New Year’s Rob-solutions for 2012!

New Year, new calendar of old pictures!

Dear Rob,

We’ve made it another year, it’s 2012! So of course that means it’s time to see how we did on 2011’s resolutions to see whether the people who wanted us to fail won or if WE won (spoiler: we didn’t!). Let’s take a look back shall we?

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1. We want to meet Rob

Verdict – FAIL! Thanks for Mike Welch. I think we all remember me being Rob blocked on the Red Carpet at this years Breaking Dawn Premiere… will I ever live down the infamous “ROB!!! ROOOOBBB!!! ROOOOOBBBBB!!” as Mike Welche stands two inches from me being interviewed. OH WELL!
UC/Moon: 0
People who want us to fail: 1
Mike Welch: 1

2. We resolve for Rob to mention us or something we’ve said in an interview like he did with Leno and emails from his dad! We need a fuckyearyangosling moment! (Ryan Gosling read some “FuckYeahRyanGoslings” in an MTV interview! Be still my heart!) Or someone needs to show him Rob Porn during an interview. And not the kind where his face is superimposed over a porn star’s naked body! He needs to read a caption over his picture about alphabetizing romance novels. Or asking for directions.
Verdict – FAIL! Well, since we didn’t get to meet or ask one measly question on the red carpet this didn’t happen… BUT if by Rob signing our pal’s RON poster at the premiere counts as an inside joke or ours then YES! There’s always this year!
UC/Moon: 0
People who want us to fail: 2
Mike Welch: 1

We're your biggest fans!!! Not you Rob... Norm's.

3. We resolve for Moon & Amber from Rob My world to start their own Norman’s Rare Guitar’s street team. It’s basically started- one day, not so long ago on my PERSONAL Facebook, I noticed both Moon AND Amber had “Liked” the Norman’s Rare Guitar’s page. Of course it wasn’t random. It was on the day Rob was seen buying a new guitar. And of course within 10 minutes there were 20 people commenting who know exactly why they liked that obscure California shop!
Verdict – Half fail, because while there was no street team Amber and I did “share” and comment to each other on all Norm’s Rare Guitars Facebook posts. So essentially we’re Norm’s most active users so because of that this is a win!
UC/Moon: 1
People who want us to fail: 2
Mike Welch: 1

Nope, still pretty hot

4. Try not to be turned on by the sight of Rob near a huge smelly pile of elephant crap during the water for elephants premiere!
Verdict – Total fail. I don’t know about UC but pretty much any time Rob was on screen during Water for Elephants I thought he was hot… well minus the cross dressing/clown look in that one scene
UC/Moon: 1
People who want us to fail: 3
Mike Welch: 1

5. To be less annoyed at Rob’s disappearance from my life- or maybe just for him to show up.. ANYWHERE! To go for lunch and undies shopping with TomStu again!!! Maybe buy a hot pocket in public! Get lost near a church, Break up with KStew or admit he actually has a cardboard tent in his living room. He could try a new girlfriend out for awhile. Maybe check himself into rehab. ANYTHING! Literally ANYTHING. We’ll take it! Maybe be seen out in public with MULTIPLE different women. Be a player for a few days! How about he sleeps with me a fan? Take advantage of me the plethora of attractive girls into him! He would get major me HOT tail (or at least me attractive game on week nights!) And he wouldn’t even have to buy them gifts! Or remember their names! No one expects that at all. They just expect to steal a dirty sock and leave. Or maybe twitpic his O-face. Or audio-record his moans. Or snores. Or the sound his teeth make while chewing on a hot pocket while in bed……(I haven’t put much thought into that. At all)

Verdict – I’m going to count this one as a win. There were times we were definitely annoyed that he disappeared but I think after three years we’ve figured out Rob likes to pull disappearing acts so we’re not terribly surprised when he up and leaves us for WEEKS on end. Thanks Rob… but I guess he should also know by now that those are the times when we get to make up the craziest stuff about him. So take your pick friend.
UC/Moon: 2
People who want us to fail: 3
Mike Welch: 1

Final count on 2011’s Robsolutions? UC/Moon: 2, People who want us to fail: 3 and Mike Welch: 1. So suck it Mike Welch we beat you by ONE in our OWN Rob-solutions. But you still won where it counted… on the black carpet! AHHH!!!!
So since we’re all about failing let’s make some NEW Rob-solutions for 2012 and see if we can beat that blasted Mike Welch at his own game. Who can we cock block on the red carpet?! KIDDING.

2012 New Year’s Rob-solutions 

1. Since we’re also glutton’s for punishment we’re going to try to talk to Rob again on the red carpet and Mike Welch be damned. If it involves stilts and a megaphone we’ll do whatever it takes. So if you’re going to be at BD2 premiere bring your ear plugs and riot gear cause “ROB!!! ROOOOBBB!!!” Part 2 will be in full effect.

Yup, we'll be seeing this... first (or like 1000th) in line!

2. We are resolving to see all of Rob’s movies in a timely fashion this year, like in the first week they release. So yes, Bel Ami even after our apathy with you, we will be there with corsets and bells on. Cause we love Rob… even when he looks all sweaty and syphilis-y.

3.  Ok, since we know Rob signed the Ron poster and we’re hoping he just doesn’t need new glasses we resolve that we want someone in Rob’s family or a cast member/work friend to call him Ron in some sort of public arena. If our iPhone autocorrect turns Rob into Ron then theirs must too!

4. We’re going to perfect our eye sex game so we can creep out Sam Bradley more than he creeps out us with his special brand of eye sex at an upcoming concert. *shudder*

5. With a straight face, cover one of Rob’s songs at Karaoke night. If one of his is not available, and let’s face it they probably won’t be at 98% of karaoke places, we must cover a song that is special to Rob/Robsten (ie Sex on Fire, Breath Me, anything by Van Morrison)  and dedicate it to him on the mic.

Rob, what are your thoughts on world peace? Stephanie, stop laughing!

6. Attempt to get an interview with Robert Pattinson at an upcoming press junket for one of these movies we don’t think the entire foreign press league and Mario Lopez will be at. If we get it then proceed to have violent nausea for 4 days prior to the event because we don’t know what we’ve gotten ourselves into. IF the interview happens to be in London we will also do a Rob tour of the city, see all the sights, stalk his parents and give them flowers and a card and ask if he made good on that promise to get them a new boiler for Christmas. We’ll take a video camera along of course. We’ll also leave our shame at the airport.

7. Only say nice things about you Ron in 2012………….. JUST KIDDING! Never going to happen, I’m pretty sure I already blew that in this post anyway. We love you too much to slobber all over you 24/7 anyway.

So as you can see we’re going to fail a lot this year but some of this WILL happen in 2012… what will they be? Only time and twelve months will tell. Here’s hoping we get to see the Patinson’s new boiler first hand.

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!!

Moon & UC

Any Rob-solutions we should add to the list? Besides really wanting him to do a new photo shoot?
Our internet game is ridiculous: LTTThe ForumTwitterThe Store

11 Commented


It’s been 3 years of Letters to Rob. Hip Hip Hooray.

Dear Rob,

To celebrate our THREE YEAR ANNIVERSARY yesterday, Moon & I did what we do best: Broke down YOU and the past 3 years, Vanity Fair Style:

To Rob’s Ex Girlfriend: Beat ya

Moon: so we’ve been in a relationship with Rob longer than anyone…sorry kstew! better luck next time…3 whole years.

UC: SERIOUSLY… i love that. I think we even beat that girl from this letter: To Rob’s Ex-girlfriend: I hate you a lot but also want to be your friend! Oh man.. that’s still one of my favs. So is the one where I told Clare Pattinson, who I would see 2 years later, eating an egg roll at a movie premiere after-party, “I want to bang your son
Moon:OMG can you imagune saying some of that stuff to them?!

Big surprise- my FAVORITE pic of Rob!

UC: “Hey Dick! (Oh, by the way, can I call you, Dick?) Hey Clare! Having fun at the party? These Egg Rolls are delicious, right? Hey- can I bang your son? See you on the dance floor, Dick!”
Moon: It’s been 3 yrs of his weird hair cuts and even weirder outfits and even weirder behavior
UC: Amen. SO weird at times! And so has OUR behavior!

The Perfect Rob

Moon: Ok so if you could have a PERFECT Rob what would it consist of:
UC: Okay…. Him in tight fitted clothing – a la GQ business Suit Rob. He doesn’t always have to be business time, but I like that better than hobo-Rob
UC: Or maybe Rob doing that mumbling music thing
Moon: My perfect Rob is: air guitar Rob, brit pack Rob with all his friends, musician Rob singing “never think” and “let me sign”
UC: Man.. do I sense a theme? IS Moon into musicians?
Moon: IMAGINE THAT ME INTO MUSICIANS!!! SHOCK! Plus… all of Rob’s sunglasses

UC: YES… he does have the best.
Moon: Rob who loves his parents A LOT… every time he’s mentioned them on a late night chat show
UC: Yes! Rob feeling comfortable enough to be being dorky but FUNNY. Not the Rob on stage with Reese making horrible jokes!
Moon: I like that he’s not afraid to be himself (aka weird & odd) and telling super awkward weird stories in public
UC: Yes.. back before he had to worry about everything he said
Moon: yea the Twilight and even New Moon press tour is like a treasure trove of Rob-oddities.

Real or not Real?

Rob Pattinson: Keepin' it real since '08

Moon: I feel like Rob would just slip right into my group of friends- I think thats why I like Rob the most. he seems REAL. And THATS why i get why people like him.. not just the looks
UC: Yes….. He IS real. Even more than.. Ryan Gosling… who just seems too perfect to be true… I’m not saying I’m choosing Rob over Ryan. no no no… don’t quote me on that.. I’m just saying.. Rob is different
Moon: yea Ryan seems way too good to be true. Rob seems like the cute guy in class who you might actually talk to if you got paired up on an assignment. Ryan is like the hot english teacher where its NEVER a possibility
UC: but you will think about it EVERY NIGHT while you drift off to sleep (i never do that)
Moon: HAHAHA Ryan or Rob? Or BOTH?? As a hot english teacher?
UC: both duh! (but i mean Ryan)
Moon: HAHA! Isn’t it funny we blog about Rob but we don’t even think about him like that a lot??? Maybe he became TOO real to us
UC: Yeah… that’s interesting. I haven’t thought about that in awhile or ever
Moon: OMG Rob BECAME OUR JACOB!!!
UC: OMG
Moon: the end
UC: Don’t tell Clare!

Did you, Rob? Become OUR Jacob? After 3 years of blogging almost daily (well we did for 2 years!), seeing you multiple times, fawning over, dreaming of, giggling over, laughing at & with, getting frustrated over, feeling confused by, missing you, wanting you, wanting you to shave, wanting more, and then less…. have you really just become that guy who is a GREAT package and most would KILL to have around… but… is just the FRIEND? Have we lost the magicness? The pull? The romance? Is there any fantasy left?

I don’t know. And, frankly, I don’t care. LTR was never really about you. I mean, it WAS of course. It started all about you- about your good looks, awkward ways & all around awesomeness. Whatever that THING was that attracted us & so many others on a level than WAS different than the ones who came before. Most everyone we know who has ended up at LTR has obsessed in a way they never had before- devouring interviews, saving images (some needed second & third harddrives), learning your quotes & your lyrics and following your every move. So many of us were doing it that at the same time that it HAD to be normal, right? RIGHT? (Don’t answer that) But eventually the obsession morphed into something more- something… beyond you. And here we are, 3 years (and 1 day) later, celebrating that LTR has become a community- a community first bonded by a mutual acute fondness of YOU, but turned into something much more meaningful & important.

So thank you Rob. Thanks for being so freakin’ hot. Thanks for being so adorkable. Thanks for being different than any guy we’ve obsessed over before (like JT for Moon and JTT for me) so that we felt the need to start LTR and meet everyone who has made such a difference in our lives.

Love more than Kstew, the ex girlfriend, Dick, Clare, The Britpack and Bear combined,
UnintendedChoice & theMoonisDown

Three years! We can’t believe it. Thanks to @Brookelockart for organizing our amazing anniversary letter yesterday and for all the friends who participated & commented!  We’ll never be able to express how much you all mean to us! Please be sure to see what @JodieO and the girls of the Forum did for us, too! Happy Anniversary LTT. And Moon, well, you know everything already… but thank you. For it all xoxoxoxo

Our internet game is ridiculous: LTT, The Forum, Twitter, The Store

13 Commented


Heinekens all around! It’s LTR’s 3rd Anniversary!

Dear Rob,

new LTR motto

It’s 5 o’clock somewhere, so pass me a beer and let’s cheers to UC and Moon on 3 years of writing letters to you! I realize they aren’t always the most flattering, sometimes a little fan girly and almost always snarky, but you have to hand it to UC and Moon — finding material to write to you when you disappear for days, isn’t the easiest thing to do. I think you should get their fan cards laminated for an anniversary gift (and maybe leave your phone number on the back).

In honor of this happy occasion, I decided to surprise the girls by breaking into the blog and talking to some longtime friends about their favorite posts. So enjoy! (How could you not, it’s all about you!?)

Today’s fellow guests, please introduce yourselves and how long have you been reading?

Read_or_sleep: Summer 2009
Cazza: March 2009
PlaneFriend: Reading Since: About 5 seconds after this post. When I saw Stephenie was going to have fansites interview her, I decided to go looking at the fansites. All the others I just glanced at, read a page or two, and never went back to again. Within days, I was reading most of the LTT backlogs…realized I knew UC a few weeks later, started writing for y’all occasionally, and the rest in history.
Stacey: March 2010
LonestarKendall: March 2009
Rachel B, formerly GriffsSayWhat: Winter 2009
Alice_NaA  – Bella_NaA : A  long long time ago, when palatial pads and hot pocket fortresses where yet to be built, Summit was not to blame, TomStu still shaved, Bobbygee shared his wisdom, AmanDUH  was working her living room corners, the Pattinson pants were in style, and Oregano was not just an Italian herb.
superhumanmoron: January 2009
MrsKowski: I’ve been reading since March of 2009. The post that started it all for me was the “This is how you found us? Vol. 2”  it was linked on NewMoonMovie.org – my world has not been the same since I made the decision to click on that link.
Snowwhitedrifted: January 2010
Janetrigs: February 2009
Allryans: April 2009, actually since THIS post.
Operarose: August 2009
TeamSeth: September 16, 2009

And if you don’t know me, I’m Brookelockart and have been starting trouble since March 2009.

Which posts have made you snarfle your drink while reading?

Read_or_sleep: Four Words.  WE ARE THE ROB.  What happened to that song? When UC, Moon and special guests broke down the Details pictures.   Most sites were basically just drooling and LTR made it look as if they were seriously analyzing the pictures.  That time UC (I think) made the mother trucker profile for Ron when he was on the road trip from CA to NOLA.
Cazza: Pattinson Pants lady at ComicCon “she lives”….she was a celebrity in her own right but just didn’t know it!!!
LonestartKendall: Ahhh, the list is too long. TOO LONG. Anything by the Quad – those were always amazing,
Alice_NaA: What’s Remember Me about. I actually found LTR that way… by googling “what’s remember me about”. No lie. I then spent the entire day giggling about the city housing code loophole and recreational vehicles part. I also learned many fancy words here at LTT/LTR, it’s all about education.
SHM: Creepy Uncle Rob.  I may have peed a little.  That’s when I knew I had found my people.
Allryans: I have a continuous heartquake. I’m pretty sure that I could not hold it together watching this video of your incognito dramatic poetry reading.

Like most passionate relationships, there’s a little bit of love and hate. Which post made you love him or hate him more?

Read_or_sleep: I wouldn’t say this post made me love Ron any more or less.   It just left me feeling confused,
Rachel B: I love the “jumping Rob” because that picture gave us endless hours of photoshopping entertainment!
Alice_NaA: Hate -> the time he was driving a green Porsche. Love -> That it’s normal to disrespect Rob nice and slow.

not hot, nope.

Bella_NaA: Hate -> the wonky Cosmopolis hair. Was he trying to one-up TomStu and his monkey beard?
SWD: The epic Chart-O-Robs. I like having a choice.
JanetrigsPSA I have been Cyber Bullied, – This made me HATE Ron because it showed me how there was this crazy rift in the once powerful singular unit known as Twi/Ron fan. This meant that my friends may or may not hate each other over reasons that seem ridiculous, and thus I hated him for causing the rift, because it’s always the man’s fault. I loved Ron again, not after a LTT or LTR post, but when I saw DTR or Dirty Train Ron filming pics of Water for Elephants. There is something about DTR.
Allryans: HATE: (the real hate, not the Janetrigs kind).  Not only did Rob completely botch this joke in the most unfunny, unendearing way ever, but REESE had to save him from it, and no one is worse than Reese. NO ONE.
Teamseth: This post made me love Ron more or this post made me love him less. I did my duty. Rob is not for me.

Great picks! I love Photo-shoot Ron (think GQ), but real life Ron may not be for me!

Continue…

36 Commented


Dear Rob: See ya in a few

Dear Rob,

It’s late (and I was up at 5:45 cuz I’m still on east coast time) and Moon & I just cleaned up from the FUN AND FABULOUS LTT/LTR party we threw tonight. Now we’re typing up questions for the Red err Black carpet later today- oh yeah, did we mention that we’re gonna be there? Look for the two girls in the matching “Cullen-Swan” Bridesmaid dresses- we’ll be BEHIND them, pointing & laughing.

Needless to say, we can’t think of anything to say to you since we’re terribly tired & really need to focus on what to ask BoBo Stewart today (currently the question reads: “Come on- you can tell us- did Rob take you out for some Edward/Seth bonding time & get you drunk for the first time?” which may not fly with his security/dad who is a brick wall of muscle.) Also we need to practice calling him “BOOBOO” and not “BoBo” which is what I thought his name was until today.

So we’ll leave you with that and this picture of you officiating our civil union yesterday:

UC-Moon-Civil-Union

This happened

We are normal. See you soon,

Love,
UC & Moon

We are REUNITED! We have SO MANY fun stories already. We will be AT the premiere today & all day. We WILL be tweeting: @Letter2twilight and it WILL be awesome. We ARE realistic & think the chances of us getting a 1-on-1 with Rob are about as great as Rob coming over and asking us for a threesome. Which would also be awesome.

 

7 Commented


A “request” letter for Rob Pattinson

Tonight I Broke down the new Breaking Dawn trailer with Moon for LTT so this letter submission is for you today;

Dance floor, in line at your kid’s school.. same difference..

Dear Rob, Every morning I have a routine. I wake up (well obviously I wake up) make breakfast for my kids, get them ready for school, and drive the one hour round trip to drop them off and stop at Starbucks for coffee. I also have the unhealthy habit of 3 cigarettes while drinking my ginormous iced mocha all while reading email and everything else I can do on my extremely overpriced cell phone. (Should we even call them cell phones anymore Rob?? I suppose that is a different subject for another letter) Let me start off by telling you that before I leave the house I also check my phone for this awesome subscription notification from LTR. When I see this I smile and get all giddy for about 10 seconds and savor it because Rob, I get to look forward to reading the latest letter as soon as I start my coffee/smoking tradition (Tradition might be a little overboard, but you get what I’m saying.) It’s important that you understand this is the highlight to my morning. You probably can’t imagine (or actually just don’t care) what a disappointment it is when there isn’t a letter waiting for me to read, lmao at, giggle like a school girl, and scroll thru the photoshopped and/or picspam that so cleverly accompany these letters. This doesn’t destroy my day; however, it certainly doesn’t start it off the same way by any means. Yes, I’m a bit dramatic, but let’s face it; there’s obviously some sort of abnormal obsession that follows all of us who read and write letters that we all “think” you’re looking forward to as well. My point here is this.. What the hell are you doing that is so important other than playing your guitar, writing songs for KStew, making movies, drinking beer, walking Bear, and dressing yourself like an absolute bum for a 5 minute jaunt in public?? Forgive me Rob but this is ass backwards! Now don’t get all offended here, but last time I checked I was one of the bazillion people that made it possible for you fly private jets to award shows, buy ridiculous vehicles that catch on fire, stock up on a lifetime supply of hot pockets, purchase expensive Gibson guitars, grace the covers of reputable magazines, and most of all get PAID 20 million dollars to make a movie. Let’s be honest, you need me (us) as much as we need you. Is that a fair statement? I’m not writing another “Where’s Rob?” letter. I’m writing a “request” letter. Would it be so far fetched to request a little cooperation here Rob? Personally, I don’t care about your adopted dog, Sam picking his wedgie while taking a walk with you (although that was hilarious) seeing a picture of you dressed like a ninja dodging the public eye, your half shaven head, you sporting a God awful 1980’s MTV jacket, your mess of a speech while giving an award (or accepting one for that matter) the cob salads you order at the local grocery, the huge duffle bag you lug around in airports, where you spend your hiatus with KStew, or what Dean is sporting for his wardrobe while guarding your body from EVERYONE. The mere disturbing fact that I DO know all of these things justifies my reasonable request for you to jump in to the celebrity you’ve become with both feet!! I need much much more from you Rob. I need a scandalous public love affair with ANYONE else besides KStew (I mean really Rob? That overhyped relationship with her is obviously not going anywhere.. right??) I need a spreadsheet of snapshots with you on a private island with me.. I mean some other drop dead gorgeous 30 something woman. Preferably one with a couple of kids.. that makes us drool for longer than the .5 seconds of your perfect back muscles in the BD trailer. I need some substance here Rob! You’re a well read young man. I need your personal diary of love, sex, and non trivial feelings made available so that you can live up to the man I’ve created in my head for you to be. (Btw, I’m not THAT ignorant, I understand that you’re still young and may need a little molding. I’m willing to help you with that) I need an oscar worthy performance that takes my breath away and puts Edward on the back burner. You are very capable of this Rob. I’ll admit, I had to force myself to get thru Cosmopolis. It was a ridiculous array of gibberish that required both a thesarus and a dictionary to make sense of. Dellilo is a bizaare author. Of course, I’ll be at the box office on opening day, but my idea of oscar worthy is not 2 hours of you driving in car on the way to get a haircut. Let’s hope I’m wrong, but I seriously doubt it. I need a song that I can understand at least 50% of the words to. I can’t turn my ipod on and clean my house to your music Rob. You have a beautiful talent but it’s more frustrating to walk into my living room to fix a skipping song only to realize that’s just your mumbling. Give me passion! Give me Excitement! I want to FEEL we’re just as appreciated, because you know that you’re VERY appreciated.

Is this your money’s worth?

Here’s what I’m saying, I want my money’s worth. As shallow as that may seem, you get a shitload of my money and I need to prove my husband wrong when he tells me I’m “throwing it away” on a sparkling vampire! (He just doesn’t get it, it’s very frustrating. I don’t have the strength to stay away from you) Jump out of your uncomfortable comfort zone Rob. Your crazy shananigans of wearing a shirt that says “get off my dick” or sporting flip flops with a flannel shirt is just not doing it for me. Dare I say for any of us? Bring back your James Dean hair (it’s fukhawt sexy) join us so we can write letters to you that we cannot wait to share. It will spice up your life, I promise! Let’s have a cup of coffee and a smoke together in the not so distant future. Tomorrow would be good, but I’m willing to wait a few extra days. Actually, you know I’m not going anywhere, I’ll wait as long as it takes.. unfortunately. Humbly waiting, Fragile Human Am I the only one here? Who out there could use more of the not so uhhh normal Rob? Our internet game is ridiculous: LTT, The Forum, Twitter, The Store

37 Commented


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