Dear Rob,

There was a rumor floating around on Twitter yesterday that your buttcrack would be starring in Bel Ami, the film (as opposed to Bel Ami, the book, which would be equally as awesome) which prompted cheers of joy heard around the globe, a twitter melt down, your grandmother to go into shock and me throwing my fist in the air, pumping it Jersey-style yelling, “BUTTCRACK ROB, BUTTCRACK ROB, BUTTCRACK ROB” in my office.

Apparently some lucky fans in Belgium got to see Bel Ami & spilled the details via twitter. My favorite twitter response goes to the entertaining: @Mama_Cougar:

Mama Cougar Tweet Buttcrack Rob

with Moon’s tweet as a close second:

Letters to Twilight Tweet Rob Pattinson's Buttcrack

And the news got me thinking about your buttcrack- what will it look like? How much will we get to see? What will the angle be? Will it be portrayed in way that will make me want to pull a quarter out of my wallet and try to insert it down your backside (Bel Ami is in 3D right?) Will it be attractive? Will it be (yuck) hairy? Did you shave the morning you knew what scene you would be shooting? Did you get little red bumps afterward? Will we see the red bumps on screen? Or Did you get your buttcrack waxed? Who made the appointment? Did you get a waxist recommendation from your mom? What was the reaction of the butt waxer when she saw whose ass she was about to de-hair? Was she shaking? Did she accidentally pull some leghairs off instead because she was so nervous? Did she try to convince you to get lazer hair removal on your ass? Can you even DO lazer on a buttcrack?

After pondering all that for a bit, I did a little “research” into “Rob Pattinsons’ Buttcrack” of days gone by. We have seen it before, you know:

There was Buttcrack Brazil  which was sadly overshadowed by Jumping Rob & all his adventures.

Rob Pattinson's Buttcrack Brazil

We’ve seen the TSA Buttcrack Adventure where even the major news media (aka TMZ) took interest


And who could forget the Buttcrack and Black Dots experience when you were filming New Moon in Italy?

We’ve even been lucky enough to get a Buttcrack on the Bearskin in the past


But as you can see- we’re due for a GOOD LONG LOOK a the real thing. None of this “just the tip [of the buttcrack]” None of this blurry screencap nonsense. Stop teasing us so! I want a big ol’ SHOT of the glorious thing. I want a camera ZOOM and a cinematography SWEEP. I want the composer to write an orchestral masterpiece for the moment when it’s revealed! [Now throw your fist up in the air and pump with me]



Are YOU exciting to see Rob’s buttcrack?

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36 Responses to “BUTTCRACK ROB”

  1. dazzledtodeath says:

    So excited to see Rob’s buttcrack (actually, the FULL ASS) in Bel Ami. Notice I didn’t say I’m excited to see ROB in Bel Ami-I mean, I’ve already seen him in lots of films, but I haven’t seen his FULL ASS in any. Does it get separate billing? Above the title and the stars’ names? “Presenting, in its big screen debut, Robert Pattinson’s ass.”

    With all the excitement the buttcrack generated, what would happen if Rob ever does full-frontal?? Good lord, bring the smelling salts…

  2. Carola says:

    Jep, it was there in it’s full glory. And he has a really nice ass.

  3. Rob's Bitch says:

    It’s not only a butt crack, it’s the whole shebang – and they say it’s “thrusting”.

    But too bad you and Moon won’t get to see it though, since you won’t be going to the film…:>p

  4. amynkansas says:

    I can’t wait to see the gifs made from THAT scene….!!

    Speaking of buttcracks…If yours is won’t fit on a wide screen then maybe its time to join the Health Challenge starting Jan 9th in Rob’s Flat in the forum.

  5. 40sumthin says:

    Thanks for my morning laugh, ladies! Awesome fun!

  6. The Old One says:

    So sad the producers didn’t realize beforehand that this little movie should have been in 3-D! Rob’s 3-D crack 50 feet tall in IMAX! It would have been so glorious, but no, we’ll see it at the smallest little indie theater with the tiny screen with peeling edges and moldy seats. So sad.

    • MariaCecilia says:

      Yeah! Too right! What are the advances of technology worth if they are not used to the advantage of REAL people and really good causes? Apart from 3D and IMAX, how about using a little CGI on that butt to smooth out any small blemishes and make it sparkle like (the) Moon?

      • The Old One says:

        No, no CGI sparkling! This movie should be all about distancing Rob as far as possible from Edward. Edward sparkles. Edward doesn’t even HAVE a buttcrack.

        • MariaCecilia says:

          Old One, let me break it to you: just because your Edward doll doesn’t have a buttcrack, that does not mean that the fictional character Edward or Rob playing Edward doesn’t have one. And I only meant that Rob’s butt should surely sparkle lily white as any British behind after a long, cold winter would. 😉

          • The Old One says:

            What?! I thought my doll was supposed to be anatomically correct! There was no buttcrack in Breaking Dawn–surely they didn’t airbrush it out?
            And something tells me British behinds after a long cold winter may be very pale, but I don’t think smooth and blemish-free. And knowing Rob, his is probably more than a little furry….

    • MariaCecilia says:

      Clearly this is not about a frivolous call for wanton nudity: this is all in the cause of fairness: how many times have you seen women’s boobs exposed on movies or HBO? Too many to count, I know. How many times have you seen a fine piece of male ass? Not half as many! And how many times have you seen a Favourite Piece of Male Ass on screen? (Not counting Philip Seymour Hoffman, Simon Callow or other great actors with uninteresting behinds here..) Very, very few times indeed! It’s time! Show us the love!

  7. roslynselene says:

    I’m betting NOT shaved/waxed when it comes to his crack cause c’mon, it’s the 1880’s!!! They didn’t have that stuff way back in the day. Women were running around throwing their hands up in the air sometimes sayin, “AY-O! Hairy pits-yo!”

    But let’s forget Rob’s crack, WHAT’ THE H IS “TEBOW”?

    Also, when I go see Bel Ami, I do not want to see/hear fapping of any sort. I know creepers on the internet say they’re gonna jizz all over their seat when they see his ass (YUCK, how is that even possible? Unless they’re that one lady on the Discovery Channel that has 100 random orgasms a day) D:

    • MariaCecilia says:

      Ehm, I can’t be sure, but allegedly Tebowing is about randomly getting down on your knees and praying when all around people are doing something completely different…a practice associated with the sports star Tebow?? I guess in this case it means worshiping the Buttcrack in advance?

  8. Venom says:

    What if is just a buttcrack double? That would be sad. How will we know?

    • MariaCecilia says:

      Right! Our viewers need proof! Let Rob go on Ellen and show us the real thing, so we can make comparisons! They could have the movie scene playing on that big screen in the background simultanously..*fanning self* Oh, now why did I have to conjure up that image?!

  9. Usualnurse says:

    Well, rob stated in several interviews that we get to see his crack a lot in this film, so here’s crossing my fingers that it’s not a buttcrack double! And knowing how hairy rob is, he’ll probably have a hairy arse….though his crack seems “smoother” (rob imitating Taylor in eclipse commentary) in the crack preview pics that UC has posted on today’s blog.
    I wonder if rob manscapes?

  10. Anabel says:

    Guys, how you make me laugh! However, as beautiful as Rob’s rearend is, I’m actually looking forward to seeing “the whole package” -no pun intended. As in: can he deliver as an actor? As much as I love Rob’s divine butt and muscular, mole-covered, too-many-vertebrae back, I want him to engage me in the story and convince me of the character he’s playing. And I want him to hear him speak in his own London accent. That would surely get to me more than anything else. What can I say? I’m weird. He had me at “hello” in Biology class. Literally

  11. vivi says:


  12. Munkee says:

    “There is a crack in everything. That’s how the light gets in.” -leonard cohen

  13. northernlights says:

    I’m stoked about the film. I cannot muster much excitement about anyone’s buttcrack though. Naked body is a naked body.

    That said, I will be interested to see whether Rob can make us believe in the character, warts and all!

    • northernlights says:

      That came out a bit harsh and I apologise. I blame my cynical self. And the first 25 years I spent in Finland – the land of many saunas.

  14. Rob's Flaming Dashboard says:

    @dazzled to death – while you are waiting for Bel Ami, you can watch Rob naked in the bath in The Haunted Airman and he is full frontal nude in Little Ashes. The roles demanded this!

    You’re welcome!

    • dazzledtodeath says:

      I love the bath scene but you don’t really see much lol. And the creepiness of the tuck negates any hotness of the glimpse of V/pubes that we get in LA. I want some hot Rob full frontal. Bonus if it involves Rob making out with another guy.

  15. Usualnurse says:

    I so agree with you Annabel. I can’t wait to hear his Brit boy accent! I think it’s funny he had to have a dialect coach for this movie….too much time in America? I do think his accent has changed since those first twi/HP interviews.
    I also can’t wait to watch his acting. Reviewers are saying his acting blew them away so that’s encouraging. I think we all can agree his acting has improved over the years.

  16. niahid says:

    I guess he had fun doing doggy style scene with Natalie Tena. In her words”let’s make it look like anal….” . I just knew Rob won’t let us down in Bel Ami. Srsly , still dissappoint of BD sex scene. March can’t come soon enough. Bel Ami and Hunger Games, gimme..

  17. hiddenlove says:

    fan reaçtions. Huge Spoliers . Not just crack…full thrusting butt. Enjoy!

  18. LadyN says:

    Rob crack is on my ‘to do’ list of resolutions this year. A def must.

    Can’t wait for the ‘general movement’ the surprisingly full and plump white boy ass he has goin’ on is gonna be…err… moving…and doing… to his hips and…thigh friction. Or something.

    Sigh. Loosing all grammar sense when it comes to this subject. *blushing*

  19. RobstenLovin says:

    Its like the whole ‘Holy Peen’ madness!
    Can’t wait to see his FULL ASS!!
    so not gonna be hairy…. He’s nit like TomStu
    Thanks for the funny (& hot) post bb!
    ButtcrackRob is my fave

  20. RobstenLovin says:

    Its like the whole ‘Holy Peen’ madness!
    Can’t wait to see his FULL ASS!!
    so not gonna be hairy…. He’s nit like TomStu
    Thanks for the funny (& hot) post bb!
    ButtcrackRob is my fave

  21. Rob's Zombie says:

    I can’t wait!!!! I thought he was really hot as hell in both Little Ashes and Haunted Airman, he is just as hot making it with a man btw;)! I feel like we have been waiting forever!

  22. kave says:

    i love hot butt crack

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