The Ghosts of Rob Pattinson’s Past: Part 1

Dear Rob,

I’ve been thinking a lot about you (duh) and my mind has been drifting to the past two years. Maybe it’s because our 2 year anniversary is coming up next week, or maybe it’s because I’ve been missing the old, drama-free days when life was just new pictures, new videos, new things to swoon over, new things to laugh at day after day after day. The past is fun to think about. So I decided to start a December feature focusing on the Ghost of Robert’s Past, Present & Future. OF course by “Ghost” I mean, really hot things about each of those times in your life. So today, I present: The Ghost of Robert Pattinson Past: Part one

I remember finishing the Twilight saga on vacation in 2008, and hitting the blogs, looking for info. about the books. That’s when I discovered a MOVIE was releasing in a few months. Starring…. CEDRIC:

Accio your clothes

But Cedric quickly turned into Oh my goshhhhhhhh…. that’s not Cedrrrriccc” (that’s my text-representation of the groaning noise I made in the movie theater in November of 2008) with one little scene & twitch of your mouth:

Next I experienced you in a suit for the first time while watching (or attempting to watch) the London premiere of Twilight while on my computer at work:

Never noticed it before, but I bet $10,000 you went into that Burger King after you walked the red carpet

And then Oh, no he Di’int when you cut your hair. Which I liked. Plus the guitar- Gah! Kill me

Speaking of Guitar- remember when you did those two songs for the Twilight soundtrack & movie & I used to listen to them over and over and over and over and over again & reminisce losing my Robert Pattinson virginity (or was that fantasizing about losing my Robert Pattinson virginity? Hmmm. Same diff)

Remember when you used to get down & party with who we can assume is your poor, left out of the attractive Pattinson-gene-pool, cousin?

Remember when you got invited to the Oscars & THIS was the best moment of the night?

And of couse, Ahem, The Tuck (You’re welcome for not posting the picture)

And….. well, I got this far & then realized that The Ghost of Rob Pattinson Past is long. Or the ghost is busy. Or he was busy. Or maybe it’s a she. Or something. Like if I keep going, we’re gonna be here until Christmas. So until next time……I’ll be listening to Never Think on repeat, envisioning The Tuck and remembering the Ghost of Rob Pattinson’s Christmases- errrr- November to April, 2009 past.


Okay, you see what I did here! Now it’s YOUR turn. Keeping in mind we’re going to do this again with a Part 2 next week, what are some of your favorite “Ghosts” (aka hot moments. Yes I realize that analogy doesn’t work. Go with me. It’s the holiday spirit) of Rob Pattison’s Past starting at the “beginning” through April/May 2009?

Yo- you know how the Bite Me Edward notepads were 1/2 off in November? Well, we just got word that the sale was extended through December 15th! Whoo hoo! Pick up some (or some more!) for gifts! Bite Me Edward (no seriously)

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105 Commented

Open Weekend Post hosted by: Keisha and all our favorite Rob’s

(Keisha welcomes the weekend for us with a special poem about all our favorite Rob’s through the years! Happy Weekend! xo, moon)

Dear Rob,

Why do we love thee?
Let me give you a glimpse in this Ode to RobP.
Let’s start by taking a look at your early work, shall we?
This isn’t in much order but please bear with me.
(Gotta put in THEY’RE NOT BEARS or UC & Moon will kill me!)

You were such a goofy dude as Art in How To Be
And portrayed a great artist when you played Salvador Dali.
You wore a rainbow sweater and again were so dorky
When you were in that movie about teen pregnancy on BBC.
There was that movie where you smoked like a chimney,
Laid around, and the spiders were way creepy.
You were even in a movie about that Potter boy Harry
Was it fun to be a wizard when you played Cedric Diggory?

THEN there was this director named Cougar Cathi
That was doing a movie about a book by Stephenie.
I’m sure you had no clue your life was about to be so kookie
When you were auditioning… on a bed… with a handheld video cami.
You played this “teenager” named Edward C
Did I mention that you were a vampire with a bouffant and were sparkly?!
Who had one fiiiiiiine faux Daddy
Played by none other than Peter Facinelli!
Now females yell “Edward Cullen, Bite Me!”
And scream in your face like they’re all bat-shit crazy.

I, myself, was a little late to the party
But last May I finally saw Twilight On Demand in HD.
For weeks I was glued to YouTube like it was Thursday Night Must See TV
For never before had I enjoyed hearing a grown man giggle and say “Lit’rally”.
I rushed out to Target and bought the Twilight DVD
And for that I have just one word: Commen-freaking-tary!

Now I say things like OME!
And smile when I see Volvos that are silvery.
Just to see your cardboard face I will walk repeatedly
In front of the window display at the mall’s FYE.
I even own an Edward lunchboxie
And trust me, I am not in Grade Three.
I, too, think Hot Pockets are pretty darn tasty
And am waiting for my chance behind a Dumpster with The Pretty.

Your life has been invaded by so much paparazzi
Who will do just about anything to take pics while you’re tipsy.
You sure know how to have a good time with Heine
With your best mates Tom, Marcus, Sam, and Bobby.
I will scour the Interwebs for hours to see
Pics of you in the sacred gray shirt of Stoli.
God forbid you forget to wear a hoodie
Or go outside without your trusted dark beanie.
The jeans had better be button-flied, blue, and holey
And I won’t turn away if you show a little mantie.
I swear your hair tells you “Don’t wash me!”
The girls really swoon when it’s all wild and messy.
Deep down we’re all hoping that you aren’t really smelly
And that we won’t get run off by Dean/Steve, your Security.

Everyone noticed you’re a pretty talented hottie
Especially when you strum your guitar and sing all mumbly.
Thanks to you some now think smoking is again way sexy
And you even have a segment called Robert is Bothered on Jimmy!

We REALLY love when you pose for mags like VF and Gentleman’s Quarterly
Even if you’re picking corn out of your teeth or wearing a horse blankie.
Sad Rob makes us sad and white, button down shirt, skinny tie Rob fills us with glee
But I’m not sure the world got the joke about your “allergy”.

It was time for you to do another movie
So off you went with a DILF to the Van-city.
While you were there you turned 23
And KStew’s life became a little less spicy.
But that had nothing to do with you, right Baby?!!
At least that’s what the execs at Summit try to tell me.

After that wrapped you went to New York City
And shot a somewhat different film called Remember Me.
There’s this guy named Tyler and a girl named Ally
I don’t remember much after the scene with spaghetti.
That’s a big fat lie cause then you get sweaty!
It was a crazy summer; some fangirls got rather fugly
For that I’m sorry and I really hope you didn’t get hit by that taxi.

You went back to the ‘Couve but there wasn’t much we could see
So we all settled in and waited impatiently for the eve of November Twenty.
A movie at midnight was a first for me
And you weren’t even in half of the damn movie!
But a little of YOU is better than none so 4 more times I would see
You in Grandpa’s tweed with a left nipple that’s a little wonky.

Your next project is/was Bel Ami
Which appears to have you with lots of Time comma Sexy.
THIS is full of Box Office WIN, trust Me
And I had no idea that 1890s Paris looked like present day Hungary.
Soon you will be in Cali shooting a movie about watering Rosie
Your love interest has played your Mummy
No, that’s not at all Uncle Rob creepy.
And your competition, even though he was a bad Nazi
In Inglorious Basterds, “That’s a Bingo!” is still pretty damn funny.
Team Rob will become Team JACOB Jankowski
Oh, the irony!!! Or not so much really….

After that… probably…. uhm…. most likely… maybe?
Will be the conclusion of Twilight with BD.
It all depends on what the director can do with CG
Did you know you’re going to have a weird ass baby???
What steps are you taking to become a Daddy?
I mean…. What steps are you taking to learn how to ACT like a Daddy?
Please be careful and get some freaking chemistry
You have no idea how much we are looking forward to Fade to Black Isle Esme.

But before that there’d better be a Leg Hitch in Eclipse we see!
Or the Fandom will revolt on this June Thirty.

Good Heavens this Ode sure is rambly.
And I haven’t even mentioned Pattinson Pant Lady!
In conclusion, Rob, we’d also like to thank Moon and UC
For showing us this acute fondness is not crazy, That’s Normal-cy!
But you know me as Keisha when I get all Commenty

Happy Weekend!!!

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44 Commented

Robward, oh Robward…where art thou my Robward?

Juliet explains her Rob obsession in terms we can understand: Robward and the word “ho-baggish.” Preach on sister…

Oh heeeeeyyy there

Dearest LTR,

I am a newbie to the Twilight “religion” (cherry popped in February of this year), and a lurker on your site and am so thankful I have found you because over the course of the last 5 months I have found that not only has the series consumed my entire being, but so has Robward. Yes that’s right, Robward. I have found that I can’t love one without the other therefore in my mind I had to morph them into a single beautiful being.

The reason that I can’t love one without the other is simple, to love only Rob would mean that I am into a quirky man who is in fact sexy in his own right, but owns only one pair of pants that he sags (see recent pics of surprising theater goers below),

wears shoes without laces or socks (see recent twitpic you posted of him outside of sambradly show),

only washes his hair on special occasions and holidays, smokes 3 packs a day and has the diet of a frat boy living on only hot-pockets and beer. And to love only Edward would mean that I am into a man who may or may not have bi-polar disorder (the Hillywood production of the Twilight parody comes to mind when I think of him to the tune of Katy Perry’s Hot n Cold), can only be described as beautiful because he in fact does “sparkle like diamonds”, he has an intense desire to kill me, and he is so sweet and sappy he make me as a goody-two-shoes-girl look uncivilized and ho-baggish with all his “courting” talk. So with this said, I have morphed them into one beautiful/sexy perfect man.

No socks, with shoes? No problem!

My Robward is everything I expect a man to be, but better. He has a messy side as expected, but showers on a daily basis therefore he smells delicious and not like a trash can and ash-tray, he is exceptionally well dressed like Edward minus the tweed, but has the disheveled hair-do like Rob, only it’s clean like Edwards. He likes pizza and beer, but only on occasion and he knows how to be sensitive, but is not a pansy. He is respectful but has a wild side that tends to come out, and leg hitching, pillow biting, and headboard destruction may or may not take place. He stands up and fights for his girl, but is not pushed around by her or guilted into things, and he is not afraid to tell the world he is in love (in a manly way of course), and does not hide it either because of embarrassment or obligation to a production company (cough…ROBSTEN…cough, cough). He dotes on his significant other, but is also extremely grounded. He has the ruggedness of Rob, but the charm and hygene practices of Edward (although it never does state if they take showers or not. We do know he at least changes his clothes daily).

You just can't resist me and I know it...

So as you can see, I simply can’t just love Rob without Edward being in the mix. Could you imagine loving Rob if he didn’t play Edward? Could you imagine loving Edward if he wasn’t played by Rob, but someone like, Zac Effron? If you saw Rob walking down the street as he is now (or prior to the haircut for Water for Elephants) do you think you would want to run your fingers through his greasy hair or want to take a picture with him knowing he probably hasn’t showered in a week and is wearing clothes he either stole from a set or picked up at a thrift store or pawned from a homeless guy?? We wouldn’t love Zac Effron the same because unfortunately, he was in High School Music and that just makes him seem a little too…metro for my liking. We love Rob as Edward because that’s all we know him as. Of course he was Cederic Diggory in Harry Potter, but who remembers him while he was going through that odd adolescent phase where his head was disproportionately large for his body? We know and love him as Edward.

It is these things that make me think that everyone of us is in fact holding onto our own version of Robward, and that is why we follow his every move, and that is what makes my rationalization “normal”. Because I recognize these things. Right?

Robward is my Romeo,


UH DUH Juliet it’s all that stuff, right? All the Rob and the Edward stuff rolled into one. Right? What say you guys? Do you want just the Rob stuff, or is it a little bit of the Edward allure? And seriously can we talk about these new pictures?? Wowza…

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98 Commented

How I Fell for Rob, NOT Edward!!

It’s time again to share another story of how one of our readers fell for Rob… RobRuinedMe shares her story today

So you're saying this guy doesn't turn you on?!

Dear Rob,

I am a 28 yr old, intelligent, practical and sensible woman….Or at least i WAS till a few months ago….Let me explain how you’ve totally ruined and corrupted me (you beautiful bastard!!!!)…..I saw you for the first time as WHOLESOME Cedric Diggory in Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire, when i was still a Draco Malfoy fan… You barely registered in my conscience at the time because of your squeaky clean Huffelpuff image…. (You see, i have a thing for BAD BOYS but that’s a tale for another day)….Fast forward three years and i came across a trailer for “Twilight”  on Rotten tomatoes and was intrigued…..Dear hubs always trusts my judgment when it comes to choosing movies for the weekend movie/dinner date, so off we went to our local AMC…..I had watched the trailer at home on my laptop’s tiny screen so i was totes unprepared for your imminent assault on my “senses” and might i add “sensibility” …..

Here comes dreamboat!

I bit the bait when i saw you strut into that blasted cafeteria …When the camera zoomed in to catch your golden eyes in the biology lab the hook got twisted in deeper….You totally reeled me in when you jumped back from Bella’s bed after the first kiss and leaned on the wall with your impossibly sexy,tortured, shadow-lit face…….

I Wiki-ed the shit out of Twilight after i got back home and discovered “Twilight THE BOOK”…For a rabid reader like myself that was like manna straight from heaven…..I promptly smuggled in copies of all four twilight books (Mind you i was still hiding this from dear hubs due to utter shame over my fan-girlness….I never really fan-girled over anything like this even when i was a teenager so how could i admit to this now!!!!)….

You're dumping me for a 16yr old?!

I snuggled in with my copy of Twilight ready to be swept into the awesomeness of EDWARD and BOY was i in for a surprise…..I was struggling to stay awake through whole chapters of Bella whining (or) Edward whining (or) BOTH whining about the other’s whining……How could this be?……I always fall in love with characters and not actors (Case in point: Draco Malfoy)…..This was really confusing…..I then discovered Jacob the character and i was hooked again…..Jacob’s angst was much more multi-dimensional and complex than Edward….Plus he has a kick-ass sense of humor and no girl can pass up a dude with a wicked wit….So i redirected my obsession to Jacob and finished reading all the books squarely on the side of Team Jacob ….It wasn’t hard at all then because all Edward had over Jacob was your pretty face…..Plus, why would a chick prefer ice cold Edward to hot smoldering Jacob …It was so against my own sexual intuition…..Heat-Friction-Sweat….Get IT!!!!

Follow the cut for RuinedbyRob’s full decent into Robsession

111 Commented

Robert Pattinson…my brother?

Dear Rob,
Why do you look like my brother? Now I have to stop having a crush on Book Edward and pretend like I think the resemblance hilarious. Ha. Very funny.
I would implore you to get plastic surgery soon and very soon. Preferably before the filming of Eclipse. I know, I know, my brother is younger than you, so shouldn’t HE be getting the plastic surgery? The answer (of course) is no. I have here compiled a list of very good reasons for getting plastic surgery:
1) You are ruining my life
“Hey aren’t you that guy who looks like Edward’s sister?????”
2) It would help the fan girl situation
3) 😀 because you love me.
Much love,
I'm totally getting a Cedric Diggory-era-Rob vibe right now. (I think it might be his cute blushed cheeks)

I'm totally getting a Cedric Diggory-era-Rob vibe right now. (I think it might be his cute blushed cheeks)


So, what do we all think?

Fake Rob

Fake Rob

Real Rob

Real Rob

41 Commented

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