Open Weekend Post hosted by: Keisha and all our favorite Rob’s

(Keisha welcomes the weekend for us with a special poem about all our favorite Rob’s through the years! Happy Weekend! xo, moon)

Dear Rob,

Why do we love thee?
Let me give you a glimpse in this Ode to RobP.
Let’s start by taking a look at your early work, shall we?
This isn’t in much order but please bear with me.
(Gotta put in THEY’RE NOT BEARS or UC & Moon will kill me!)

You were such a goofy dude as Art in How To Be
And portrayed a great artist when you played Salvador Dali.
You wore a rainbow sweater and again were so dorky
When you were in that movie about teen pregnancy on BBC.
There was that movie where you smoked like a chimney,
Laid around, and the spiders were way creepy.
You were even in a movie about that Potter boy Harry
Was it fun to be a wizard when you played Cedric Diggory?

THEN there was this director named Cougar Cathi
That was doing a movie about a book by Stephenie.
I’m sure you had no clue your life was about to be so kookie
When you were auditioning… on a bed… with a handheld video cami.
You played this “teenager” named Edward C
Did I mention that you were a vampire with a bouffant and were sparkly?!
Who had one fiiiiiiine faux Daddy
Played by none other than Peter Facinelli!
Now females yell “Edward Cullen, Bite Me!”
And scream in your face like they’re all bat-shit crazy.

I, myself, was a little late to the party
But last May I finally saw Twilight On Demand in HD.
For weeks I was glued to YouTube like it was Thursday Night Must See TV
For never before had I enjoyed hearing a grown man giggle and say “Lit’rally”.
I rushed out to Target and bought the Twilight DVD
And for that I have just one word: Commen-freaking-tary!

Now I say things like OME!
And smile when I see Volvos that are silvery.
Just to see your cardboard face I will walk repeatedly
In front of the window display at the mall’s FYE.
I even own an Edward lunchboxie
And trust me, I am not in Grade Three.
I, too, think Hot Pockets are pretty darn tasty
And am waiting for my chance behind a Dumpster with The Pretty.

Your life has been invaded by so much paparazzi
Who will do just about anything to take pics while you’re tipsy.
You sure know how to have a good time with Heine
With your best mates Tom, Marcus, Sam, and Bobby.
I will scour the Interwebs for hours to see
Pics of you in the sacred gray shirt of Stoli.
God forbid you forget to wear a hoodie
Or go outside without your trusted dark beanie.
The jeans had better be button-flied, blue, and holey
And I won’t turn away if you show a little mantie.
I swear your hair tells you “Don’t wash me!”
The girls really swoon when it’s all wild and messy.
Deep down we’re all hoping that you aren’t really smelly
And that we won’t get run off by Dean/Steve, your Security.

Everyone noticed you’re a pretty talented hottie
Especially when you strum your guitar and sing all mumbly.
Thanks to you some now think smoking is again way sexy
And you even have a segment called Robert is Bothered on Jimmy!

We REALLY love when you pose for mags like VF and Gentleman’s Quarterly
Even if you’re picking corn out of your teeth or wearing a horse blankie.
Sad Rob makes us sad and white, button down shirt, skinny tie Rob fills us with glee
But I’m not sure the world got the joke about your “allergy”.

It was time for you to do another movie
So off you went with a DILF to the Van-city.
While you were there you turned 23
And KStew’s life became a little less spicy.
But that had nothing to do with you, right Baby?!!
At least that’s what the execs at Summit try to tell me.

After that wrapped you went to New York City
And shot a somewhat different film called Remember Me.
There’s this guy named Tyler and a girl named Ally
I don’t remember much after the scene with spaghetti.
That’s a big fat lie cause then you get sweaty!
It was a crazy summer; some fangirls got rather fugly
For that I’m sorry and I really hope you didn’t get hit by that taxi.

You went back to the ‘Couve but there wasn’t much we could see
So we all settled in and waited impatiently for the eve of November Twenty.
A movie at midnight was a first for me
And you weren’t even in half of the damn movie!
But a little of YOU is better than none so 4 more times I would see
You in Grandpa’s tweed with a left nipple that’s a little wonky.

Your next project is/was Bel Ami
Which appears to have you with lots of Time comma Sexy.
THIS is full of Box Office WIN, trust Me
And I had no idea that 1890s Paris looked like present day Hungary.
Soon you will be in Cali shooting a movie about watering Rosie
Your love interest has played your Mummy
No, that’s not at all Uncle Rob creepy.
And your competition, even though he was a bad Nazi
In Inglorious Basterds, “That’s a Bingo!” is still pretty damn funny.
Team Rob will become Team JACOB Jankowski
Oh, the irony!!! Or not so much really….

After that… probably…. uhm…. most likely… maybe?
Will be the conclusion of Twilight with BD.
It all depends on what the director can do with CG
Did you know you’re going to have a weird ass baby???
What steps are you taking to become a Daddy?
I mean…. What steps are you taking to learn how to ACT like a Daddy?
Please be careful and get some freaking chemistry
You have no idea how much we are looking forward to Fade to Black Isle Esme.

But before that there’d better be a Leg Hitch in Eclipse we see!
Or the Fandom will revolt on this June Thirty.

Good Heavens this Ode sure is rambly.
And I haven’t even mentioned Pattinson Pant Lady!
In conclusion, Rob, we’d also like to thank Moon and UC
For showing us this acute fondness is not crazy, That’s Normal-cy!
But you know me as Keisha when I get all Commenty

Happy Weekend!!!

Our internet game is ridiculous: LTTThe ForumTwitterThe Store

44 Commented

The road to the World Cup also leads to Rob!

*Dear Rob, sometimes we get letters to you that are disguised as letters to us.. and since it’s about the World Cup, which starts today, I thought you wouldn’t care…*

So tell us Stephenie, does Rob read LTR every day or every other hour?

Hello there Moon and UC,

Firstly I am still so excited about your BIG news! There is absolutely no way in Hale that SMeyers picked you two out at random! I’m keeping my fingers crossed that you’ll be able to film it. You two can be shrouded in darkness like on those must ‘protect the witness in an interview ‘style programmes… BUT there are more pressing matters because today…

Something big is happening. It’s overshadowing every aspect of everyday real life, it follows you everywhere! Our whole society closes down and gathers at the nearest Pub with a large screen TV to witness it. No not the release of Eclipse…but that’s a close-call though. It’s not the MTV Movie Awards. It’s the 2010 FIFA World Cup. And it starts today: June the 11th. It rivals the ‘United Nations of I wanna bang Rob’ in the ability to bring the world together, it’s that good.

I don’t know if Americans get football yet? Maybe/ And when I say football I’m talking Soccer, ‘cept its called Football.


Anyway, your team USA must be getting pretty good, you’re in the tournament, and in the same group as England. We play each other June 12th. In fact I’m reckoning you could possibly even beat us. Which is so true to our form as seasoned under-achievers. That slow-clap picture you used last week was our former captain John Terry balling his little eyes out at our last exit. On penalties. Yet again.

Here’s my point, Finally. Whilst speculating on teams/players with friends this past weekend, I was once again reminded of Rob. The official England song for 1990 was possibly the best of all time. It was also the last time England got freakin ANYWHERE. It gets played all the time over here. It has the ability to give everyone goosebumps, one of my friends even Youtubed from his phone, and lo and behold everything reminded me of Rob.

It’s all there: Ray bans, Mullets, wonky legs, Lily Allen’s dad!

(Not really the last one. But I know, it’s #Random!)

Oh my god. There is truly no hope for me. I kind of love this but also despair at myself.

Love and Sparkles
Goodgirl Gone Plaid.x.o.
PS Praying for No penalties!

Express yourself! Create the space!

Dear Rob,

After having watched the video GoodGirl sent us, I think I truly understand you. Your entire life, your persona, your style has been based off this video and song. I’m sure this video and the ’90 team from England made a really big impact on you. Sporty Englishmen singing about “expressing yourself” while juggling balls all the while a floating head in Ray Bans sings “express yourself, create the space, you know you can win” next to a wall of beefy man legs running after balls probably explains a lot more than we want to think about.

I’m glad you’re kindred spirits with a man who sports a wicket mullet and buzz cut hair combo, but I still gotta say it: we’re gonna wipe the floor with your team! SUCK IT ROB! SORRY! It’s not that I care so much or even know everything there is to know about Soccer (yup, most of us call it that here), it’s that I’m American and we love nothing more than to dominate at sporting events especially when it’s on a world level and the team bears our countries name. You know us and patriotism.

Wait, this isn't football!

That being said, I do want to clear up some rumors. Though most Americans call it Soccer and though it’s not our countries most popular sport we know A LOT about it. This country loves itself some Soccer, just drive by a park on a Saturday morning and you’ll see hundreds of kids playing soccer for the Y or their city league. I should know, I grew up playing the sport and still love to play it or kick the ball around for fun.

I know LA has a pretty big group of residents from other countries and I know a lot of them gather to watch Soccer matches, getting shit faced at the pub at 10 in the morning because of the time difference between here and wherever games are being played that day. I hope you’re one of them this week or at least find some other English folks to hang out with as America hands your team it’s ass. BOOYAH!!!


PS Seriously U-S-A, U-S-A, U-S-A!!! Slow chant with me people!

Ok so who’s gonna break the World Cup down for us? EDUCATIONAL MOMENTS! Goodgirl got us started, lets keep going with predictions, what will Rob be doing during this? Who’s going to any games… and GOOO!!! This is your time for unabashed nationalism!

Follow the cut for some business time

144 Commented

Remember Me DVD will feature a Rob commentary: There is a God!

Dear Rob,

Since Summit’s no dummy they’re releasing Remember Me on DVD this month during the big Eclipse PR bonanza. They probably realize they really only have you until Breaking Dawn is over so they’re gonna milk it for all it’s worth. Which is smart. So since we’re gonna have access to your hot sex scenes and fight scenes from the comfort of our own bedrooms on June 22nd the press is starting to roll out. I just caught this feature on the LA Times blog that drops some seriously good info on your DVD COMMENTARY!!!! Whoohooo!! If there was one thing missing from the New Moon DVD it was you on the commentary but thank you baby Jesus, Summit forced wrangled you into a sound studio to record what I’m sure to be awesomeness we will love for all time.

So of course I have a few things to say about it…

Taking the lead for our favorite factoid: Pattinson’s dirty journaling. Playing the broody Tyler, the actor spent most of the film scrawling mysteriously in a leather-bound notebook. “On set I kept on going up to Rob and saying, ‘You’ve got to write in your journal, mate,'” producer Nick Osbourne said.

Said Pattinson: “I remember writing all these kind of pornographic poems, whenever there was a close-up on it. Horrible, horrible things in bold capital letters.”

So far I've come up with Boob, moob, tube, scoob, dube...

I can only imagine this going down… you trying to figure out how to rhyme words like boobs and ass with Heineken and kick ass. It’s truly the only way you can describe your favorite stuff. This explains those pained expressions you were making in the movie. It wasn’t you emoting about losing your brother or having a strained relationship with your dad, it was you thinking REALLY hard about how many syllables are in cunnilingus.

Other amazing insights into Rob’s soul include …

His sex scene was scary: Pattinson was “terrified” during his boom-boom moment with De Ravin. More so, he was sympathetic to the director of photography, “who had to look deep into my … crack for a long time.”

Crack is whack ya’ll even if you’re filming a love scene and you have a weird bra type modesty pouch over your man bits. No one needs to see the crack of doom.

His mother was appalled at the thought of a tattoo: Pattinson’s character has his brother’s name inked on his left pec as a memorial. When his mom saw it in the “Remember Me” trailer, she called him immediately. “I was like, ‘Really, do you think I tattooed ‘Michael’ on my chest?”

Wait, Tom is spelled T-O-M?! NOOOOOO my tattoo is all wrong

No, but you would definitely get a tattoo of “Tom” on your chest… or maybe Rob + Tom = bros 4 life (In old English of course) Next to an Olin Mills style portrait tattoo of you two.

Fans take note — when in Los Angeles, he reads scripts in a fast-food restaurant parking lot: “I was in an In ‘N Out burger car park where I used to always read scripts. … I realized I liked the character Tyler in the first four pages.” Perhaps he celebrated with a Double-Double.

USED TO?!! DAMMIT!!!!!!!!!!!! There’s about exactly two In-n-Outs this could be and that kills me. I guess this saves me from looking like a creeper by hanging out in the In-n-Out parking lot for hours on end knocking on windows and looking in the back seat for you.

He’s not shy about his frustrations with the paparazzi: As the film’s New York shoot was plagued with photogs, almost every scene in the “Remember Me” commentary comes with some anecdote about the invasive shutterbugs. “They showed absolutely no respect for anything,” Pattinson remarks.

I’m not sure I would classify those crazy whacko pyscho girls who chased you down paparazzi but Harvey Levin might give them an internship at TMZ at least.

Big dramatic fight scenes (like in, um, “Eclipse”) bore him: Pattinson gets roughed up by costar Chris Cooper in the film, and loved every minute of it. “It’s probably the most fun I’ve ever had in a scene,” he says of being slammed against the hood of a car. “Normally the fights are so choreographed, it makes it boring.”

Must. resist. this. video. clip. send. help. now. can't. resist.

Oh we loved every minute of it too… maybe a little too much Rob. I seriously contemplated my sanity after I watched that video of you filming that fight scene like 50 times. I don’t know if I’ll be able to handle having it in a high def version in my own house. A hit of the good stuff any time I need it.

Rob does a mean Barney Gumble: Pattinson randomly bursts out in an impression of resident derelict Barney from “The Simpsons” on the commentary track. And it’s actually pretty spot on.

I’m crossing my fingers he does his best Patty and Selma impression on the Eclipse DVD commentary. Nothing like a hot man impersonating the voices of a couple cougarish chain smoking sisters. HOT.

As you can tell I’m super excited about the possibilities of the DVD commentary only this means I may have to enter rehab to get me off the bad stuff that fight scene clip. And now that I’ve finally figured out who Aidan looks like (my old high school crush/bff/boyfriend stolen by my friend) I can finally stop staring at him wondering how I ‘know’ him and watch that fight scene. Again.

The answer’s four, in case you were wondering…

Who’s looking forward to this DVD release now that we know we’ll get a Rob commentary! Maybe he’ll eat “cheeseburgahs” and tell the guys he gets in a fight with to “be simple guys.”

Business Time:

Don’t forget that to celebrate the BRAND NEW LTR we are giving away a tshirt from our LTT_LTR Store! All you have to do is comment- we’ll randomly pick from amongst all the comments this week! The more you comment, the better chance you have of winning!

Thanks so much for all the great feedback for the new LTR and LTT look. It’s been a long process and managing a site this size is a big task  (unless you want to pay someone which we can’t afford!) We know there are some weird kinks & stuff. If you’re having trouble SEEING the new sites, clear your cookies & your cache. That should fix it. We’ll be adjusting things as they come up, so if there’s something you think we’re not aware of, please email us! Moving to this new site design allows us a LOT of freedom to roll out some cool features, so we’re excited to do that soon!

Our internet game is ridiculous: LTT, The Forum, Twitter, The Store

134 Commented

MTV Movie Awards – My blinking heart crotch beats only for Rob

(Welcome to our new digs!! This is LTR, have a look around and update your bookmarks!)

Dear Rob,

The MTV movie awards started off with such promise…

This happened…

You and Taylor kicking ass in a fake movie with a BLONDE handlebar mustache!

MTV could have just stopped the show after this, really how could it have gone up from here? MTV blew their wad in the first 5 seconds… Time to get some TV Viagra MTV, so you can last for the WHOLE 93254902348 hours this show drags on.

Didn’t see it live?

Also kudos to MTV for resurrecting a movie character over 2 years old as the main character for half the bits they played. Len Grossman?? Way to stay current folks! Who ever said you gous lost touch with pop culture? Speaking of, what about that Len Grossman (Tom Cruise) slash Jennifer Lopez performance, huh?! Another banner moment in irrelevancy for the night.

Follow the cut to see Rob win some awards, some other stuff happens and we have a GIVEAWAY!!

311 Commented

Rob's only outfit

Dear Rob,

Looks like you and Kristen were caught having a fun night out on the town this weekend in Vancouver by this girl.  All of us girls in “The Quad” have lives and never talk on the weekends (we usually just don’t do our jobs and talk throughout the workday), so we couldn’t do our normal “Breaking it down Vanity-Fair Style.” But that didn’t stop us from discussing the situation through e-mail:

Damn! Caught

Damn! Caught

Friend #1: Seriously?  She LEANED next to a freakin’ CAB for a picture?  This will need some breaking down…in the future…’cause they are together.  Ahem.  I don’t wanna hear this “buddies” shizz, either.
Friend #2: They are sooooo together. Look at them…chillaxin together. Being comfortable together. She obviously is “in” to him because she will hang out with him when he is wearing his only outfit.
Friend #1: Friend #2, will you marry me? THIS:  “she will hang out with him when he is wearing his only outfit…”  OUTSTANDING.  You are brilliant. P.S. And the look on KStew’s face in that pic?  It’s not ’cause she’s aggrivated with the fan encounter…it’s cause she’s totally thinking, “Damn, we’re SO busted.”
Friend #2: EXACTLY what I was thinking. She KNEW
Moon: I think shes thinking “damn i had a lot to drink and good god this bitch’s flash is bright. and she needs to hurry up and close the effing door.. it’s flipping cold outside.” yea she thought ALL that. PS Yes that is his ONE outfit. Lord help us.
UC: But yes, Rob & K thought they were being sneaky.. Rob is shakin’ his head saying “damn, this girl is gonna ruin our fun.”

You know us- we will, until the day we die, go down saying we know you and Kristen had/have/will continue to have a “thing.” Nikki is back in LA, Michael flew home so you’re free to hook-up, eat Indian food & take drunk pics in cabs.  We hate it, we’re jealous. The only time we like to admit that you and Kristen hooked up is when you were shooting these two scenes:




and who are we kidding? We’d all hang out with you when you’re wearing your one and only outfit (or when you’re not wearing it. Cuz when you’re not in your only outfit, well.. you’re not in any outfit and all and that’s not disgusting)

UnintendedChoice for “The Quad”

Thanks to Robsessed, as always, for the cab pic AND the .gifs and then there’s this story that we all know is a bunch of lies from the girl in the pic on imdb about how “they’re just friends.”

846 Commented

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