Win a Date with Tad Hamil– I mean, Rob Pattinson

Dear Rob,

The other day, Twilightish brought to our attention a story running in a Swedish online paper that can’t possibly NOT be true:

Win a date with Twilight stars Robert Pattinson and Ashley Greene

All you have to do to enter the contest is answer the following question & give reasons WHY you should be the one to win the date:

Robert Pattinson is of course best known for his role as Edward Cullen in “Twilight” films, but he has also appeared in another film based on bestselling books. What? *

•  Narnia
• Harry Potter
• Lord of the Rings

Of course, you are most known for your role in Ring of Nibelungs, so I guess the translation got messed up or something & they left that one out.

Since I got the answer obviously right, I put on my thinking cap, stared longingly at the middle picture all the way to the left of the collection posted here, and came up with reasons WHY I should win a date with you & Ashley:

1. Double Date with Robshley? That’s a lot of pretty people to stare at- surely making me very insecure- why would I pass THAT up? Plus, since the two of you seemed to have never spoken unless there were lines written down that you were paid to speak, having a “date” together, just the three of us, will be ALL SORTS of awkward. And I don’t want to miss that!

Me: How is your new dog, Rob?
Rob: Oh he’s fine he—
Ashley: You have a dog?

Me: Hey Ash- how is (insert name of Hollywood’s “it” boy of the week)
Ashley: Oh he’s good- super hot & good in bed
Rob: Aren’t you dating a Jonas brother?

2. Rob needs me for hair advice. And clothing advice, girl advice & “how to be a famous person without being a Douche like John Mayer or a hermit like he normally is” advice.

3. I’ll eat anything. (I mean anything) Plus I’m a cheap date. Heineken and TV dinners are okay by me. I’ll even ignore my 11 year vegetarianism for one night, if I have to.

4. I really could care less about Rob’s role as Edward or Ashley’s role as Alice. And I promise not to bore them with questions like “How did it feel for Edward to finally feel free to love completely once Bella turned Vamp” (or for Ashley “Can’t Alice SEE into the future & warm Jasper about the bad hair days ahead?)

5. I put out on my first dates. So naturally, Rob will, too.

So what do you think country of Sweden, organizers of the “WIN a Date with Ashley & Rob” event? Do I win?

Love,

UnintendedChoice

Why should YOU win a date with Rob? And how much do we want to bet that this is #1: A ploy for more web hits that will never come to fruition in Stockholm OR #2 the “Date” is a meet & greet signing event that will involve Rob & Ashley handing a pre-signed image to a fan & posing for one picture?

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7 Commented

Breaking down Vanity Fair article, Vanity Fair Style

Dear Rob,

Have you read your Vanity Fair article yet? If not, you might want to take a second to read the scans so you can participate in the Roblosophy we’re having. What ARE we getting Roblsophical about? What else? Your state of mind during the article, of course. I rounded up Moon & @brookelockart to see if we could figure out who you are- since obviously we know you better than you know yourself. Here are our steam of consciousness thoughts, in order of how they appear while we’re reading:

UC: Rob smokes American spirits!! nice. I have some in my home. I hate them. But we can joke about this. And stop talking about Heineken & hot pockets so much. he classed it up a notch. and OMG—HE HAS AN ASSISTANT? The dream job!!! All you’d have to do is light American Spirits, pop off the caps of Heinekens & microwave Hot Pockets all day (okay, so it’s been 3 seconds & I can’t stay away from the Heine/Hot Pocket jokes) Plus you could LOOK at him. How do I get that assistant fired & weasel my way into the job?

UC: And regards to the section of the article where in Tennessee people were banging on windows and wanting to touch his hair…. WHEN does this happen? WHY do we not hear about it? We are Rob fans….. I don’t know anyone who would do that. This is like.. Beatles hysteria.. and yes- we’ve seen it at premieres.. but that’s always going to happen there, but I’ve never even heard first-hand account of this happening outside of those situations… it’s insane…

Dear crazies, this was the ONLY time this was appropriate. (and barely even then)

Moon: I know.. does the whole airport thing feel so 2008?! I mean people asking him to bite them?! does anyone REALLY do that unless they’re Tyra banks? we know a lot of the fandom and i don’t know ANY of them who would do this… unless they were like 13 and became a fan back in 2006. I mean really? not that I don’t believe him that weird shit happens but i think it’s probably the exception and not the rule.

Brookelockart: Are people REALLY still asking to bite his neck? I mean we’ve all seen that interview a gazillion times, where the girl NEEDS him to bite her neck, but I’m going to guess that isn’t happening anymore.

Moon: I’m not saying that didn’t happen once, twice or even MANY times- but… let’s remember how Rob is in interviews. He’s awkward. He says stuff he probably makes up or half makes up- or doesn’t even always mean. I mean “I eat Hot Pockets every day & don’t shower?” That’s clearly not true. Again – I bet every story he’s told has some sort of truth or is true or was at one point, but does it happen all the time every single day like this seems? Well, no.

Brookelockart: I love Rob’s slanted view on America. Dear Rob, there’s plenty of times where I am the only white person on the bus. Try living outside of the hollywood bubble for a hot minute. Also, I love how we totally know who the “British friends” are – a nice wake up call that average America doesn’t, just us crazies. Oh and, I’m guessing that chain smoking will probably give you the shakes, especially if you aren’t eating. Maybe that’s the cause of the braille handwriting? Sad, sad Rob! (Oh and I dread all future reference to Rob and his Kindle.)

UC: Speaking of Kindles, you can get on the internet with those right? So Rob doesn’t miss our daily letters?

Brookelockart: Grrrrr

Moon: Are people actually saying this article has something or ANYTHING to do with Kristen?

UC: Of course. Their EPIC love is all throughout the article, can’t you see?

Moon: Besides Rob skirting around the question of their relationship when it was asked, she wasn’t mentioned. This wasn’t about them- or his love life at all. It was promo for Water For Elephants. That’s all there is to that!

Brookelockart: Well, I was sad to read the article but not upset over my level of fan girl..I’m admire from afar, I don’t know his whereabouts and don’t claim that I know anything about it. That’s fine by me.

UC: Sad!? Really? I don’t understand that- what made you sad?

Brookelockart: The way the article was written made him seem down and out & frustrated with his life. I look at it like when you are stuck in a job that you liked at first but now hate. He’s just over twilight. I can’t blame him. And I know that everything becomes amplified in the interview. And I don’t think he’s on lockdown 24/7, but the tone of the interview was definitely for us to feel a bit bad for him. Clearly he wasn’t on cloud nine feeling the magicness. Maybe he spilled something sticky (NOT THAT) on the bear skin rug that morning. Who knows.

Moon:

I'm so sad. I mean I really have to pee

Well, I’m usually the type of person to play devil’s advocate. Plus I’m just a glass half-full kind of person: People have off days. I think that the stuff that happens to Rob DOES suck, but the things that are good probably out weigh the bad. And also… we’re reading this as how the WRITER sees it. Ya know how sometimes we see a picture where Rob’s head is down & he looks super sad or scared? When in reality he was just spitting a loogey on the sidewalk? It’s all in your perspective. And without really KNOWING him, we’ll never really know. Unless we break into his email. Which apparently is possible. What do you think the password is

UC: UCANDMOON what else?

Moon: Also… think back to the countless interviews we’ve seen with Rob- and how he comes across in person on camera. He’ll say ANYTHING- and it could be true or false. You can generally tell the difference in a TV interview, but that humor doesn’t always translate to paper. I don’t think he meant he literally CRIED when the elephant was done her scenes. I think he was just describing his emotions- he was sad. He enjoyed his time with her. He loved it!

UC: I actually think that article was less self-deprecating than he usually is. To me he did not seem “depressed” Jaded with it all? Hell yeah. Ready for it to be over. EFF yeah. Exhausted? Sure. But….. it made me remember why I like him: Rob is an artist. And he has the mind of an artist. He’s introspective. He’s interested in art & culture & philosophy. He’d rather have a serious conversation than get f*cked up with friends. THAT is not depression. Can that be considered a depressive nature? Sure. I’m married to someone VERY similar. The difference is… Mr. Choice doesn’t have people screaming at him anytime he does come out of his solitude & wants to have a little fun. But Rob is a loner. Rob would rather be alone. With a book. He’s a bookworm!!

Moon: Exactly! He’s a delicate flower- He feels deeply- He thinks deeply. Everything effects him. And he wants to talk about it. He’s kind of a girl. (If I may be so derogatory.)

UC: You may. This article didn’t make me feel “bad” like some people have said. I don’t think Rob hates his life. I think he hates it when people scream at him, dudes want to beat him up & girls break into his email account. And all the people who feel “bad” about talking about him day in and day out online & obsessing over him shouldn’t feel bad because of THIS article (They should feel bad because the time that WE (yes, I included myself there) spend on him is kinda disgusting) because while they may talk crazy online- I think VERY FEW of them are actually crazy in person- or would be if they saw him. I think THOSE crazy fans who bang on windows & scare the shit out of him don’t sit around on twitter making “Rob Porn.” I don’t know what they do…. but I have a feeling it involves pipes & chemicals in a shed in the backyard….

Moon: Right and if he thinks the majority of Twi fans are that crazy- well that’s sad.. I feel bad.. they’ve got a bum wrap. WE’VE got a bum wrap. Crazies are exception not the rule, but sadly that’s what he thinks is the standard.

UC: So…those are my thoughts…. Rob’s gonna be okay. He’s gonna have dark days. But put him in a room with a pack of American Spirits & a good book & he’s happy. Eventually he’ll be able to go out for a nice dinner. It’ll be years FOR SURE. But it will happen. And he’ll eventually look back on “all this twilight stuff” and be grateful… b/c it got him to where he wants to be in the future- even if he never makes another movie again. While it’s hard to see & believe that’s going to happen, I think he truly believes it.

And there. Proved I actually know Rob. More than he knows himself.

Love,
UnintendedChoice

Thanks to Shleeeigh who requested this Roblosophy!!!

I know you’ve been talking about it & thinking about it for days, but WHAT DO YOU THINK? Did the article make you feel sad like Brooke? Do you feel like maybe the writer was trying to GET us to feel something that maybe isn’t exactly there like Moon & I do? What do you think Rob’s email password is?

Our internet game is ridiculous: LTT, The Forum, Twitter, The Store

81 Commented

Used clothing is the Pattinson love language

Dear Rob,

So you showed up to Vancouver & barely looked like yourself. We don’t have a problem with posting paparazzi pictures…. as long as we get a change to break them down vanity fair style first:

I want my MTV

The Predicament

Moon: Is this Rob? I’m confused. Who is this Rob-look alike in a whole new wardRobe?
UC: Does this Rob wanna-be have an MTV coat on? An 80s vintage coat?
Moon: New Rob is totally vintage 80s. I love it. It’s like he thought MTV was doing a new round of that show “Wanna be a vj” from the late 90s and this is his audition outfit

Rob "The Predicament" Pattinson

UC: Exactly. Or He’s been watching too much Jersey shore & has really wanted to be invited over for “family dinner” on Sunday so he thought by wearing MTV proudly across his chest Pauly D & The Sitch might recognize him & ask him to join them next summer in Seaside Heights
Moon: He wants to be Rob “The predicament” Pattinson

Trouble on the Home-front

UC: And are those new gray pants?

Moon: yes i think they’re new!! its crazy!! WHO IS THIS MAN?? How did the paparazzi even know who he was? Wearing a sweater with a collared shirt under? He looks so clean I bet the paps couldn’t even follow his stench! Has Claire sent a care package of dick’s old “office outfits?”
UC: Yes. I think she sent SHOE polish too. Because while they look like the old favorites they are mighty clean. Or no- Rob discovered the shoe shiney man at LAX airport! He loves it so much that sometimes he buys an airline ticket for him & TomStu just so they can get through security to have their shoes shined. Then they stop by Au Bon Pain, grab a sandwich to go before heading out. Sometimes they even try out the chairs in Brookstone and rent books at the airport bookstore rental place, returning them the next time they come for a shoe shine
Moon: I like this new Rob.
UC: Me too. Grown up Rob. With Clean(er) shoes.
Moon: And he’s traveling without kristen too… WHAT IS GOIG ON?!!
UC: TROUBLE ON THE HOME FRONT
Moon: Vancouver is like bizarro Baton Rouge/twilight world (Everything is reverse for those not in on the superman lingo.)
UC: Uh, superman dork of the day award.

Rob's really in love here

Moon:Maybe Rob is like the opposite of everything else. When shit goes bad in a relationship he cleans up, starts shining his shoes, buys new clothes instead of falling apart and looking like a homeless person like every one else when they break up. And Happy in love = Hobo Rob. So clean shiny Rob = single * books ticket to Vancouver *
UC: sad, lonely & looking for a fangirl to F*ck= clean-cut Rob. GET OVER THERE
Moon: I’ll ignore that you called me a fangirl cause I’m on my way to the airport
Moon: I’ll tweet pics of his hotel room whilst he’s in the potty
UC: Please do. And his shirt looks purple.. Gasp! is he wearing a sweater over it? Did you already say that??? Did he join gilt.com? Was HE the one who bought the Marc Jacobs cashmere I was trying to get for Mr. Choice last week?
Moon: hahaha. I think it might be from dick’s “blue phase”
UC: was Dick feeling down then? (Like father like son? While there are problems with Claire, he’s classy & clean cut?) or do you mean he WORE a lot of blue?
Moon: I mean he WORE a lot of blue. Dick probably also made a visit after Rob called them from a NEW cell phone that was actually made in this decade- they got worried
UC: Yep… so not knowing what condition they’d find him in (was their real son beaten to a pulp & left to suffer in a ditch in Baton Rouge, and someone new was pretending to be him?) Dick came with a trash bag full of old clothes. Either for the new guy pretending to be their son. Or Rob… embarrassed, naked & broke, in need of clothes.
Moon: Used clothing is the Pattinson love language
UC: They’re so great. I’m jealous you get to be a part of the family. That’s what you’ll be after you bring Rob a bag of your bros old clothes when you head up to vancity to be the one who gets him out of his clean-cut slump
Moon: I will take him back to dirty hobo in no time. Give me a chance. PUT ME IN COACH!!! I got this!!!

You know we love you in love & as a dirty hobo, but we’re liking this new sad, lonely ready for Moon to make you her lover new-used clothed Rob too! Hell, what are we saying- we just love the fact that we’re SEEING YOU!! Keep it up Vancouver!

Love,
UC & Moon

What do you think of Rob’s new “look?” Think it’s odd for Rob to be in something as forward as an MTV jacket? Think it would be more appropriate for him to wearing something saying “Get off MTV’s Dick?”

Our internet game is ridiculous: LTT, The Forum, Twitter, The Store

114 Commented

Rob Pattinson at the Golden Globes gives us a new mantra…

Dear Rob,

I wish I could break down the Golden Globe anecdotes & 2nd-hand embarrassing experiences you gave us last night in full detail, but to be honest, there wasn’t much. I mean sure, before the show got started, MTV’s Josh Horowitz did his best to get you to spill the beans about the baby making you and Kristen do on the bear skin rug and that got an awkward laugh:

but beyond that, we basically saw this the entire show:

Jesus stealing Rob's thunder

Not that it isn’t a nice nose, but come on Foreign Press- or whoever is in charge- it’s ROB PATTINSON. HE’s FOREIGN (to me) You should love him. And why bring Justin Bieber if you’re not going to show him in the audience either. Are you saying Justin & Rob are only there to bring a certain audience (yes). Okay. We get it. But keep THAT AUDIENCE SATISFIED. Yes, I’m saying I’ll endure the awkwardness of watching Justin Bieber attempting not to talk like he’s from the hood or pretend like he didn’t cut off his famous hair-do. JUST TO SEE MORE ROB.

Then again, we did have this:

and this

and those faces along on the red-carpet almost make up for the lack of you during the actual show

And our darling @AshFrag coined the new Mantra of LTR during the show:

Rob Pattinson looks like sex feels

(ya know, awkward & kinda hurts at first. But TOTALLY WORTH IT at the end. Well, sometimes. Okay- rephrase “Rob Pattinson looks like sex is in my mind with Rob Pattinson. As in, perfection. With a little goofy sense of humor. Or something.) Anyway- new LTR mantra, what do you think!?

Does anyone else ever get the feeling looking at Rob on the red carpet that he’s thinking “What the F*ck am I doing here? I don’t know anyone. I am uncomfortable & have to scratch my balls.” And THEN… he hears his name called- and he’s like “Someone here KNOWS ME!” And he lifts his eyesbrows & turns his head, like he’s going to recognize his mom or cousin or TomStu across the way. Then he realizes it’s just a photographer calling his name. And he gets sad. And remembers that itch he wants to scratch. But then he hears his name AGAIN and thinks “Maybe- this time it really IS that girl I knew in Grade 8 that I never wanted to talk to but totally want to rescue me from this awkwardness right now!” and raises his eyebrows in recognition again…. but sadly, it’s just another photographers, wanting a picture…

Oh and be still my heart- i just thought about playing Twister with Rob….

Oh & Rob, I caught a glimpse of what you wore sometime earlier this weekend:

Um YES. YES. FINALLY someone told you about shirts that girls dream about taking off of you with their teeth! And those boots- while they’re not my favorite style- are VERY IN. AND DEAN looks FIT. Have you two been working out together? This warmed my heart. And TOTALLY made me forget about the pic I saw of your outfit from Golden Globes rehearsals:

So we had ZERO moments in which you will later look back upon & regret. And though you looked pretty smokin’ hot, last night basically reminded me I had a big fat crush on Ryan Gosling (sorry…!)

Love,
UnintendedChoice

What do you think!? Were we ROBBED of ROB? Or was his beautifulness in his navy suit worth not seeing him much the rest of the night? Do you LIKE our new MANTRA!??

After the jump, a little Monday Funny at the expense of Robward: Continue…

154 Commented

Catching up on all I’ve missed about Rob Pattinson

Dear Rob,

With the prepping for the holidays, the actual holidays and then recovering from the holidays, I’ve barely had any time to check what you’re up to! And since I haven’t heard many rumors about you’re life, I just assumed you weren’t up to anything. I haven’t even read my go-to-for-the-best-Rob-news site Robsessed in like… WEEEKS. Are you still in Brazil jumping off stuff? Well, turns out I DID miss stuff. Not that any of it is that great. Actually most of it is QUITE a snore, but at least it’s something, right!? Since the LTR readers tend to follow in the footsteps of Moon & UC – not because we rule (we do) but because we’re all pretty similar and, well, Normal, I figured I wasn’t the only one who missed what you’ve been up to. So let’s get to it:

First up, here is a list of stuff I’m not really going to mention but was part of your life in the past month: Water for Elephants trailer was released; We were too busy to break it down; WFE release date got pushed back 1 week; You went home to London; You went to Iowa? (Confused about that one. And care TOO little to research it further); You probably washed your hair; Bel-ami is not going to be at Sundance Film Festival; You were in some rag mags with untrue stories about your love life; You won some meaningless awards given to you by sites & media desperate to use your name to gain readership.

And in slightly more interesting news:

TONIGHT, You will join Kristen & Taylor to make the trinity complete at the People’s Choice awards:

And let me tell you how this story ends: You, Kristen & Taylor (and Eclipse) win every category you are nominated in. Dear John stands no chance up against you. Tina Fey & Steve Carell might as well go to the nursing home- they’ll never beat youngsters like you 3. And because of this, if anything else is on at 9 pm tonight, I’ll skip the show & just look at pictures later. But let’s be honest… Nothing else will be on & I’ll probably end up sucked in, face pressed up to the TV glass waiting for any glimpse of your elbow in the side of the screen. Sigh….

You’re going to present at the Golden Globes

Which means that on Monday January 17th, we might actually have something INTERESTING to blog about. Or at the very least super hot (please!) pictures or at least a 2nd-hand embarrassing video where you spit or say a weird British phrase that means something opposite in American. Wee!!

You were named #4 on the GQ (UK) Best Dressed 2011 list! Which is great… Except… Remember how you were #1 on the list last year??? Because you wore outfits like this:

Rob Pattinson modeling Wal-mart's finest

Wow. That sure is #1 right there. It’s no wonder you moved to #4 this past year. You really went down a notch wearing stuff like this:

Where is that sweater from? the dumpster outside of Walmart? Can’t get much lower than that, Robbie-pie!

And then there is my personal favorite news tidbit from the past few weeks. THIS picture:

I'm climbing in your windows (I'm snatching your people up..)

First of all, I have NO idea when it appeared. Apparently last month. Although it’s from LAST Christmas. But I can’t get enough. Seriously. I printed it out & hung it on my fridge. We have everything right here!!!

There’s Dick who either just woke up or is super sick (GET BETTER DICK! FROM WHATEVER YOU HAD LAST YEAR!) And then there is a MYSTERY WOMAN. No… not the one holding your hand, although I’m not sure who that is either cuz it’s OBVIOUSLY NOT KRISTEN, but the woman that Dick is holding on to. Moon insists it’s Claire, but I’m not convinced. Would Claire really wear a leopard print hat like Snooki? And is Claire wearing a Bubble jacket? Am I spelling Claire right? So many questions.

And then KRISTEN- I just… just…. actually have nothing to say about her. She looks sleepy?

In fact, you all do- either this is before dawn, early am Christmas picture before going to Grandma Pattinson’s house. Or LATE at night- after mucho eggnog & dancing in front of the fire (Obviously a Dick Pattz favorite activity on Christmas Eve!)

Do I HAVE to point out that your shirt says OBEY? Um, okay. Whatever you wish, Mr. Pattinson. And where did you get your height? Either Grandpop Pattz is a giant or your adopted. I hate to break it to you- but did you ever actually see pictures of your mom in the hospital with you? And look at those curtains! Edward would approve!! And what is hanging on the Pattinson family Christmas tree? Apples? TWILIGHT APPLES? Gift from Stephenie, I’m sure.

(and I’m trying not to mention it but I kinda have to mention it… this is obviously a super private photo so either a Pattinson cousin was on Santa’s naughty list in 2010 for sending that photo to the WRONG friend last year, or someone is hacking into either Rob or Kristen’s cell phone. I’m just saying)

So, it isn’t a ton- in fact it’s barely anything, but it’s a new year- and we’re kicking it off right TONIGHT at the People’s Choice awards. And then again in a few weeks at the Golden Globes. And since I’m just as behind on my Twilight news, I think you all should be headed to Vancouver pretty soon- if you’re not there already- and Vancouver-Rob is my favorite Rob! I think we might get some more interesting news yet! And if not, I can always get a chuckle (and feel super creeped out by the fact that I HAVE this picture) by looking at the Pattinson family Christmas photo from 2009 hanging on my fridge!

Love,
UnintendedChoice

Did I miss anything else? PLEASE tell me something much more amazing happened so I can stop being SO bored with Rob lately!

Our internet game is ridiculous: LTT, The Forum, Twitter, The Store

99 Commented