Rob Pattinson on the Daily Show: Political jokes and… um awkward

Dear Rob,

2 of our favorite things happened last night: You + Jon Stewart. Oh and male spanx jokes, so make that 3 things. And Brookelockart & I decided to live break-it-down:

UC: do you think Rob is going to comment on Paul Ryan’s appointment to VP running mate. or perhaps once & for all tell us where he stands on Obamacare? I know we’ve been DYING to know
Brookelockart: I have a feeling that most of this chat will be me gushing over the genius that is Jon Stewart. I’d totally date a jew*, if they were as awesome as Jon Stewart. YAY! it’s on, Go Smart Funny Jew!! aaaaand good looking (said like a jewish mother)
UC: they’ll talk about the London Olympics for sure. Maybe discuss One Direction’s performance last night
Brookelockart: Haha– the Message to Twilight fans– Jon knows his audience tonight
UC: LOVE YOU JON
Brookelockart: hahahhah, he has to explain the Daily show to the new audience.
UC: I feel so welcome. Even though I’m a normal watcher
Brookelockart: me too. Like he rolled out a special welcome mat for us.

This sexy Jewish guy has a message for Twilight fans (click to read)

Brookelockart:Do you think Robstens lean right or left?
UC: I don’t know….. they could go either way
Brookelockart: nice PC answer UC. you could run for government
UC: I could. but if you make me answer…. Well- some want EVERYONE to leave ROBSTEN alone, which I assume includes the government– so therefore they lean right…Some ROBSTENers though feel entitled to ROBSTENs relationship– and they probably love social security & medicaid too, so they lean left. I so smart.

Brookelockart: dammmmm..Paul Ryan is trying to glamour us
UC: haha dreamboat
Brookelockart: it’s like all the Paul Ryan Gosling memes say
UC: wait.. those EXIST?
Brookelockart: ZOMG YES. there’s even a twitter
UC: i just found a tumblr
Brookelockart: “@PaulRyanGosling: Hey girl, I just ate a corn dog. Don’t ask. Don’t tell.” all the giggles!
UC: “@PaulRyanGosling: Hey girl, Mitt and I partied way too hard last night. Motherf*cker had FIVE Diet Sprites. The dude is insane.”

Brookelockart: So back to Rob on this show… do you think Jon showed him the questions before hand? because after his last appearance, I have to imagine Jon pitied Rob. That interview was so awkward that I had to keep looking away and changing the channel.
UC: oh yeah… i actually completely forgot about that interview…. i mean.. it … seems so long ago!
Brookelockart: It quite possibly was the most awkward interview that I’ve ever seen. Even worse than him being called a palsey chicken at comic con.
UC: well yes.. they have to had had some discussion.. b/c of the big elephant in the room (obvs talking about his unibrow)

Brookelockart: OOOOOH. it’s time.
UC: ugh… unf
Brookelockart: He’s in the SUIT. Good GOD
UC: do we know that person who screamed in the audience. I bet we do. Or was that me? ICE CREAM… good call Jon– nice touch. Also WHAT FLAVOR IS THAT so I can go buy every one at my local Wawa.

Brookelockart: OH ROB..SEE. HE CANNOT PLAY. AWKWARD. TONGUE IN THE ICE CREAM. TONGUE IN THE ICE CREAM
UC: NAH– rob is lactose.. he won’t eat it
Brookelockart: BUT THERE WAS TONGUE
UC: SOMEONE SCREEN CAP THAT
Brookelockart: Wait. do YOU KNOW THAT? About him being Lactose?
UC: BROOKE– of course i don’t know that. i’m NORMAL remember?

You can Double Spank me

UC: i’m cringing
Brookelockart: hahahahahhahah. AWKWARD. SOOOOO AWKWARD
Brookelockart: Has rob completed a sentence yet?
UC: no
Brookelockart: aww, Jon’s a nice big brother friend..even though after he probably walks back to the staff and says, effing idiot.
UC: yeah….. this is first right? cuz this is the BEST first interview possible. And can we agree that he really DOES need a publicist?
Brookelockart: his hair is looking pretty fantastic. SIDE NOTE
UC: um don’t pick your nose rob. but YES.. the hair… and the blue suit.. ugh.. hot..
Brookelockart: NOT YOUR NOSE– YOU ARE ON CAMERA. he really does need training
UC: and OMG he looks like my crush from 3rd- 8th grade. even more than EVER. i wish I could make him (my crush) model for the LTR world
Brookelockart: it all comes full circle– what is his life that he just talked about his break up to Jon stewart (and by talk, I mean he threw out some phrases and words that sorta made sense but were really not a coherent thought…)

Oh Rob… this is your life??!!!!

PS you looked amaaazing

Love,

UC & Brookelockart

*note: Brookelockart is Jewish and has never dated a Jew. Unless you count that one guy in 7th grade. Which I do and she doesn’t. So what does a friend like me do? Send her pictures of available Jewish guys all the time. Hot, not, small, fat, old, young. You’re welcome Brooke.

Ps: You can pick you friends and you can pick your nose, but you can never pick Rob Pattinson’s nose.

36 Responses to “Rob Pattinson on the Daily Show: Political jokes and… um awkward”

  1. Sue G. says:

    Too, too funny ladies!

  2. Lovin the Pretty says:

    I knew it!! As soon as I saw him lick the ice cream, I knew someone was gonna talk about it, haha!! Seriously Rob, are you trying to kill us?? The suit, the hair,….I was getting GQ Rob flashbacks. He looked amazing! I heard it was a Gucci suit from the ‘suck it KStew collection’. Loved the commentary ladies!

  3. Nelle says:

    You ladies killed it as usual!

    I heard someone in the audience squeal when Rob’s tongue came out. Oh no wait- that was me. But really- someone there did squeal. So normal.

    Now I love Jon Stewart, but seriously he spent 6 minutes talking about IT and trying to get Rob to say something but Rob was amazingly silent on the issue. (Good on you, Rob!) Then Jon follows up his 6 minutes of grilling Rob with “hope you are able to handle your private life privately and wish you the best.” Huh?

  4. TeamSeth says:

    (claps with delight, very Aro meets Russell Edgington style)

    What a splendid LTR post today! 🙂

    Paul Ryan for sure looks like a vampire that would be on True Blood (you know, like how Volturi Marcus was on True Blood this season, because he’s always a vampire everywhere)… or possibly one of the rude human extras in Sam’s bar. #whatever #allthegiggles

    Also, I, TeamSeth, the “I don’t get Rob” person, will agree that this is Rob at his hottest. Well… there might be a photoshoot or two that is superior, but still, the suit, the hair, the shaving. It’s all there today. I’m so proud (wipes a tear).

    Now that we know he’s already in New York, and I’m now living in New York… I think he should come hang out with me today in Brooklyn. No one in this neighborhood will know who he is and I have plenty of Doctor Who DVDs for him to watch while I work from my home office in the other room. All British people like Dr Who, right? We even can make cheese on toast, Rob! Come hang out! (waves happily towards Manhattan) I’m one subway trip away!!! I even have coffee and Twinings, you drink Lady Grey right? And your brit pack bestie loves Gravy in Portland, and I have some Portland coffee. See how that’s working out?

    And I’m not sexually interested in you, Rob. I have the blog posts to prove it, so it’ll just be hanging out with no pressure or weirdness at all (maybe some weirdness, but you know, we’re both weird people a bit in general) I can show you pictures of my cool husband and my 4-day-old nephew who is simply adorable. There’s a bodega on the corner if you need beer and hot pockets, I have a microwave. Hell, we even have garden burgers, I know how you love those 😉 Just come over, Rob. You’ll have to knock loudly and then stand back a bit so I can see you from the window, I’m not sure if the doorbell works in my sublet. #thankssomuch

    ps-if you’re going to Cronenberg, LTRers, I’ll be the drunk one not attending because I didn’t get a ticket… But it looks like you all will be having a splendidly gorgeous time, so do enjoy it! 🙂

    • The Old One says:

      So the power of Rob is finally wearing away your defenses, TeamSeth? Must be the proximity? If I can feel the hotness all the way out on the west coast, how nuclear it must be to be that close to him…

    • MariaCecilia says:

      1) I just watched the show on the Internet and I agree on all points: hair, suit, scruff, tongue, incoherent speech – all wonderful!!GQ walking and talking..
      2) Disqus is now rejecting me on LTT and I am SO offended I can’t comment anymore!!!
      3) TeamSeth, I waited for you in Seattle 2 weeks ago, and now I just read your superloooong comment on LTT and want to marry you *tearyeyed* – and NOW you tell me you live in NYC??!! I could have been there last Thursday! (And camped out until you lured Rob back to your flat, since you seem unequipped to deal with his charms.) This is me, pouting: :{

      • TeamSeth says:

        You waited for me?!!! Where? When? How? I waited for you to message me about it… but you never did… :'(

        • MariaCecilia says:

          I PM:d you on the forum…but that was obviously fail since you don’t go there (voiceover: “TeamSeth doesn’t come here”)—oh, well, I’ll try again next time I go to the US! 🙂

    • ladyofthemeadow says:

      In NYC, I bet you can source some comforts from home for Rob, like Hobnobs and PG Tips tea bags!

  5. Kaybvee says:

    He looked UNBELIEVABLE. And really good in the white t-shirt today.

    So sad I can’t be at the Q and A tomorrow but I will be seeing Cosmopolis at a screening in LA tonight, sans Rob in person of course…WHY DID THEY NOT DO ANYTHING WITH HIM IN LA?!?! Boo. Anyway, Operation Support Rob is in full force for KBV!

    • Nelle says:

      I thought he looked thin though. So obviously not eating and boozing his way through his sorrows. Or else the spanx is REALLY working well.

  6. crimsonrambler says:

    Did I dream Jon Stewart asking Rob if he wanted the Cherry Garcia he had, or the Karamel Sutra in front of him? I feel like I’m the only one who knows this, so maybe I did dream it…

    • The Old One says:

      I heard it, too. Of course, I only saw it 3 times (once livestream, second Youtube, third actual broadcast my time zone).

    • MariaCecilia says:

      Rob definitely had the Karamel Sutra: I watched him poke that glob of caramel in the center with his spoon doubtfully, then dip his tongue into it and immediately thought “That could have been me!” (being poked with a spoon, obviously.)

  7. JGroIsMyEdward says:

    Love it! Read somewhere Jon had Cherry Garcia & Rob had Karamel Sutra!

  8. aysel says:

    Rob, Rob, you killled me last night when I watched you on TDS. Now, i watch it everyday but I usually DVR. Not this time though, couldn’t wait…. Sad, oh so sad, I think I was cringing awaiting this interview nearly as much as KS probably did, I just didnt’ want to see you awkwardly avoiding the unavoidable. But you were the class act you usually are – no hurtful word, not even a hint of hurt directed at Her. my Respect. Wish my city was one of those “SiX” that showed Cosmopolis, I would definitely buy not 8 but 18 tickets 🙂 good job, pal

  9. aysel says:

    one more thing, looooved the “boy you are better, kick her to the curb” one 🙂 HHAHAAA

  10. MariaCecilia says:

    In spite of the fact that Rob practically said nothing at all (either because of his lack of a publicist, or because of the lack of real questions to reply to) this was SO much better than I’d hoped!
    He looked a bit on the thin side, but so danged handsome, and surprisingly carefree and unembarrassed. That guy has class. Hope Cosmopolis gets the reception it deserves, and not the one that’s expected!! Hell, I’ll buy eight tickets as soon as it opens here! Thanks for the commentary, ladies!

    • The Old One says:

      It’s my personal goal to make Cosmopolis open to better box office numbers than the Dark Knight (cuz that’s the only thing Rob wanted his fans to do), even though it’s not playing anywhere.

      Anyone can go online and buy advance tickets at any theater. **Emptying retirement fund now**

  11. Munkee says:

    So I actually found it painful to watch. Rob didn’t get to say anything and JStew’s jokes weren’t really funny. Rob seemed so nervous. Or maybe that was me projecting on to him. But yeah, looked good. Which is the most awesome revenge.

  12. Rob's Zombie says:

    He was fantastic and sweet uber sexy!!!!! On a side note I watched Bel Ami it was wonderful! I don’t get why people harshed on it so:( his suit on Jon Stewart was lickable!!

  13. TeamSeth says:

    Just want you ladies to know that had my third ever dream about Rob last night and he was naked for the part where we went swimming. I had my bikini on. So I’ve now seen dream world version of Rob’s flaccid penis. I just don’t know what this means, but I still wasn’t into him, even with the surprise nudity.

    • Bethany says:

      Coming out of lurkdom to say… wet myself laughing at this. ‘I just don’t know what this means’. Classic.

    • MariaCecilia says:

      Your dreams are SO wasted on you! I’m second-hand embarrassed for your lack of initiative: why didn’t you fling your bikini right off? I know I would have…

  14. che says:

    he looks amazing..i love the sex hair!!

  15. Tink says:

    It’s so good to have Rob back…goofy, inarticulate, non-sequitor Rob.

    But my burning question is…does anyone know what happened to Dean? Haven’t seen in any pics for quite awhile…hope he didn’t leave Rob. Just isn’t right without him lurking in the background.

    Certainly KStew didn’t get custody of him….

  16. LadyN says:

    THIS. awesome.
    SOO deliciously awkwardddd. Couldn’t help but watch in Mexico while vacationing instead of layin’ on the beach because I was THAT curious.

    Poor kid was about to run and bawl. And I had two sun burned shoulders for him to gingerly lean on. Ohhhh boy. This was a nail bitter FOR SURE.

    LOVE JON, LOVE.

  17. TruthBeTold says:

    I just read that Rob is going to comfront the cheater and might take her back. I say go ahead and talk, get some answers, forgive her, and move the hell on. Dump her a**. Things wont be the same. Every time Kristen is filming in another location, Rob is gonna be paranoid wondering what she’s doing and who she’s with. It wont be the same. I say team up with leo Dicaprio and hook up with some models. I’m pretty sure Rob wont have a problem with that. Or will he? After all Rob said in many interviews that women would only want what he’s got but not him. Rob said again that he is boring and he doesnt know how to hit on a woman. So that right there tells me he just might take K-stew back. But just like his best friend TOM and his wife/girlfriend Sierra said, Dump her ass and move on. Obviously people saw something in Kristen that Rob couldnt see until he saw those pics of her and Rupert. I think he might take her back because Rob is very insecure with himself and it seem like Kristen is the only one HE thinks understands him. SMH.

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