Things I Would Pay to Watch Rob Do:

Every week I tell myself I’m going to have more time to write a letter to Rob FROM myself, but every week it doesn’t happen. I have REALLY good excuses though. Stuff like I got drunk/my cats wanted attentionr/I’m going away for work and am too busy. Plus I started a new career. Just what I need to give me MORE free time to write to Rob. Oh well, here is basically what my letter would say anyway “Dear Rob, where the eff are you besides eating ice cream & buying guitars? Love, UC.” And that’s boring, so Imma let you guys write the letters:

Dear Moon & UC,

I loved–LOVED–the letter last week from MarbleNutSlut (quite a name, btw!) about Rob’s dealbreakers. I was laughing so hard I was crying. Silently, mind you, as I read it this morning at 3am when I couldn’t sleep and didn’t want to wake the whole house up and have to explain why a photoshopped pic of Robert Pattinson with a mullet and jorts was so hysterical…but I digress.

MarbleNutSlut’s letter was so relevant because just last night I went to an Indian’s baseball game with the hubs and we sat next to two guys who, I swear to you, were trying to be the somewhat less grungy, “cooler”American versions of Rob and TomStu. For real. The one guy looked so much like Tom that I kept staring at him and probably creeped him out (I AM a cougar, I don’t know if  you’ve heard, lol). The other much MUCH hotter guy ATE.AN.ICE.CREAM.CONE. And omg it almost killed me. He was going to TOWN on this chocolate waffle cone like it was the last thing he was ever going to eat, sticking his tongue inside the waffly bit and….*fans self*…I nearly moaned out loud. So naturally (because it’s TOTALLY normal to live my life with this line of thinking), I immediately wondered to myself, “What would I pay money to see Rob do?” Oh the possibilities! So while one of the most boring baseball games I’ve ever been to went on around me (ok, you caught me, it’s the only baseball game I’ve ever been to), I tried not to gawk at the ice-cream-tongue-f*cker, and made a list…

Things I Would Pay to Watch Rob Do:

  • Like this, Beaspoon?

    Eat an ice cream cone. Naturally. After last night’s performance, I can’t get it out of my head! (UC NOTE: Coincidentally Robsessed is reporting he recently partook in some ice cream)

  • Take a shower. I know, that sounds dirty, but I promise it could be a totally innocent shower, even if he doesn’t wash his hair and he just stands under the running water for like 5 minutes, I would still pay money, haha.
  • Rock a baby to sleep. It would be so UN-Rob, and at the same time so deliriously sexy (if a man can get a baby to go to sleep, he automatically goes up 10 sex points in my book, lol).

How's this, Bea?

  • Smoke a cigarette. ‘Nuff said–who else can make such a disgusting habit so mind-blowingly sexy?
  • Play frisbee with his dog. Weird, right, that I would PAY to watch that? But you can learn so much about a man from the way he treats his pet.
  • Cook breakfast. I know, I know, in reality Rob probably can’t do much other than open a Jimmy Dean frozen breakfast sandwich and stick it in the microwave. But in the deepest recesses of my wild imagination, he secretly harbors Tyler Florence-style cooking skills and can handle an onion like a pro, haha. Yep, I’d totally pay to watch him make me an omelet!

There’s probably only about…oh, a million more much, much dirtier things I would pay to see Rob do, but I’ll let you all get hot and
bothered just imagining them:-) And now I want to know, what would YOU pay to watch Rob do?

Still Obsessed,
Beaspoon

You heard her! What would YOU pay Rob to do? I’d pay him to show up in Philly, maybe placing a flower on the memorial for recently departed owner of the famous Geno’s cheesesteaks! And also to father my children. Or just make children with me. Without the children part…

Our internet game is ridiculous: LTT, The Forum, Twitter, The Store

87 Responses to “Things I Would Pay to Watch Rob Do:”

  1. Stacey says:

    When this site was still live journal I wrote in a letter saying I would pay money to have sex with Rob and since I am the cheapest woman on the planet this is a big deal. I still stand by this.
    You know I can only think of three deal breakers: If I found out he was “into animals”, a child molester or he had a big wad of skoal in mouth and wanted a kiss. Other than those three things, it would SO be on. So there you have it – there’s pretty much nothing I wouldn’t pay money to watch Rob do.

  2. Nelle says:

    OK. I would pay to have Rob play the piano for me. Oh , and did I mention, I mean MY piano. In MY living room. And to sing for me. And this is heresy to most of you but not in that nasally, not-even-pronouncing-the words voice he uses now. I know he has a beautiful instrument (I mean his VOICE ladies), but sorry- I don’t like his singing style.

    • chochang says:

      oh he has a beautiful “instrument” alright #ifyaknowwhatimsayin

      • Sharon says:

        I think Rob could retire from acting at this point. He could just go from one house to another, shaving, washing cars, etc. etc. etc., he’d probably make more money. Or if going house to house is too taxing, he could stage a group car wash and we could all pay him to wash our cars. We wouldn’t care if he actually got them clean. He could have a shaving concert, that’d be a first. He should read this stuff, there’s some good ideas here.

  3. Brenn says:

    Dear Rob —

    Please. I want to watch you….

    1. Shave. Even though I love you in a slight scruff, watching you shave would be totally sexy. Bonus points for wearing low slung black pj pants and no shirt.

    2. Apply Sunscreen. I’ll get your back.

    3. Swim in the Gulf of Mexico. It’s just a few minutes from my house. I’ll especially enjoy watching you walk back up to the beach while running your hands through your hair.

    I will totally compensate you for all these.

    Call me.
    Love,
    Brenn

    • natteringyeahrobber says:

      Re #1 – YES. Oh to sit on the bathroom counter and just watch him. That would RUIN me.

    • LatersBaby says:

      Excellent!

      Rob,

      Don’t even think of taking out an electric shaver for #1. We want shaving cream.

      • Brenn says:

        Dear Rob —

        As RFM says, shaving cream is a must.

        I’ll visibly swoon when you lift your chin to get under it. And when the razor scrapes your jawline? You’ll need to revive me.

        Love,
        Brenn

        • Brenn says:

          oopss Sorry Laters! Sorry RFM! Love you both!

          • LatersBaby says:

            No worries! We both gravitated to WFE production shots before the film came out. Neither of us ever changed them 🙂

            For about a week, several months ago, I tortured RFM by duplicating her avis. I was like that annoying sib that repeated everything that you say.

          • Haha! They don’t even look that similar to me any more! Maybe because you come (twss) even less than I do these days, LB!!

            Ah, the good ole days when you were me for Halloween! 🙂

            Maybe it’s time for an avi change. Is there a Cosmop or BA pic with Rob drinking or playing some kind of instrument? Those are my faves!

    • The Old One says:

      The walking back up the beach part–I can’t stop thinking about the dripping wet, clingy, board shorts . . .

  4. natteringyeahrobber says:

    I would pay him to play a round of mini-golf with me. I don’t have much to pay him…but I’d for sure pay his way, plus buy him a beer and garlic sweet potato fries afterwards. I’d even pay for the 3-4 balls we’d eventually lose in the fake pond, and the 5-6 balls he’d hit into the windmill blades, thus projecting them over the fence and into the parking lot.

    I’d also like to play ping-pong with him. He seems like the type who could get into it and get all hypercompetitive. I picture him doing all sorts of warm-up exercises before our game. Knee bends, stretches, neck rolls. I’d pay to see that too.

    • natteringyeahrobber says:

      Heh heh. I just had a daydream where I was playing ping pong with Rob, who showed up in short track shorts and a polo shirt, sweat band on his head. After he warms up, he turns to me and says “I WILL RUIN YOU.” That would be worth at least $20 I think.

      • The Old One says:

        When I was in junior high school (now known as middle school–shows you how old I am), “ping-pong” was a euphemism for sex. We’d elbow each other, whisper “wanna play ping-pong with so-and-so?”, and giggle madly.

        • natteringyeahrobber says:

          I went to junior high too. But ping pong was sadly just ping pong in my school.

          On that note, would love to play ping pong with Rob all night. Or day. In a table in my basement (heh), in the back yard, in the living room, or wherever a table, a ping, a pong, a paddle and a few balls might be found. I could help Rob with his grip, or his backhand. Or the nuances of double bounce serves. A loop stroke. Top spins and fifth ball attacks wherein the player hits a powerful attack on the fifth stroke. Oh yah.

          I googled around to see if there were any photos of Rob playing ping pong. Nada. I didn’t look hard, but I did find this one, of a shirtless Robert Redford and Paul Newman playing table tennis. HOT. I mean, probably hot back then. http://tinyurl.com/3lc6dbh

          I like how Redford is looking at the ball seductively. As if just the right look would send the ball back into orbit. It might.

      • chochang says:

        somehow, I imagined this with Olivia Newton John’s “Let’s Get Physical” playing in the background.

        • natteringyeahrobber says:

          Good choice for the Rob ping-pong soundtrack. That, or Madonna’s Burning Up. Good beat for ping-ponging.

          Do you wanna see me down on my knees?
          Or bending over backwards now would you be pleased?
          Unlike the others I’d do anything
          I’m not the same, I have no shame
          I’m on fire (with ping pong!)

      • roslynselene says:

        Haha! That literally put a big smile on my face esp the “I WILL RUIN YOU” bit (of course, reading it in Rob’s voice).

  5. kristen's bestie says:

    MNS – I am dying here. ILU. (ice-cream-tongue-f*cker) I just had one of those spit out my ice tea (cuz I don’t drink coffee) all over my monitor moments.

    I would like to watch Rob build a flower bed (or deck, patio) in my backyard. Guzzle water from a cooler and let it drip down the front soaking his white tank.

  6. Katiebird says:

    Personally I loved the “make children with me, without the children” part. LOL

    Like most of his fans, I would pay good money to see him play music. Guitar or piano, but not in a public place. I’d love to see him play in his home.

    It’s already been mentioned, but definitely would love to see him shave. There’s a scene actually in The Haunted Airman, where he’s sitting in a wheelchair shaving with a straight-edge razor. I want him standing in his boxer briefs, leaning over a sink, smirking at me in the mirror. *fanning self*

    I would also agree to watching him cook. I think that he’s better at it, than we think. It could be something simple like a peanut butter and jelly sandwich though.

  7. Usualnurse says:

    Holy crap, I almost just had a robgasm with the thought of him shaving.
    My mind went to things that I think he’d be horrible at, and therefore quite amusing to watch..like snaking my pipe, I mean, A pipe :-)….or changing oil in a car.

  8. Ice Cream Tongue Fucker. HA!

    Also, I live in fear that someday I will have to explain my LTT nickname to someone “normal”…or lord forbid Rob himself. It will either be hilarious or really awful, and likely both. *sigh* The things I do for you people. 😀

    • I’m just saddened that you don’t have your wonderful avi over here. If you want go to gravatar.com and it will show up! (that was a fun day designing your avi!)

    • The Snuggler says:

      MNS, you have the best nickname and associated avi in the whole of fandom. So clever, we love it. Don’t forget ‘never apologise, never explain’!

      • The Snuggler: I think that’s one of the nicest things anyone has ever said to me! <3 Let's snuggle!

        Re: "never explain": today I wore my Nordstroms Eclipse shirt and dropped my kid at first grade, and one of the other parents was like, "The Newborns? Is that a band?" Me: "Errr…It's from a movie." *dashes off quickly*

        • The Snuggler says:

          Re: snuggling *shouts in Austin Powers voice* ‘Yeah, Baby!!’ And life is too short not to give a compliment where it’s due. We’re lucky to have each other (and Rob!) in this fandom, my friends think I’m completely nuts!

  9. Ms. J says:

    Oh yeah – I think we all agree that shaving Rob would be SOOOO hot!!! I would like to see him interact with kids too. The way he is with the little girl in Remember Me is just so sweet. It would be most droolworthy to watch him rock / sing a baby to sleep. I am just a sucker for a guy who is good with kids. Lets see some floor wrestling, tea party action, Rob.

    • Bea says:

      As little love as Reneeesmeeee gets from Twi-fans, I’m guessing she’s going to result in us getting a good bit of this in BD2. That rocking a baby to sleep dream of Beaspoon’s may come true. Dadward may be the hottest thing EVER. Or it could be a disaster. And even if it works it may totally turn off all his fans under 18. Of course, that might mean less shrieking for the rest of us to listen to…

  10. Usualnurse says:

    Id also pay to watch him dance. Or better yet, to dance WITH him. I’m not talking water for elephants dancing (not that that wasn’t delicious to watch), I’m talking down and dirty nightclub dancing. Though he jokes of being horrible, he can’t be. He’s a musician with rhythm, he talks of R. Kelly and bumping and grinding. I don’t see nothin’ wroooooong……

  11. LatersBaby says:

    First, I am completely embarrassed that I ran to the Robsessed link to read all about the ice cream adventure #normal.

    I also have this little fantasy about Rob building a house. It’s a bright, sunny day. Only the wood frame is up. He has that Water For Elephant tan and the BD headboard scene back muscles. He’s hammering a nail… sweaty.. you get the picture…

    Mmmm…

  12. lindsaylee says:

    wash my car

  13. chochang says:

    I’d just pay him to be a better actor.

  14. kaybvee says:

    Shaving-yes, I was going to say this…shaving. And then getting in the shower and using my loufa-uh huh

    Playing princess barbies with my daughter at her little play table would be funny…Sitting in her little chair with his knees up to his neck looking all flustered since she’s very bossy.

    While he is running his hands through his hair, she would tell him who to play with and I’m sure berate him when he didn’t know that Aladdin is with Jasmine etc…for shame! I’m sure he is not up on his Princess lore.

    Then he could play vampire baseball with my boy and give him (me) his jersey from Twilight. And then the nanny would whisk them away so we could have “adult time.” Yup.

  15. maggie says:

    Bowling. Can you just imagine those wonky legs? Every thrust…I mean every throw….would be a gutter ball and he’d get so frustrated. Plus he would be laughing hysterically at himself, which is always worth the price of admission.

    Shaving – oh yeah. Unf. Nuf said.

    Grocery shopping. I’d pay for a ringside seat to watch the total befuddlement on his face.

    Strip tease. Oh yes. Above all else, I think I’d pay for a private one of these…………

    • natteringyeahrobber says:

      Remember Rob’s Resume? He listed himself as an excellent bowler.
      http://tinyurl.com/3zcqon9

      Dear Rob,

      I challenge your claim to be an “expert” bowler. I will pay you $50 if you can beat any of us LTR ladies at bowling. I propose a LTR-Rob bowling night. That’s right, just you and us and lots of ice cream and beer. Since you aren’t too busy, what about it?

      Love,
      Me

    • The Snuggler says:

      Maggie, I’d go with the ‘laughing hysterically’, I’d pay to see that. In the flesh, rather than on screen. He could be just in the flesh if he liked – if I was he’d certainly be laughing hysterically.

  16. Edible art? says:

    Loads of great suggestions – the ice cream, the shaving the walking up the beach( a la Daniel Craig but with charisma !)

    I would like to see Rob working out a few bench presses maybe some lunges ha ha and yeah I’d pay for that please tell me I am normal !!!!

  17. Katiebird says:

    Anything involving water and soap sounds good to me….

  18. I've been Robbed says:

    I would also go for watching him cook, but he would have to improve on his skills, be able to saute and use some seasonings. Men who can cook are hot!

  19. ladyofthemeadow says:

    All this talk of shaving has made me flustered and gives me weird thoughts. Yes, Rob shaving would be hot. I’d even let Rob wax my legs after he shaved. The pain would so be worth it.

  20. ladyofthemeadow says:

    What is it about men who can rock a baby to sleep? So hot and so appreciated. Maybe because you realize (with relief) the getting the baby to sleep isn’t your sole responsibility. I wonder if the resulting automatic 10 sexpoints is men’s master plan to trick you into forgetting the vow you made during labour to never let dh near you again. In the name of scientific social science experiments, I’d be willing to a) hand the baby to Rob and let him give the baby rocking a try, and b) see what happens next (nudge, nudge wink, wink). All in the name of science. Because I’m noble like that.

  21. Beaspoon says:

    OMG! How did I forget about him SINGING for me? And playing guitar? Oh hell yeah, add those to the list! Also love the idea of him building a house or doing some kind of sweaty construction. And yes yes yes to anything on the beach! Gah! I.am.died.

    Thanks for showing my letter some love! Keep he visuals coming (tee hee, that’s what she said). I love them all!

  22. ladyofthemeadow says:

    I would pay to watch Rob clean my house (viz Porn for Women book). He wouldn’t even have to wear an embarrassing maid outfit. Nooo I think he can keep his dignity. Pj pants and no shirt would be a nice choice.

  23. Katycougar says:

    Okay I admit I had to clear my head and take a cold shower before I came here again.
    The visions of Rob with a cone or a Popsicle and his hollowed out cheeks did me in. Yeah I added Popsicle…… works for me.
    He is so ready. I think I will have to leave again. Do women still swoon?

    http://i1211.photobucket.com/albums/cc421/katy67/Water%20for%20Elephants/WFE%20Premiers/HQPhotocallberlinPL15.jpg

    • Katycougar says:

      The cone is a favorite for my husbands and the popsicle does him in as well. It always gets him moaning at Disneyland and he has had to walk away from me a few times. I always found it a nice tease. I have never really thought of Rob doing it………until now thank you. I plan on holding on to this fantasy for a lifetime.

  24. Katycougar says:

    Oh…..back to the topic. I swear this gave me brain damage. Paying Rob to do some kind of activity sounds better than watch. I am just saying the watching makes me feel like a voyeur. Now for Rob even I will set all laws aside and go here, and I am paying him for this so that makes it okay, right?

    Water and Rob. You know Rob does wet well. From Car washes to bathing I would fork out the bucks. How could I resist this?

    http://i1211.photobucket.com/albums/cc421/katy67/untitled.jpg

    1. Shower or Bath; with or without soap. Just to watch his hands run over his…………(honestly are we having a heat wave?)

    2. Swimming Rob………. Yes I have a thing for Olympic Champion swimmers. My husband was a little concerned as to how many times I made him watch Michael Phelps take the Gold. I like the idea of Rob swimming in those lanes doing the Butterfly. I could watch him from the front row.

    3. Wet T-shirt Contest Rob. I would pay to have him slowly pour water over himself. Maybe if I pay extra I can pour.

    http://i1211.photobucket.com/albums/cc421/katy67/robert-pattinson-70_jpg_595-1.jpg

    I would also like him to watch him clean my house. I would pay well for this. Wet Rob could do dishes and also clean my shower. It works better with the water on. I have so many areas that I cannot reach to dust and I think he could help me out. I could sit on my couch and watch him dust and vacuum. I have a Dyson vacuum to make it a little easier.

    Anyway I am going to make myself a drink and try to cool down again. Thank you Ladies for a very stimulating topic.

  25. JenJadeEyes says:

    Jacking off. That is what I would pay to watch Rob do. (See my fanfic Hedone Ranch, the first half of chapter 3, to get an idea…replace Emmett with Rob. Instant win!

    • natteringyeahrobber says:

      Wow. Um. And YES.

      • natteringyeahrobber says:

        JJE – just read your response to my husband. He might love you. Anyhow, his comment re: your comment was “well, you can’t beat that” to which I replied “oh, but Rob can” and it all went downhill from there. 🙂

    • Um, Little Ashes radiator scene, anyone?

      (nutslut, I know you know what I’m talking about!)

      • Mmmm Radiator Scene. It’s entirely possible I bought the dvd just to watch that over and over. *grin*

        so yeah, I’d pay to see that. In the most mutually respectful way possible, of course.

        • twiprof says:

          the radiater scene….that is exactly the first naughty thing I thought when the question was posed, what would I pay to see Rob do….exactly….is that normal?

  26. This whole ice cream talk has got me thinking:

    A. I want some ice cream!

    and B. that I remember the filming of WFE when Rob allegedly was eating a vanilla ice cream cone b/t takes. THAT is a visual I would love to see…and in those sexpenders, even bettter!

    Speaking of watching Rob, I’m gonna pimp out our friend Maggie (and myself I guess, since I’m posting the whole link). She created this lovely video called “He’s Not Edward”. Take a look, it’s truly awe-inspiring!
    http://robattack.wordpress.com/2011/08/31/hes-not-edward/

  27. MariaCecilia says:

    Oh, now I’m glad I didn’t see this post yesterday, because then I would have got stuck in front of the computer the rest of the day with the visuals..

    You’ve obviously already listed all my favourites: anything you can do in a bathroom is fine, music is an obvious must, cooking and cleaning would be nice experiments if they involved a no-shirt policy, but mostly I think I would pay Rob to lie on the bed with my head on his arm while we read a book and snuggled. He could read aloud to me, and then we could do the crosswords puzzle and giggle – a lot. If we felt in the mood for other stuff later we would already be in a good place..

  28. Pattygirl says:

    Mooooon! I am still waiting for the Bel Ami stills breaking down LTR style! Thank you. And Rob is never boring……

  29. Rob's Bitch says:

    He has to DO something? I’d pay him just to stand there while I look at him from every angle.

  30. ANDREA says:

    i would certainly pay to see rob playing in wuthering heights. the best and most heart breaking love story of all time.i am drooling just at the thought of him playing heathcliff, but i would adapt a modern day version with an intense love making scene it would drive his fan mad

    • maggie says:

      My fondest dream….to see Robcliff. Dirty sweaty stableboy Robcliff. Angry, passionate, vindictive and rich Robcliff, lovesick Robcliff, broken and guilt-ridden Robcliff. A modern day makeover would be great, but I think I’d prefer to see Robcliff in the period clothes. And, of course, lots of hot sex scenes must be added: nasty sex with Isabella Linton and glorious lovemaking with Cathy. And even though she’s a bit old, I see Marion Cotillard playing the adult Cathy.

      Really, I visualize this movie in my head often. I’d definitely pay big time to see it happen!

      Can’t you just see it??:

      http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_6RkFVZopZIA/TENOr0XppCI/AAAAAAAAAGs/4IlpSG5B2d8/s1600/WUTHERING_HEIGHTS-9.jpg

  31. roslynselene says:

    I’d pay him to peel grapes and feed them to me. 😛

  32. Katester says:

    I would pay BIG for Rob to:

    1) Wear the t-shirt of the non-profit I raise funds for. Even if he asks for top dollar (which I somehow don’t see him doing), I figure this would be a prudent use of my marketing budget as it will show up often, and might even get passed along to influential friends to wear.

    2) Wear the t-shirt of the non-profit I raise funds for AT the annual fundraising walk in October.

    I’ve thought of this quite a bit, actually. This year’s walk is adjacent to the lake – with plenty of room for a helicopter to fly him in. He can land, take pics with my volunteers (and wouldn’t that be the BEST volunteer recognition ever?), and the walkers that raised the most and take off before his whereabouts are tweeted. Still, I’ll have volunteers who couldn’t care less about Rob (aka husbands) at the gates to the park collecting “Walk Registration” fees to the thousands (hopefully!) streaming down to try and catch a glimpse.

    And, if maybe Rob could autograph some stuff for me to auction off, or maybe even write a small check, my board might see past the initial outlay.

    Really – it’s a win-win, because if he makes it in, I’ll give him the ticket and tour package the music hall of fame that’s in my city donated for an auction prize. He’s got to be dying to go there.

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