Meeting some of your “friends” ruined THE fantasy, Rob

Dear Rob,

You may have not been in San Diego this weekend for Rudy’s (aka Keisha Knight Pulliam) birthday but some of your fellow countrymen were. Though I will say I totally thought the first guy was faking the accent for at least 5 minutes, but when his totally toasted friend joined us I knew no drunk boy had the stamina or presence of mind to keep up a fake british accent for that long to say “lit-trally” that much.

I appreciated Nick and John (their names) for chatting us up in a room full of creepy old dudes and for their willingness to put up with our dumb questions BUUUTTT I must insist on a few things from your friends and maybe even yourself next time we meet. First, if you approach a group of ladies toting a mojito in your hand, it just confuses us. If we’re drinking gin and tonics and your glass has more frou frou and umbrellas than ours we might think you are le ghey. If you insist the mojito is your thing and you insist on living the island life while outside your country we must insist you not drink it through a straw because it LIT-TRALLY looks like you’re sucking on a… well you know. Also please put up with us as we inadvertently create international incidents by insulting your military. But accept our apology when we back track to say England taught us everything we know but then we used it to kick your asses in that little revolutionary war skirmish.Β  But we love you as allies, we really do!

Essentially what we met… only in denim

Also don’t think we’re the CIA trying to figure out if you’re lying about why you’re here but we LIT-TRALLY really don’t understand what the crap you’re saying and why you’re helicopter pilots/gunmen/crewmen in San Diego and how you got here. So come up with a good story as for why you’re here and how you got here.

If we ask lots of probing questions like “Yes, you’re from London, I get that… but what NEIGHBORHOOD are you from?” It means we really are interested and we love the civil engineering of your great town and not because we’re wondering if you know where the Barnes after school theater program is and if you attended oh maybe 5ish years ago.

I also appreciated that they humored me when you told me you were from the East End and I brought us East Enders. We did refrain from asking any Prince William and Harry questions though we REALLY wanted too especially since they are helicopter pilots in the British Army and who doesn’t love a Prince Hot Ginge story or maybe some insight into the much ballyhooed Royal Wedding.

Oh and here in America when one wears denim on denim we LIT-TRALLY call that a “Texas Tuxedo”… a questionable look.

Perfect for your mojitos!

And lastly I now know that most of the LTR girl’s real life Rob run in fantasy is to meet you drunk in a bar somewhere but I found out the harsh reality: it is just that, a fantasy. Because after talking with drunk brits for a bit there is NO way in hale we’ll be able to understand you after 10 mojitos either. This is a deep, deep sadness.

It sounds posh… but it isn’t!
Themoonisdown

So (minus our english girls) who’s had a similar run in with some brit boys and not only pumped them for information (inconspicuously of course) but been super confused the entire time? Would the Rob fantasy of meeting him drunk in a bar ever really live up to the fantasy? Did anyone else celebrate #birthdayRudy? Need a wardrobe for meeting British boys? Go Here!

Our internet game is ridiculous: LTT, The Forum, Twitter, The Store

75 Responses to “Meeting some of your “friends” ruined THE fantasy, Rob”

  1. minuit_passe says:

    Finally someone who would appreciate my jokes about guy friends drinking Mojitos!

    • drsaka says:

      It might be considered a bit more metrosexual on the East Coast, but point taken.

      • MariaCecilia says:

        Poor guys who can’t enjoy their mojitos in peace without having their sexuality questioned! No fair. Maybe they should bring those big ceramic mugs to the bar and hide their drink of choice inside it? They could claim they were drinking lattes..no, wait, that would probably make some people question their sexuality again..

    • drsaka says:

      I also have to point out that the pic of Tom, Rob and AG was taken at a VOGUE dinner party.

  2. drsaka says:

    Re the denim on denim: maybe they were 1 week late for an after party to the CMAs?

  3. Robsessedgirl says:

    That has got to be my favorite picture. britpack rejoice!

    Here we have Rob Pattinson, acteur extraordinaire, and a good one. He likes hot pockets and snapple and diet coke. He LOVES elephants. maybe a little too much. give him a beer and watch shit hit the fan, sometimes literally. an old soul, and connoisseur of boobs.

    Next up is Andrew Garfield, my favorite of the group. sometimes considered to be a serial killer according to the looks he gives people, he is a homosexual man in love with his TSN costar Jesse Eisenberg. OUT AND PROUD! his favorite style is ” gay lumberjack hipster”. he’s the new Spiderman! ps, those webs were real.

    And last but not least, here’s Tom Sturridge. aka Tomstu. He enjoys lurking behind people in pictures and eating hot pockets off of Rob’s stomach. It’s widely thought they’re dating. WHO KNOWS. Tomstu is a secret rapper as well.

  4. robgirl86 says:

    “Texas Tuxedo”…hahahah….sooo funny

    it doesn’t matter how we put it…

    for Rob there are no general rules ( would be too easy πŸ™‚ ), that’s part of his appeal I think, he can break (almost) every rule and we still love him, right? (thinking about some very inappropriate things he said during the promo interviews with Reese..lol)

  5. robsfuturemate says:

    First off, I’m getting that shirt some day!!!
    I did hear some Brits talking at a 100 Monkeys show and did not have the guts to talk to them. Wish I did but what do you say, “So you guys have a thing for monkeys?”

    This Friday will be my chance to redeem myself at the Bobby Long show! Hopefully I won’t be too confused with the Brits (even drunk) since I’ve been reading Brit Chick Lit for the past two years and learned some tidbits here on LTR! We’ll see!

  6. natteringyeahrobber says:

    So You Are Drunk and The Guy Standing Next to You At The Bar is British: A Decision Flowchart by NYR

    1. Ask “Are you Rob Pattinson?”
    If YES, pull your V-neck down a bit, hitch up the skirt, and proceed with questions about guitar picking v. finger picking and confirm identity by asking what his favorite elephant name is. If NO, proceed to #2.
    2. Ask “Do you know Rob Pattinson?”
    If YES, buy the guy another drink and when he looks away, call out the names Andrew, Bobby, Lee or Tom (or whatever other Brit Pack names you can remember at the time). If guy does not respond to any of those names, put your drink down and slowly walk (don’t run) away. If he says NO, splash mojito in face, tell him he’s useless to you. Then proceed to find another British-themed pub (look for boat in bottle in front window, Royal crest or word Olde or in name).

    Hint: if you go to a bar and a guy’s face smells like mojito, chances are he’s a dead end

    Repeat steps 1 &2 until it works out for you.

    • robsfuturemate says:

      This is great advice for when you’re drunk. Now how about when you’re the completely sober desiginated driver and you know for a fact that it’s Tom, Sam, Andrew or Rob? (you know, just in case one of the them is at the show Fri.)

      • natteringyeahrobber says:

        ——–cut here and place in wallet ———

        What to do when you are sober and some British guy is standing close to you at the Bobby Long show: A decision flowchart by NYR

        1. Try to get his attention. Yell the words “rubbish” and “bullocks” – that will make him think of his homeland and his eyes are certain to wander over to your general direction. If he NOTICES, smile and wink. If he does NOT NOTICE, then yell “poppycock”, “Prince Andrew” and “SHAG ME” (in any order). That should do it. Proceed to step 2.
        2. When he comes over to you, confirm he is cute close up. Then, tell him your drunk female companions want his autograph, but they were too drunk/unconscious to ask for it. Only instead of a pen, pull out your car keys and ask if he’s sober enough to drive you home, because you’ve just called a taxi for your drunk friends. If it is Rob, offer to drive instead. If it is Andrew, drive to my office in SF and call me when you get here.

        ———cut here————

        • robsfuturemate says:

          *printing, cutting and placing in wallet*

          I’m a little confused on step 2 but I think you’re assuming they will be drunk so I’m sure it will work out fine. The major flaw is that I have to be conscious to pull this off! I’d really like to impress them and ask if they’re “on the pull” that night (you know, cruisin for chicks or whatever we say these days) but it’s gonna come out more like “you…pull…”

          • natteringyeahrobber says:

            don’t worry, above clip-n-save flowchart also doubles as a sobriety check. if it makes sense to you, you are drunk. if it makes no sense, you are sober.

            jealous, though – have fun at the show!

          • robsfuturemate says:

            I’m just excited to meet some LTRer’s in person, Rob being there would be alright though! I wish more of you could go. We need an LTR Convention or something at LTR Headquarters (wherever that is).

          • maggie says:

            I’m so excited to meet up on Friday. I also wish more of the ladies from this site could come. And hey… it didn’t even occur to me until today’s topic that there might me OTHERS of the brit pack there!! Anybody know if any of them are in LA???

          • Robsessedgirl says:

            can I have Andrew when you’re done with him? as long as he’s not too tired. πŸ˜‰ heck, I’ll take him ANY WAY.

  7. Perola says:

    I’m from france and guys drink mojitos (without the draw though) there’s nothing gay with it, so maybe it’s an american thing πŸ˜‰
    I love english boys minus when they’re drunk but drunkness never suits anyboy, plus the anglo-saxon people, contrary to the french, (yeah I know we’re very arrogant like that too) don’t know how to drink, they binge and get drunk….just imagine a cross-eyed Rob mumbling like omer simpson who’s trying to speak english : that’s how Rob will look like drunk ahaha
    and btw I just love your sites, you posts cracked me up everytime
    xoxo

    • robgirl86 says:

      hey , nice to meet you….and πŸ™‚ about “omer simpson”

      • Perola says:

        nice to meet you too !
        I meant a straw earlier not a draw (don’t even know what it means..lol)

        • robgirl86 says:

          ahhh, no worries, am german, most of the time I don’t understand even myself here πŸ™‚ all blablabla..

          • Perola says:

            I’ve been to Dusseldorf once (Have you noticed how weird it that when you talk with someone from another country you feel the need to say that you’ve been in this country ? even if it’s a city far far far away from where the other person lives ?)
            I love your spirit over there french people we are so messy and undisciplined.

    • guitargirl says:

      Im a Brit, and we dont have frou frou shit in our mojitos either LOL! Brit guys definitely wouldn’t order a drink covered in girly crap at home, (and plenty of them drink mojitos over here) so it must be a US thing.

      • robzanne says:

        GG I love that i introduced you to Mojito’s – when the rest of the festival goers are downing pints we camp out in the bacardi tent for the weekend – good times xx

        • guitargirl says:

          Yay, I was a mojito virgin until I met you!!!!!! (and so was the DH. LOL!) Mojitos are definitely the way to go at all future music festivals, thanks to your expert advice. Kings of Leon, experienced whilst on a Bacardi high, was nothing short of brilliant! Fun times! (A million hugs to Rob, and Robs flat, for our friendship.) People can call the people of this fandom crazy (and maybe some of them are) but some of us are bloody awesome! Mwah!

    • Janetrigs says:

      Exactly how your describing Ron is exactly how I’d like him. No, really! Otherwise I think he’d be too uncomfortable to act normal.

  8. melronin says:

    Well…my mind is kinda fixated on the events which will happen AFTER I meet Rob drunk in a bar…

    A girl can dream right? And let’s face it…what would this world look like if there were no girls fantasizing about things and then…make them reality!?

    And on another note!

    Rob
    honi, you know how much I love you, how much I adore you, being yourself in every interview…no filter…nothing!
    But I have to ask you…do you really know either one of the Hepburns? Audrey or Katherine? am just wondering!

    <3

    • roslynselene says:

      Ha! That interview was so full of crap. Rob knows FASHION?! And likes the Channel look? Too funny. If it’s true, I’m gonna need him to be my Sassy Gay Friend instead so he can save me from future outfit disasters. (Ha! That’ll be the day…)

  9. Edible art? says:

    Ha thanks for letting us know about your encounter – you aren’t alone believe me British Boys confuse British Girls too !

  10. roslynselene says:

    I never thought about that… I’ve trained my ears to understand his accent (sometimes it’s a little hard for me to understand his mumbles), but just imagining how hard it would be to understand him when he’s “sloshed”?
    “What? Dude, did you say farts or thoughts?”
    “Keeppp yooour f-f-thoooughts to yourrr selffff.”
    “Ooookay. I think we’re done here. You’re imagining farts. I think I should get you home.”
    “N-n-nooo. Jusss one moooore.”
    “Nope. If you drink one more, you’ll pass out completely and I don’t think I’ll be able to drag you to my basement-”
    “Whaaa?!”
    “What? …Ummm, let’s get you home. I’ll give you a hotpocket if you DON’T pee in my car.”

    • roslynselene says:

      Oh crap, I forgot. We don’t have basements in California. Damn it. Now I have to make a plan B. 😐

  11. MariaCecilia says:

    Hm, I actually hung out in a bar in Arizona about a year ago with a bunch of British pilots on military training in the US; we drank beer and margaritas and a nice time was had by all. I can’t say I had any trouble understanding what they were saying, but then perhaps they weren’t drunk enough? No telling what state Rob would be in, right..?

    (There was an American lady however, who was kind of hard to understand, but she was very drunk, very morose and from the South – a difficult combination..)
    My philosophy is that people who really love one another will always find a way to communicate, so if I meet Rob in a bar I will stick to body language! πŸ™‚

  12. Janetrigs says:

    This is effing nuts. And I do mean NUTS! I love it. Sorry I missed all the fun. πŸ™

    PS Feel like writing for DTP this week, as in tomorrow?

  13. roslynselene says:

    Breaking news – The wheat bread I ate for lunch was less grainy than those pictures of the BD wrap party. Srsly, what is up with Canadian paparazzi cameras? I want that shit in UHQHDx1000 (not).

  14. Lmao @ this post!! If only you had a stash of I <3 British Boys shirts on hand, to make said subjects wear for photo opps.

  15. Kaybvee says:

    I had an “encounter” (ahem) in college with a British military guy I met in Tijuana (yes, I know-do 19 year old girls still go there?) Ugh, anyway, my friend was convinced he was putting on the accent and gave him such crap-I have no idea, but his accent did add a few numbers to his cute quotient…

    On another note, I have three friends that married english guys(first marriages)All three marriages ended after just a few years. Coincidence? Hmmmmmmmmm

  16. roslynselene says:

    I got an email with a link. I don’t think I can show it here. It’s a gif of Rob’s naked moving ass (or at least I hope it is. Otherwise, I’ve been staring at some random dude’s ass for the last 30 seconds). Uhhhh, I don’t know how to feel about this… I feel slightly creeped out and not very turned on. His skin is beautiful though. What a creepy thing to say. Lol Makes me sound like I’m Buffalo Bill.

    • natteringyeahrobber says:

      How do I get on that email list? subscribe_robs_unblemished_ ass@summit.com?

      Or maybe Rob sent it to you? Do I need to make a “So you’ve received a pornographic gif clip of Rob’s Ass from Rob himself” decision flowchart for you? πŸ™‚

      • roslynselene says:

        Lol I “know” people. Just kidding. A friend sent it. No one from LTR, though. Summit, DO NOT put me in Twilight jail. It’s not private and I think it’s from someone’s Tumblr.

        Anywho, you should def make me a chart. I feel lost… See, you’d think I’d be wetting my panties with images like these but it’s his A-S-S. He craps from there. Ick! I don’t find it sexy. I’ve never found men’s asses attractive. Maybe that’s just me. Β―\_(ツ)_/Β―

        • natteringyeahrobber says:

          There are worse things to end up in your email box, I guess. Make sure to report yourself to Summit. Tell them you’ve been very naughty and need to receive special punishment from Summit Jail Guard Pattinson.

          • roslynselene says:

            I can send it to you if you want if you give me your email.

            I should go tattle on myself and give Summit Rob’s ass back. They’re possessive and they get pissed when it’s in the hands of anyone else. They still own him till Nov 2012, you know.
            “I’ve been a baaaad girl, Mr. Officer. No! Don’t throw me in that hard, uncomfortable back seat of the cop car. False arrest! False arrest!”

          • robsfuturemate says:

            Yes Nat, join the LTR email chain!!!!

    • robsfuturemate says:

      I think maybe you should start the email chain. Just for verification purposes of course πŸ˜‰

      • roslynselene says:

        Y’all have mail!

        • robsfuturemate says:

          “Let’s just hope and pray to god it isn’t KStew or any of your relatives”

          I want to say LMAO but that seems really weird to say! It’s possibly him. Must check out the freckle patterns!

        • maggie says:

          What’s the scoop? Was this part of the leak that someone is going to die for? That gyrating freckle could be the key…..

          • robsfuturemate says:

            Oh yeah Mr. Pattinson probably doesn’t approve of us passing this along. Well Rob, come on over and make us pay for it.

          • roslynselene says:

            @Maggie, I see one mole. We need more footage.

            @RFM Ha! That’ll show him. Take that, Rob. I have your ass on demand. Lol (Yeah, using lmao isn’t very appropriate right now). Come punish us with feathers.

      • natteringyeahrobber says:

        RFM – If you run into Andrew at the BL show forget what you are supposed to do in that situation, please email me at natteringyeahrobber@gmail.com

        And Rob – feel free to include me on the Summit- approved arse photos you send out periodically. Thx.

        • robsfuturemate says:

          Is this real?! I will send you out the Summit approved fake bum vid and def will send you an email if AGarf shows up!

          Dear Rob,
          It’s okay to still go to the BL show friday even tho fans will be there, they are LTR fans so not on the list. We promise to behave and leave you alone, if that’s what you really want.
          Love,
          me

          • natteringyeahrobber says:

            i created that gmail account before i had my coffee this morning so hopefully it is real. πŸ™‚

    • roslynselene says:

      It’s not him. Booo! I knew it would end badly. You have a nice soft ass, who ever you are.

      Rob, you better pull through for us in Bel Ami. Don’t let us down again.

  17. Rob's Flaming Dashboard says:

    We interrupt this commentary to bring you important Andrew Garfield news. Son is a big Dr Who fan and watches the show via netflix streaming whenever possible. Passing through the room just now I noticed the Tardis had arrived in 1930’s NYC and OMG! Andrew Garfield! playing a cute Tennessee hobo living in the Hooverville in Central Park. I cannot recommend this episode highly enough: not only for AG but the added bonus of Daleks building the Empire State Building. Painstaking attention to historical detail and authentic accents abound.

    Wow, he’s in 2 episodes! Daleks in Manhattan and Evolution of the Dalek, Dr Who series 3. You’re welcome.

  18. Kaybvee says:

    Nattering, when you are done with Andrew or whoever else is sent to your office, can you send him my way? I’m conveniently located in the east bay-TIA!

    • natteringyeahrobber says:

      Big 10-4, Kaybvee. I might just keep Andrew but I’ll send the others your way with cab fare, a map of Alameda/Contra Costa, mint, white rum, lime juice, sparkling water, ice cubes, and big red straws.

      • robsfuturemate says:

        I just remembered that mojitos are kinda disgusting, waaaay to minty for me and I like mint. Just sharing!

        • natteringyeahrobber says:

          A good mojito is very good, but I like mine on the less-muddled-minty side (just add mint, don’t muddle it first).

          But mint juleps have no place in my house. Gross. I love words mint and julep together, but the actual drink is disgusting. Powdered sugar, bourbon and mint – ugh.

          • robsfuturemate says:

            Anyone else thinking of those girls in RM?

            What are you drinking?
            MOJITOOOOOS! (sung in unison)

      • kaybvee says:

        Did you see the Living Social screening next thursday of WFE in San Francisco? I posted the link on here for you earlier but don’t see it on here…let me know if you want me to send it to you. I already got two tix.

        • natteringyeahrobber says:

          Thanks! πŸ™‚ Rec’d it – need to check schedule & make sure I can get a sitter that night – hopefully I can. Very cool & hard to believe it is NEXT WEEK!!!

        • roslynselene says:

          Wow, those tickets went by QUICK for LA. Jeez. Oh well. :/ I’ll just see it opening weekend.
          Have fun and tell us how it went. πŸ™‚

        • natteringyeahrobber says:

          So…Thursday’s a no-go (no sitter + no DH that night) and I’m bummed. You must post here about it next week though. Just saw that 851 tickets had been sold – that’s a good sign. Why do I think it is going to sell out that weekend?

          Thanks for sending me the deal though – reaallllllly wish I could go!

  19. Kaybvee says:

    Cool…yeah a friend and I were supposed to see it friday but I’m seeing if she can go Thursday-she just started working again in the city. If not I may have to bring hubby, but yeah, that requires a pesky sitter! Hope you can go!

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