Posted by unintendedchoice on March 4th, 2011
Have you read your Vanity Fair article yet? If not, you might want to take a second to read the scans so you can participate in the Roblosophy we’re having. What ARE we getting Roblsophical about? What else? Your state of mind during the article, of course. I rounded up Moon & @brookelockart to see if we could figure out who you are- since obviously we know you better than you know yourself. Here are our steam of consciousness thoughts, in order of how they appear while we’re reading:
UC: Rob smokes American spirits!! nice. I have some in my home. I hate them. But we can joke about this. And stop talking about Heineken & hot pockets so much. he classed it up a notch. and OMG—HE HAS AN ASSISTANT? The dream job!!! All you’d have to do is light American Spirits, pop off the caps of Heinekens & microwave Hot Pockets all day (okay, so it’s been 3 seconds & I can’t stay away from the Heine/Hot Pocket jokes) Plus you could LOOK at him. How do I get that assistant fired & weasel my way into the job?
UC: And regards to the section of the article where in Tennessee people were banging on windows and wanting to touch his hair…. WHEN does this happen? WHY do we not hear about it? We are Rob fans….. I don’t know anyone who would do that. This is like.. Beatles hysteria.. and yes- we’ve seen it at premieres.. but that’s always going to happen there, but I’ve never even heard first-hand account of this happening outside of those situations… it’s insane…
Dear crazies, this was the ONLY time this was appropriate. (and barely even then)
Moon: I know.. does the whole airport thing feel so 2008?! I mean people asking him to bite them?! does anyone REALLY do that unless they’re Tyra banks? we know a lot of the fandom and i don’t know ANY of them who would do this… unless they were like 13 and became a fan back in 2006. I mean really? not that I don’t believe him that weird shit happens but i think it’s probably the exception and not the rule.
Brookelockart: Are people REALLY still asking to bite his neck? I mean we’ve all seen that interview a gazillion times, where the girl NEEDS him to bite her neck, but I’m going to guess that isn’t happening anymore.
Moon: I’m not saying that didn’t happen once, twice or even MANY times- but… let’s remember how Rob is in interviews. He’s awkward. He says stuff he probably makes up or half makes up- or doesn’t even always mean. I mean “I eat Hot Pockets every day & don’t shower?” That’s clearly not true. Again – I bet every story he’s told has some sort of truth or is true or was at one point, but does it happen all the time every single day like this seems? Well, no.
Brookelockart: I love Rob’s slanted view on America. Dear Rob, there’s plenty of times where I am the only white person on the bus. Try living outside of the hollywood bubble for a hot minute. Also, I love how we totally know who the “British friends” are – a nice wake up call that average America doesn’t, just us crazies. Oh and, I’m guessing that chain smoking will probably give you the shakes, especially if you aren’t eating. Maybe that’s the cause of the braille handwriting? Sad, sad Rob! (Oh and I dread all future reference to Rob and his Kindle.)
UC: Speaking of Kindles, you can get on the internet with those right? So Rob doesn’t miss our daily letters?
Moon: Are people actually saying this article has something or ANYTHING to do with Kristen?
UC: Of course. Their EPIC love is all throughout the article, can’t you see?
Moon: Besides Rob skirting around the question of their relationship when it was asked, she wasn’t mentioned. This wasn’t about them- or his love life at all. It was promo for Water For Elephants. That’s all there is to that!
Brookelockart: Well, I was sad to read the article but not upset over my level of fan girl..I’m admire from afar, I don’t know his whereabouts and don’t claim that I know anything about it. That’s fine by me.
UC: Sad!? Really? I don’t understand that- what made you sad?
Brookelockart: The way the article was written made him seem down and out & frustrated with his life. I look at it like when you are stuck in a job that you liked at first but now hate. He’s just over twilight. I can’t blame him. And I know that everything becomes amplified in the interview. And I don’t think he’s on lockdown 24/7, but the tone of the interview was definitely for us to feel a bit bad for him. Clearly he wasn’t on cloud nine feeling the magicness. Maybe he spilled something sticky (NOT THAT) on the bear skin rug that morning. Who knows.
I'm so sad. I mean I really have to pee
Well, I’m usually the type of person to play devil’s advocate. Plus I’m just a glass half-full kind of person: People have off days. I think that the stuff that happens to Rob DOES suck, but the things that are good probably out weigh the bad. And also… we’re reading this as how the WRITER sees it. Ya know how sometimes we see a picture where Rob’s head is down & he looks super sad or scared? When in reality he was just spitting a loogey on the sidewalk? It’s all in your perspective. And without really KNOWING him, we’ll never really know. Unless we break into his email. Which apparently is possible. What do you think the password is
UC: UCANDMOON what else?
Moon: Also… think back to the countless interviews we’ve seen with Rob- and how he comes across in person on camera. He’ll say ANYTHING- and it could be true or false. You can generally tell the difference in a TV interview, but that humor doesn’t always translate to paper. I don’t think he meant he literally CRIED when the elephant was done her scenes. I think he was just describing his emotions- he was sad. He enjoyed his time with her. He loved it!
UC: I actually think that article was less self-deprecating than he usually is. To me he did not seem “depressed” Jaded with it all? Hell yeah. Ready for it to be over. EFF yeah. Exhausted? Sure. But….. it made me remember why I like him: Rob is an artist. And he has the mind of an artist. He’s introspective. He’s interested in art & culture & philosophy. He’d rather have a serious conversation than get f*cked up with friends. THAT is not depression. Can that be considered a depressive nature? Sure. I’m married to someone VERY similar. The difference is… Mr. Choice
doesn’t have people screaming at him anytime he does come out of his solitude & wants to have a little fun. But Rob is a loner. Rob would rather be alone. With a book. He’s a bookworm!!
Moon: Exactly! He’s a delicate flower- He feels deeply- He thinks deeply. Everything effects him. And he wants to talk about it. He’s kind of a girl. (If I may be so derogatory.)
UC: You may. This article didn’t make me feel “bad” like some people have said. I don’t think Rob hates his life. I think he hates it when people scream at him, dudes want to beat him up & girls break into his email account. And all the people who feel “bad” about talking about him day in and day out online & obsessing over him shouldn’t feel bad because of THIS article (They should feel bad because the time that WE (yes, I included myself there) spend on him is kinda disgusting) because while they may talk crazy online- I think VERY FEW of them are actually crazy in person- or would be if they saw him. I think THOSE crazy fans who bang on windows & scare the shit out of him don’t sit around on twitter making “Rob Porn.” I don’t know what they do…. but I have a feeling it involves pipes & chemicals in a shed in the backyard….
Moon: Right and if he thinks the majority of Twi fans are that crazy- well that’s sad.. I feel bad.. they’ve got a bum wrap. WE’VE got a bum wrap. Crazies are exception not the rule, but sadly that’s what he thinks is the standard.
UC: So…those are my thoughts…. Rob’s gonna be okay. He’s gonna have dark days. But put him in a room with a pack of American Spirits & a good book & he’s happy. Eventually he’ll be able to go out for a nice dinner. It’ll be years FOR SURE. But it will happen. And he’ll eventually look back on “all this twilight stuff” and be grateful… b/c it got him to where he wants to be in the future- even if he never makes another movie again. While it’s hard to see & believe that’s going to happen, I think he truly believes it.
And there. Proved I actually know Rob. More than he knows himself.
Thanks to Shleeeigh who requested this Roblosophy!!!
I know you’ve been talking about it & thinking about it for days, but WHAT DO YOU THINK? Did the article make you feel sad like Brooke? Do you feel like maybe the writer was trying to GET us to feel something that maybe isn’t exactly there like Moon & I do? What do you think Rob’s email password is?
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