Confession: I haven’t seen Cosmopolis

Dear Rob,

Confession: This is as far as I’ve gotten in my quest to see Cosmopolis:

Talking to @Brookelockart at brunch this weekend:

Me: Are we going to see Cosmopolis?
Brookelockart: Is it out?
Me: Yes
Brookelockart: I dunno
Me: k

And I know! I am a ROB fan. I am currently writing on a ROB blog. What is wrong with me? I can think of 8 other things I’d rather do than go see Cosmopolis:

  1. Watch that DVD of “How to Be” I never started (nope. oops)
  2. Go see The Dark KnightRises (I’m behind on movies, k?)
  3. Eat a vegetarian hot pocket (do they make those?)
  4. Go camping (I hate camping)
  5. Go through my archives of Rob Pattinson magazines (I did some cleaning and found them the other day)
  6. Daydream about Jim Harper (SO SAD The Newsroom is over!)
  7. Husk Corn (It’s corn on the cob season!)
  8. Browse Robsten Tumblrs (one of my favorite activities)

I’m sorry. I know you’re hot in it. I know you have a lot of the sex with Debra from Everybody loves Raymond, but I just have no desire to see this movie. I didn’t read the book. The trailers didn’t sell it to me. As much as I love looking at you, I am just not in the mood.

I love my husband but that doesn’t mean everything he says and does is perfect. You’re like that for me.

Don’t tell my husband I just compared you two. 

Love,
UnintendedChoice

Call me a bad Rob fan! Yell at me at tell me I don’t deserve to look at the pretty! And after you’re done, the rest of you jump in & confess why you haven’t seen Cosmopolis either. And after the jump, hear from a gal who WILL watch the movie Continue…

48 Commented


Rob Pattinson on the Daily Show: Political jokes and… um awkward

Dear Rob,

2 of our favorite things happened last night: You + Jon Stewart. Oh and male spanx jokes, so make that 3 things. And Brookelockart & I decided to live break-it-down:

UC: do you think Rob is going to comment on Paul Ryan’s appointment to VP running mate. or perhaps once & for all tell us where he stands on Obamacare? I know we’ve been DYING to know
Brookelockart: I have a feeling that most of this chat will be me gushing over the genius that is Jon Stewart. I’d totally date a jew*, if they were as awesome as Jon Stewart. YAY! it’s on, Go Smart Funny Jew!! aaaaand good looking (said like a jewish mother)
UC: they’ll talk about the London Olympics for sure. Maybe discuss One Direction’s performance last night
Brookelockart: Haha– the Message to Twilight fans– Jon knows his audience tonight
UC: LOVE YOU JON
Brookelockart: hahahhah, he has to explain the Daily show to the new audience.
UC: I feel so welcome. Even though I’m a normal watcher
Brookelockart: me too. Like he rolled out a special welcome mat for us.

This sexy Jewish guy has a message for Twilight fans (click to read)

Brookelockart:Do you think Robstens lean right or left?
UC: I don’t know….. they could go either way
Brookelockart: nice PC answer UC. you could run for government
UC: I could. but if you make me answer…. Well- some want EVERYONE to leave ROBSTEN alone, which I assume includes the government– so therefore they lean right…Some ROBSTENers though feel entitled to ROBSTENs relationship– and they probably love social security & medicaid too, so they lean left. I so smart.

Brookelockart: dammmmm..Paul Ryan is trying to glamour us
UC: haha dreamboat
Brookelockart: it’s like all the Paul Ryan Gosling memes say
UC: wait.. those EXIST?
Brookelockart: ZOMG YES. there’s even a twitter
UC: i just found a tumblr
Brookelockart: “@PaulRyanGosling: Hey girl, I just ate a corn dog. Don’t ask. Don’t tell.” all the giggles!
UC: “@PaulRyanGosling: Hey girl, Mitt and I partied way too hard last night. Motherf*cker had FIVE Diet Sprites. The dude is insane.”

Brookelockart: So back to Rob on this show… do you think Jon showed him the questions before hand? because after his last appearance, I have to imagine Jon pitied Rob. That interview was so awkward that I had to keep looking away and changing the channel.
UC: oh yeah… i actually completely forgot about that interview…. i mean.. it … seems so long ago!
Brookelockart: It quite possibly was the most awkward interview that I’ve ever seen. Even worse than him being called a palsey chicken at comic con.
UC: well yes.. they have to had had some discussion.. b/c of the big elephant in the room (obvs talking about his unibrow)

Brookelockart: OOOOOH. it’s time.
UC: ugh… unf
Brookelockart: He’s in the SUIT. Good GOD
UC: do we know that person who screamed in the audience. I bet we do. Or was that me? ICE CREAM… good call Jon– nice touch. Also WHAT FLAVOR IS THAT so I can go buy every one at my local Wawa.

Brookelockart: OH ROB..SEE. HE CANNOT PLAY. AWKWARD. TONGUE IN THE ICE CREAM. TONGUE IN THE ICE CREAM
UC: NAH– rob is lactose.. he won’t eat it
Brookelockart: BUT THERE WAS TONGUE
UC: SOMEONE SCREEN CAP THAT
Brookelockart: Wait. do YOU KNOW THAT? About him being Lactose?
UC: BROOKE– of course i don’t know that. i’m NORMAL remember?

You can Double Spank me

UC: i’m cringing
Brookelockart: hahahahahhahah. AWKWARD. SOOOOO AWKWARD
Brookelockart: Has rob completed a sentence yet?
UC: no
Brookelockart: aww, Jon’s a nice big brother friend..even though after he probably walks back to the staff and says, effing idiot.
UC: yeah….. this is first right? cuz this is the BEST first interview possible. And can we agree that he really DOES need a publicist?
Brookelockart: his hair is looking pretty fantastic. SIDE NOTE
UC: um don’t pick your nose rob. but YES.. the hair… and the blue suit.. ugh.. hot..
Brookelockart: NOT YOUR NOSE– YOU ARE ON CAMERA. he really does need training
UC: and OMG he looks like my crush from 3rd- 8th grade. even more than EVER. i wish I could make him (my crush) model for the LTR world
Brookelockart: it all comes full circle– what is his life that he just talked about his break up to Jon stewart (and by talk, I mean he threw out some phrases and words that sorta made sense but were really not a coherent thought…)

Oh Rob… this is your life??!!!!

PS you looked amaaazing

Love,

UC & Brookelockart

*note: Brookelockart is Jewish and has never dated a Jew. Unless you count that one guy in 7th grade. Which I do and she doesn’t. So what does a friend like me do? Send her pictures of available Jewish guys all the time. Hot, not, small, fat, old, young. You’re welcome Brooke.

Ps: You can pick you friends and you can pick your nose, but you can never pick Rob Pattinson’s nose.

36 Commented


Breaking it down: Cosmopolis – Wait, what did we just watch?

NEON LIGHTS!

Dear Rob,

UC and I waited ALL day to watch the Cosmopolis trailer/teaser together and well 34 seconds later here’s what happened…
.
.
The one where we’re super confused
Moon: wait its only 34 seconds???
UC:  First I have to be honest, I know VERy little about this film except that Paul Giamatti is in it and it takes place in a limo which means I expect Hot Church Bass-like limo sex and he’s in the limo because
done
UC: is this modern day? I’m so confused already
UC: BOOBS
NEON
i haven’t understood a single mumble
WHAT
EW
Moon: um im pretty sure i just saw that womans nipple!!!

UC: WTF
I DID
Moon: wait
UC: dinosaurs?!
WHAT?
haha
OMG
Moon: did he just shoot his hand

wtf is going on?!
UC: YES
Moon: is that a knife in the eye?!

UC: I thought this was a movie about the stock market crash during a limo ride? where he gets syphllis
Moon: dude i liked this movie when it was called DRIVE with Ryan Gosling
UC: HAHAHAH
omg SAME feel
same bumpin music
Moon: wow… im watching that again
UC: who is the girl he effs? Rosario?
Moon: im so confused
UC: me too
fire?
what fire?
HUGE nipples
Moon: DUDE that womans vajay is in a shadow just barely

UC: dude
sex noises
like NOT edward sex noises
there’s like vajay
so he has a lot of sex “so me something i don’t know”
Moon: why is paul giamatti watching him blow his hand off?! with a towel on

UC: THAT is paul?
hahah
Moon: yes…i have the best screenshot ever
.
The one with the most amazing screenshot ever
UC: so he’s a rich kid Chuck Bass-like… who wants to FEEL so he shoots himself in the hand. and asks Paul G. to take off his towel that’s basically what i got
Moon: OMG just just pause and play and you get amazing shots of weird shit.
UC: hahahahahha
Moon: i got one of him peeing IN the limo

UC: WHAT? that’s amazing
Moon: YES. so at the end is the limo declared a hazmat situation?
UC: semen
blood
pee
yes
I think so
Moon: pee and sex fluids and sweat and who knows
UC: sypyllis
UC: looks like the mom from everybody loves raymond is the 2nd girl he effs
UC: from his old pal from France
Moon: wait there are rat men?>??!

do we find out at the end of the movie he’s really just been on an acid trip??
UC: i thought they were dinosaurs at first…
and yes… I’m guessing
or it was all a dream
i mean.. maybe he’s ALSO on an acid trip in the limo. PEEING.
.
The one where we still can’t figure it out
Moon: dude. what is going on???
UC: now he’s doggy styling raymond’s wife

is HE cutting out the eye?
Moon: DUDE he’s doing DEBRA?!
Debra Barone
UC: HAHHAA
YES i mean… it sure looks like her in this teaser. I assume that buttoned up blonde woman is the one who is gonna “show him something he doesn’t know” which is… a woman who wears underwear in the daytime a woman without an STD? a woman with normal sized nipples?
Moon: and wasnt married to raymond

UC: wasnt on one of the most popular shows of the late 90s? haha. she’s gonna shows him how to study hard at law school?
Moon: shes gonna nag him about putting up his dirty socks and doris roberts is gonna walk in with the old grandpa and complains about Debra’s cooking.
.
The one where… WHAT IS THIS?!
Moon: dude what did we just watch??
UC:  I dunno but… I mean its different and like… a totally different audience… i mean… this might work? could this WORK for him?
Moon:i sure hope so i mean based on what i heard from my NON twilight friends im crossing my fingers for him but like really he shot himself in the hand
UC: right  that’s gross and that eye
me: so DRIVE. it looks like drive meets social network meets everybody loves raymond.
UC: i mean.. this is TOTALLY not the kind of movie I’d like to see. ALSO i never saw Drive so stop that
Moon:drive is the best
ever

Ok, so this is obviously a post with some of the craziest images/screencaps we’ve ever had and that’s saying something. I’m really interested to see this because of how crazy  it looks.

A rat/A dinosaur/A nipple/A limo?
Moon and UC

What did you think of this? Does this make any kinds of sense to any one or are you just in it for him doing Everybody Loves Raymond’s wife?

Our internet game is ridiculous: LTTThe ForumTwitterThe Store

33 Commented


Heinekens all around! It’s LTR’s 3rd Anniversary!

Dear Rob,

new LTR motto

It’s 5 o’clock somewhere, so pass me a beer and let’s cheers to UC and Moon on 3 years of writing letters to you! I realize they aren’t always the most flattering, sometimes a little fan girly and almost always snarky, but you have to hand it to UC and Moon — finding material to write to you when you disappear for days, isn’t the easiest thing to do. I think you should get their fan cards laminated for an anniversary gift (and maybe leave your phone number on the back).

In honor of this happy occasion, I decided to surprise the girls by breaking into the blog and talking to some longtime friends about their favorite posts. So enjoy! (How could you not, it’s all about you!?)

Today’s fellow guests, please introduce yourselves and how long have you been reading?

Read_or_sleep: Summer 2009
Cazza: March 2009
PlaneFriend: Reading Since: About 5 seconds after this post. When I saw Stephenie was going to have fansites interview her, I decided to go looking at the fansites. All the others I just glanced at, read a page or two, and never went back to again. Within days, I was reading most of the LTT backlogs…realized I knew UC a few weeks later, started writing for y’all occasionally, and the rest in history.
Stacey: March 2010
LonestarKendall: March 2009
Rachel B, formerly GriffsSayWhat: Winter 2009
Alice_NaA  – Bella_NaA : A  long long time ago, when palatial pads and hot pocket fortresses where yet to be built, Summit was not to blame, TomStu still shaved, Bobbygee shared his wisdom, AmanDUH  was working her living room corners, the Pattinson pants were in style, and Oregano was not just an Italian herb.
superhumanmoron: January 2009
MrsKowski: I’ve been reading since March of 2009. The post that started it all for me was the “This is how you found us? Vol. 2”  it was linked on NewMoonMovie.org – my world has not been the same since I made the decision to click on that link.
Snowwhitedrifted: January 2010
Janetrigs: February 2009
Allryans: April 2009, actually since THIS post.
Operarose: August 2009
TeamSeth: September 16, 2009

And if you don’t know me, I’m Brookelockart and have been starting trouble since March 2009.

Which posts have made you snarfle your drink while reading?

Read_or_sleep: Four Words.  WE ARE THE ROB.  What happened to that song? When UC, Moon and special guests broke down the Details pictures.   Most sites were basically just drooling and LTR made it look as if they were seriously analyzing the pictures.  That time UC (I think) made the mother trucker profile for Ron when he was on the road trip from CA to NOLA.
Cazza: Pattinson Pants lady at ComicCon “she lives”….she was a celebrity in her own right but just didn’t know it!!!
LonestartKendall: Ahhh, the list is too long. TOO LONG. Anything by the Quad – those were always amazing,
Alice_NaA: What’s Remember Me about. I actually found LTR that way… by googling “what’s remember me about”. No lie. I then spent the entire day giggling about the city housing code loophole and recreational vehicles part. I also learned many fancy words here at LTT/LTR, it’s all about education.
SHM: Creepy Uncle Rob.  I may have peed a little.  That’s when I knew I had found my people.
Allryans: I have a continuous heartquake. I’m pretty sure that I could not hold it together watching this video of your incognito dramatic poetry reading.

Like most passionate relationships, there’s a little bit of love and hate. Which post made you love him or hate him more?

Read_or_sleep: I wouldn’t say this post made me love Ron any more or less.   It just left me feeling confused,
Rachel B: I love the “jumping Rob” because that picture gave us endless hours of photoshopping entertainment!
Alice_NaA: Hate -> the time he was driving a green Porsche. Love -> That it’s normal to disrespect Rob nice and slow.

not hot, nope.

Bella_NaA: Hate -> the wonky Cosmopolis hair. Was he trying to one-up TomStu and his monkey beard?
SWD: The epic Chart-O-Robs. I like having a choice.
JanetrigsPSA I have been Cyber Bullied, – This made me HATE Ron because it showed me how there was this crazy rift in the once powerful singular unit known as Twi/Ron fan. This meant that my friends may or may not hate each other over reasons that seem ridiculous, and thus I hated him for causing the rift, because it’s always the man’s fault. I loved Ron again, not after a LTT or LTR post, but when I saw DTR or Dirty Train Ron filming pics of Water for Elephants. There is something about DTR.
Allryans: HATE: (the real hate, not the Janetrigs kind).  Not only did Rob completely botch this joke in the most unfunny, unendearing way ever, but REESE had to save him from it, and no one is worse than Reese. NO ONE.
Teamseth: This post made me love Ron more or this post made me love him less. I did my duty. Rob is not for me.

Great picks! I love Photo-shoot Ron (think GQ), but real life Ron may not be for me!

Continue…

36 Commented


What IS Cosmopolis about?

Dear Rob,

It’s time to confess that I literally have no idea what your latest flick Cosmopolis is about. Even worse, every time I write it out, I accidentally write Cosmopolitan- like the drink & female magazine that teaches us “109 ways to please him down there” (I memorized them all, in case you’re wondering)

I don’t know where I was when you went up to Toronto (you’re in Toronto, right? Do YOU even know?) but you were suddenly there & all these pictures started coming out & I was so far behind I haven’t even TRIED to catch up!

I remember when I heard you signed on to Cosmopolis- specifically because Paul Giamatti is in it too & he is Mr. Choice’s favorite. I figured that was BOUND to give you some more credibility with him (sadly, so far it hasn’t) but for whatever reason, at that time, I didn’t click a link or do any research about the film. I think it kinda seemed like people knew a lot about it already- and so I figured eventually someone would fill me in without me having to do the “heavy lifting” of figuring it out myself (I just let you in on my blogging secret- I don’t actually know anything myself- I just surround myself with people who do!)

Remember when Moon asked you what exactly Remember Me was all about (<— click that) and entertained us all SO wonderfully with her guesses based on the pictures leaking from set? I’ll be begging her daily to recreate that letter about Cosmopolis (I will not even attempt to touch her brilliance) but I think of that every time I see a picture from set.

For example: Is Cosmopolis about a “new guy” who moves into the neighborhood with sleek, silky hair and sunglasses we learn are “much cooler” than Rob’s Ray Bans? Is the angst of the story about the fight between the two men about who is the hottest?

Is it about a secret tryst between two male lovers- the boss & the building’s janitor- behind the fire escape at a downtown building?

Is it about a famous celebrity, trying to hide from his fame by going through his life under the name “Eric Packer?” (Which we now officially know is the name they are calling Rob “in secret” on set)

I kinda started this letter with the intention of figuring out what Cosmopolis IS about, but then I had too much fun just looking at pictures & imagining (okay fine, and I got distracted by my neighbor’s offer of a summer solstice drink). But one thing I’ve learned from all the years at LTR is that I’m NEVER alone. and I bet I’m NOT the only one who has NO CLUE what Cosmopolis is about. ANd I’m sure there are the few LTR readers that know EVERYTHING- memorized the imdb page or read the book (is there a book?) or saw the original movie (is there one?) and everything…. Cuz That’s Normal. Both things. And if someone WANTS to enlighten me in the comments today, I’m all ears. But otherwise, I bet we’ll figure it out- eventually. Maybe for once in my Rob-life I’ll be surprised & know NOTHING walking into one of your films, Rob. “WIll there be a sex scene?” “IS Rob an action star?” “Do Rob & Paul Giamatti get it on halfway through?” Only time will tell (or else some commenter will today…)

Loving the surprise, for once,
UnintendedChoice

What about you? Do you know ANYTHING about Cosmopolis? Are you okay with not knowing? Or is it just me not really caring (shh) about this latest movie of Rob’s but being happy that he looks so hot in it?

Pictures from Robsessed, where else!?

Our internet game is ridiculous: LTT, The Forum, Twitter, The Store

 

74 Commented


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