It’s Obvious… yea.

Dear Rob,

I wish I was as tech-y as Lewis and Poindexter and Gilbert in Revenge of the Nerds and had video cameras recording people’s reactions to the sorta-duh-bomb that the GQ article with Kristen just dropped. If Twitter is any indication I sure hope the Emergency Response systems in these tweeter’s cities are up-to-date and well staffed tonight because shiz is getting real crazy. You never know if they’re gonna twirl and flail and tumble right into a wall and knock themselves out.

So now that the “truth” is out (allegedly) do you think everyone can close up shop and go back to their normal lives? The Robsten’s think their work has been “validated” and I’ pretty sure at this point the Nonstens have joined the IDon’tGiveaFucksten camp so can we all go back to liking Rob and Twilight and not caring so much?

Sure, I’m going to miss the popcorn fests that Twitter became so many days when lurid pictures surfaced or grainy enlarged behind the scenes photos turned gifs made the rounds but I’ve been ready to go back to the kinder, gentler days of Twilight circa 2008 pre Robsten drama for some time now.

Why not declare it a new year?!

And like Rosh Hashana last week I’d like to usher in a new year for us all. Back to liking this stuff and not wanting to strangle other fans! Now if only we could get all them embarassing convos, comments, twitter flame wars, confession tumblr’s and videos wiped from the internet for all time in a “this never happened” moment. Please internet gods, make it so!

Happy New Year! L’Shanah Tova!
Themoonisdown

Ok, so this news came out too late for us to break it down last night but don’t worry we’ll be doing it ASAP! Like probably now… while you’re reading this.

So are we all in agreeance? Even if this is crap can we call it a new year and get back to the l-o-v-e??

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64 Commented


Inside the LTR vault

Since Rob did nothing of importance (as always) this weekend, I dug into the far-reaches of the LTR vault (aka all the unposted letters in our email account tagged “LTR potential.” There are over 85!) to see if I could find anything interesting from ages past that I never posted. There were MANY! And so I thought it would be fun to see what we were thinking about awhile ago, in regards to Rob. Surprisingly (or not) it’s not much different…

March 24, 2010

Dear Rob,

One of the things I love best about you is your tightwad, hobo style. I love that you still bust out the same blue sweater from the Harry Potter days. I love that you wore a jacket with a ripped sleeve on national TV. I love that you’re not afraid to wear your beloved tshirts into rags (which then require emergency sewing skillz). However, I’m worried about your wardrobe and its apparent rapid depletion.

No one rocks an old ratty sweater that they wore to the 11th grade homecoming dance that they went to with that homely girl with braces where their mom took pictures like it was their wedding day, like you do...

The lovely LTR/LTT ladies have been keeping tabs on yours and Kristen’s shirt sharing habits over on the forum, and I’m starting to get a bit concerned. How many shirts do you own? Maybe five? Six tops? There has been photographic evidence of Kristen wearing at least three of your shirts, leaving you with a grand remaining total of three. Frankly, this BOTHERS me.

(here is a video showing proof of this Clothes-swapping which has over 100,000 views. Yes, you may feel very very ashamed)

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=42J2Oyh5DR4]

When TomStu borrows one of your shirts, it’s not long before we see you wearing one of his. When you show up to an event in one of Sam’s (or was that Marcus’s sweaty red plaid shirt that you wore to the VMA’s?) sweaty button downs from the night before, eventually he’s going to show up wearing something of yours. It’s like a giant communal shirt bank that never varies in number. But what could Kristen possibly contribute to the bank? Is she going to swap her electric pink mesh-insert Runaways premier dress for your Stoli shirt? Dude. Seriously. She’s depleting the bank! Don’t be a victim!

You may have to mow over THAT girl to get to THAT shirt

Think of the repercussions. If she keeps “borrowing” your shirts at this rate, it won’t be long until the guys kick you out of the bank and you’re forced into prying the ducky sweater (obviously way too awesome to be a part of the shirt bank) out of TomStu’s cold, dead hands (because he’s not giving up THAT baby without a fight). Or worse yet, you’ll be forced to walk around shirtless…

 

………………………………………………………………

………………………………………………………………

 

Oh, hi, Rob. What were we talking about again? Oh yeah. I just wanted to let you know that I LOVE when you let Kristen borrow your shirts.

 

Was worried but now notsomuch,

amazingplinko

P.S. If you ever show up in any pictures wearing the ducky sweater? You will automatically pass go, collect 100 dollars, and become my favorite person in the ENTIRE universe until the end of time.

Rob never borrowed that Duck sweater, did he? I can’t remember ever seeing it. And I’m PRETTY SURE we wouldn’t forget Rob wearing the BEST SWEATER of ALL TIME!!!! 

PPS: Caption on the first image above was from This funny Post from 2009!! We’ve been discussing Rob’s “Fashion” (or lack thereof!) for YEARS now!

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7 Commented


Rob Pattinson: Famewhore

Warning: Sarcasm full steam ahead. After a week of not knowing how to address ‘the video,’ this letter felt appropriate:

Dear Rob:

Stop being such a fame hog.

There, I said it. I laid down the oh so ugly truth. I mean the way you prance about just begging for the paparazzi to descend onto you is so transparent. Everyone knows that you only go grocery shopping with your buddy with the wedgie so your picture can be taken. I even heard that you have one of those corkboards with all of your Just Jared Jr. pictures tacked to them. (I just totally made this up because it made me lol) Too bad the days of Tiger Beat are long past us, you might have a nice 11 x 17 poster to hang with it. Your desperation for attention is so…reality tv star of you, and to be honest you’re embarrassing yourself.

Your latest yearning for your name to be published on questionable celebrity blog sites around the inter-webs is just plain pathetic. Your buddy Marcus Foster decided he was going to make the big plunge. The big “translation of music into visual poetry so you can now have your own VEVO channel” plunge with the help of another one of your mates. Now, any good friend aware of their own panty dropping abilities would act as an anonymous donor to the great cause of middle class British emotional plight and just front the money for the project. God knows you have enough. But no, Rob the fame whore in you was just begging and pleading to be released, so you did the next best thing and unleashed…ROBSTEN!

Now, there are more likes of the video than actual views on YouTube and the comments have quickly morphed from along the lines of “Who the f— is this dude?” to “OMG!!! LONG LIVE ROBSTEN!! TOTES ADORE THAT ROB WROTE THIS SONG FOR KRISTEN! MY OVARIES ARE EXPLODING!”

So, Rob I think you owe an apology to your friends Marcus and Sam. All they wanted to do was produce black and white art to make it look more melodramatic. Shame on you and your inner fame whore Rob. Maybe we should exile you to a deserted island with Kris Jenner (Kardashian) and see how long you survive without a camera in your face or some variation of your name plastered over the Internet?

xx itsaboutthewords

(You do know this was one giant piece of sarcasm, right? I don’t want any Rob fans coming to tar and feather me Boston Tea Party style.)

Check out the video and be a judge for yourself. But, I give you a challenge all LTR readers: Can you comment on the video without alluding to Rob?

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UI_pPEysgYQ]

Sadly, itsaboutthewords, I have a feeling if you didn’t mention it, then some WOULD have missed the sarcastic bit.. there’s always one these days! And I appreciated your subtle way of shaming us fans into NOT making everything about Rob. Cause, to be honest, when I learned Kristen was in a Marcus Foster video I immediately thought “aww.. Rob is helping a friend out & getting him some video views” (because apparently I’m suddenly into male chauvinism & don’t think Kristen can make decisions for herself) And the video has nothing to do with Rob. I repeat, the video has nothing to do with Rob! But that didn’t keep me from commenting along with all the ROBSTEN lovers on the video, about ROBSTEN (I can’t resist that opportunity, ever) What IS that? Are we so desperate to have anything of substance of Rob that we’ll take him when his friend is picking a wedgie, his girlfriend is in a music video or anything else that has little-or-nothing to do with him!? DISCUSS! xo, UC

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100 Commented


These “Confessions” make me wonder, laugh and worry

Dear Rob,

Oh hey… long time no see. I heard you left your hidey hole to make your way to jolly old England this weekend, but that’s not what I’m here to talk about. You see, as you probably don’t know cause you have a life and I sure hope you don’t troll sites when you’re bored, there are these two tumblr’s called Robsten Confessions and Nonnie (Nonsten) Confessions. Which, as the name would suggest is confessions from Robsten and Nonsten folks. Now I pretty much die laughing, nod my head a lot, or shake my head when I go there because I think 4 things…

1. These are REAL
2. These are NOT real and Robsten and Nonsten fans are now totally self aware and this blows my mind
3. Robsten fans are sabotaging Nonstens by sending in fake confessions. And vice versa. They do this shit to incite each other
4. These are HILARIOUS!

Rob, do you know your fans spend this much time on you and your relationship?

Robsten Confessions

I sometimes wonder if you guys even car or if you “plan” this stuff.


This makes me rethink the last (almost) three years of my life if this is “destiny.” Do you believe in destiny Rob or was this just what happened because your mom was a model agent who sent you on a Harry Potter audition call?


Wow, let me introduce you to a few things that register higher on my prayer list…


“Breath Me” will do that to you….


Really?


This would be one of the sabotage ones I was referring to…. because “less hobo-ish?” that’s pretty much a backhanded compliment, right?


What’s gonna happen when all this is over? I worry about stuff like this because they won’t be in the spotlight 24/7 like now and as much as we have loved and enjoyed Rob, Kristen, Taylor and Twilight, and we are thankful for how it helped a lot of us (us included) out of some terrible funks, it can be a crutch and I hope everyone remembers this is a happy moment in their life and moves on to do great things! (*wipes a tear*)


SECURITY!!!


PLEASE GOD, if you love us, make this so!!!


Dear God I hope not because this just makes me wonder about how much of these “confessions” from both sides are really deep personal issues and ideas people are wrestling with and fans have just projected what they want onto you and Kristen, when no one knows you.


Case in point.
This makes me sad.

Nonsten Confessions

It wouldn’t be Twilight (or the story we all fell in love with) without Taylor or the love triangle he creates.


Do you ever feel the same way for Van Morrison, or your friends music, or even KOL just because you went to their concert?


Now that you mention it…. hmmmm…


Does it bug you that some of your fans (us included) sometimes think or wish you were gay?


They aren’t. Reading the books reminds me of this.

After all this how could you not be confused. What’s real, what’s not. Is it really “smoke and mirrors” like Kristen says or is it a real relationship? At the end of the day why do we care that much? And THAT is the most interesting question to me.

I just hope some day there’s a tell-all book or True Hollywood Story and we finally learn what really happened. And I hope it’s so boring. I truly do, I think our imaginations about your Rob, are way more powerful and interesting than the real thing. It’s probably part of the reason you like being an actor, you like telling stories… stories that are usually fiction.

These are my confessions,
Themoonisdown

All images from: Nonnie Confessions, Robsten Confessions

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95 Commented


The gossip and the what if’s of Rob and Kristen breakin’ up!

Dear Rob,

Word on the street (aka Star Magazine or as we call it “The News”) has it that ol Krissy Stew (makes her less intimidating, right?) has been stepping out on you with the Country Strong dude himself, Garrett Hedlund in an effort to make you jeals because according to the gossip hounds you’ve been out acting like a playboy.

Ok, ok… everyone can stop laughing from both those tidbits. Kristen making you jealous…. and you acting like a playboy.

Are we making you jealous yet, Rob? Yet… what about now? Now?

The rumors go that Kristen and Garrett snuck off to The Roxy where they got caught. Yea, caught for bad taste! Let me give you a hint of the types that play at the Roxy: Sam Bradley, 100 Monkeys and Steel Panther. It’s like a less sad version of the Key Club. And THAT’S saying something. So first of all if THAT’S where they’re going you should just pull the rip chord cause you don’t want to be with her, there’s no telling what she would put on a mix tape for you. I’m JUST SAYING! Also, I’d like to think if KStew wanted to make you jealous, Rob she’d come up with something WAY better than the Roxy. I mean she’s working in London right now, she has Tom Stu on speed dial and access to someone who can send her In N Out and paparazzi at her finger tips. If she REALLY wanted to make you jealous I think she’d employ some sort of burger fetish scenario with some dudes and not some cheese ball show at the Roxy

Then we get to the part about you partying like a single guy on the set of Cosmopolis in Toronto. Hanging out on a balcony with a dog and two dudes? Walking from your trailer to set with your burly man guard wearing a fishing vest? Someone should alert Hugh Hefner and Joe Francis because this is the sign of a true player! I sure hope they’re taking notes somewhere.

But can you dance like THIS Garrett Headlund?! That’s what I thought

Before I sound too Robsten-y, and really we all know this is crap cause it is Star (I mean THE NEWS) but WHAT IIIIFFF… GOD FORBID (please don’t kill me Robsteners) what if they, on some crazy world none of us want to live in, cause if robsten ain’t together life isn’t worth living, they break up? What would happen if something like this was REALLY true… what if they weren’t the happy holy family with the dogs and cats and yellow duffle bag and wrist holding that we all love. What would happen if Rob really was doing it up like a single guy in Toronto and he was all disheveled in those pictures because in the hotel room are a bunch of slutty fangirls hookers and what if Kristen really was asking the Tron guy to show her his life disc (that’s probably sexy to a comic book nerd)? All I have to say is I don’t want to be anywhere near a computer or mobile device with any sort of link to Twitter because it will spontaneously burst in flames and tears accompanied by the wailing and gnashing of teeth and probably some maniacal laughing (me and UC).

Nice try Tornado! They’re not scared

Rob, I also ask that if you haven’t devised a break up plan, you, Stephanie, Nick and Dean come up with some STAT because IF this ever happens I might actually fear for you life. Regardless of who’s “fault” it is I will never underestimate a Kristen fan. If you pitted a Kristen fan against a natural disaster I’d go to Vegas with a wad of Taco Bell coupons and bet it ALL on KStew lovers. Their shit is NOT weak. It’s more scary.

So should this awful event ever happen Rob, please activate your panic room (heh see what I did there) or get thee to my house were all LTR girls will ban together to form a human lady force shield of protectiveness while we take turns employing the tactics of the wolfpack by running perimeters around my house. You will be safe… till they figure out how to tunnel in. And they will.

May the lady force be with you…
Themoonisdown

PS Happy Birthday Momma Moon!!!!!!!

Are you worried for Rob if/when they break up? Is this a totally irrational possibility I’ve made up? Do we think there’s any truth to jealousy and acting single? Also, I’m starting a sign-up who can be on parameters from midnight till 3AM?

Source

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102 Commented


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