Blind Items and Europe are my favorite past time

I do Blind Items instead of crosswords or Suduko

Dear Rob,

I’ve been saying all week how much I loooooove European Rob (minus the goatee). You look great traipsing up and down red carpets in Paris (oh la la I miss it) and Brussels all relaxed like with a one Miss Ashley Greene. Now either the unpasteurized cheese in France has given you a new lease on life or the fizzy water and architecture are doing wonders for you or somethings up. You just have a certain ohhhh I don’t know je ne sais quoi about you this week.

But wouldn’t you know it whilst I was perusing this Blind Item I was sent I came across this little gem… and suddenly I got it…

Blind Item-
“I feel like Ted “Twilight” Casablanca with this one. Seriously, I am surprised he does not have Twilight tattooed on his chest. Anyway, back in the day when the franchise first started filming, this actor was hooking up with this actress who played his sister. Well, what was not known at the time by that actress was that he was also hooking up with another of his sisters who we will call sister #2. Sister #1 disappeared from the picture at some point, but despite everything that has gone on with our actor and another actress from the movie, he keeps going back to sister #2. Apparently they got noise complaints last night in a European hotel because they were so loud in bed.”

So wait, am I brother 1 and you're sister 2? Is this like Sisterwives?

YOWZZZAA! Now, you know as much as I do that we were all doing Twilight math in our heads as we read that one…Cullen brother in Europe… Kellan is off in Indonesia somewhere, Jacky is in LA doing whatever he does… sister #1 disappeared off the scene… sister #2 in Europe… brother involved with another actress from the movie… Brother and Sister #2 both in Europe… WELL WELL… HMMMMM Well yes, I think we have a winner here.

Yea, yea we all know this is a blind item and you have an epic-secret-maybe not- maybe so love affair with you know who but I’d just like to remind you to keep that ish bagged up cause the last thing either of you need to do is add a visit to the free clinic to your calendar. Monday: 10AM: Press junket Noon: Lunch with Agent 12:30PM Try to scratch under table clothe to not draw attention to downstairs “issues” 1PM press event with cast 2:30PM Phoner with Ryan Seacrest 3PM Penicillin shot at the Melrose Free Clinic 4PM Tea with director of next possible film 430PM Another nondiscript scratch opportunity 5PM Tape Conan. UM NO. I’m gonna go ahead and say we’re all adults here (god I hope so) so you can do whatever floats your boat but need I remind you of this handy chart and reminder of what could be… courtesy of everyone’s favorite Uni or High School health office…

Click to enlarge this and scare yourself
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Oh look it's the Sexual Exposure Chart! The WHHAA??

Yes, the ol Sexual Exposure Chart! If we take into account just the numbers from the blind item we’re already getting into inkblot/blurrly little people catagory on this thing. Ok, all I’m saying is you could have (allegedly) slept with a Jonas Brother and Anna Lynne McCord and Rachel Even Wood. I’M JUST SAYING. Keep it safe, keep it simple and good on you.

And thus I’d like to bestow upon you my most favorite (and maybe) aptly name celeb couple: RASHLEY!

May you live long and prosper (in the gossip rags)
Themoonisdown

PS is it awkward for Ashley to stand next to that huge poster of Edward and Bella? Weird.

It’s a blind item! Have some fun! Truth or no truth, finally we’re getting some dirt. And what’s not to love about relaxed top button undone European Rob??? NOTHING! (minus the goatee)

Source: Crazy Days and Nights

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60 Commented


Rob takes it back a decade with a goatee

Dear Rob,

Remember when I said I was like way into your beard and you looked super cute and fluffy and scruffy? Well, you went to Paris and lost your mind (screaming fan events will do that to you) and shaved it into a…. GOATEE. Did you actually step onto a time machine instead of a plane at LAX? Cause hot damn, I’m glad I recently unearthed all those Doc Martens in my closet.

I’m glad you continue to test our limits, how much do we REALLY love you? The goatee reminds me of these kinds of dudes…





Of course when news of your goatee spread UC and I came up with a list of reasons WHY (on god’s green earth) you would shave your beard into a goatee…

Hey Rob I wore this weird teacher's whistle necklace to distract them from your regrettable facial hair choices. You're welcome

1. 90s grunge cover band lead singer
2. Just found out he’s gonna be a dad
3. Doesn’t wanna get laid
4. He really loves the mid 90s is contemplating a “soul patch” next but wanted to work his way down
5. Going to Lollapalooza and is worried about beard maintenance at a festival
6. Is hoping to get a promotion at enterprise rent a car to mid level manager
7. Looking to impress the boss man at his annual insurance convention in Grand Rapids
8. Toyota is running a deal: 1000 cash back on all Sienna mini vans to guys who look like dads. He loves the extra room abd trunk space. Comes standard with navigation. And automatic rear door
9. He read about my recent unearthing of all my doc martens and he thought I might like him more if he looked more crunchy. He told Claire to send him his old flannels and ripped jeans
10. He’s been re-learning his favorite nirvana songs on guitar
11. Next style change: going blonde. Goatee too. Just the goatee!! And maybe some frosted tips. He brought along a box of color and is asking Ashley to dye his hair when they’re in eastern Europe. Feels appropriate. May even grow a euro-mullet… Or slight rat tail.

Clearly, your next facial hair steps on this European tour are soul patch/Flavor saver, dye the facial hair to platinum blond. Shave the soul patch and keep the mustache. Then come back to LA and fit in on the east side. We see your mad perfect facial hair plan. I’m not liking it but I’ll gladly welcome you back to LA with a moustache.

All my 90s love,
Themoonisdown

Our internet game is ridiculous: LTT, The Forum, Twitter, The Store

39 Commented


Win a Date with Tad Hamil– I mean, Rob Pattinson

Dear Rob,

The other day, Twilightish brought to our attention a story running in a Swedish online paper that can’t possibly NOT be true:

Win a date with Twilight stars Robert Pattinson and Ashley Greene

All you have to do to enter the contest is answer the following question & give reasons WHY you should be the one to win the date:

Robert Pattinson is of course best known for his role as Edward Cullen in “Twilight” films, but he has also appeared in another film based on bestselling books. What? *

  •  Narnia
  • Harry Potter
  • Lord of the Rings

Ring of NiebelingsOf course, you are most known for your role in Ring of Nibelungs, so I guess the translation got messed up or something & they left that one out.

Since I got the answer obviously right, I put on my thinking cap, stared longingly at the middle picture all the way to the left of the collection posted here, and came up with reasons WHY I should win a date with you & Ashley:

1. Double Date with Robshley? That’s a lot of pretty people to stare at- surely making me very insecure- why would I pass THAT up? Plus, since the two of you seemed to have never spoken unless there were lines written down that you were paid to speak, having a “date” together, just the three of us, will be ALL SORTS of awkward. And I don’t want to miss that!

Me: How is your new dog, Rob?
Rob: Oh he’s fine he—
Ashley: You have a dog?

Me: Hey Ash- how is (insert name of Hollywood’s “it” boy of the week)
Ashley: Oh he’s good- super hot & good in bed
Rob: Aren’t you dating a Jonas brother?

2. Rob needs me for hair advice. And clothing advice, girl advice & “how to be a famous person without being a Douche like John Mayer or a hermit like he normally is” advice.

3. I’ll eat anything. (I mean anything) Plus I’m a cheap date. Heineken and TV dinners are okay by me. I’ll even ignore my 11 year vegetarianism for one night, if I have to.

4. I really could care less about Rob’s role as Edward or Ashley’s role as Alice. And I promise not to bore them with questions like “How did it feel for Edward to finally feel free to love completely once Bella turned Vamp” (or for Ashley “Can’t Alice SEE into the future & warm Jasper about the bad hair days ahead?)

5. I put out on my first dates. So naturally, Rob will, too.

So what do you think country of Sweden, organizers of the “WIN a Date with Ashley & Rob” event? Do I win?

Love,

UnintendedChoice

Why should YOU win a date with Rob? And how much do we want to bet that this is #1: A ploy for more web hits that will never come to fruition in Stockholm OR #2 the “Date” is a meet & greet signing event that will involve Rob & Ashley handing a pre-signed image to a fan & posing for one picture?

Our internet game is ridiculous: LTT, The Forum, Twitter, The Store

7 Commented


UC and Moon's excellent adventure – Los Angeles

Dear Rob,

We feel like you need a lil’ background on us since we’ve been so intimate lately. We met in college during the fall of 2002 when we were at an off-campus program with 30 students. We were not friends. It’s a long story but basically UC was a bitch and Moon seemed like a rock star (moon note: and was a bitch too). And we forgot to introduce ourselves on the first day and so just decided it’d be easier to ignore each other all semester. Flash forward to 2004- UC has the worst job on planet earth & Moon is bored at home. We talk online, a lot.. and our friendship begins. We see each other for a day and 1/2 in 2008, so our visit together for five days a few weeks back was a big deal- our first extended time together in 6 and 1/2 years and our first time as friends! We were super excited to see each other, to say the least!

There’s so much to recap- we did so much! We ate so much food- we drank a lot of champagne! We watched a lot of Twilight and stayed up late every night writing kickin’ blog posts! We can’t possible tell you all we did (but come over tonight and we promise we’ll try…) So, we thought we’d recap our trip for you and the LTR girls in little snippets!

Hugs & LA-love,
UnintendedChoice & theMoonisDown

Our breakdown of this momentous trip…

Friday

  • Moon live Tweets picking up UC and Hubs at the airport. Sample “Driving like edward in la. being as safe as possible while planning slumber party with ashley in head
  • then we zoom over to the Hot Topic DVD release party to meet up with our BFF, Ashley Greene. Live Tweet: “we are at the gates of hell! twihards screaming and tv cameras filming. no ash sighting” Instead we are tres embarrassed by the other fans who showed up… see this video:

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SusDpcj-Fi4]

Transcript
*girl screams bloody murder* (at least like eleventy billion times that night. seriously)
UC: god
Moon: Wow, unnecessary!
UC: I’m videoing
Moon: 1st hand embarrassing!
UC: Oh, I’m gonna fall. Ok I’m gonna stop it… helloooo… how do I stop it…
*cuts camera*

See people this is what it’s like out with your ol pals UC and Moon… a laugh a minute. This is why we chose the WRITTEN word!

More Moon and UC shenanigans after the cut!
Continue…

761 Commented


Where in the world is the Edward Action Figure? The Gates of Hell

Dear Ashley-

It was little Edwards dream to meet you, besides being a HUGE fan he knew how much UC and I loved you. I mean we’re going to be BFF’s after all. So when the news came down the wire that you were going to be at Hollywood and Highland’s Hot Topic he knew he had to be there to see you. I busted her arse to get to Hot Topic to secure tickets then drove like Edward down to LAX to pick up UC and back up to Hollywood again all the while dreaming of the perfect slumber party she would someday host after you all met and knew you must be BFF’s for life.

Needless to say it was absolute pandemonium with hundreds upon hundreds of fans (and friends and boyfriends and husbands who got dragged along) lined up for just a chance to see you.

dscf6537
Entering “the gates of hell” as Rob would say… screaming tweens and angels of death greet us as we settle in for the wait

dscf65421
At first Edward was a bit scared to come out and play cause it was so crazy…

grlsnedward
turns out he was a HUGE hit… with girls wanting to take pictures with him and asking where to get their own mini Edward. Seriously girls? Who doesn’t know that?

dscf6543
Then being the good bloggers that we are we decided to update the followers on Twitter as to what was going on. Mini Edward being the crafty guy he is decided to get in on the action by live tweeting some of the news and professing his undying love to all the insane LTR gals and twitter followers who endured the 2 hr wait with us (regardless of time zone)… and a special thanks and ‘hitch of the leg’ to JBell our personal savior and direct feed to all things TWI while driving all over LA and standing in line trying not to get eaten by rabid fans and general Hollywood dbags. You will get your reward in heaven and “fake prize” TBD.

dscf6546
with hundreds of screaming (yes SCREAMING, read: ANNOYING) fans clambering to see you the tv crews were swirling like vultures with their cameras waiting to catch the perfect twihard freak out and rip off her “Edward is Mine, back off Biotch!” tshirt at the mere site of a cardboard cut out. We saw Access Hollywood, E! news, Reelz Channel, the Local Fox affilate and MTV. Loving Larry Carrol like we do Edward decided to show himself  for the MTV cameras and as luck would have it…

sendhelp
Moon happens to get into the shot featured on MTV.com!

ashwalksinlttltr
And then FINALLY!! You show up and I have to hold on tight to little Edward because it started getting crazy. Pushing, shoving, screaming, demons being exercised from the bodies of 14yrs olds… you know just your average Twilight event

edashatlastlttltr
Finally after we’re peeled off of the floor and our hearts resuscitated by electric shock we run to get in line to meet you because Little Edward simply can’t pass by this opportunity… as we wait in line we meet other twi-fans to pass the time while we  inch closer and closer to meeting you. AND THEN… the clouds (tutu’s, bat wings, twilight body glitter) part and Edward sees you!

edashearringlttltr
All that craziness and screaming and lines and it was worth it. Little Edward, I and UC up close and personal with Ashley Greene at the Hollywood and Highland DVD release party and we couldn’t have been more psyched to meet our new BFF. PSSSTTT check out her earrings!

ltrlttkynt
It was nearing 2AM and we simply had to get out of Hollywood but not without getting a picture with our newest BFF fellow M.A.C., Hello Kitty and Twilight Fan (Amazing Race contestant) Kynt whom we met while waiting in line. Check out Kynt’s awesome sites.

Ashley we heart you and Edward’s life is now (almost) complete!

Kisses, hugs and rainbows,
Themoonisdown

Check out our rundown of the Midnight “Party” over at Letters to Twilight!

Where else has the Edward Action Figure been?

686 Commented


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