Need help with that?

Dear Rob,

For awhile now my girls and I have been under the suspicion that you might be a little inexperienced when it comes to your sex being on fire.  Not to say we think you have your v-card or anything.. no no no.  We’re pretty sure you’ve experienced a LOT of fabulous drunken-night 4:30am sex on the kitchen floor (while TomStu was prob passed out on the couch) and plenty of bathroom-in-a-restaurant BJs from hot fangirls who offered.  And while we’re all for the occasional night of a drunken hook-up in the back of a cab following 8 shots of patron, we’re also willing to admit that lots of 22-year-old drunk sex does not equate you to an experienced lover. So, is your sex on fire? Or is it mere embers?

Hey- we’re not judging if it isn’t. We discuss frequently that we’re HAPPY to teach you the ropes. Again, this has all been suspicion.. until this picture appeared:

sloppykiss

And our worst suspicions were confirmed. The following are clips from our conversation:

Friend #1: It’s as I feared- This is painful. That is the WORST pressing of the lips I’ve ever seen! Oh, dear…Oh, Rob…He needs me to give him lessons.
Me: I’d kiss his sloppy lips anyday
Friend #1: I despise sloppy kissing- I don’t care if it is Rob. You come at me with gross liplocks like that and I’ll poke my arse out- KISS THAT!
Friend #2:  LOL! Those lips are so LOL worthy in that pic. I agree- the WORST. After you teach him, can I have a turn?
Moon:  Smooooshie lips. Looks either painful or with a lot of force… I might look that way if i had to kiss KStew too.

We’ve passed ideas back and forth on how we would best “teach” you the ways of a woman- we’ve considered ideas from showing you that Friends’ episode where Monica draws the SEVEN erogenous zones on a woman (and yes, there are 7) to the four of us mud wrestling to see who wins dibs on being “the teacher.”

We finally settled on the most fair idea- Spin the Bottle. By playing S.T.B., it ensures that all four of us get equal opportunity to teach you the secrets of lip-locking. And let me tell you, Rob… these girls are good. Believe me, I know!*

I know what you’re thinking, “how selfless of UnintendedChoice, ThemoonisDown and their friends to sacrifice themselves and teach me how to be a better lover.” And you’re right- it IS selfless of us.  So you should think long and hard (that’s what she said) about what to do to thank us for our generosity. (Hint- watch that Friends video I posted above- there are seven ideas right there…)

Wanna know how the night ends? Well, it will be you and I playing 7 minutes in heaven (I won the mud-wrestling competition for that privilege), but let me warn you, we end up using 173 minutes more than we’re supposed to…

Love,
UnintendedChoice

*That’s not true, I have only met Moon in real-life and we’ve never kissed. But let me promise you, next time I visit her I’m loading her up with Patron and planting a big one on her lucious lips, Nikki Reed-style.

831 Commented


We love Crazy-people

Dear Rob,

Picture this: Moon & I are chatting on instant messenger late into the night- cracking up over videos posted by Glow Worm (our term of endearment for the craziest Twilight fan who has ever existed) and discussing the complexities of your relationship with Kristen during the 1 hour “Behind the Scenes of the Vanity Fair shoot.”  It was at this moment that we decided the world needed to hear our opinions about the craziness surrounding Twilight and the actors. And we needed a safe place to go fangirl crazy over you.  Thus, our sites were born.

Starting the world’s best blog, we knew the following things: most Twilight fans were crazier than us, sometimes we embarrassed ourselves for joining in the crazy (especially when it came to you) and the only solution to remaining sane was making fun of it all- ourselves included. But we’ve discovered that our favorite thing is when our readers poke fun of themselves and admit to the crazy.  We believe that this admission means one is NOT crazy but is, in fact, quite sane (well, as sane as a person who subscribes to 23 Twilight blogs, writes letters to a celebrity they’ll never meet, spends 10 hours a day reading fan fiction and responds to fake Twilight characters on Twitter can be)

Love,
UnintendedChoice

(Stop asking to see vids of the Glow Worm- we’re so mean to her behind her back that we fear we might end up in hell if we share)

Two of our favorite “crazy” letters arrived this week. Enjoy them. And remember. Admitting your craziness means you’re not actually crazy. We hope…

Crazy turning 30

poster

This is only crazy if you're turning 30. Not if you're 25 and married. Nope

Dear Rob,

I can’t believe it’s come to this….I know I keep saying that I’m turning 30 soon, but I do that because I really think a crisis is going to hit because this is something 30 year olds don’t do: hang up posters of 17 year old movie characters in their bedrooms. But then I thought, oh hell, grown men have swimsuit models hanging on their walls as bachelors so what’s the big deal? Since you’re actually 22 though, Dateline NBC won’t come knocking on my door, so this is a good thing!

But I had today off. I’m suppose to be doing really responsible things, you know like cleaning, laundry, running errands, get my sister’s birthday present, balance my checkbook, you know, the norm. But instead I remain in my pajamas and…..I hang an Edward Cullen poster on my bedroom door.  (First of all I must say I screamed like a school girl in the phone when I called Blockbuster to see if they had these in yet and they told me they did!) I think this classifies as #1 on my list of “Crazy things you don’t normally do but you do because you’re turning 30!”

I wanted to do something that most people do like pierce their tongue (nope, don’t have the balls), or get a tattoo (nope I hate needles) so instead I go back to jr. high and hang up a poster of someone who I can’t stop thinking about daily but will never ever have. Yep! It’s all good though because it’s your sexy face!

However, I may have to take it down late spring because once the humdity comes (you know pre A/C when you have your windows open for a while) the sticky wears off on the tape.  That like, use to happen all the time to my N.K.O.T.B. posters in the middle of the night. I’d hear a loud crash and wake up realizing one fell off the wall and I’d have to get up and make sure Jordan Knight didn’t have a tear on his face. And I would hate for your gorgeous face to get all bent and wrinkled because it fell….that just wouldn’t be good.

Sigh….Rob, Rob, Rob…how am I going to explain this one to my friends, especially the male ones? I’ll say it’s suppose to help with good dreams. 😉

Love you, mean it, Jena

Crazy in Scotland

Hello,

I fear my Twilight obsession is turning me into a Big Fat Liar. I’m from Scotland and encountered T while on holiday in Florida last November/December. I lied to my husband, telling him the books were only available in the US so I could buy all 4 volumes without too much whining. I then lied and said we’d go to see Australia at the cinema, but bought tickets for Twilight instead. Honestly, his gullibility drives me to it.

Once home, I shut myself up in our workroom telling him I had important stuff to do for work, so I could read Midnight Sun undisturbed. He even brought me tea – bless.

-Nancy

Crazy people who are actually crazy after the jump!

Continue…

341 Commented


The one where Heather meets Rob

Dear Rob,

I often think about how I will meet you someday. I’ve even starting compiling a list of what TO DO and what NOT to do on that magical day (for example, I will not mention Twilight even once nor the fact that I run a blog about you. That will be my little secret. But I will ask for a cigarette and then we will smoke together)

For the past few weeks Moon & I have had 3 virtually “unseen” pictures of you on our computers-we’ve hoarded them like they were the crown jewels or something- only showing them to the friends we love best. We felt pretty special that they were sent to us- one of our wonderful readers, Heather, sent us her first-hand account of meeting you (AND WE ARE SO JEALOUS) and the pictures along with it. She has graciously agreed for us to share her story on the blog, and we have begrudgingly agreed to allow other people access to these pictures, although now we’ll feel much less special.

Can’t wait until I have my very own pictures of you and I to hoard,
UnintendedChoice xo

My story of how I met Robert Pattinson

I was online browsing various sites for Twilight news, and I saw a contest on Ryan Seacrest’s website to win a trip to L.A. for the Twilight premiere. The contest was scheduled to end on Friday November 14th and it was Thursday November 13th. I decided what the heck. Why not enter it, knowing full and well that I wouldn’t win it. I never win anything.

So I filled out the form and submitted it. I have a horrible internet connection and had to fill out and submit the form several times before it finally went through. (Thank God I am persistent) I get up on Friday and go about my day as usual. I am on the computer browsing again when my cell phone starts ringing. It says “Restricted”. I usually ignore those numbers but something told me to answer it. When I did, a voice comes on the line and I immediately recognize it. It is Ryan Seacrest! I knew why he was calling. He told me I won the contest and would be flying out on Sunday to L.A. (I am from NC and have never flown before then.)

So we fly out to L.A. and stay at the Hotel Angeleno. In the hotel elevator I meet several girls who are there for a TwiCon event at a bookstore in L.A.

On Monday night we are driven to the Twilight premiere. (insert note from UnintendedChoice- the PREMIERE! OMG! You could have stopped there and the story would have been amazing- but NO.. it has to go and get even better!) My husband and I get out of our car, and I just stand there taking it all in. I turn around to see who was in the car behind us and it is Jackson Rathbone.

While waiting in line to get into the theater I spot Peter Facinelli and his wife Jenni Garth. We are rushed into the theater to wait for the movie to start. I began to hear all sorts of yelling outside and immediately know why- Rob has arrived. They won’t let us leave the theater to go back outside, though. There were several people upset by this, but I just kept thinking “Wednesday morning you will get to meet him one-on-one. It will be OK.” So we watch the movie, which was amazing to see with so many Twilight fans. They all ooohd and ahhhhd at the right moments and were quiet at the right times.

Then Wednesday morning comes: I wake up early and turn on the hotel radio and listen to Ryan’s show while getting ready. I was so nervous. The driver comes and picks us up and takes us to the studios. I get out and see lots of girls lined up outside. As the guards lead us in I immediately began to feel eyes boring into me. We go inside and wait for Rob to arrive. Ryan comes out and takes a few minutes to talk to me and my husband and we get a few pictures. Rob has to do his interview with Ryan before I get to meet him. All of the sudden there is alot of commotion, and I see several people walk by near me and then……Robert Pattinson.

octnov2008-044

Two things: The beanie *swoon* and check out the size of his hands!

I almost beat the crap out of my husband’s arms. He forgot to turn the camera on and missed that pic opportunity. (note from UC- immediately fire your husband, thanks) Well, then we had a chance to listen to his interview with Ryan. So then, I know it is over. He is coming to meet me. When I see him round that corner and he starts walking toward me, I felt a little like Bella Swan, I totally forgot to breathe and almost fainted. LOL. I was shaking. I say Hello to him, and he shook my hand.

The first thing he said to me was “Are you English?” I guess I must have said Hello in a weird way or accent. I say no and he laughs. He takes a picture with me and has his arm around me. (God Bless my husband for being so understanding of my fangirliness) He then asks me how long I have been a fan of Twilight. He asks me what all I had done in L.A. so far. 

octnov2008-0421

Okay this is too freakin' adorable. I hate and love you all at the same time, Heather

I told him that we went to the premiere and he asked me how I like it. I told him that I loved it and he told me that he didn’t even stay at the premiere to watch it and that he hates watching himself. (note from UC- wow! I didn’t know you were ‘allowed’ to leave your own premiere!) (During this whole conversation he is leaning on the table and listening intently) 

I hand him my books asking him to sign them. I beging to panic realizing I don’t have a pen and being asking anyone in the room if they have a pen. “Pen Pen anyone have a pen?” I then hear laughing coming from Rob and he begins to mock my Southern Accent in a high pitch voice saying “Pen, Pen, Pen” and laughing. It was wonderful. <3 So he signs my books. He really looks like he doesn’t want to leave but he is flying out of L.A. to New York because the next morning he is scheduled to be on the Today Show. He then tells me goodbye and says I would tell you to enjoy the movie but since you have already seen it I won’t, all the while smiling that wonderful smile. I tell him that I plan on seeing it more and he laughs.

And then Rob & I went into Ryan Seacrest’s office where, with one quick swipe of his hand, he cleared off from his desk all the pictures of Ryan and celebrities he thinks he’s friends with but who hate him in actuality and threw me down on it- having his way with me with his lips. Er.. sorry. That wasn’t part of Heather’s story. That was part of MY fantasy of meeting Rob at the Ryan Seacrest show (my fantasy ends with both of us punching Ryan in the face)

Thanks Heather!!!

octnov2008-0362

Did Rob go to the Tantopia?

 

472 Commented


The Fangirl inside all of us

aw, you shouldnt have!

aw, you shouldn't have!

Dear Rob-

Thank you for turning two relatively sane gals into two squealing, hyperventilating, cell phone clutching, couch jumping, HD TV humping fangirls.

Last night during the Oscars UC and I released the repressed 12yr old fangirls inside of us. At the mere 2 second glimpse of you as you first stepped on to the red carpet I knew my sanity was gone. I was madly dialing UC’s celly who was on her way to her Oscar party and screaming into the phone HE’S WAS ON! OMG HE WAS ON! And she in turn flipped out and made her hubs drive faster so she could make it in time for the red carpet interviews. Ryan Secrest was interviewing Amanda Seyfried and I dial up UC again who had just arrived to their party and i start yelling again HE’S BEHIND AMANDA!! ON THE LEFT!! HE’S NEXT!! And UC is going crazy yelling for them to turn on E! and then FINALLY, you were up and we lost it. Like little girls. We’re talking Beatles era flipping out.

Edward hair is back in full effect!

Edward hair is back in full effect!

Now, I’m not saying I’m proud of it but it was genuine and it was real. We were freaking ECSTATIC to see you and you did NOT disappoint.

It didn’t matter that I yelled at my Oscar party crew to rewind your portions so that I could hear and I didn’t mind that every time you were on the screen someone yelled “ROB!” But I DID mind when my brother called you BOB! Ugh. We made a promise here to never call you BOB but apparently not everyone lives by our code of Rob standards. Even family.

So when all was said and done you were fan-damn-tastic and I’m SO glad Mr. Oscar called you up to see if you’d help present even though I did revert to an NKOTB/NSYNC fan because of it. They say the Oscars ratings were up this year and I can’t help but say, COINCIDENCE? I think not!

And now it’s the day after and you’ve already gone and left me here. It’s gray and it’s starting to rain in LA today. Again, COINCIDENCE? I think not! Even LA understands it’s missing a little piece of sunshine!

ZOMG! LTR girls!

ZOMG! LTR girls!

Thanks for the squeals and hurry back!

Smooches!
Themoonisdown and UnintendedChoice

PS Big thanks to all those who joined us in the official Oscars comment section and of course on the Twitter! That post was our highest commented post in the history of LTR and yesterday was the biggest number of visitors we’ve ever had! High-Fives to all the LTR regulars and BIG welcome to all the newbs! Jump right in, there’s always room for a thousand more!

Programming note: UC and I are currently working to make this a bigger and better experience for everyone. Hang tight we us as we try to make the site even more friendly and community driven! Onward and upward people!

560 Commented


Stuff my guy friend says about Rob and Twilight

"themoonisdown loves wee men" (guys friends caption)

"themoonisdown loves wee men" (guy friend's Facebook caption) and of course only a GUY could get that ghetto action figure to stand up

Dear Rob-

Apparently, lots of guys have seen the movie Twilight and are reading the books now… unfortunately, they’re just not talking about it like we are here at LTR and LTT. You think you and Chris Weitz and the Summit marketing dept could have a little heart to heart before this all starts again and butch it up a bit this time around to let dudes know it’s ok to watch this movie? Let ’em know that it’s not all screaming fangirls and lovely dovey teen romance moments?! Sure WE, the girls, love all that stuff, but what about the werewolf action, the vampire hunting, fixing up motorcycles, cliff diving and hot chicks driving PORCHES for God’s sake? Show THAT stuff in your trailers, movie posters and talk show clips, and the boys will gladly tag along, I swear!

Also, could you please talk to your friend KStew about her acting skills? After chatting with my guy friend, and without ANY prompting from me, he says that she totally bombs her performance, citing the “blinking and stuttering.”

So, if you have a few moments, maybe you could bring up some of these points with your studio bosses and director… it would be really cool to take my guy friends with me to see New Moon… and I have a lot of dude friends, so more money in every one’s pockets! We all win! Oh, and you should meet this guy friend, you’d be good pals I know it!

"the hot future seeing chick and her boyfriend" - my guy friend

"the hot future seeing chick and her boyfriend" - my guy friend

So… just to set this up below here, Rob, cause it’s a smidge long, my guy friend was in my office and saw the Edward doll and proceeded to take pictures of it and posted it on my facebook. It actually turned out really neato and this was our resulting convo…

SEE Rob, guys really ARE talking about you and Twilight!
XO
Me (themoonisdown)

Read what my guy friend says about Twilight after the jump!

Continue…

40 Commented


Next Entries

Creative Commons License


This work is licensed under a Creative Commons
Attribution-No Derivative Works 3.0
United States License
.

LTR Privacy Policy



Sponsored by