Spot Rob, the in-field guide

Dear Rob-

Since you’ve been hiding out recently sleeping in with me everyday getting into character/working out/escaping freaky stalker Twimoms, we’ve missed you around these parts. In fact we’re starting to forget what you even look like (ok, ok just go along with me on this one gals), you know when you haven’t seen someone in so long you sometimes can’t picture them in your head? That’s what this feels like Rob! But fortunately for us some crappy rag-mag has published this easy how-to guide for recognizing your body parts on other people. So when that blessed day comes and you’re spotted out in that grandma sweater of yours we’ll be able to figure out it’s YOU and not Jake Gyllenhaal with a Dadcase. He wishes!

click to enlarge

Enlarge this badboy by clicking on it. Perfect size to be printed off and carried around in your handbag, Ladies. Just in cases!

Let’s break it down shall we…

• Orlando Bloom’s Eyes- Elven eyes are better than Elven ears I suppose. But yea I can see this. And they actually kinda look related. Oh those Brits!

• Matthew McConaughey’s Hair – Ef the hair, the only thing I’m worried about is Rob’s hair taking after Matthew’s and waking the neighbors with naked bongo playing. The boy’s not muscular enough for that kind of exertion.

• Jake Gyllenhaal’s Eyebrows – So I take it Jakey’s eyebrows have to be pushed and pulled and plucked and tweezed and waxed into submission just like Robbie’s? Poor Jake.

• Chase Crawford’s Lips – WTF?! I’d like to think we know a thing or two about Rob’s lips around these parts, especially when they get all smooshy. Besides, Chase Crawford looks like a melty Ken doll, I simply cannot agree with this or condone it. NEXT!

• Jude Law’s Chin – Better than having some of Jude Law’s other uh… parts allegedly. AHEM. Sorry Judey.

Now Rob don’t play hard to get… come out and be a nice boy otherwise we’ll be forced to use the tools (this field guide*) we have to find you!

Smooches and Tweezers!
Themoonisdown

*ladies!! I know you too well.

675 Commented

Sad Face!

I'm only sad when you're gone Moon... please come back

Dear SadRob*-

Please, you have to stop making this face at me I really can’t take it anymore. All day (between meetings) I would look at this pic and was torn between laughing and being sad for you.

It is sooo pitiful, I look at your sad puppy face and I just wanna  give you a BIG hug and feed you cookies at the same time. Cause NO one should look this sad, especially not you.

But I think I have the perfect thing to turn your frown upside DOWN! Well um… we’ll do THAT later but first:

Let’s figure out what you’re really thinking in these pics…

SadRob inner monologue (Saturday morning): “It’s only been one night but I can’t imagine not waking up every morning with Moon on my left and UC on my right… what will I do when we’re not together every night? I guess I’ll just lie here and watch them sleep.”

Oh NO!! The Twimoms found me again! I thought I lost them after I took that sharp turn at the Cinnabon. Damn.

They made me wash my hair and use deodorant before I could put on this suit. Something about it being a loner and worth more than my entire wardrobe. All that work gone to waste… 6 weeks of hair grease down the drain, guess I have to start over now.

Lovin’ you long time… Sadface and all!
Themoonisdown

*I was forced to name you SadRob after seeing all the Sad face outtakes from GQ*

Thanks to our awesome pal Gozde at Robsessed for these gems! You’ve always got the best stuff!

952 Commented

A snowy stroll with the Dadcase

I've got a special surprise here for you in the front pocket of my dadcase

Dear Rob-

While we were busy TRYING to migrate servers, you were busy looking loverly in the snow with your dad-like briefcase, which I will now refer to as the “Dadcase,” while wearing your ONE jacket. It got me thinking, what in the world could you possibly be lugging around all over Vancouver in the Dadcase? Seriously, you’re like weighted down with some heavy machinery or something with that thing. You look like a homeless businessman trying to find an open cubicle to plug in to. Oh the possibilities of the Dadcase contents:

-Oldest IBM laptop that weighs 20lbs and has an amber screen
-Brick cell phone
-copies of How to Win Friends and Influence People and your old standby: 7 habits of Highly Effective People
-Pager
-Agenda for your next Toastmasters seminar

and of course:

- a printed and hand-bound copy of all our letters to you. You treasure each one and read it over black coffee with two sugars in your cubicle while booting up MS DOS and Lotus Notes.

Have a great day at work honey!
Themoonisdown

PS i love it when you do this wet hair look… please more!

See more pics here

703 Commented

Have you seen this man?

made by the brillant vickyb! (click to enlarge!)

Dear Police Dept. South Barnes, London,

Have you seen this man? Tallish, brownish hair recently cut short, killer laugh, probably wearing the same clothes as this picture. Perhaps wondering the streets of London calling my name, lost.  He goes by the name of Robert Pattinson. I suppose he’s what you’d call a movie star and some of us are quite worried about him.

You see kind sirs, he hasn’t been seen since December 22nd when he flew to your fair country and has been rumored to be anywhere from Australia to right back here in the USA. However, none of us (and there are quite a lot of us) have seen him anywhere.

I’m not sure about protocol for these sorts of situations but we beg of you to begin a search, a nation-wide manhunt if you will, to find him. Being the concerned citizens we are we’ve gone ahead and partnered with Milk producers everywhere to create these new cartons, we’ve posted missing signs, deployed our Rob-militia to various spots around the world to hunt him down and of course we’ve left the window open for him in case he happens to find his way home. But whatever you can do to help us is much appreciated.

Sincerely
Themoonisdown and Unintendedchoice
and
concerned citizens everywhere!

PS until this day arrives we’ve created a counter so that we may remain vigilant and NEVER FORGET!

janky counter

(as you can tell the clock is currently not moving because for some reason I can’t get it to embed correctly in wordpress. LAME. if you are a smarty/wordpress whizz and can help us, please email! we will all be forever indebted to you and your kind services)

92 Commented

Me too!

http://hollywooddame.com

Dear Rob-

Lovin’ that aaaa… i mean new hair…

oh and those jeans ain’t bad either…

XO-
Me

PS dont forget to pick up bubble wrap…  for after you move into my house

More pictures and conspiracies over at Hollywood Dame

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