Rob: I’d like to be your date
Today i was thinking about how to convince you to take me to the Breaking Dawn premiere. I know i know, it’s a little out there you’ve never taken a fan before but that’s my #1 Reason
Here we are week after week begging you to surprise us- to do something different than shave part of your facial hair or grow a little more back. Asking you to do something different than wear the same clothes over and over again & be a recluse in your home, refusing to come out for us to see the pretty. You could solve all of these problems by taking me on the red carpet! I promise I’ll be a very willing & very grateful guest.
#2 I’m Definitely DTF so you don’t have to worry about your game- which, by the way, you have none of. I’m cool with your friends watching. Not my first choice, but since you don’t seem to be able to be a part from them, I’ll let this one slide
#3 I’ll come prepared with double doubles in my purse. And I’ll leave room to show a couple hour devours in my bag for us to snack on later
#4 I’m gonna look hot I’ve already found the perfect outfit. Yep, that’s right- it’s a Bridesmaid dress. When they ask “UC who are YOU wearing tonight?” I’ll answer proudly, “Oh this ol’ thing? It’s just off the rack at david’s Bridal. I’m a Bridesmaid in the wedding of Bella & Edward *wink*”
#5 I actually knew who Van Morrison was Even before you mentioned them in that first interview. And I’ll be making a KILLER mix tape for the car ride. You have a tape deck in whatever wheels you’re rolling in these days, right?
#6 I’ll babysit I know Dick can get chatty after drinking a couple glasses of “Bella’s Blood” (the drink special of the after party) so I’m happy to take him off your hands & swing him around the dance floor. I’m really great with dads. [I am not saying I’m DTF with your dad. I mean, I don’t think I am…] And I’ll teach your sisters ALL about American fashion (I already convinced you of my knowledge above)
#7 I’ll bring a date for Dean your head of security. Wait. is that his REAL name? Or the name he was given on one of our sites long ago? Either way, he won’t be alone. I know a VERY pretty girl who would just love to be his date (Surprise, it’s Moon.)
#8: Less awkwardness
Watching the movie next to me will be way less awkward than watching the movie next to Kristen because you know there are those rumors about the two of you. And, I mean, you DO it on screen. Like hardcore do it Look at these back muscles. That’s not someone who is just playing the tip. You are getting it IN. BIG TIME. And do you think that there won’t be cat calls in that theater? That there won’t be screams from the cheap seats from gals who have been counting down the days until they can see Robsten “make love?” It will be so much less awkward for you to just have your arm around someone new than to be sitting a couple seats from Kristen while you’re both blushing. You can be like “What? What are you looking at it? This isn’t a big deal.. I’m just siting here with my girl UC watching myself do it with a girl on screen. That’s it” It’ll let you continue… your charade or whatever you two think you’re doing.
So what do you think? Pick me up at 8? I’ll be the one waiting outside Moon’s house, in a big puffy pink dress
What do you think? Would I make a great date for Rob or the red carpet?