We’re so HAPPY to announce that we have new fashion for you to wear proudly for the Breaking Dawn season! You can put your embarrassing out-of-date Eclipse, New Moon & Twilight fashion away & impress the crowds with these new babies:
In case the newest designs are too couture for you, but you really want something new for this year’s events, might I suggest a few pieces from past collections that are destined to be classics in any girls (or mans or child’s) wardrobe?
With all these options we are certain you will be the most stylish fan at your midnight showing, hottest host at your premiere party with friends, best looking mom showing up to a PTA meeting mere hours before the movie releases or least-creepy looking Rob stalker in LA in a month!
A short & sweet letter today since we’ve discovered that me blogging on vacation is a dangerous combination as evidenced by the disastrous letter on Wednesday- I forgot links, the image didn’t enlarge correctly, I forgot to schedule it and CLEARLY I was on rum punch #1200 when I attempted to post that. SO SORRY to the authors Cath, drsaka, and tupelohoney!!!
People think Twilight fans are not hip at all. I’m not sure who thinks this exactly, but somebody must because I carry around some guilt and shame for being one. But lately I was thinking about how utterly cool I have become lately and realized it is precisely because I’m a Twilight/RPattz fan and not in spite of it. Let me share with you an example.
For instance, Rob, I read a blog where people write letters to you. Not sure if you are aware of it. This one post the writer mentioned a Leonard Cohen song she liked. Of course just casually dropping Leonard Cohen’s name into any conversation earns you a free hipster card. But this letter had a link to a youtube video of a cover of the Cohen song, “Dance Me to the End of Love” by
some band called the Civil Wars. Never heard of them. But I fell in love with the song and searched for it on the web, iTunes, etc. Couldn’t find it, but I did find some original songs by this band, the Civil Wars. They had an EP out. Anyway, comes around a few months later they release a full album, including said cover, and then they hit it big time and all the hipster people love them,
even Adele and all. Of course I had heard of them AGES ago, knew all their best songs. All because of Twilight.
So there you go. We’re not a bunch of scary trolls. We’re cool, hip people. Even a few days ago a bunch of friends were sitting around talking about how the new thing is these concerts that are in somebody’s living room, man! A revival of the West Bank salon and all that. Uh, yeah. I know a little something about that. Heard about it a long time ago!!
Sigh… as much as I hate to admit it… I fear Munkee is right, Rob’s fans do not have the “cool” stigma surrounding them (err us) Might have something to do with all the hours we spend in the rain/hail/sleet/snow just for a chance to look at his ass being ushered into a doorway… BUT… I have discovered some pretty cool stuff from Rob TOO- like Laura Marling. He mentioned her (well Rachelle LaFevre did) YEARS ago and since then I’ve bought everything she’s put out, seen her live (and cried terribly hard- so beautiful) and am now anxiously anticipating her September album- aka the break-up album with Marcus Mumford.
Her pain is my joy. Watch this:
In celebration of our TWO YEAR LTR anniversary today, we want you to grab a blanket & cuddle up with Moon & I in front of an imaginary fireplace- we even bought a bear skin rug big enough to hold us all- and listen in as we remember Year 2 in the life of LTR.
Two years- what a ride it’s been! In some ways it feels like yesterday when Moon & I both sheepishly admitted to each other that we watched the ENTIRE “behind the scenes off some cell phone camera” of the Vanity Fair photo shoot, and in other ways it seems like forever ago. SO much has happened. SO much has changed. SO many goals have been accomplished & SO many moments have shaped us- both in good & bad ways.
While things on the LTR-side have been quieter (read: Clare Pattinson still hasn’t admitted in public that she’s a daily LTR reader) than over at LTT, this year has still been quite busy. We kicked the year off right with a dramatic reading of poetry to Rob Pattinson (notice at this point we still wore a disguise- as to hide our “True selves” from all of you on the internet who want to kill us. As my full name & city have been posted online since, I think this past year we’ve grown over the fear of being murdered by Rob Pattinson fan!!!s)
Does this still give you a “continuous heartquake” as it does me?
And then there was the day after which the people of England never looked at Marks & Spencer the same (which is like never looking at a Target the same again- celebs shop at Target ALL.THE.TIME in the US- why we chose to think that Rob going to the British version of Target was a big deal is unknown to me. It was BIG TIMES fun though, that’s for sure)
Rob & TomStu buy underwear. I mean- can they GIVE us anything better? I don’t think so- what’s next for 2011- Rob & Tom tour a Hot Pocket factory? I don’t think it an get better than underwear shopping with your bff.
M.O.M.s wear jorts
Then we introduced our very first Rob’s M.O.M. (Match of the Month- a series I think we did for only TWO months! We rule)
Tiffanized was our first M.O.M. and convinced us why she would be the perfect match for Rob by these 3 statements:
I have hands on experience dressing my kids in the morning. Never again will Rob show up at a press event with a misbuttoned shirt or untied shoes.
With a closet full of bridesmaid dresses from weddings past, I’m red carpet ready.
I shop at thrift stores and have a Kohl’s credit card.
I have short dark hair, so from behind, I’ll totally look like TomStu.
THEN you starred in a film called Remember Me and I got to post my first LTR “Reality Index” like the NY Mag does weekly for Gossip girl:. There we learned things like this:
Tyler fell just trying to climb through the window. Plus 2 because Rob is clumsy as f*ck.
I got to hop up to NYC to meet a big group of LTR readers, most of whom I hadn’t met before, where I saw Rob on Jimmy Fallon, hopped over to the Remember Me premiere and saw Rob’s foot and then in an EPIC moment- one that follows me around the internet STILL to this day- I (and some friends) was cyber bulled
According to the bullies, apparently I’ve made death threats against Kristen, called Kristen a whore, and am a “mentally unstable old ignorant whale.” And that makes them upset. Just call me Shamu!!
Oh and then there was the time when Moon saw you on Ellen (yes again). If I remember correctly, she had much more fun the first time we saw you on Ellen together.
THEN just before you were seen in that 3rd movie where you play that vampire, the most epic thing of our 2nd year happened: Moon met DICK! and got THIS picture:
I mean….. has anything better ever happened? No. I think not! And also…. do YOU see a trend here? I keep saying “Moon did this.” “Moon went there” “Moon, Moon, Moon.” Come on Rob, I think 2011- Year 3 of LTR is for me and YOU!
But plus 1 for Team UC: Mr. Choice & I “broke down” Team Jacob vs. Team Edward back in July and Mr. Choice cracked us up with lines like
Mr. Choice: Fine…whatever…Ugh- Edward Pattleston will be a janitor in like two years
Then there was kinda a “Drought” where you disappeared, Moon went to Africa, I went to the beach and sat in a corner sulking until Moon got home, and we basically begged people to post letters for us for about 3 weeks straight. But then, I channeled that boredom into creativity and came up with a Trucker Profile for you on Trucker Passions in case you decide acting isn’t the career for you. The best part is I think that the fine people at Trucker Passions thought for 3 whole days that their site was REALLY taking off because of all the new visitors they were getting. That is, until they realized it was all due to a new profile created with a picture that looked a lot like that one guy from the Trucker-favorite flick “Ring of the Nieublings”
Click me. No seriously
And of course, you ended our 2nd year STRONG with Jumping Rob and the meme it’s become and all the beautiful situations in which he has been photoshopped. And I, of course, made Jumping Rob paper dolls & sent them off to my favorite girls in Belgium, Bella & Alice Not an Addikt. (And yes the lady at the post office PULLED them out of my unsealed box and looked at me strangely before I snatched them out of her hand and glared at her for putting her dirty paws all over you.)
So what’s next? What happens in year 3 of LTR? I mean, this question has an obvious answer right? There’s only really one thing left that we haven’t accomplished yet- that’s right- Year 3 of LTR is the year UC & Moon get invited to the Pattinson house for dinner & hob nobs. And then get called crazy hater squids by some more 15 year olds. Oh, and okay, we’ll throw it in there too, maybe, just maybe we can meet YOU and see how well we’ve done practicing for the past 2 years that we know nothing about you, have never heard of LTR and don’t understand the term “Robsessed.”
Here’s to an amazing 3rd year at LTR! XOXO,
UC for BOTH of us!
On a serious note: Last year I got really gushy on our 1st anniversary. If you are new and have never read it Take a second to read it now. I still mean all of that– you guys were lifesavers. Moon- you are more important to me now than you were a year ago- I’m so happy to see our friendship grow & deepen each day. We’ve had a year of transition in our lives personally & I’m so glad we’ve remained priorities to each other despite the craziness. Come visit soon. Or else. (Also invite me to your new house. Or else)
And to the rest of you- it amazes us that after all this time people are still finding Twilight and Rob. And as a result they are then finding us. And we are so glad. No matter when it is that you discover Twi & Rob, it’s important to know you’re not alone- there is a huge group of NORMAL people out there who have been obsessing, while a bit longer, just as hard as you, and not really understanding why…We’re in this thing TOGETHER! Always have been. Always will be. Here’s to an amazing 3rd year at LTR!! LOVE YOU ALL!
It’s been awhile since “you” have answered your fanmail and the bag is over-flowing…. Andddddd go!
SUBJECT: ..could you help me?
well, I´m so …”tired”, I have no idea how can I contact by email, phone or…?.. with Rob. I don´t need his photos, his videos, his notice about his private life.. only I want to hear his voice, I can explain myself : I ´m working in a music shop and when I´m watching a movie, I pay special attention in the music then, in twilight , when I heard “never think” It was difficult no stop to look for the singer but with “let me sign” , was necessary to stop and take information about him. I´m a fan of Tom Waits, and his voice made me feel that this person likes him too. I like deep voices even his friends Marcus Foster and Bobby Long have two special songs but.. I mean.. in Rob is like, for me , of course, when he sings …. “he is himself, no a mask”.
I beg you, please, give him this email.
I hate scream… I hate when the paparazzis oppress him, it´s something to afraid of.
I´m from Spain (so cute Rob like Dalí), I´m not on facebook, twitter… there are a lot of information confusing me, I don´t trust , so.. please, If you are so kind to answer me, I´ll be greatful.
excuse me for my troubles, I don´t speak very well and all your information I´ll never be share I promise you by contract if you like it. sure.
I want give you my telephone number but really I don´t know where this email goes, perhaps next time?…
Anyway, thank you for all.
Good news- you can rest your tired, weary soul & fingers because you’ve fond me. I your Spanish Dali, you my Rosa. We have much in common. I, too, hate “Scream.” And what does TV do to me every year at this time? Play Scream 1-3 24/7 leading up to Halloween. I mean, Courtney Cox should not Play a trashy reporter- how dare they make her seem as low as the paparazzi? She’s a COUGAR. Cougars are MY people.
Speaking of Paparazzi, I hate when they oppress me too. can’t they just let stop exercising their authority or power in a burdensome, cruel, or unjust manner? (had to look that one up. big word)
I’m glad we’ve connected. No need for a contract, I’ll send you my contact information via Airmail, just as soon as this oppression ends…..
I’ve made it quite known over the years that I don’t need you to be a clean-cut, perfectly dressed example for male cleanliness & high-fashion (although I wouldn’t mind if you went through a Don Draper phase- just putting it out there)- I like you the way you are- flaws & all. What might bother some girls- the musty smell like a box buried deep in the back of a closet at the Salvation Army, or the slightly crusty, dried yellowy-orange spot on your pants from when you wiped the processed cheese from the hot pocket off your hands, adds to your charm.
I even drew a little picture to show you what I think your now oh-so-famous “Rob Pattinson look” means:
But last week I was perusing the interwebs and on my new favorite satirical Christian website, christwire.org, found something awfully similar:
And I’m not sure….. what is it Rob? Your own personal “look” that sets you apart? Or just the costume of your every-day chronic masterbator?