Breaking it down text style: The kiss, VJ day, miracles and Water for Elephants
Since you decided to up and out yourself yesterday while UC was away from her computer (the blog elves let her out for a weekend!) and away from gchat we were forced to break down this
momentous glorious splendiferous news via text. So I present to you in cooperation with AT&T and iPhone the first ever Breaking it down texting style… (cheers from the crowd)…
Moon: Well that happened. Let me know when you wanna break it down…
UC: What? What happened? ROBSTEN sex tape ? (Please love that my phone knows to automatically put ROBSTEN in caps)
Moon: I like that your mind goes immediately to a Robsten sex tape and not like we found Osama Bin Laden or maybe I have a boyfriend or something of actual consequence!
UC: So, you’re saying it’s not?
Moon: it’s a kiss picture! A very obvious let’s kiss they’re all looking picture. Prepare yourself for the meltdown
UC: Send me pics!!
UC: Robsten is pr. ROBSTEN is promoting wfe!!!
Moon: Crazy nonstener!!!! Their love is not a product of the man or a movie studio! How dare you!
UC: Has anyone committed suicide yet? Attempts on K’s life?
Moon: Hahahah No, thank god! Theres a lot of “duh, told you so,” “happy for HIM” and general epic love-ness going around.
UC: Has half of robs fan base given up on him?
UC: this news means my life is complete. I believe in love. I want to rush home & make a baby
Moon: If anything this whole thing has made me believe in love again too. I’m on my way out to find a man and kiss him in the streets like it’s VJ day. This is our generation’s VJ day!
UC: Do you know any Lionel Richie lyrics by heart?
Moon: My endless looooove!!
UC: Upon viewing… my heart skipped a beat. I mean it’s kissing. No one else does it like that. No one.
Moon: Never in the history of the world have two people pecked in the back of a cab like that.
Moon: I wonder if anyone was spontaneously healed after viewing these pictures.
Moon: Did any wheel chair ridden robsten fans stand up and walk? Did a blind cat see again?
UC: Did a barren woman suddenly become pregnant with twins?
Moon: One named rob the other named Kristen?
UC: Did pigs put on little dresses and fly overhead?
UC: Did divorce cease to exist?
UC: Did all women become the perfect size 2?
UC: Did every restaurant taste as good as calypso cafe- where I’m currently sitting in Nashville?
Moon: Did every day become a weekend? Is April 17 now considered a national holiday?
UC: Yes. We need to contact hallmark to get them to make cards
Moon: I can’t believe the post office and banks are still open. This is a BIG deal. Where is Obama!??
UC: He’s preparing a moment of silence for the country. The white house has had a strict no speaking policy all morning
Moon: I bet even Libya is calling a cease fire in honor of this event
UC: World hunger ceased and everyone’s stomachs were filled with food.
Moon: Water turned into (boxed) wine again. And there was much rejoicing
UC: Our country’s anthem has now changed to “God bless ROBSTEN” and “Robsten the beautiful.”
Moon: I wonder if the Vatican called a special session to discuss saint hood for the holy couple and any future offspring?
While sadly none of these things did happen after the kiss heard round the internets we both had a smile on our faces and love in our hearts so that’s what matters. And you know what else REALLY matters? You’re in a movie coming out this Friday called Water for Elephants! Amazing!
Happy VJ Day!
Was anyone miraculously healed after this event? Does anyone still care enough to be surprised? Did anyone look at the slow mo gif of the kiss and thing “is that really a kiss??” Maybe.
Salacious photos courtesy of Popsugar