers his mail

Dear Rob- Since we run twi blogs dedicated to writing letters every day, we’re pretty busy and we need help from time to time. So that’s why we’ve enlisted you as our trusty LTR intern. We need someone to do all the grunt work we’re too busy to do. Like making manicure appointments, photoshopping you into compromising positions with your BFF’s, keeping the shelves stocked with nutritious food (Gin) and answering your mail. And now that you’re in LA it’s much easier for you to clock at least 40 hours a week in the offices (my bedroom). Thanks for tackling some of the mail in your mailbag, it was beginning to get in the way of UC’s back issues of Cat Fancy. Thx- Your Boss (moon)

Get me a coffee!

Dear Robert Pattinson,

You are such a great actor, your such a talented man. It may sound creepy but I think about you every day. I think about how cool it would be to meet you. My parents say your really busy and probably never could, but I always have hope! I’m not one of those fans that would scream your name so much your eardrums would blow, because I really do care about you, even though I don’t personally know you. I always sit in my room and think “How am I supposed to meet him, or even talk to him?” But now I know maybe ‘Letters to Rob” would help me with it!!!! When people ask me if I’m on Team Edward or Team Jacob, I say of course Team Edward!!!! But I feel bad because most people are on Team Jacob because of looks? i think your actually the better looking one. ( No offence to Taylor.) And I want you to always know that you have a fan like me, that likes you for who you are.(:

– I love you Robert Pattinson <3 please write back!!!!
Morgan

This is all they want from me, Morgan

Dear Morgan,

Your parents are wrong. Learn this lesson now. I am not too busy to write you back. In fact it’s quite the opposite, I’m just supposed to look important and busy. But in actuality these bitches here have me busy answering your emails and getting them cupcakes and filing their nails for them while they watch Ryan Gosling movies on repeat.

Besides Moon and UC holding a squirt gun filled with Gin to my head and yelling that this is “me time” so I need to reply to their emails in silence with my shirt off. Who knows why, I stopped asking after having to take 5 showers one day from all the Gin bathes they gave me. Hell, I know I said I don’t shower often but I drive like a blind grandma as it is, I don’t need a DUI when the cop pulls me over because because my clothes are drenched in dry Gin.

All this to say I really wanted to write you back to thank you for NOT screaming at events. Recently on a trip to Costco (Moon and UC needed more Gin, a half gallon pump top of Pantene, life with your legs, and a wholesale size box of Mint Milanos) I had my hearing tested in that booth next to the eye glasses and they told me that I had the hearing of 65 year old man. So essentially because of being a Vampire I now have the hearing equivalent of my dad. So thank you for keeping it under a dull roar if you ever saw me.

Thanks for being who YOU are Morgan!
Rob

PS Show your Team Jacob friends the Alpaca picture next time they’re talking about who’s hotter, Edward or Jacob. That’ll show them! TRUST ME!

Rob.
1. What is it like when you kiss kirstin, what do you feel?
2. Are You Really Dating?

-jack bates

Like kissing this thing. Maybe.

Dear Jack,

1. Like I’m kissing a big loquat crumble right on the mouth. Or like licking an oil slick at the Jiffy Lube. Or maybe it’s like kissing any other costar I have (see #2!)
2. You above all people should know that the allure of KristEN and I is in the mystery of whether we’re together or not. You care so much you’re emailing these girls who blog about me hoping that me, their intern will tell you the truth about Rob and KristEN. But I just can’t do that man then you’ll stop wondering about #1 and we just can’t have that now, can we?

Sincerely,
Kristen’s boyfriend/costar/fuckbuddy/I’ll never tell Rob

Do you have a letter for Rob that he needs to answer? Email him here! Or you can just email us a letter ABOUT Rob. Our Intern. What other intern task should he be doing? Crank faxing Nick & Stephanie?

Our internet game is ridiculous: LTT, The Forum, Twitter, The Store

114 Responses to “Rob’s Mailbag: Our Intern answers his mail”

  1. Cazza says:

    By any chance is Jack Bates related to Kathy Bates = psychopathic Annie Wilkes in Misery.

    Right, I’m off to Italy today on holiday! Prepare the dramatic music and water fountains please……

    x

  2. Edible Art ? says:

    “I’m not one of those fans that would scream your name so much your eardrums would blow” yeah yeah we’ve heard it all before !!!!

    • ….”in fact I won’t say anything except I love you because we have no common topic to speak about… that’s how interesting I am…I’m sure you’ll love it/me…becuase i’m a true fan…”….

  3. Edible Art ? says:

    I like that you make your intern aswer the e-mails with his shirt off – makes sense I mean it must be hot in LA

  4. Goodgirl GonePlaid says:

    Awww shucks I miss that first picture of Rob signing.
    But now I can’t get the picture of him semi nekkid & furiously typing outta my head.:)
    I’m also going away tommorow, and won’t be back til August. How the blazes will I survive??? And where will I get the chance to use words like Shucks.

  5. natashadushi says:

    Sorry, I am to 2ndhand embarrassed to read this post, I can’t …I just can’t.
    How can UC and Moon can read those letters? I can imagine the PA of Rob reading these letters after a good shot of tequilla (every day) LAAAAAAWWD HAMMMERCY!!!

  6. Is it the same office as the one where you were role playing Magritte and having threesomes all day? Things have changed since that Details spread…

    • robgirl86 says:

      things totally changed over there I guess, like in every long lasting relationsship, HE has to to the (dirty) work (even if shirtless…lol), “she” (they) make themselves pretty and have a nice time! So all normal 🙂

    • che says:

      sorry MP i didn’t saw your request yesterday
      i’m sure u’ve might seen that but here it is

      http://www.imagebam.com/image/3338e287523453

      http://www.imagebam.com/image/8deaed87523550

      etc.

      • che says:

        mehhh.. see not saw
        i wonder why i don’t write a letter to Rob?..hmmmm..hard to guess

      • robsfuturemate says:

        Two thoughts on these pictures:
        First, Rob we wear socks in LA. (It’s too hot, your feet will get smelly.) Or wear flip flops with pants, we do that here too!
        Second, I’m just gonna ignore that girl in the middle. I can’t see her face, so I have no idea who she is.

        • Jules says:

          Was that a girl in the middle? I couldn’t tell.

          • Pumagirlsf says:

            No, no Jules… that’s not a girl, it’s TomStu. He dyed his hair for a role in a new movie that he’s gonna be filming in Montreal soon. I heard he also makes a really good loquat crumble.

            What? That’s not Tom? I tend to get them confused sometimes…

          • Jules says:

            hahaha! Puma, ILY.
            That is all.

          • mountainlion says:

            JJ,

            Sorry I mentioned the laces:(

          • Susiecueablelovesrob says:

            Oh, I see Robs airing out his little brother again!

        • mountainlion says:

          Rob in flipflops? No thanks

          I like him laceless, sockless…and if possible…clothesless

          • robsfuturemate says:

            Clothesless, but of course!

          • Jules says:

            He’ll be laceless for a while, Lion.
            Kstew stole the laces to make new shiteous bracelets, she made them while waiting for the Loquat crumble to bake. You know, multi-taking little home maker that she is.

          • Pumagirlsf says:

            You know, even though she loves to make homemade bracelet gifts (like a skilled 2nd grader at arts & crafts time) and bake the best loquat crumbles a british boy has ever tasted… bear in mind, she is completely different from everybody else and doesn’t want to get married.

            She wants to have a family and drive to Russia from London.

        • robgirl86 says:

          All I saw was his crotch! A sucessfull look I had I’d say…I am soooo bad..

      • Rob4Deb says:

        OOOOH I saw these photos yesterday, but have only just this minute noticed….. you can see the top of his grey (M&S?) undies!! OOh nice.

        I’m ignoring that “person” behind him too, coz what you can’t see can’t hurt you!!

        xx

      • thnx che, totally forgot I asked you about it?!
        Robsten ressembles more and more with those couples you (I) used to see when with my grand parents in nasty resorts where old people go to drink waters and rest. Dressed the same. shoes-check, black pants check, white V-neck check. All they need is the thing from the doctor telling them which resort and what source water.

    • oh we still role play in the office but we also have to get “work” done thats why he’s interning

  7. Dionrenee says:

    Umm, leave those mean beeotches….I will hire you and never squirt Gin at you baby….

  8. alice_av says:

    I want him to answer my emails, no shirt please lol… best way to start the day!

  9. melronin says:

    Rob
    Please hire me as your “letteranswerer”.
    You will just have to sit there with your shirt off…
    and me will do all the work…trust!!!

    Love
    Mel

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  11. Stacey says:

    Squirt gun filled with gin! Fantastic! Poor Rob and his 65 year old man hearing. I promise that when I never actually meet Rob, just to stand there staring at him without blinking, not able to speak which would be creepy. At least he’ll still be able to hear.

  12. Jules says:

    “But I feel bad because most people are on Team Jacob because of looks?” hahahahahahaha!
    WHAT?!?!?!

  13. robgirl86 says:

    The first “fan” is 12y for sure !
    The second can’t even write his own name properly!
    and Rob is half deaf!

    so it’s a totes normal day in the Rob-world!

    Dear shirtless Rob
    you can be MY new secretary in case you’ll get bored!
    love
    me

    P.S. I will pay you MORE! 🙂

  14. dazzledtodeath says:

    First, I have to congratulate Morgan for having the most nearly grammatically correct letter ever written to LTR.

    Rob, your allure does NOT come from wondering if you and “Kirsten” are together. It comes from hoping that you are not.

  15. Robjunkie says:

    This intern is a keeper. Never ever fire him.

  16. mountainlion says:

    A squirt gun filled with gin and held to Rob’s head? Shirt off replying in silence?

    I will carry this image with me all day.

    Love your mind, Moon.

    lion

  17. che says:

    @mine where are u, did u see that ?

    PM: Did you follow the election in the UK?
    Rob: Absolutely! I voted and I think that this coalition can be a plus for this country. Nick Clegg and David Cameron look sincere and honest, full of hope. This duo has to work as well together as Kristen and I do.

    is it true?
    and can u still continue to luv him 🙂

    • robgirl86 says:

      I honestly don’t believe that he said the last sentence at all, to make a comparison inbetween politics and costars…nah, doesn’t sound like Rob, too flat. The editor might have added that, cause sounds nice.
      But, I dunno, these printed double translated stuff is always hard to believe, for example his parents were in LA before, in the interview he is supposed to say that they were there for the first time…….

    • mountainlion says:

      What’s wrong with Nick Clegg or is it the Cameron/Clegg thing that is offputting?

      Minuit, please chime in.

      If he really said that bit about Kstew….it makes me doubt the entire interview.

      • Jules says:

        The whole thing reeks. That last sentence was beyond random, even for Rob.

      • robsfuturemate says:

        I don’t know a thing about any of this, but I agree with lion.
        “If he really said that bit about Kstew….it makes me doubt the entire interview.”
        Come on, that seems a little far fetched!

    • Oh Gawd!!! I just spent ages (10 min) to look for said interview. Oh the horror!!! I believe he said that bit about D. Cameron. I still think he has NO idea about poltics, and someone who’s socially unaweare of things is kinda of a turn off for me. Though I haven’t met anybody like this since we were probably 16!!! WTF! Because I can’t imagine someone like him voting right (very right wing that is) in total knowledge.
      Mag with the interview is a celebrity mag but not trash as others so I think they didn’t make it up especially since they went to LA.

      Dear Rob,
      Your firend Bobby seems quite interested about politics and to know what he’s talking about . Next time you see him, hope you’ll speak with him before getting drunk, cause next thing you know, you’ll end up having drinks with Sarah Palin because you didn’t know.
      xo,
      Me

      • robgirl86 says:

        Minuit, you are on a role!!!! ILY..the 2nd!

      • ForEveralurker says:

        Y’ know what am going to give up on this boy, he is just too silly sometimes (that is if the said interview is true)

      • I love it how everytime I say one of the Robsten has done smth stupid I make 100 typos or better, don’t make sense. Please note the quality of my phrases. Of course I do it on purpose, so they don’t feel bad. Bwhahaha.
        @ForEveralurker He does say silly things sometimes. i do too, just not on the same scale.
        @RG LY the 2nd.

      • mountainlion says:

        Minuit,
        Will you marry me?

        ILY,
        lion

  18. snowwhitedrifted says:

    I swooned at the Sapphire picture!!!

    …oh look, Rob’s in it too!

  19. robsfuturemate says:

    So the other day on the WFE location I heard two reliable sources (a security guard and a papp, both of whom like to talk waayy too much) about Rob and KristEN.
    SG:(says something but I don’t tune in until I hear him say Rob’s girlfriend.)
    Me: His girlfriend, huh…does she come here often?
    SG: She was here on the first day.
    Me: uh,huh
    (friend watching this transaction said I had the funniest look on my face. where was the camera?!)

    Later on
    Pap: So Rob and Kristen rolled down their taxicab window and started kissing. Everybody was taking pictures and then they drove away laughing. It’s not the papparazzi it’s them! They are best friends doing this for a publicity stunt.
    Me:(nothing, I don’t want to encourage her.)

    What cracks me up about these two is they act like they know them. Yes, you take pictures of them. No, you don’t know what goes on in there personal lives. Yes, you’re security and may have met Rob and Kristen. BUT, you stand outside with the fans all day, how well do you really know Rob???

    I knew this convo could be used on LTR. Didn’t know it would be this soon!

    • Jules says:

      RFM – This convo confuses me so.
      Where are the kissing pics of R/K in the taxi? If everyone was taking pics, where are they? Link?

      • robsfuturemate says:

        Sorry Jules, I looked all day yesterday for these pics and couldn’t find them! I guess my point was that these 2 acted so knowledgeable but didn’t have any proof! And that the papp was blaming Robsten when clearly she was starting drama!

        • Jules says:

          I get the feeling you couldn’t find the pics that “everybody” took, because it didn’t happen, hun.

          • robsfuturemate says:

            Yep, didn’t believe her stories in the first place. But thought I’d look for her “evidence.”

    • robgirl86 says:

      hey, I like your reports from the set/outside set…and
      about “them”

      “Kristen’s boyfriend/costar/fuckbuddy/I’ll never tell Rob”
      I think Moon nailed it!

      • robsfuturemate says:

        Thanks RG! I think I’ll become RFM Roving Reporter and keep you all up to date on the Rob drama!

        P.S. “I think Moon nailed it!” She sure did! But I wanna nail him!

  20. robsfuturemate says:

    Something I was thinking about while staring at artichockes and circus tents the other day…
    There’s Robsten, Nonsten and Idontgiveacrapsten, right.
    I never really knew where I stood tell now. This is it…
    Prettysuretheyarebutdontwannathinkaboutitsten! Is that too long?! Can someone think of something more catchy?

    • robgirl86 says:

      more catchy?what about….

      FucktheRob! 🙂

      • robsfuturemate says:

        Short and sweet! I like it! Glad you didn’t add the “sten” to that! Or maybe we should!

      • mountainlion says:

        I will use, I’mblindtoallbutHIM.

      • robsfuturemate says:

        Nice! I knew I could count on you girls! My problem was adding the sten…that’s the part that needs to be left off!

      • mountainlion says:

        RG,
        “FucktheRob?”
        ahahahahahhahahaha

        you win…

        • robgirl86 says:

          WHAT? What did I win? Don’t tell….hahahahha

          • melronin says:

            I leave you alone for a few hours and come back…
            and…who wants to FucktheRob and who wants to nail him??? LOL……nononooo…not without me you don’t…

            @RG and @ML…girls…LMFAO!!!
            You kill me
            Muuuuaaaahhh…

            PS there is a taxikiss??? Reaaalyyy??? What??? Where???

          • robsfuturemate says:

            Sorry Mel! The alleged taxi pics are no where to be seen! I guess the papp said that “just to tease us.” I’ll keep looking but she’s pretty much a great storyteller!

          • melronin says:

            @RFM…honey please don’t scare the shit out of a greek
            dramatragedyqueen…I might get a heartattack…lol !!!
            XOXO

          • robsfuturemate says:

            hehe! So sorry! I should’ve known you all wanted something with proof! I just thought it was funny! 😉

    • southernbelle says:

      LOL, you’re cute. I am in between I dontgiveacrapsten and the other one, the long one you mentioned. 🙂 And most my attention is for Rob anyway, there ya go!

      I’m still thinking about him wearing the boots, how it accentuates his lonnnnggg legs, oolala. You know the picture of him with the puppy dog.

      • mountainlion says:

        Rob with puppy and boots…best image I’ve seen in a long, long time….

        He looks great holding a dog….

        • southernbelle says:

          @ML

          I wish I could be that dog. I wish I could shapeshift and I’ll be that dog then he can hold me in his arms….LOL

          Somehow the thought of me being a dog is not so romantic but oh well, Rob will be holding me close!!!! That’s good enough for me!

  21. southernbelle says:

    I love reading these letters! They always make me laugh! The first one is rather sweet, so nice of her to think of Rob’s hearing! I can’t even imagine how it is to walk into a room with hundreds of screaming girls!

    I just saw that loquat crumble video last night lol. I’m gonna have to learn how to make some, gluten-free!

    Dear letter writer no. 2,

    You should know by now that Rob avoids answering questions like the ones you sent LOL. He’s always “cryptically” avoiding them.

    SB

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