Seriously you all, get off their Dicks. (Shhh, just act like you care)

Dear Rob,

You know that shirt you wear when you wanna be flippant and cool and think you’re all hardcore? The BEASTIE BOYS Tour shirt from whatever over priced online vintage store you bought it from which according to people with too much time on their hands is worth about 250 bucks. Yea, like I said too much time on their hands. BUUUUTTT that is neither here nor there. When you bought it they told you it was super limited edition and no one else would have it… WELLLLLLL lookie what I found…

(Google “Rob Pattinson ‘Get off my dick'” and you’ll find the picture!)

DUDE… you know how they say pets resembles owners or couples start to look like each other after they’re together a long time? Yea, whatever it is she’s becoming YOU. Dude, maybe she wants to BE you. All along it’s hasn’t been about love or lust or like it’s been about her taking your place! I mean look at the signs bro… TomStu is now in a movie with her, they’ve been seen at parties together, she’s probably played the guitar with him, she’s hung out with your family and now she’s trying to tell you to stay off her Dick! She wants your dad all to herself. Who wouldn’t want to be the recipient of those emails?

So this is a little warning letter just so you’re watching your step. This has the hints of a Stage 5 Clinger, if this ends bad, she will either burn your house to the ground like Angela Bassett in Waiting to Exhale or will skin you and wear you like last years Versace (holler Real Housewives of Jersey!). I’m just saying watch out… and like Eric Yorkie says, ” I got your back baby.”

It’s alright, stay on my dick,

So what’s the deal with this shirt? Classy, trashy? A “statement” to anyone? Or kids who think they’re so cool?

Learn more about KStew’s outfit than you ever cared to know at Kristen Stewart Fashion courtesy of a fan

Our internet game is ridiculous: LTT, The Forum, Twitter, The Store

403 Commented

Roblosophy: Rob’s Fans – Does anyone love you, Rob?

Do they love me? Do they love me not?

Dear Rob,

On the heels of yet another misunderstood and supposedly mean spirited post (*cough* not at all *cough*) about your costar Nikki Reed and her new mystery tattoo I got to thinking about you. Why when we poke fun and rag on you till the cows come home does no one bat an eye? Why doesn’t anyone stick up for you when we tease you like grade schoolers?

We’ve called you some crazy stuff over the past year and a half, we’ve insinuated (and flat out said) you’re gay on numerous occasions. Then we said you’re asexual. We’ve said you watch porn in a basement with the bff you buy underwear with. We call your dad Dick (we love you Dick!). We keep up the charade that you smell like a junior high boys locker room. We knock your sexual prowess at every turn. And we’ve even posted comics about how your face looks like a foot. And yet no real backlash. No emails calling us hookers who hate men. No tweets about how we’re stupid hags who hate Rob but love Taylor Lautner. No comments about us being jealous of Rob or how we’ve stepped over the line.

I’ll wait while you make this your new desktop wallpaper

And yet we can say one off handed thing about Kristen, or even today we can make up totally FAKE tattoo ideas based on things fans have said about Nikki Reed and the crazies come out of the woodwork to tell us we’re awful people.

Why do you think that is Rob? Do people think you’re a big boy who can handle himself and the jokes we make about you? Do you not have committed enough fans like the Krisbians or even Nikki Reeds lovers (we need to make up a name for you ladies) to have your back for everything, no matter what. NO.MATTER.WHAT.

I can’t begin to believe that’s true. Your fans will do practically anything for you. They build shrines and human shaped Rob pillows with your face on them. If anyone is committed it’s YOUR fans. But why don’t they raise hell for you over the dumbest stuff? Like pretty much everything we say about you. Are your fans too busy making Rob porn or staring at their cardboard cutouts of Edward in the closet (where they belong!) to be bothered by it? Or are they just in on the joke and understand it’s all in the name of good fun? It is the internet after all. This is the place where gopher’s can be famous for throwing some side eye over their shoulder, or where there’s a site totally devoted to awkward family photos. It’s supposed to be ridiculous, right?

Or maybe you’ve proven yourself in public, in interviews,  and at events that you’re good natured and can poke fun at yourself, whereas some of the other people we joke about aren’t quite as comfortable with themselves in a public forum? I don’t really know but I want to know what all YOUR fans think out there. Why is there such a staunch backing and support for people like Kristen and Nikki and some others but when it comes to you it’s anything goes? Riddle me that, Rob. Or rather have your fans tell me.

But seriously, the foot thing? Still makes me laugh,

Tell me what you think. Why the outrage when we poke fun at someone else but when we diss Rob, no biggie? What should we call the staunch Nikki Reed supporters?

Our internet game is ridiculous: LTT, The Forum, Twitter, The Store

213 Commented

Rob: I love your parents and you on Leno

Dear Rob, I've found this site that writes letters to you every day... they seem like swell gals, you should meet them!

Dear Rob,

Today, we were supposed to take a “day of rest” to prepare for our upcoming interview with Stephenie Meyer by NOT blogging and instead focusing on the books and our questions. Then I went to the Tonight Show with Jay Leno and I met your folks and well, that idea went out the window.

I LOVE your parents. Not don’t let this get weird. You know we’ve written plenty of letters to your parents over the past year or so and they’ve even become somewhat of little mascots around here. Who wouldn’t love Dick (our pet name for him) and Clare. That was until I MET them and now I REALLY love them…

Let me back up. I got tickets to the Tonight Show and ran my booty over there and as the Gods would have it Ashley and I got sat a few rows away from the front right in front of you and Jay Leno, so we were in prime position for what I now call one of your best interviews. You doted on your parents for a majority of the interview, reading emails from your Dad, talking about your mom reading tabloid magazines and generally trying to make them blush. It was FAN-DAMN-TASTIC! Dean even looked at me during a commercial break. Maybe he noticed the gleam in my eye or maybe it was the fact I was on the aisle just mere feet away from you in your SUIT but he smiled at me. And I had that moment of “HE KNOWS!!” Then Emma Roberts said she was Team Jacob (are you CRAY CRAY, did you see the skinny tie, girl?) and you told that bitch where to go. And that was that.

Have you seen this skinny tie and the suit I'm wearing?!

We thought that’d be the end of it and we’d be on our way… WRONG. So we filed out after the taping and stopped to talk to some fellow LA Twi/Rob fans and noticed some folks hanging around waiting for the celebs’ cars to leave. We saw what we thought was Rob’s with Dean in the front seat and thought it was time to leave. THEN your parents walked out and some of the lingering fans clapped and yelled for them to come over. And what do they do? They grab their camera and COME OVER! After your mom took a picture of the people waiting around to talk to them I knew they were super cool. Pattinson family scrapbook!

They were so cool that even though they felt silly signing Twilight books (wtf, people?!) they did it anyway and acted gracious as the group gave them a billion compliments. One being Ashley who thanked them for having such a great son. AWWWWW! Come on, what parent doesn’t want to hear that? Then being the dad he is Dick decided to ramble on and tell us some stories, he didn’t know you even read his emails! As I asked him for a picture (I know, I don’t know what came over me, I NEVER do that, it was the power of Dick!) he happily agreed and grabbed me into a hug to capture this amazing moment in time. FINALLY I met one of our favorite people here at LTR: DICK PATTINSON!

Even though I’m cheesin’ pretty hard I think this deserves to be my Christmas card, “We’ve moved” announcement, my twitter avi, my AIM/gchat avi, the background on my desktop, and framed on my mantle. Ok, maybe I won’t go that far, but this was an epic moment no doubt.

As your Dad continued to tell me about their rental Jeep, Clare was over talking to some other people and signing some stuff…

She’s smokin’ hot Rob, I know that’s weird for you but it’s true. Work it OUT sister.

Then as Dick told me about how the GPS system in the Jeep has an English accent and I told him it’s as if he never left home, Clare came back and told Dick (or Rich, as she calls him) that they had to be off. I guess to do whatever it is that Dick and Clare do on a Tuesday afternoon in LA (be awesome?). I took this picture of Dick still telling me about the GPS and you being busy until the weekend and Clare having to drag him off… I love dads.

This is pretty much the best picture ever.

So that’s how it went down. Me and your parents just chilling in a parking lot in Burbank being awesome, talking about Jeep’s and GPS’s and your work schedule, you know just another Tuesday. I also decided that I will be starting Letters to Dick (LTD) tomorrow. Hope you’re cool with that.

Next stop? Pattinson Family Christmas!

Srsly, how epic is this?! I would NEVER normally ask anyone for a picture but this was just too good. Did you watch Rob on Leno? Do you agree with how great it was? And the suit… THE SUIT. Oh man.

Our internet game is ridiculous: LTT, The Forum, Twitter, The Store

Follow the cut to watch Rob on the Tonight Show

285 Commented

Next Entries

Creative Commons License

This work is licensed under a Creative Commons
Attribution-No Derivative Works 3.0
United States License

LTR Privacy Policy

Sponsored by