Monday Funnies: Rob looks like…

Dear Rob,

It’s Monday- the first day of the week and the first work day after most of us in the US lost 1 hour of sleep (Does the rest of the world have Daylight Savings time? Worst idea EVER!) I thought about getting Roblosophical today, but there’s nothing worse than thinking hard on a Monday. Let’s start off the week right & LAUGH. At you!

We recently received the following emails:

“I was slowly drinking my coffee this morning while catching up on what happened in the world this week. Some crazy stuff. No, I’m not talking about Egypt, but sometime ever more important than that. I’m talking about the Top 1 news worldwide, Justin Bieber movie. You’re probably wondering why this crazy girl is sending you an email about The Bieb.  You’ll see that it has everything to do with you, LTR,

The Bieb was nervous for his LA premiere, who could blame him. He tried multiple outfits, but nothing said “I’m a grown man attending my first movie premiere”. Then, he had an idea. He would call his wingman, the one and only Robert Pattinson. And Rob had the perfect outfit for him, a reprise of his look from The Goblet of Fire.

Rob in 2005

The Bieb in 2011 :

I’ve heard that Rob plans to retire from acting soon and become a fashion consultant. The world can’t get enough of his fashion.

With love,
The Morns”

Oh my gosh, the resemblance is crazy! That outfit was horrid in 2005 & looks just as bad 6 years later! Did you try to block out that outfit of Rob’s from your memory? Take a look at a bunch of shots from that night as a reminder: You’ll laugh! Promise: Rob Pattinson in the worst outfit of all time, ever

And in January Bea sent us an email with the subject: Sacrilege: Allegations that Rob looks like Susan Boyle

“Susan Boyle? Yeah Right,” I thought, “She wishes!”

Okay…. maybe she’s a great-aunt or something……  I hate to admit it but…… I see what they’re saying!

And last SUMMER (Yes, we really do hang on to your emails!) Lexie wrote us this email:

So today one of my students made this for me in photoshop as a make-up assignment for not going on our class field trip. It’s just Rob’s face blended on top of kristen’s face/head but it’s just too funny not to share. -Lexie

This is the worst/best thing I’ve seen in MONTHS! He/She looks like an 80s hairband member! And oddly a little bit like John Stamos (aka Uncle Jesse!) That student BETTER have received an A++ on this assignment!

It’s days like these that I hope someone in the Twi cast or Rob’s life comes across LTR & passes these images on!!!

Hope your Monday starts off with a laugh,


Our internet game is ridiculous: LTT, The Forum, Twitter, The Store

66 Commented

Most Desirable Celebrity Husband: Robert Pattinson and… Justin Bieber??

Dear Rob,

So clearly someone at CTV (whatever that is) is a big Twilight fan and has been waiting with bated breath, watching all the non-goings on in Baton Rouge. Yesterday, some pictures of you and the gang walking around on the studio lot shot around the interwebs. In them you were wearing a wedding ring (I’ll pause to let the ladies collect themselves) and looking verrrrry husband-y. So when I saw this list CTV created of the Top 10 Most Desirable Celebrity Husbands, I knew! How else would they have seen the ring and been so inspired?

It’s a pretty interesting list to say the least though I have a few questions for the creators. I can understand being blinded by the Edward ring pictures but some of the guys on the top ten just maybe perhaps don’t belong. Let’s take a look…

Most Desirable Celebrity Husband:

Uh yea… we’ll take both

1. Prince Harry – Besides Rob this is probably the most plausible entry. Who wouldn’t want to be a Princess? AND it’s Harry, aka Prince Hot Ginge (™Dlisted) aka the Prince who still has all his hair. ANNND he’s a fine piece. I cosign this choice for the list.

2. Justin Bieber – Let me get this straight… a 16 year old BOY who’s about 5 feet tall and thinks he’s God’s gift is a DESIRABLE HUSBAND? They have the good drugs at CTV, right? You might wanna check over your should for Chris Hanson. I hear he doesn’t like this kind of thing. And besides that what would Selena Gomez do? Sad. (that I know that)

Uh yea. ZERO competish here Rob.

3. Robert Pattinson – DUH for days (and one of the only single guys on here)

4. David Beckham – Married with a 4th baby on the way? This is a big NO and I bet Posh can throw down like a chola in a street fight. Bitch looks FIERCE. But he is mad hot, I’ll give him that.

5. Russell Brand – N0, just no. More power to Katy Perry for picking a guy that undoubtedly makes her laugh, but no thanks for me.

6. Colin Firth – The possibility of Mr. Darcy role play is making my head spin… or maybe it’s the caffeine in the TRENTA sized Starbucks I just drank. Either way: YES, ALWAYS YES to this.

7. Prince William – That bitch Kate Middleton beat us to the punch but we’ll have the last laugh. See #1 and this guys hairline.

8. George Clooney – Terminal bachelor who has said he’ll never get married. So

Rob, WHO?

either he’s super closeted gay or leaves the seat up and he doesn’t want to change. No thanks.

9. Piers Morgan – The dude from X Factor who took Larry Kings spot? Oldie McOld? NO!

10. Brad Pitt – Who wants to step mom like 2309402394 kids? You can have him Angie, we’ll send Bieber over too! There’s always room for one more, the kids’ll love him!

Ok so it’s fun to imagine Rob as a possible hubby but let’s remember he’s playing a character AND he’s TWENTY FOUR!! He hasn’t even been broken in yet. Let’s let someone else take that bullet and then we’ll sweep in and take him. DUH.

Thanks though CTV and whoever the Twihard/Rob fan was behind this little piece you’ve provided many laughs and mental images of Justin Bieber at my wedding. *shudder*


And for kicks follow the jump to the Top Ten LEAST Desirable Celebrity Husbands

164 Commented

Rob has a ‘situation’ with a Porta Potty

The one who smelt it, dealt it!

Dear Rob,

News out of Brasil is fast and furious and it’s hard to figure out what’s true and what’s real and… ok, which picture is the best. We picked our faves the other day on LTT so I guess it’s time to tackle my favorite news item from Breaking Dawn filming:

Torched Toliet in Twilight Protest

Besides the awesome alliteration the news source used in the title, it’s really just gold. I laughed a LOOOONG time after reading it. So, in the post they say that because some of the Lapa Locals got annoyed at the inconvenience the filming caused them, they decided to torch a crew toliet. These people so wouldn’t last a day in Los Angeles.

Regardless of this all I have to say is: BUSTED!

You thought after taco day on set you could get away with using the crew porta potty and no one would be the wiser. You would have been in the clear if you hadn’t decided to try out that ‘totally awesome trick’ you saw in Jackass, and lit your farts to see what would happen. Spoiler Alert: you burned down a Brasilian porta potty. Instead of seeing the blue flame you almost passed out from the noxious flumes (hint: it smells like stale Heineken and the inside of Goodwill) but thankfully a kind old Brasilian grandma named Luisa noticed the smoke and knew EXACTLY what was going on (grandsons) and pulled you out before you were engulfed in flames.

You almost died from lighting your own farts on fire in a Brasilian porta potty between takes and you get your people to blame it on the locals? For shame Rob, at least own up to it or tell the crew you were taping a segment of Justin Bieber’s new version of Punk’d and it went horribly horribly wrong. Next time save this for when you’re home in Dick and Clare’s basement with Tom Stu on another three day video game bender. At least they have a fire extinguisher for emergencies. Or stupid stunts their son does that go very wrong.

Can’t believe I talked about farts,

So what really happened with the burned down Porta Potty? Who could really be that mad that Breaking Dawn is filming in their neighborhood? Think of all the money they’d make selling stuff to the Twicrazies camping out waiting for just a glimpse of the magicness!


Our internet game is ridiculous: LTT, The Forum, Twitter, The Store

117 Commented

Justin Bieber is ready to teach Robert Pattinson a little something about Bieber Fever

Rob, I see fly ladies dead ahead!

Dear Rob,

Recently, Justin Bieber told The Daily Mirror you guys should be wingmen and hit all kinds of fly parties to catch mad honey’s. What? You didn’t understand that?  Ok, ok I’ll interpret for The Biebs… he thinks you guys could meet some really nice (read: slutty) girls if you both went out together and harnessed your powers for mankind.

You can stop laughing now…

What? Fly honey's? Where?

Now my friends know I have a bit of a love affair with bad good pop music so I can’t deny that I don’t love me some Justin Bieber music namely: Baby. And I also won’t deny that I dance my booty off any time it plays at a party. The men may clear off the floor but the ladies rush it. So I’m not saying this is all for naught. You could learn a thing from Justin… in that ladies love to dance to his teeny bopper music and if you resisted the urge to vacate the dance floor like your male counterparts, you could pick up a lot of fly honey’s… though I doubt Kristen is the Bieber type but well… save this tip for ya know…. after… later… whatever.

Justin even mentioned that since you both have famous hair, as a pick up line you could tell girls they could touch your hair. Now you have known for years now that your hair is powerful, like Michael K of Dlisted says: Unicorn Walk through your magical forest of hair. Women have erected shrines to it’s magicness.  You don’t need the Bieb’s mop top to get any kind of ladies. Yours is REAL hair that looks like it’s been styled in all the right ways. Ahem.

As well intentioned as Justin Bieber is, he comes off like a total douche nozzle and you for the most part are NOT a douche nozzle but I think it might be interesting if you reverse Punk’d Justin (who is the new host of Ashton’s show) and told him you SO wanted to go out with him to chase some tail. You have a wealth of knowledge to impart to the next generation.

This could be you, Rob!

You could tell Justin all about hygiene and how his carefully manicured hair and stubble-free chin isn’t really necessary! In your experience you can look like the Brawny Man got lost in the mountains, fought a bear, lost, stumbled back into civilization and then rolled around in some  leftover bacon grease and women will  still lose their shit. It’s a proven fact. You can also tell him that he doesn’t really need to release any more music. From your experience all you need to do it record two songs for a soundtrack and then NEVER perform them in public and girls will act like you just recorded the new Pet Sounds or something. (you did).

Whatever you decide to do just NEVER let me catch you with the Bieber hair and we’re all good.

You’re my eenie meenie minie mo lover… (don’t judge!)

PS Brit readers: Justin says he likes British girls!!!! LUCKY! (sarcasm) So if some weird lesbian looking 15 yr old boy/girl offers to let you touch their hair you know what’s up!!! Oh and look around for Rob.

So what else could Rob teach Justin Bieber about getting chicks? Any Rob pick up lines? Anyone else have the Bieber fever?

Oh No They Didn’t!

Our internet game is ridiculous: LTT, The Forum, Twitter, The Store

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64 Commented

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