Happy New Years Eve!!!! Listen in as we recap our 2010 Rob-olutions & make some new ones for 2011! We’ll rate how we did in 2010 in an arbitrary, meaninless fashion & even let you and our readers in on bits of the private conversation Moon & I had when discussing our past year. It’ll be intimate. Just imagine we’re on a bearskin rug. You know how we like those!
In 2010 we resolved to:
1. Have some sort of LTR representation at the Remember Me premiere
Verdict: We sorta won. I mean, no- we weren’t ON the red carpet at the premiere in NYC, but it was cold as CRAP that day, so what I ended up doing was even better. I saw Rob on Jimmy Fallon. I saw “Robert is Bothered” starring Robert Pattinson in the flesh (well, on a screen, in the studio, while Rob was sitting there). You can blame Jimmy for me not standing at a good spot at the premiere. And if my feet hadn’t been bleeding from my new shoes, I could have run faster and maybe gotten a ticket to get INTO the movie . But what happened next made all the premiere missing worth it: I met who would later become our guardian angel (guiding me to LA to my Stephenie Meyer interview) Larry411
Plus THAT was the weekend we got cyber bullied. And we got to fight back. It was awesome. And by “awesome” I mean an utter waste of a work day.
People who want us to fail: 0
Moon: you got to see Dean in person right??
UC: hmmm… I guess… i don’t remember. i may not have seen him, but he was there. I felt his presence
Moon: like God
UC: right- you can’t always see him, but you always know he’s there
Moon: Yes! HE’S THERE! In our rob hearts we have a dean shaped hole
2. We vow to become BFF with Stephanie Ritz and while we’re out for a “girls day” Moon will distract her with the newest Blahniks at Barneys while I grab her phone and text you, as Stephenie, and ask you to meet her and her “hot new friends.”
Verdict: FAIL- we failed miserably at this. I mean.. I don’t even think we tried- we have no excuse. It just didn’t happen. I’m ashamed. Moon says she half-way thought about it when she saw her with Rob at the Eclipse premiere but she was with ROB. All coherent thought goes out the window!! Poor Stephenie was probably waiting by her phone ALL year! And we NEVER called. This is a deep deep sadness- a Rob fan fail. Steph- we’ll make it up to you this year when we’re ON the carpet for Breaking Dawn (See our LTT resolutions!!) Actually, we’ll IGNORE Rob and go straight for you! (and not because we want to be imprinted in Rob’s mind for forever as the “Girls who didn’t care” (slash the girls that make fun and him and his not so secret gf on the regular))
People who want us to fail: 1
3. When we watch Remember Me we’ll try to stifle our moans to only 3-4 times. It’s not really fair since Moon has already seen the movie and knows whats coming and can prepare herself, but I figure if I’m generous and allow her 1 moan and take her other 3, I can moan 7 times and it’ll all average out to 3-4 each.
Verdict: We think we won: How many sex scenes were there? Cause I moaned during those. But Moon failed because she moaned twice (but only because she was annoyed by Pierce Brosnan’s accent) Any other noise you heard from me was a groan because of how much I abhorred that film.
People who want us to fail: 1
4. In 2010 we will create a counter to tally every time you duplicate an outfit
Verdict: UTTER FAIL- The 5 times we actually saw Rob in 2010 he was usually in COSTUME so it didn’t count. And we’re guessing that one of his 2010 resolutions was to get new outfits. Because the little we saw him, I don’t think he duplicated too much. And you know what? I think we saw him less in 2010 than we did in years 1982,83-2008. Baton rouge is a HUGE fail as a city! Didn’t the oil spill f*ck everything up and people lost jobs?? Pick up a camera drive 30 minutes to the set and GET RICH!! It makes me want the crazies and their “Stalk the twilight set” tours back in Vancouver
People who want us to fail: 2
5. Infiltrate the Land of Dreamers pyramid-scheme street team for Sam, Bobby and Marcus by befriending them and learning their secrets. Then after being voted Vice Presidents, we will usurp the presidency with a hostile takeover. This will give us the freedom to drive the britpack EVERYWHERE they want to go when they’re in our town(s). Boys got the munchies at 4 am but we’re sleeping soundly? Too bad. We’re gonna get our asses up and take them to the 24 hour Sonic. Our jobs as presidents of a pyramid schemey street team depend on it.
Verdict: Unfortunately, this was a mostly fail- Although we DID get a picture with Sam Bradley & his hoop earring
But other than that, 2010 kind sucked- I didn’t hear ANY stories about people in the LOD peeking in on Bobby Long while he was naked, sleeping in one of their kids’ bedrooms! And where were the private home shows played by “The guys” while women looked at pampered chef and gold canyon candle demonstrations?? Did sam/bobby/marcus not need a ride to the airport in a mini van? The LOD was a bigger fail than us this year!
People who want us to fail: 3
6. Watch every film or TV show that Rob has ever been in enough times so that next time we’re together we can dramatically reenact important scenes for your viewing pleasure. Moon already called Daniel Gale, so I’ll reluctantly be Salvador Dali.
Verdict: FAIL!!! Neither one of us have seen that creepy airmen movie yet! Or the one where he looks like a hippie! And I haven’t even watched “How to Be” and I OWN it! But we both agreed we’d watch the Bad Mother’s Handbook again- that was such a fine moment for Rob. Forget Water for Elephants. Do you think they could give him a retroactive Oscar for his portrayal of Daniel Gale? That sweater deserves a best costume award. I think we’re gonna write the Academy.
People who want us to fail: 4
The Academy: 25 if they vote “Yes” for Daniel Gale
Well, we sucked in 2011- The people who wanted us to Fail won BIG time! Better luck in 2011! Here are a few of our Rob-olutions for the upcoming year!
- We want to meet Rob. This was a hard decision to come by, but we finally decided in favor of this proposition. Here is the tough conversation that got us there:
UC: Ugh… do we dare wish to Meet Rob?
Moon: omg…. I don’t know
UC: we know what happened when we wished to meet The Creator of Twilight in our ressies last year for LTT
Moon: We should definitely wish for a Red Carpet meet so we can snub him for Stephanie Ritz
UC: yes- it has to be a situation where he wouldn’t be a disappointment. I honestly don’t think i want to meet him. If we just stalked ran into him on the street, I think it would be horrid. If anything, it would have to be in “public” … at an event or something, where he’d have to be “on.” Maybe we resolve to interview him?
Moon: the only reason i would want to meet him is to say i did and that we could end this all on a high note
Moon: do you think you could handle a Stephenie meyers-esque 4 hr interview with him?? after vomiting from nervousness for 4 days straight prior??…. i would ask him ALSO to fuck/kill/marry someone
UC: TOTALLY!! I think, if we could get him to be like Old rob- from the glory days pre-fame…. we’d have the BEST time. and all cry from laughing so hard (or he’d cry from all the inappropriate touches)
Moon: right for reals. someone needs to recognize that we’d do the best interview ever!!!
UC: EVER! we could make him write himself his own letter!!!
Moon: omg to get HIM to contribute would be the best day ever. So are we saying we want to meet/interview him in 2011??!!!
UC: yes! We are- That’s a goal we will NOT attempt to make a reality. We will do exactly as much as we did to interview Stephenie— nothing. Rob will draw our names out of a beanie.
- We resolve for Rob to mention us or something we’ve said in an interview like he did with Leno and emails from his dad! We need a fuckyearyangosling moment! (Ryan Gosling read some “FuckYeahRyanGoslings” in an MTV interview! Be still my heart!) Or someone needs to show him Rob Porn during an interview. And not the kind where his face is superimposed over a porn star’s naked body! He needs to read a caption over his picture about alphabetizing romance novels. Or asking for directions. Now THAT’S a turn on!
- We resolve for Moon & Amber from Rob My world to start their own Norman’s Rare Guitar’s street team. It’s basically started- one day, not so long ago on my PERSONAL Facebook, I noticed both Moon AND Amber had “Liked” the Norman’s Rare Guitar’s page. Of course it wasn’t random. It was on the day Rob was seen buying a new guitar. And of course within 10 minutes there were 20 people commenting who know exactly why they liked that obscure California shop!
- Resolution – try not to be turned on by the sight of Rob near a huge smelly pile of elephant crap during the water for elephants premiere!
- Resolution: To be less annoyed at Rob’s disappearance from my life- or maybe just for him to show up.. ANYWHERE! To go for lunch and undies shopping with TomStu again!!! Maybe buy a hot pocket in public! Get lost near a church, Break up with KStew or admit he actually has a cardboard tent in his living room. He could try a new girlfriend out for awhile. Maybe check himself into rehab. ANYTHING! Literally ANYTHING. We’ll take it! Maybe be seen out in public with MULTIPLE different women. Be a player for a few days! How about he sleeps with me a fan? Take advantage of me the plethora of attractive girls into him! He would get major me HOT tail (or at least me attractive game on week nights!) And he wouldn’t even have to buy them gifts! Or remember their names! No one expects that at all. They just expect to steal a dirty sock and leave. Or maybe twitpic his O-face. Or audio-record his moans. Or snores. Or the sound his teeth make while chewing on a hot pocket while in bed……(I haven’t put much thought into that. At all)
As far as Rob is concerned, we had an okay year- there was Details Rob. And New movie shoots Rob. And Jumping Rob. But I miss Vancouver Rob and GQ Rob of 2009. But I’m not one to look to the past. I say, Rob, let’s make 2011 the best year yet! Yes- you and me. Or just you, whatever. I’ll be here, on my bear-skin rug, waiting to break whatever you do (and please let it be something) down with Moon. Happy New Year!
Do you have an Rob-olutions for 2011? Did YOU meet Rob in 2010? I hate you, if so. No I don’t (yes I do) Are you gonna get really drunk tonight? How many of you think I’m drunk already? Raise your hand….xo