Rob Goes surfing. I mean holds a big ass board & a paddle

Hey y’all- Rob wrote us all at LTR a note:

sadly I feel I must preface this with this note that this is NOT actually from Rob Pattinson (it’s from Dick Pattinson)

Dear LTR,

I made it in a few headlines this week (even People.com posted about me! Must be a slow week or something. I’m gonna text Miley/Lohan/Hunger Games Chick and ask her to flash her panties soon. I need my privacy back) It was about me “Surfing.” I need to clear something up. I was not surfing. I’m not sure what I was doing actually. Marcus & Sam were in town- they had a show the night before– we had a few beers Saturday night & the next thing I know Marcus suggested we take an IN-N-Out picnic to the beach. One thing led to another & I ended up carrying this big board with a walking stick. And my clothes were off but I was in gym shorts. I think Sam spiked my Coke Zero with something. But then I figured, what the heck, I better get in the water. It’s been pretty cold in LA & nothing makes me warmer than a belly full of beer/alcoholic coke zero and a dip in the Pacific Ocean.

Here are a few personal photographs from my day out on the beach with a big board & a walking stick with Marcus & Sam. I had them made into postcards in case you want to print them out & send them to your friends.


this is when I found an oyster to suck on. Or maybe that was after I hit my face with the paddle. I have this banging headache & I sorta forget….


This is when I befriended a bird. I named him Patty the bird.


This is when I realized Kristen is right. I really do need to get a pedicure…
It’s also when I realized getting sand up your bum like when you were 5 is no longer a fun feeling.


Here I am hanging four. Or maybe that was when I was hanging five….


Oops. I got water up me nose


Oh this is a good one– this is me thinking “Oh Shiiiittt” when I remembered what day it was… and that I had a photoshoot the next day.. and I promised Nick I’d spend the weekend at the gym. So I started to run. I think I definitely burnt off the IN-N-Out fries I snacked on at 4 am!


And this is when I realized that…. this paddle-board/walking stick thing is really not for me…

Hope this clears up any confusion you had about my weekend!
Love,
Rob Pattinson

And because we don’t see it much…. here is a precious gif I like to call “Rob Runs”

Does anyone else find it odd that NO ONE ELSE was caught in these pictures? Seriously! How does that happen? 

(Oh– I missed you too. I am trying to work less & have fun more. And Moon will be joining me after the 15th XX)

Thanks to Rob Pattinson life for the pics

30 Commented


Breaking it down: Cosmopolis – Wait, what did we just watch?

NEON LIGHTS!

Dear Rob,

UC and I waited ALL day to watch the Cosmopolis trailer/teaser together and well 34 seconds later here’s what happened…
.
.
The one where we’re super confused
Moon: wait its only 34 seconds???
UC:  First I have to be honest, I know VERy little about this film except that Paul Giamatti is in it and it takes place in a limo which means I expect Hot Church Bass-like limo sex and he’s in the limo because
done
UC: is this modern day? I’m so confused already
UC: BOOBS
NEON
i haven’t understood a single mumble
WHAT
EW
Moon: um im pretty sure i just saw that womans nipple!!!

UC: WTF
I DID
Moon: wait
UC: dinosaurs?!
WHAT?
haha
OMG
Moon: did he just shoot his hand

wtf is going on?!
UC: YES
Moon: is that a knife in the eye?!

UC: I thought this was a movie about the stock market crash during a limo ride? where he gets syphllis
Moon: dude i liked this movie when it was called DRIVE with Ryan Gosling
UC: HAHAHAH
omg SAME feel
same bumpin music
Moon: wow… im watching that again
UC: who is the girl he effs? Rosario?
Moon: im so confused
UC: me too
fire?
what fire?
HUGE nipples
Moon: DUDE that womans vajay is in a shadow just barely

UC: dude
sex noises
like NOT edward sex noises
there’s like vajay
so he has a lot of sex “so me something i don’t know”
Moon: why is paul giamatti watching him blow his hand off?! with a towel on

UC: THAT is paul?
hahah
Moon: yes…i have the best screenshot ever
.
The one with the most amazing screenshot ever
UC: so he’s a rich kid Chuck Bass-like… who wants to FEEL so he shoots himself in the hand. and asks Paul G. to take off his towel that’s basically what i got
Moon: OMG just just pause and play and you get amazing shots of weird shit.
UC: hahahahahha
Moon: i got one of him peeing IN the limo

UC: WHAT? that’s amazing
Moon: YES. so at the end is the limo declared a hazmat situation?
UC: semen
blood
pee
yes
I think so
Moon: pee and sex fluids and sweat and who knows
UC: sypyllis
UC: looks like the mom from everybody loves raymond is the 2nd girl he effs
UC: from his old pal from France
Moon: wait there are rat men?>??!

do we find out at the end of the movie he’s really just been on an acid trip??
UC: i thought they were dinosaurs at first…
and yes… I’m guessing
or it was all a dream
i mean.. maybe he’s ALSO on an acid trip in the limo. PEEING.
.
The one where we still can’t figure it out
Moon: dude. what is going on???
UC: now he’s doggy styling raymond’s wife

is HE cutting out the eye?
Moon: DUDE he’s doing DEBRA?!
Debra Barone
UC: HAHHAA
YES i mean… it sure looks like her in this teaser. I assume that buttoned up blonde woman is the one who is gonna “show him something he doesn’t know” which is… a woman who wears underwear in the daytime a woman without an STD? a woman with normal sized nipples?
Moon: and wasnt married to raymond

UC: wasnt on one of the most popular shows of the late 90s? haha. she’s gonna shows him how to study hard at law school?
Moon: shes gonna nag him about putting up his dirty socks and doris roberts is gonna walk in with the old grandpa and complains about Debra’s cooking.
.
The one where… WHAT IS THIS?!
Moon: dude what did we just watch??
UC:  I dunno but… I mean its different and like… a totally different audience… i mean… this might work? could this WORK for him?
Moon:i sure hope so i mean based on what i heard from my NON twilight friends im crossing my fingers for him but like really he shot himself in the hand
UC: right  that’s gross and that eye
me: so DRIVE. it looks like drive meets social network meets everybody loves raymond.
UC: i mean.. this is TOTALLY not the kind of movie I’d like to see. ALSO i never saw Drive so stop that
Moon:drive is the best
ever

Ok, so this is obviously a post with some of the craziest images/screencaps we’ve ever had and that’s saying something. I’m really interested to see this because of how crazy  it looks.

A rat/A dinosaur/A nipple/A limo?
Moon and UC

What did you think of this? Does this make any kinds of sense to any one or are you just in it for him doing Everybody Loves Raymond’s wife?

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32 Commented


Storytime with LTR: Rob in Berlin

LTR friend JellyBeanRainbow went to Berlin this weekend & saw Bel Ami AND Rob. Here is her story:

Dear Letters To Rob headquarters,

soooooo, I went to Berlin. To see Bel Ami, to see Rob.

Berlinale palace grand entrance

I kept convincing myself it was fate, but it wasn’t really. I was off that weekend (I wasn’t really, but I’m friends with the girl who does our general schedule and she changed some dates). I was on Twitter when tickets for the movie went on sale  and, what a coincidence, I got one (no, I knew beforehand what time the tickets will be on sale and I prepared myself, set up the alarm clock at 10 am,  credit card  nearby and everything). The 5 star hotel nearby was incredibly cheap and I got a room with a view of the red carpet (true about the price, but I asked the lady at the reception desk for the view).

I was excited to go, but kept asking myself what the hale I was doing and why. I travelled to Berlin and spent hundreds of euros to see a movie. Really?

I stayed at Hyatt hotel where the press conference was scheduled, but I realized that after I booked it. I imagined myself sitting at the hotel lobby bar  with a cool diet Coke in hand , cool as fu*k ( the phrase some brit rock stars use) while Rob would arrive and mayhem and madness would start. I imagined myself being able to take a quick look at the press conference hall, a wandering hotel guest, being lost and being allowed to do so, just for a minute. Nothing of this happened as my flight was delayed for more than 5 hours due to snow at the airport I had to travel via on my way to Berlin. I arrived well after the press event was over and Rob was gone.

It was 4 pm by the time I changed and left the room. Red carpet was ready and there were some people, but there was still enough place in the first row on the side. I decided to take place across the red carpet, near the press area. First row, great view, I wouldn’t be able to get a photo or an autograph, but I’d see everything.

My original spot

It was 4:30 and although it wasn’t that cold, around freezing temperature ( it was waaaay below friezing the days before), there was terrible wind and icy rain was starting to fall down. Half an hour of waiting and I was so cold my neck and back started to hurt. I was dressed nicely, as you’re supposed to be for that kind of event, nice coat, a scarf, cute boots… No fleece, no ugly hat, no  Edward blanket, like some of the people waiting. Of course I was cold, but I looked good.  Later I found out there were people with a banner that said: Freezing for Rob for 30 hours.

Well, I’m not that fan and I had a pneumonia and 3 bad colds this winter so far, so I did the unimaginable: I left the red carpet, I left my good spot, I left the first row and went to the Starbucks to warm myself with a hot cocoa and to check via free wi-fi what was going on.

When I came back there were many more people there, but not only fans of the female kind, also families, older people who would have gone no matter who was the star of the evening. The first row was packed, but there were some empty spaces at the side. I was stupid and didn’t go there, because it looked too far away. What a mistake, Rob went there first to start signing when he finally arrived. I choose to stand on a small pedestal (one of many) at the top of the viewing area. There were no bracelets, no numbered spots, just a few security people. A half an hour before stars were supposed to arrive, anyone could still enter the red carpet fan area.
The view was great and behind me the limousines we’re waiting in line to drive to the red carpet.

I was looking at them and trying I recognize someone inside, I saw Dean, but thought no, it’s too early. Mistake, again, it was Dean and Rob was one of he first to arrive. Everything was calm, if I haven’t seen Rob, I couldn’t tell he was there. No screaming, no mayhem,nothing, just a slight excitement in the air, it could have been anyone famous.

Suddenly I felt I was too far away and wouldnt get any good photos, so I had to go closer to the red carpet. It was easy, people just stayed on their spots and in seconds I was very close to Rob. I took several blurry photos, felt my knees go weak, again starting to ask myself WTF I was doing there, stared at him, forgot to take more photos… and then he went away, walking along first row to the right side. My pedestal wasn’t available anymore so I went to the other side- the second row was still available. Rob stopped signing at the middle of the area and went to the right side and suddenly he was standing almost in front of me, again. Still no screaming among the fans, but a lot of pushing, for a moment I thought we all will fall down. I was so surprised he came to the right side so fast I forgot to put my Bel Ami book out of my bag, but it was too late, couldn’t do it anymore, in a second there was a lot of people behind and around me and I couldn’t move. Took some more photos and he was out of my sight soon.

I couldn’t believe my luck, I placed myself to the right spot twice so far. Well, almost. I felt so great, like an experienced fan, being so good at choosing the place to be, but soon the WTF am I doing moment kicked in. I was so excited, but I was alone. No friend to be excited with next to me. No one to talk about when the limousine stopped right in front of us and the Pattinson family exited. Not in the middle of the red carpet, but at the side. No one recognized them, they walked unnoticed. I was conflicted: should I say something, like   “Hi Dick&Claire”, or maybe Hello Mr. and Mrs. Pattinson, so I didn’t say anything. But I was freaking inside, proud of myself that I know who they were… And the WTF moment kicked again.

Pattinson family: Can you believe I was so close an I didn't yell at them?

Pattinsons walked for some time unnoticed, until the official photographers saw them and then they started to pose.  I think Victoria was the one with the boyfriend and I remember he looked a little like Stephen from Vampire Diaries, but taller. Some other stars arrived and they posed for cameras forever. At that time there was a lot of people in the fan area some brought the ladders with them and if standing at the back, you couldn’t see anyone on the red carpet anymore. But there were a lot of huge monitors so everyone could see what was happening.

I was taking the photos of monitors from then on. When they finally went inside, Christina, Holliday and Rob signed their huge photos hanging in the lobby and it was over. The majority of people left, but some stayed. I went back into my hotel and looked what’s happening from time to time through my window, but got bored soon. Did the fans really think Rob will exit the place through red carpet and sign some more?

I had ticket  for the Bel Ami screening that was the next day, in another place. I too walked the red carpet, but so did everyone who went by. It was just a movie, no cast, no fuss, no announcement…

After the jump, SPOILER ALERT– it’s JellyBeanRainbow’s review of Bel Ami Continue…

145 Commented


Someone like Rob

Dear Rob,

Todays’ Rob Porn for women is inspired by my favorite song until it became the most overplayed song:

Happy Friday!

Love,
UnintendedChoice

Our internet game is ridiculous: LTT, The Forum, Twitter, The Store

23 Commented


Dirty Dancing or just Dirty?

We're selling black bean hummus wraps and hemp keychains for gas money

Dear Rob,

Some person at Kristen’s friends Dirty Dancing party took a picture of you guys looking scuzzy and it “magically” made it’s way onto the nets via the super reliable Hollywood Life. First off you both look like the “before” picture of cast members on Celebrity Rehab or maybe those homeless teens on Venice Beach with the mangy dog and the dreads selling hemp necklaces. You know the ones (sad). Either way, it’s not good. It just makes me think the inside of the “palatial pad” in Los Feliz (yes, we all know now) looks like that picture of Whitney Houston’s bathroom or maybe you just have a couple lawn chairs set up in the living room in front of the 90 inch tv that came with the house but you can’t find the remote to.

Quick, someone to the Photoshop machine!

Second, if you’re going to a theme party can we at least pretend you sort of put two seconds of thought into your “costumes?” If you’re going to be Johnny or even just a random greaser may I suggest some tight ass black pants, dance boots, and a pompadour wig? Best lady friend who gets a botched abortion for 200 bucks in an alley named Penny, optional. Kristen is like half way there, though I doubt this was on purpose. All she needs to do to complete the look it pull the bottom of the shirt through the neck hole (we’ve all done it), throw on a curly wig, carry a watermelon and talk about going to Mount Holyoke in the fall… or maybe the peace corps. It’s more wholesome 50s and less hipster dbags. Seriously guys, this is easy.

I brought a spiked watermelon

I expect a little more effort when you come to my Dowton Abbey themed costume birthday party this year. We’re talking Morning jackets, tweed hunting coats, HAIR, dress TomStu up in a Chauffeur costume and have him drive you to the party in the “motor.”  Plant Sam Bradley in someone’s bed as dead Mr. Pamuk. Really, this is the level of commitment for a costume party that me and my friends expect. FYI.

No one puts Rob in a corner… well maybe they do if he looks like that…
Themoonisdown

PS Tell your friend this costume has nothing to do with Dirty Dancing. That is a Hipster denim diaper. Have you people even seen Dirty Dancing?

PPS Remember these AMAZING videos from forever ago?? Suddenly seems perfect…

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36 Commented


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