Confession: I haven’t seen Cosmopolis
Confession: This is as far as I’ve gotten in my quest to see Cosmopolis:
Talking to @Brookelockart at brunch this weekend:
Me: Are we going to see Cosmopolis?
Brookelockart: Is it out?
Brookelockart: I dunno
And I know! I am a ROB fan. I am currently writing on a ROB blog. What is wrong with me? I can think of 8 other things I’d rather do than go see Cosmopolis:
- Watch that DVD of “How to Be” I never started (nope. oops)
- Go see The Dark KnightRises (I’m behind on movies, k?)
- Eat a vegetarian hot pocket (do they make those?)
- Go camping (I hate camping)
- Go through my archives of Rob Pattinson magazines (I did some cleaning and found them the other day)
- Daydream about Jim Harper (SO SAD The Newsroom is over!)
- Husk Corn (It’s corn on the cob season!)
- Browse Robsten Tumblrs (one of my favorite activities)
I’m sorry. I know you’re hot in it. I know you have a lot of the sex with Debra from Everybody loves Raymond, but I just have no desire to see this movie. I didn’t read the book. The trailers didn’t sell it to me. As much as I love
looking at you, I am just not in the mood.
I love my husband but that doesn’t mean everything he says and does is perfect. You’re like that for me.
Don’t tell my husband I just compared you two.
Call me a bad Rob fan! Yell at me at tell me I don’t deserve to look at the pretty! And after you’re done, the rest of you jump in & confess why you haven’t seen Cosmopolis either. And after the jump, hear from a gal who WILL watch the movie
The day I became a Super Fan.
It’s always the same story. We saw Twilight. We fell in love with you as Edward. You gave adorkable interviews and we then fell in love with you, Rob, the actor, the person, the hobo. We cyber stalked you and found this blog. We went to midnight showings, visited movie sets, bought pocket Eddies and photoshopped you carrying a piñata and mailed you across America…. Don’t ask.
We rented The Summer House and were disappointed that your appearance in it was oh so brief. We stood in line for 2 hours to have our photo taken with PFach at convention centers (so worth it Peter!!) and endured 100 Monkeys concerts because, for some, it was as close as we could get to you. The lucky ones waited hours and even days to see you at Comic-con and at your movie premiers. And that’s all normal. That’s what fans do.
But today, I have graduated to Super Fan. No, I did not buy a food dehydrator so I could send you homemade beef jerky. Nor I did not get a official letter telling me I needed to stay more than 200 feet away from you and Bear. What happened today will set the new standard in fandom…It pains me to say it….but I FINISHED reading Cosmopolis. IN. ITS. ENTIRETY. It was torture. And I can promise that this letter contains no spoilers because I have no EFFING idea what it was about. I just wanted to know the story behind your new hair-do. (I mean, I read Water for Elephants and it was a great book!!) But Cosmopolis was as abstract as the song “I am the Walrus”. The time line was hard to follow and the dialog…oh lawdy the dialog, was baffling. Do people really talk like that?
If Dom Delillo wrote a conversation between two LTR gals….
“I remember what you told me once.”
“Plaid is the new black.”
“What did I mean?”
“You meant that tweed may well be efficient but the plaid is where the action is. Where our thoughts are. Hobos should know this. Yes?”
“Did I mean Hotpockets as well?”
“I don’t know. Did you?”
“Not quite. But yes.
“But there was something missing for you. Or nothing missing.
“Breaking Dawn Edward looks asymmetrical.”
“Koo koo ka choo.”
Because I love you I will still see the movie. I’ll be the one holding a baggie of beef jerky tied with a plaid ribbon.
PS this letter was written right after his Brit Road trip…hence the beef jerky references.
Did you see Cosmopolis? Am I missing out? Should I ignore my latest crush on Jim Harper & go see it? Do you also have a crush on Jim Harper from The Newsroom, too? Sometimes I talk about him over on That’s Normal