Rob’s making a list and checking it twice 2011 edition

Reminder note: There are THREE auto-playing video ads- two in the side, one ALL the way below. Hit the volume button ONCE & it should mute them for eternity.

I've got lots of awful gift ideas for you this year!

Dear Rob,

It’s the first day of December so it’s time we start getting serious about the upcoming Holidays. So some semi interesting reporter asked you a quasi interesting question about what’s the best gift you’ve given or gotten for Christmas…

A boiler for your parents?! Come on Rob. I know think you’re the practical gift giver. You’re the guy who’s going to give someone wool socks or a gift certificate to XXX not something someone actually wants. Sure, your parents need to replace the boiler but you’re rolling in it now, why don’t you just do that NOW and get them something like matching Rollex’s for the holidays? Imagine Dick flossing SO hard in London with his Rolli! He’ll be all up in their charity Christmas dinner yelling for the oldsters to wave their Rolli’s side to side.

It’s really too bad Rob… a boiler over Rolli’s… or here’s my other genius idea you can’t steal because I’m going to send it to them but maybe it will inspire you. Yes, I would get Dick and Clare a subscription to an eggroll of the month club. We witness first hand their love for stuffing them in their mouths and enjoying the crispy goodness. Who can blame them! Take that Josh Hutcherson’s turtle!

I have a list for the rest of your special someone’s…

This isn't on their lists

The sisters – a promise to introduce them to Ryan Gosling at an upcoming event, party, whatever it takes, even if that means playing Ryan’s little brother/annoying friend in an upcoming film. Cause this is what brother’s do for their sisters. Especially when the Gos is involved.

Tom Sturridge – the used razor you used to shave your own beard. You heard the ladies were over the Sasquatch look.

Sam Bradley – Same as last year: copy of “Robert Pattinson’s guide to not creeping girls out when I sing by eye f*cking them till it’s awkward” and a new blazer from Dick’s closet and ONE hoop earring from Clare’s jewelry box. But because he’s been such a good pal this year he’s also getting him a pair of personalized Nike’s, one that says Bram and the other says Sadley.

Neither is this, try again!

Taylor Lautner – a gift certificate for Taylor and Big Daddy and you and Dick for a Father/Son retreat weekend at the Culinary Institute of Tuscany (sponsored by Olive Garden of course)

Kristen – Another bearskin rug (those things wear out easily) oh and a turtle.

So let me just say sure, go ahead and give them the boiler cause you’re a good son and clearly you’re listening when your parents complain about it but get them some REAL gifts dear. Come on now.

Happy Holiday Shopping!

Who else does Rob need to buy gifts for that we left out? Dean? Some man jewelry?

Read last year’s list

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