Juliette Binoche teaches us about Rob and Cosmopolis

Dear Rob,

You know when you don’t go out and do things, I’m forced to read the gossip rags, scouring for dirt and then make stuff up about you, right? Yea, so come out and play. And I don’t mean walk to and fro on set. Come out and play so UC and I can make up other things that are not true about you… but fun none the less.

Today’s tidbit comes from Juliette Binoche, your costar in Cosmopolis but I know her as Vianne from Chocolat aka the lady who got to do Johnny Depp right before he became a big deal again. Here’s what she said

For David Cronenberg’s new movie ?
J.B: Yes, it is called “Cosmopolis”. I play an art dealer who has an affair with Robert Pattinson. He, plays a billionaire who loses everything.

Robert Pattinson evolves in a sphere that seems far away from yours…
J.B: I don’t have a point of view about his career, I didn’t see the “Twilight” movies. We had dinner together on set. He is an incredible cinema buff who for several years saw two to three movies a day. He is a fan of “Les amants du Pont Neuf” (The Pont Neuf lovers). He was funny, you would have thought he was a little child.

Ok, you might call Rob a child after having made out w/ this guy

First off Juliette Binoche called you a child, that’s gotta sting a little bit right? It also worries me that maybe that nervous giggly thing is for real and that it would get real awkward when we’re (someday) making out and you giggle like that cause I’d think you were 10 and that’s gross.

You have an “affair” with Juliette Binoche… DUDE is that kind of like having an affair with your mom’s Bunko friend? I’d also like to point out that by reading that your character is a billionaire who loses everything, I’ve learned more about the movie than I ever knew before. In what I read your character spends the movie in a limo making deals and trying to get to a hair cut appointment while stuck in traffic. And while that just sounds weird, I was all in Rob so no one can say I’m not committed. After reading this maybe Cosmopolis is about a billionaire who loses everything in a limo on his way to get his hairs did? Only time will tell.

Another thing… JB (as I call her now cause I can’t be bothered to spell out her whole name) said you went through a phase in your life where you watched 2-3 movies a day… she may call this being a “cinema buff” but I call this “unemployed.” I had a friend who did the exact same thing, only this was before Netflix was invented and he vowed to watch a 100 movies in a month because Blockbuster was offering an “all you can rent for 20 bucks” option. Needless to say he may have dropped out of school but he now considers Harold and Maude one of his favorite movies of all time and he has a notebook of hundreds of movie reviews he wrote. So this pretty much means you are my friend named Chad from about 5 years ago. You and Chad are probably also why Blockbuster went out of business. GOOD JOB!

What else will we learn or make up about you and Cosmopolis? Only time will tell my friend. And only you have the power to change that… so go out and do something instead of hanging out on balconies talking about moles with Sam Bradley. THANKS!

Now I want some chocolate, you. Johnny Depp, a limo and a movie from Blockbuster.

Au Revoir!
Themoonisdown

Why did JB call Rob a child? Weird or translation issue? Has anyone else watched 2-3 movies a day? Were you fun-employed?

Source: Robsessed and LaProvenceFR

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The gossip and the what if’s of Rob and Kristen breakin’ up!

Dear Rob,

Word on the street (aka Star Magazine or as we call it “The News”) has it that ol Krissy Stew (makes her less intimidating, right?) has been stepping out on you with the Country Strong dude himself, Garrett Hedlund in an effort to make you jeals because according to the gossip hounds you’ve been out acting like a playboy.

Ok, ok… everyone can stop laughing from both those tidbits. Kristen making you jealous…. and you acting like a playboy.

Are we making you jealous yet, Rob? Yet… what about now? Now?

The rumors go that Kristen and Garrett snuck off to The Roxy where they got caught. Yea, caught for bad taste! Let me give you a hint of the types that play at the Roxy: Sam Bradley, 100 Monkeys and Steel Panther. It’s like a less sad version of the Key Club. And THAT’S saying something. So first of all if THAT’S where they’re going you should just pull the rip chord cause you don’t want to be with her, there’s no telling what she would put on a mix tape for you. I’m JUST SAYING! Also, I’d like to think if KStew wanted to make you jealous, Rob she’d come up with something WAY better than the Roxy. I mean she’s working in London right now, she has Tom Stu on speed dial and access to someone who can send her In N Out and paparazzi at her finger tips. If she REALLY wanted to make you jealous I think she’d employ some sort of burger fetish scenario with some dudes and not some cheese ball show at the Roxy

Then we get to the part about you partying like a single guy on the set of Cosmopolis in Toronto. Hanging out on a balcony with a dog and two dudes? Walking from your trailer to set with your burly man guard wearing a fishing vest? Someone should alert Hugh Hefner and Joe Francis because this is the sign of a true player! I sure hope they’re taking notes somewhere.

But can you dance like THIS Garrett Headlund?! That’s what I thought

Before I sound too Robsten-y, and really we all know this is crap cause it is Star (I mean THE NEWS) but WHAT IIIIFFF… GOD FORBID (please don’t kill me Robsteners) what if they, on some crazy world none of us want to live in, cause if robsten ain’t together life isn’t worth living, they break up? What would happen if something like this was REALLY true… what if they weren’t the happy holy family with the dogs and cats and yellow duffle bag and wrist holding that we all love. What would happen if Rob really was doing it up like a single guy in Toronto and he was all disheveled in those pictures because in the hotel room are a bunch of slutty fangirls hookers and what if Kristen really was asking the Tron guy to show her his life disc (that’s probably sexy to a comic book nerd)? All I have to say is I don’t want to be anywhere near a computer or mobile device with any sort of link to Twitter because it will spontaneously burst in flames and tears accompanied by the wailing and gnashing of teeth and probably some maniacal laughing (me and UC).

Nice try Tornado! They’re not scared

Rob, I also ask that if you haven’t devised a break up plan, you, Stephanie, Nick and Dean come up with some STAT because IF this ever happens I might actually fear for you life. Regardless of who’s “fault” it is I will never underestimate a Kristen fan. If you pitted a Kristen fan against a natural disaster I’d go to Vegas with a wad of Taco Bell coupons and bet it ALL on KStew lovers. Their shit is NOT weak. It’s more scary.

So should this awful event ever happen Rob, please activate your panic room (heh see what I did there) or get thee to my house were all LTR girls will ban together to form a human lady force shield of protectiveness while we take turns employing the tactics of the wolfpack by running perimeters around my house. You will be safe… till they figure out how to tunnel in. And they will.

May the lady force be with you…
Themoonisdown

PS Happy Birthday Momma Moon!!!!!!!

Are you worried for Rob if/when they break up? Is this a totally irrational possibility I’ve made up? Do we think there’s any truth to jealousy and acting single? Also, I’m starting a sign-up who can be on parameters from midnight till 3AM?

Source

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