This is how you found us!?

Dear LTR fanatics & the occasional passer-byers via Google,

It’s been awhile since we’ve dove into the deep end of the blog statistics- in fact, we haven’t done it once since we moved to the new blog. (And may have never done it at LTR- we used to do it all the time over at LTT!) Are you still googling creepy shit to end up at LTR? Are you still misspelling words just as badly as you were a year ago? Let us find out. Here is what you’ve been googling lately to find us at Letters to Rob:

what white actor is dating someone white- I’ll take Angelia Jolie & Brad Pit for $200. Wait no… I know this one…Zac Efron & Vanessa Hudgens? No? How about Taylor Swift & Taylor Swift? Ooh Oohh- Nikki Reed  Paris Lastis? Damn- WHO is it!?

robert fans mad at paps- Yeah we are! Mad that we don’t get to be up in Rob’s face experiencing for ourselves what a “nice guy” he is. If we were to throw a camera in Rob’s face & use a fast shutter 100 times over, we’d be considered stalkers. And how is it stalking if I’m just using those pictures for my OWN personal collection? To add to my 2010 “Rob Pattinson Sex on Legs” 5″ 3 ring binder? Explain THAT.

rob’s crotch- Sigh… my grandmother would be so proud

sad faces with letters First there was Sad GQ Rob then there was Sad Panda Rob- we don’t discriminate. We write letters to all forms of sad faces:

robert pattinson croatia- Sorry- probably never gonna happen but I hear Beirut has a chance this year.

pattinson muscle car- HA! Little did you know that your man, after he caught you up late Robsessing &  LTRing one too many nights, would believe you when you told him you were actually doing “research” for his birthday present by looking at pictures of an old “muscle car” Rob Pattinson was seen driving around. Better hope you’re not recognizable in your gravatar because 4 of your men found LTR by searching for more info on their “birthday presents.” You don’t want them finding out “birthday present” really means “Horny talk about sparklepeen with women I met online”

interpretation of too far gone by sam badley- Good try Sam. We know you’re still Googling stuff about yourself- hoping to find legit sites interpreting your songs. Sorry- it’s just us. Just us here STILL after all these months interpreting “Too Far Gone” as a completely different song from “Never think”

what is robert pattinson’s cell phone number- Well, Jitterbugs don’t have numbers- you just dial 0 for the operator and ask to speak to your grandson in Toledo. But his iPhone # is 1-800-FUC-KOFF

robsten are officially on- It’s about DAMN TIME you found out! You finally figured out all those secret messages we wrote in between paragraphs in the margins of our posts didn’t you? They were code from Kristen & Rob themselves passed thru us to you. Highlight the page- you’ll see what I mean.

Robsten are on
gold brocade bedding-
Not here. Maybe try Bed Bath & but we’re glad you found us. Do you like all the pictures of Rob’s crotch?
Hey this is Rob- I love Kristen

michael crea bookends– I had no idea what this meant. I was so confused that I googled it myself & what do you know? LTR pops up. Apparently one time Moon wrote about a “michael Crea bookend” Of course she meant to write Michael Cera just as you meant to google, but we’re glad you found us. We’re like Michael Cera except completely different, although one time some writer called Kristen Stewart to the female Michael Cera & we haven’t stopped laughing since.
Hey this is Kristen. I love Rob. But shh sometimes I miss Oregano. He had better pot

edward cohen dance me to the end of love– Dear lord THAT is the worst mistake ever made on google. Take it back. It’s Leonard Cohen. OR Edward Cullen. Two different people. One amazing song (this is my fav version in case you’ve ignored my attempts to have you listen to it before)

do all people jizz in pants- Nope Only Edward Cullen in Biology class. And you apparently since you googled it. You might want to get that checked out….

dirty ridingboots- I have no idea how you ended up here and I hope you figured out a way to clean off those riding boots & that it has nothing to do with jizzing in your pants … or your boots..

draco malfoy porn picture- Finally- a google term that makes sense as this is something we clearly post about quite often. I mean who DOESN’T want to see Draco Malfoy completely nude?

in n out burger swim trunks- nope not here. but when you find them can you pass on the link? I know a guy who would DEF buy those…

how to get over my obsession for robert pattinson
help im a mother and obssessed with robert pattinson
help, i’m 45 and obsessed with robert pattinson
– Wow.Clearly you’ve come to the right place. Also.. you need help. But Come back after you get it. That’s Kinda not really Normal

sockless zac efron– There’s nothing we like more either than a kid on the verge of gaydom without his socks on. We understand.

True love is in black AND White

show proof that rob loves kristen july 3rd 2010– You want proof? Here’s the proof: Have you found any bear skin rugs in stores lately? Nope. Me neither. That’s your proof- Rob & Kristen bought them all. They plan on being together for a long effing time.

porn+bearskin- And now even MORE proof. Even the people searching for porn know that this is the place to go to get the proof that bear skin rugs are proven magicness-match-makers for long lasting, fireplace co-star love making

rob pattinson and kristen stewart porn– You’ve definitely come to the wrong place. Unless you’re looking for Robsten Fan Fiction- We have Plenty of that. It’s a somewhat past time of ours. Side note: there were 5 searches for “Nikki Reed Porn” but this was the only search that mentioned Kristen. SAD FOR KRISTEN. Also SAD for Nikki REED! Also
SAD for us for having a site where “porn” is googled & we are found!!!!

What have YOU been googling lately!?

NO seriously…. I love this game- It’s fun to see how other people found LTR. So whether it was FOREVER ago or just recently, how DID you find us!? Oh and after the jump, enjoy a surprise: Continue…

138 Commented

How I Fell for Rob, NOT Edward!!

It’s time again to share another story of how one of our readers fell for Rob… RobRuinedMe shares her story today

So you're saying this guy doesn't turn you on?!

Dear Rob,

I am a 28 yr old, intelligent, practical and sensible woman….Or at least i WAS till a few months ago….Let me explain how you’ve totally ruined and corrupted me (you beautiful bastard!!!!)…..I saw you for the first time as WHOLESOME Cedric Diggory in Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire, when i was still a Draco Malfoy fan… You barely registered in my conscience at the time because of your squeaky clean Huffelpuff image…. (You see, i have a thing for BAD BOYS but that’s a tale for another day)….Fast forward three years and i came across a trailer for “Twilight”  on Rotten tomatoes and was intrigued…..Dear hubs always trusts my judgment when it comes to choosing movies for the weekend movie/dinner date, so off we went to our local AMC…..I had watched the trailer at home on my laptop’s tiny screen so i was totes unprepared for your imminent assault on my “senses” and might i add “sensibility” …..

Here comes dreamboat!

I bit the bait when i saw you strut into that blasted cafeteria …When the camera zoomed in to catch your golden eyes in the biology lab the hook got twisted in deeper….You totally reeled me in when you jumped back from Bella’s bed after the first kiss and leaned on the wall with your impossibly sexy,tortured, shadow-lit face…….

I Wiki-ed the shit out of Twilight after i got back home and discovered “Twilight THE BOOK”…For a rabid reader like myself that was like manna straight from heaven…..I promptly smuggled in copies of all four twilight books (Mind you i was still hiding this from dear hubs due to utter shame over my fan-girlness….I never really fan-girled over anything like this even when i was a teenager so how could i admit to this now!!!!)….

You're dumping me for a 16yr old?!

I snuggled in with my copy of Twilight ready to be swept into the awesomeness of EDWARD and BOY was i in for a surprise…..I was struggling to stay awake through whole chapters of Bella whining (or) Edward whining (or) BOTH whining about the other’s whining……How could this be?……I always fall in love with characters and not actors (Case in point: Draco Malfoy)…..This was really confusing…..I then discovered Jacob the character and i was hooked again…..Jacob’s angst was much more multi-dimensional and complex than Edward….Plus he has a kick-ass sense of humor and no girl can pass up a dude with a wicked wit….So i redirected my obsession to Jacob and finished reading all the books squarely on the side of Team Jacob ….It wasn’t hard at all then because all Edward had over Jacob was your pretty face…..Plus, why would a chick prefer ice cold Edward to hot smoldering Jacob …It was so against my own sexual intuition…..Heat-Friction-Sweat….Get IT!!!!

Follow the cut for RuinedbyRob’s full decent into Robsession

111 Commented

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