The Apprehensive Twi/Rob-Spy susses out a possible Rob/Twimom

So it’s happened- for the first time EVER both of us are away & without the interwebs. While Moon is completely disconnected in Africa, UC is only in South Carolina… but her vacation home doesn’t have internet- SERIOUSLY? What kind of freakin’ vaca home 2 blocks from the beach with a pool IS THIS? (Said while Moon is serving selflessly the neediest of children & orphans in Kenya) This week instead of hanging up a “Gone Fishin’ ” sign, we are bringing you some fan letters, some fun & games & a simple week. So rest up as we do too and we’ll be back with you in full-force next week! Oh- pending comments will be approved but slower than usual- Moon has to send me a carrier pigeon from Kenya then I use a morse code to hack into the Pentagon & route their servers to LTRs to approve your perviness. Don’t worry- the president probably won’t see. So rest easy while we’re away. You’re in good hands today- our soulmate Heyyybrother writes you a letter!

Could she be a secret Rob fan?

Dear Rob,
Last weekend, being the good daughter that I am, I went to visit my mom for the afternoon and spend some quality time with her.  Ok, ok… I was really taking advantage of her pool, air conditioning, and laundry facilities since I have none of the above in my apartment, but a little QT with Mother Dearest was an added bonus.  So there we are, sitting by the pool chatting, when the conversation starts to slow down.  I grab my iPod and pick up my copy of Water for Elephants to entertain myself with, when suddenly my mom says “Oh!  They’re making a movie about that book!  Someone…famous…is in it.  I can’t remember who……”  Now, you might think this is no big deal, but my mother is so clueless when it comes to all things pop culture; she has literally no reason to know they’re making Water for Elephants into a movie.  Unless… no, can’t be…

Maybe it’s a fluke?  Maybe she just saw something about it on Access Hollywood while flipping through the channels?  That’s what I thought, or at least hoped, at first… Until later that night when we were watching a certain Harry Potter movie on TV and suddenly she gasps “IT’S EDWARD.”  Crap.  SHE’S A TWI-MOM.  This is bad.  Real bad.  Assuming she is a true blue Twi-Mom, surely I would have noticed this sooner?  … Or would I have?  I don’t live with her, when we talk it’s usually about the latest family dramz, and, quite frankly, I’d sooner talk about sex with her than Twilight.

Is that the special Twilight boxed set I see?

So, instead of doing the sane thing and just flat out asking her if she has a creepy hobby where she spends her time stalking a handsome star younger than her own children, I figure the only option is to do some reconnaissance.  Commence Operation: TwiSpy.

We’ll start with the obvious things first:
– Check the bookcases for books.  Does she have a special Collector’s Edition?  Does she have a extra “lender” copies?  Journals? Movie companions?  Twilight Manga?
– Check the dvd storage knowing full well that she hasn’t purchased anything since “Christmas with the Kranks”, so if she has Twilight or New Moon, she’s already too far gone.  Don’t forget to check inside other, unassuming dvd cases, in the event she’s cleverly stowed her ROBSESSED disc inside The Passion of the Christ.
– Check the closet for a Team Edward t-shirt, excessive plaid, or an abundance of blouses with shoulder pads.

From there, we’ll move onto more obscure things:
– Check her browser history.  Has she bookmarked every Twi-Mom site out there?  Is she a member of the Twi-Mom’s facebook page?  Has she bookmarked a dozen sites with Twilight  Party ideas?  Is there a red bathmat bookmarked on her Target.com wish list?
– Check her iTunes library.  How many soundtracks does she have?  Any Bobby, Marcus or Sam would be a dead giveaway, especially considering she hasn’t playing anything other than Michael Bolton, Yanni, Kenny G, and Clay Aiken in years.  If she has any Brit-Pack music AND shoulder pads, there’s a good chance Janetrigs has drunkenly harassed her one Friday night.
– Check the bathroom to see if she’s switched exclusively to strawberry and freesia-scented products prominently featuring glitter.

Is that your mom over there?

Truthfully, I’m afraid of what I’ll find if I go digging.  There are dark days ahead.  Allow me to apologize now should my mom ever show up on the sidelines of one of your premieres with a glitter-puffy-paint sign declaring her love for the sparklepeen.  I just pray that, if she is a Twi-Mom, she never discovers that I like it too.  It’s only a matter of time before she has us all holding apples for the next Christmas picture.  In which case, the next site you’ll see me on will be AwkwardFamilyPhotos.com.

The Apprehensive TwySpy,
HeyyyBrother

Are you following our awesome contributors? Well you better be following Heyyybrother after you read today!

And yes, that is my (moon’s) mother up there in that puffy paint shirt, you’ll remember her letter here. Have you had to become a Twi or Rob spy to suss out a friend or family member’s true allegiance?

and you know what…. even though LTR will STILL be around this week, why NOT hang a “Gone Fishin'” Sign? Especially if it looks like this:

Submit your While Moon was Gone entries!

Our internet game is ridiculous: LTT, The Forum, Twitter, The Store

68 Responses to “The Apprehensive Twi/Rob-Spy susses out a possible Rob/Twimom”

  1. robgirl86 says:

    “Is that your mom over there?”

    Bahahahahahahahahahahahhahhaha, that was hilarious!
    It’s Edward! More proof than that…..

    Dear Rob,
    you looked stunning last night
    happy and relaxed
    blue shirt, blue eyes = heaven!
    love
    me
    <3

    P.S. I love that you won an award for RM and you'll be always the hottest man for me!

  2. melronin says:

    LMAO!!! hilar post Heyyybrother…

    Thank God my mama is an open book and I don’t have to spy on her. She has no idea who Edward is and Rob…nahhhh….

    Rob, love
    I am absolutely overwhelmed from your gorgeousness
    last night! no words baby…
    Congrats on every single award you won. Taylor…who???
    Am so proud of you!
    Now please…let’s go fishin…
    Love
    Mel

  3. Haha that was so funny!
    You don’t get to see Twi/Rob everywhere here in Dhaka like you do in other places so the first time my mom saw Rob was when we watched Twilight together. Sad to say she didn’t think much of him. Well, she kept complaining about the horrid make-up so maybe she’ll like him once she sees him without it?

    I was watching Goblet of Fire the other day, trying to be inconspicuous about Rob since I’m not open about my Twi-obsession. And then my mom said, “Hey, isn’t that the Edward guy?”

    I was a little embarrassed at being caught yet I was proud of my mother for recognizing the Pretty!

    • robsfuturemate says:

      ” I was a little embarrassed at being caught yet I was proud of my mother for recognizing the Pretty!”

      totes WIN!!!

  4. robgirl86 says:

    My Mom calls Rob still “Edward Patterson” and I’m very fine with that! Def.Not a Twimom, and I dunno if there even are here…

    • southernbelle says:

      Hmm that’s weird because I have a friend in Germany who calls Rob “Edward Patterson.” I think this girl has been living under a rock I tell ya.

  5. robsfuturemate says:

    Nice letter Heyyy Brother, too funny!

    My mom does know who Edward is. She’s an avid reader so she read the books after me and my sisters. But none of them really got into it. Oh, they’ll watch the movies but it’s not top on their lists. And my mom knows who Rob is only because I’m “out”. She loves his mom and dad from TV interviews I’ve recorded, which kinda weirds me out!

  6. Freya says:

    Heyyybrother is my hero! Great letter! I know my mom’s NOT a Twi-Mom, since the first time I ever saw the New Moon trailer in theaters, I was sitting next to my mom. I was quietly freaking out inside, and mom turns to me when it’s over and says “Well, I won’t be seeing THAT!”

    Thanks for the laughs, HB!

  7. Keisha says:

    Love it, HeyyyBrother!!! If you were a minor would this be considered grounds for divorcing your parents?

  8. tupelohoney says:

    Off subject here but does anyone know what the song is that plays briefly at the beginning of each of Biel’s videos? Can’t find it anywhere.

    Btw, love Rob in a blue shirt…. t-shirt (RM), plaid, any shirt…. only thing better would be no shirt at all….

    • southernbelle says:

      He’s gorgeous in anything or nothing at all! I’m sure someone can vouch for the last part, since I haven’t seen him completely naked.

      Rob, would you do me the honor? LOL

  9. Robsessedgirl says:

    Love this letter! I know this is weird but it’d be cool if my mom was a Twimom, that way she wouldn’t make fun of me.
    Dear Rob,
    Last night you looked positively MOUTHWATERING *says it in creepy Laurent voice* but it’s true. I wanted to rip off your clothes when I saw you. & YOU KNOW you’re the sexiest man alive and whose ever been alive. The llama shouldn’t have won. I want to lick your biceps.
    Love,
    Me

  10. Janetrigs says:

    Shoulder Pads. Ha!

  11. ItsReallyRob says:

    So, have we determined the characteristics of the “twi-moms” who are open to ridicule vs. a woman who likes Twilight and has happened to have reproduced?

    Do you have to be at least a decade older than Robward, own a pocket Edward and maybe make twi related shirts?

    Uh oh.

    • robgirl86 says:

      and maybe…

      white chocolate covered strawberries and a red carpet in the basement…….you met them on Oprah..or NOT? 🙂

    • melronin says:

      You should know the definition of a twimom after Oprah!
      So…test-test-test…what’s a twimom???
      You were on Oprah…right???

      @RG very good point!!!

    • Jules says:

      “So, have we determined the characteristics of the “twi-moms” who are open to ridicule vs. a woman who likes Twilight and has happened to have reproduced?”

      Awesome grammar.

    • southernbelle says:

      Well I’m a mom and I love Twilight so does that automatically make me a Twimom? FTR, I really hate that term. It makes me feel old and I am not old. And regardless, I still don’t like the word “Twi-mom.” LOL

      You can just call me a Rob-lover, I think that sounds better, don’t you think?

  12. […] This post was mentioned on Twitter by LetterstoTwilight, paula navara. paula navara said: The Apprehensive Twi/Rob-Spy susses out a possible Rob/Twimom http://bit.ly/9EwmZu […]

  13. Susiecueablelovesrob says:

    ItsReallyRob, (Wow – you’re bold! But now that you’ve opened the can of worms…….) I think we’ve determined the characteristics of the twi-mom here on LTR a few times. I’ll start with what I can remember then maybe others can add on. Twi-moms have kids that thinks mom loves Edward more than them. Have red carpets in their basement, plates in the kitchen with Twilight quotes on, loves Edward in tweed and beige pants…….. what else girls????

  14. southernbelle says:

    My mom likes Rob and all things Twilight, she’s like 60 something! So it’s possible your mom is too! However when her and I talk about Rob it’s just very mellow, I don’t get into the nitty-gritty details with her. Geez I don’t want her to know I’m fantasizing about Rob!

    Sick but I once had a dream where Rob was dating my mom and I was so jealous and mad at her for that(in my dream). We got into a fight and Rob took her side! Arggghhh I woke up from that dream and I felt like I want to throw up! LOL. Can’t I at least have Rob at least in my dream? Ha!

    • Robsessedgirl says:

      Roblove bestie this comment is amazing. I wish my mom liked Rob/Twilight cuz then she wouldn’t make fun of me. She doesn’t hate Rob but she doesn’t understand my obsession. NICE DREAM LOVE. hahah.

      • southernbelle says:

        The dream, yuck I needed brain bleach! Anyway though my mom likes Rob, I don’t think her liking to him is anywhere near my Robsession! lol

  15. Robsessedgirl says:

    I thought I’d share this with my LTR peeps. Go to ROBsessed.com or your fave Rob fansite and look at the post with the neverending TCA pictures. Look at the picture with the cast onstage, and notice how Nikki is looking at Rob. It’s a death glare like I’ve never seen before. CRAYCRAY. How could you look at him like that when he looks so UNBELIEVABLY SEXY?!!?!

    • southernbelle says:

      Tehehehehe, I saw that, I think it was just a random expression and probably didn’t mean anything :). Because yeah honestly, Rob’s so irresistible who dares give him a death glare! LOL

    • halogen says:

      You are so right on, I also noticed the glare and “The Disappearance Of Nikki Reed” on stage, she is always behind somebody whereas Ashley is everywhere on the front… and every photograph manages to keep Nikki just out of the frame even when she is sitting right next to Ashley. Definitely something for our great letter writing detective to tackle next time?

      • Robsessedgirl says:

        She’s like kevin jonas, who I like to call”the other one”. I know they’re not famous anymore but ’twas the first comparison that popped into my head. I should write a “where in the world is NReed oops she’s behind you” letter.

  16. RoslynSelene says:

    Hey! This is E-X-A-C-T-L-Y like the time I thought my 50 y/o uncle was Robsessed! I told this story last week on the comments section: http://letterstorob.com/2010/08/05/coming-out-of-the-rob-closet/#comment-53849 Lol I love how much LTR girls and I have in common. 😀

  17. twiprof says:

    just finished the teen choice awards….
    I love that fanboy Jimmy Fallon was there to present Rob with his award….absolutely love that. love love love Jimmy for loving Twilight.
    and Taylor Swift, surfing on her lake in tennessee….
    how cute is that girl? she said hi to our boy Taylor.
    wow, to be young again…..

  18. Haha Imagine if oprah was president. Free cookies for all!

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