Robert Pattinson goes to College?

(Rob, I’m gone for the next 2 weeks and while I know you’re crying into your In N Out it’ll be ok! I’ve got all your favorite pals to write you letters while I’m away! Today Lindelle tells us why you should have gone to college! xo, moon)

Dear Rob,

You lead a pretty charmed life. You probably make more money in a month of filming than I’ll make in my lifetime. And I’ll bet you always get to the front of the line at Olive Garden with Taylor, instead of having to wait 2 hours like us mere mortals. But I’m not jealous … well, not too jealous anyways. You know why? One word: College.

Rob, in your quest for an acting career, you skipped over some of the best times of your life! Now I know lots of people don’t go to college, but here in the states it’s pretty common, and those 4 years are made for people with your interests: Beer, music, studying beer, bars, reading pretentious books, late nights, beer, concerts, movies, bar tours, vodka, friends, microwaves, and you guessed it – more beer. Lots of actors decide to go back for some higher education after awhile (the lovely Emma Watson comes to mind), so I thought I’d let you know from my own college experience why you too should get schooled, Rob.

  • Wouldn’t you like a taste of anonymity for once? My alma mater has about 45,000 students at its main campus. That’s 45,000 people all wearing old band t-shirts, holey jeans, sweatshirts with the hood up, and sunglasses, while walking down a sidewalk so crowded it’s like spawning salmon returning to their native waters. No one would even look twice at you! I’ll take it one step farther: Throw on a North Face jacket and a black backpack, and you will be virtually invisible in the crowd. (Except to an LTR girl. But don’t worry, they’reΒ super.) You can walk to class texting TomStu on the jitterbug with no fear of paparazzi. And even if one shows up, just yell out “He works for [insert hated rival school name here]!!” and – voila! – an instant stampede of rabid, 7 foot jocks will take.him.down.

  • Speaking of jocks, you watch sports, right? Even if you can’t throw a basketball to save your life? (Yeah, I don’t believe you that you’re dominating there, RobArt! Nice try.) Well, I personally don’t feel that you’ve lived until you’ve been to a state school football game. Do you have tailgating over there in Barnes?Β You want a recipe for a good time? Take 100,000+ people drinking heavily, barbecuing, and drinking heavilyΒ while barbecuing, then cram them into a stadium together. Dean and Dick would love it! Look at this and tell me this isn’t something you want to be a part of:

  • Everyone will excuse you for showering as little as possible, because dorm bathrooms are GROSS. When Clare complains that she can smell you from a kilometer away (she still hasn’t renounced the metric system despite all her time in the U.S. – be strong Clare!) just tell her that they’re 10 times worse than Tyler’s nasty-ass bathroom in Remember Me. She’ll understand. That’s what Febreze is for.
  • Two words: dorm microwaves. What could be better than knowing wherever you go in your room, the Hot Pocket cooker is only a max 10 feet away? Heaven!
  • Homework avoidance would be easy for you. Just give any assigned group project members your classic “eff me eyes” and they’ll be falling all over themselves to do your work for you … guys included. Then you’re free to play Frogger on your graphing calculator all through the lecture, while they painstakingly write in British slang using their downloaded Robert Pattinson font.

  • But I’m saving the best for last. After all your studying/exams/papers/finals/part-time jobs/lab reports TomStu texting, you’ll need a break. And you won’t be lacking for break activity in college. There are dive bars around every corner. You can even warble “I’ll Be Your Lover Too” at karaoke night if you’d like! Or relax at the hookah lounge with the Britpack. But leave the Heineken behind, ’cause here you’ll be drinking Natty Light like the rest of the poor folks (blech!)

So Rob, I hope I’ve made my case. Bring it on over to a giant state university and have the time of your life! I can even give you a private tour of my old dorm/an empty classroom/the cafeteria dumpster campus.

Go State!
Lindelle

Don’t forget about : While Moon was Gone

Our internet game is ridiculous: LTT, The Forum, Twitter, The Store

65 Responses to “Robert Pattinson goes to College?”

  1. niahid says:

    Great post. Love it.
    Rob can go to Brown and make my fave Cedric/Hermione fanfic come true

  2. robgirl86 says:

    Hi Lindelle,
    I love love love your letter!
    Rob should really have gone to university..
    with his brain…oh my
    not to speak of the profession he might have get later!
    Love me some Professor Rob πŸ™‚
    thanks for writing what I thought all these years!
    me

    Dear Rob,
    you have no idea what you all missed
    one word : PARTIES!!!!
    we had a partymotto once a month, title:
    “I hate that I’ve zero money”
    the fun….you have no idea!!!!
    love
    me
    <3

    P.S. It's never too late, just sayin!

    • niahid says:

      College and Rob. All I can think of is his interview with Jon Stewart in which he said : ” You can’t be my dentist, you’re that guy from Twilight.” πŸ˜‰

      • robgirl86 says:

        I bet that NOW he regrets a bit to have missed that and…I wondered always about his parents. My parents would have give me the totes IDIOT telling them that my intentions were acting instead of studying!
        And….. he can be my dentist whenever he wants that! πŸ™‚

  3. befuddled says:

    Love it! I too went to a large state school (On Wisconsin!). Beer, open mic nights and pretty much more beer are yours for the taking. Probably more than your share of hot co-eds too. Anonymity is yours Rob.

    Oh…and please let us know where you’re accepted as I’ve been meaning to finish up another degree. I’d be happy to show you the ins and outs of college life. πŸ˜‰

  4. Nelle says:

    Professor Rob! WIN!!!

  5. melronin says:

    Great letter Lindelle!

    Memories of my university years are maybe the best of my life although in my case I didn’t really attend classes much I went just for the exams, neither did I live on campus (which I regret untill today) cause at
    that time I worked already. I missed all the fun…damn!!!

    Rob
    it is never to late baby. I had a student in my class that was 70 years old and still wanted to learn German!
    Am not saying that you should wait so long though!

    CARPE DIEM honey!!!

    Love
    Mel

  6. Bella_NaA says:

    Aw, your letter made ME want to go back to college! Ok, technically speaking I’m still IN college, but it’s just not the same as a grad student.

    Also, rabid 7 foot jocks that’ll take.em.down. FTW!

  7. BrookeLockart says:

    And just think of the mad tail Rob would get playing guitar. *swoon*

    Gooooooo State!

    Great Post Lindelle!

  8. […] This post was mentioned on Twitter by LetterstoTwilight, Anna. Anna said: RT @letter2twilight: It's time for a NEW LTR: Robert Pattinson goes to College? – http://tinyurl.com/36oh5tu […]

  9. Stacey says:

    What a terrific letter!

    Rob was exactly what I dated in college at Millersville University. That’s what happens when you are a theater and art major. Cute floppy haired boys who wear flannel button downs with band teeshirts who write poetry. He would fit right in. I can see him now, hanging in the basement of the arts house with a plastic cup of Bud Light from the keg, while some emo band plays on an old, dirty boombox. Oh and TomStu is streaking across the room only wearing a lampshade on his head. That would be a good night.

    You are making me miss college Lindelle! How the heck did I end up marrying a accounting major, frat boy. Weird.

  10. toooldforthis says:

    *Sneaks in*

    (Psssst, Lindelle. My alma mater is going to kick your alma mater’s hind end in football this year)

    *Sneaks back out*

  11. superhumanmoron says:

    He could audition for the theater dept.’s production of Pirates of Penzance. THAT I’d like to see.

  12. JellyBeanRainbow says:

    Great letter Lindelle, it made ME want to go back to college.
    Living with parents while going to university in my home town, that’s a couple of bus stations away from my home wasn’t much fun. The classes were, but college isn’t about classes, it’s about partying, I just learned.

    I guess the difference between university in Europe and college in US is the amount of fun/drinking/karaoke/partying you get to have.

  13. Alice_NaA says:

    I think he’s really missing out indeed. Then again, I don’t have millions of dollars…

  14. southernbelle says:

    Great letter Lindelle! Oh the joy of college, I do miss those days. I wasn’t such a party animal though and unfortunately my parents won’t let me go stay in a dorm so I lived in their house. I wanted to be away, in my own dorm and all that, but never happened. πŸ˜›

    I think Rob would really enjoy college here in the USA! Love the tailgating picture, LOL. Rob lost in a sea of people and no one paying attention to him, imagine the joy of that!

    Tyler’s nasty bathroom, yeah, while I didn’t stay at a dorm I have visited them and I could say they’re pretty comparable to that one. Check out the mold!

  15. hitc4manynewmoons says:

    AWESOME letter!

    Rob— Two greatest terms to come out of the higher education world “FLIP CUP” & “BEER PONG”. You and TomStu could enter a torny!

  16. mountainlion says:

    I love the idea of Rob getting to be anonymous for a while on a giant campus.

    Tutoring him would be so much win.

    • robgirl86 says:

      question: how many students are going to be part of your TUTORIUM? I have a feeling that it might be as exclusive as the Bungalow8!

      go for private lessons with/on Rob, dunno the correct preposition πŸ™‚

      • southernbelle says:

        The line of women wanting to tutor him will go all the way to the moon! LOL

        I wish I went to school with Rob! πŸ™‚ Imagine him looking like how he did as Tyler in Remember Me.

  17. Robsessedgirl says:

    Dear Rob,
    I live near Penn State! It was voted as on of the top ten party schools in the country. There’s many convenience stores for you hot pocket fix, and there’s also plenty of fast food around! There’s a Five Guys for your burger cravings, and pleeeenty of bars for the heine. But how’s this, why don’t you stay at my house instead of a dorm? Ya know, the dorms are sufficiently grody, and my house is not. Sure, my four dogs might overwhelm you at first, but you’ll love them. Would you like a private tour of PSU? I’d be happy to oblige. I’d also throw in a private tour of my room, particularly the bed. Kisses!

    • BrooklynBabe says:

      And this is where I want to send my son. Should I be rethinking my choice? LOL. Great letter Linds.

      • Robsessedgirl says:

        HAHAH no it’s not so bad. It’s a great town and school. Even better if Rob were here. I also just noticed my comment has errors galore. #typingfail

      • BrookeLOCKART says:

        There’s something for everyone… yes a party school, but what school isn’t? At least he’ll get a great education… hey I came out of there making Dean’s List 8 semesters, anyone can do it!

        • BrooklynBabe says:

          That’s what I said tonite when my friend called just to tell me that Penn State was ranked the #2 party school in the country. So I said, if my son goes there, he’ll have a great time. It is what you make of it. When I went to college ions ago, Stony Brook in NY had the rep of being a top party school as well and I had no problem managing both. At least Penn State has a great football team.

    • Lindelle says:

      HAHA!! Robsessedgirl, That’s the school I’m talking about in this letter πŸ˜‰ 4 of the best years of my life!

    • Lindelle says:

      We probably live near each other actually! Are you on the forum?

    • Stacey says:

      Yay 5 Guys! I did go to school in Pennsylvania, but can I pretend I went to Penn? What am I talking about? I went to college in Amish country. And the Amish sure know how to party! :0)

  18. HeidisMom says:

    ITA about Rob fitting in at a large state school, but there’s a risk. Right now he’s an adorable lit or theatre major having the time of his life, but I can easily see him enjoying it a little too much. Fast forward a few years and he’s one of those creepy perpetual students changing majors every semester. He’s got a beer belly and a receding hairline. He’s pushing 30, but still hitting on freshman girls. He even runs for city council. Carbondale, IL anyone?

  19. robsfuturemate says:

    Great letter Lindelle!
    “Then you’re free to play Frogger on your graphing calculator all through the lecture, while they painstakingly write in British slang using their downloaded Robert Pattinson font.” FTW!!!

    I love me some Frogger! And some Robert Pattinson font!

    And Rob being able to sing at local dive bars without everbody putting it on youtube and their ringtones would probably make him very happy! πŸ™‚

    • RoslynSelene says:

      I used the Rob font for a church presentation about AIDS in Africa. I hoped no one noticed! I also hoped they understood the writing. Lol

      • robsfuturemate says:

        Using the Rob font for church= FTW!!!

        • RoslynSelene says:

          AND I wrote a ‘letter’ to my 9 y/o niece using the Rob font to make her believe Rob wrote back to her. It was mean but she stole my Banana Nut Muffin! And that just doesn’t fly around here. But the joke’s on me because she didn’t understand what he wrote. Lol My misadventures w/the Rob font. Too much fun!

          • robsfuturemate says:

            @RoslynSelene, that sounds mean and fun. I like it! I gotta use that for something now *thinking*

    • Robsessedgirl says:

      THERE’S A ROB FONT? WHERE CAN I GET IT? πŸ˜€

      • robsfuturemate says:

        I’m pretty sure you can google it, it’s very common! πŸ˜‰
        Actually, I just did and they have links where you can download it!!

  20. cledbo says:

    Love it. Ah, nostalgia for the days when doing tequila shots at lunchtime didn’t make you an alcoholic, it made you fun! And drunk for your afternoon philosophy tute where you verbally poke the serious kids.
    Those were the days.

    And as to the whole having millions of dollars rather than college line, they do say the best things in life are free, or close enough to it when you’re a student living off ramen noodles and supermarket samples.
    You learn to make fun, rather than paying for it.

    Except for beer – I always managed to find money for beer.

  21. Susiecueablelovesrob says:

    …….So this is why I’m going back to College this autumn!!!! Beer, beer and more beer!!!!!! (actually starting in a couple of weeks. Already have my degree, just need to specialise a little!) Thanx Lindelle, now I just have to fight daydreaming about Rob going to College as well…….hmmmmmm…….sigh……

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