Dancin’ in the street with the Paparazzi and respecting Robert Pattinson

Dear Rob,

Paparazzi videos usually don’t make me sad but that one definitely did. I don’t know if it’s your sad panda face when you stop the car for the billionth time, the way the engine wheezed thudded to life making it sound like your morning smokers hack or the fact that it’s Sunday night and tomorrow I have to go back to work, but whatever it is that video made me a little sad for you.

Sure, in the grand scheme of things you don’t have it rough at all and some lame dudes with cameras following you around is annoying and a bit of a safety hazard at best. I have to remember you get paid a LOT of money and this is one of those unfortunate side effects that comes with being stupidly rich and famous and good looking.

BUT I do admire your chutzpa in stopping the car and trying to wait them out. Though you know they’ll take pictures and ask you stupid stuff about the loquat crumble recipe and call you “Edward” as long as you let them. So it was a flawed attempt at using logic on the paparazzi, they don’t work that way, sadly. Even when you tried to reason telling them they’d taken “millions of pictures” and that should be enough. It should Rob, it should! But why do they want more? Are they waiting for Kristen to meet you in the parking lot of a fireplace store? Or are they hoping to catch you and John Stamos hanging out at Bob Saget’s house again?  It makes me wonder how long you stood out there, in the middle of the street waiting for them to leave you alone, then talking to cops and then most bizarrely talking to that girl about the cars or the Kardashians? I couldn’t tell. Whatever it is that was the most odd part of the evening.

But what can we do as fans? We’ve already been hit up by some emails saying that the respect Rob campaign should be started up again. What were we doing since the last supposed “bad” paparazzi run in that prompted the respect stuff? Disrespecting you? (Nice and slow, right Freya?) Ok, ok just on the occasional Friday when we drop some Rob Porn on the ladies. But really, should we be boycotting mags and their sites and telling people we’re “proud to be paparazzi free?” HALE NAH, cause we love us a good pap picture, without those we wouldn’t have the underwear shopping trip or the wrist holding pic or those blessed Nova pictures from last week? So where does that leave us?

Prompted by your own mid-street stand-in I propose as a way of showing our respect that all Rob fans walk into the middle of the street tomorrow at noon for a moment of silence and sad panda faces in remembrance of your weekend paparazzi show down. Now if we happen to obstruct traffic, or ask your coworker to follow you into the street with a point-and-shoot digital camera to reenact the moment or repeatedly get into your busted Kia Sephia and crank the engine than that’s just bonus points. Super fans will go the extra mile to show how much they respect your street side showdown.

In an effort to make this not such a sad video can someone please remix this and add the song “Dancing in the Street” by Martha and the Vandellas so that our new Respect Rob movement will have a theme song and now every time a Rob fan is out drunk Karaoke-ing and this song comes on we all have a moment of silence to let the paparazzi know we will NOT stand for this any long. But we WILL stand in the street!

Now it’s time to start taking photos of ourselves in the middle of the street so we can post them here to show how much we’re REAL Rob fans.

You agree I assume, right Rob? You’ll join us next time Dancin’ in the Street comes on the oldies station in the Nova?


Thoughts on the video? Does it make you a little sad and distressed to see Rob out of sorts and annoyed by the paparazzi? Cause it does for me. Who’s going to do a street stand in to show their respect and Rob? Make sure you send us a picture! 😉

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Robert Pattinson gets stuck in an attic during the summer and then rolls with the Homies!

Dear Rob,

As we all know you can flip our moods on a dime. Case in point today I saw the promo image for a short you’re in called “Summer House” and I was GA-ROSSED out… to the max.

Nice mullet man. SERIOUSLY the little flippy bits in the back and then the fact that it looks like you’ve been trapped in a hot attic all day during the summer sweating your ass off until this poor girl found you when she went looking for elbow length gloves in grandma’s old trunk and found you trapped up there instead. Don Juan de Gross-o stuck up there with your shirt half unbuttoned, your business in the front and party in the back and then what I can only imagine is the worst BO of all time. ALL TIME. She’s obviously trying not to inhale because you’re so close to her olfactory senses. She’s just trying to stand still so you’ll think she’s an oasis in your heat stroked brain and you won’t stain her prom dress with your sweaty hands. This is clearly what The Summer House is about. Clearly.  If that doesn’t sell you on seeing The Summer House, I don’t know what will. Their production team should definitely hire me to do the PR for this movie.

The crazy thing is after I was super grossed out by Don Juan de Gross-o I saw pictures of you and TomStu rolling around LA in a Chevy Nova like freaking rockstars. Only it’s so hilarious because you’re two sorta fey, bumbling brits (probably) awkwardly driving an American Muscle car into an In N Out drive through. CLASSIC RobStu shiz right there. You two should have a reality show. The underwears shopping, the clothing swapping, intense debates about the merits of the original Star Wars trilogy vs the prequels (ok, I’m imaging this happening) and now THIS. Please someone at E! give these kids a camera crew and some air time. We NEED this in our lives NOT the Kardashians or those dumb sluts who broke into Celebrities homes.

Obviously, you know the way to my heart.You know I was super creeped out by the Summer House image so you swiped a classic car cause you know how I’m in the market for one and then drove around till you found a paparazzo in a parking lot of an In N Out. Then in my mind you ordered grilled cheese, animal style with a diet Coke and then you put “Rollin’ with my homies” on blast in the Nova tape deck (cause it’s so obviously a tape deck) and pumped that shiz as you drove reeeeeal slow down Sunset.

And you waited cause you knew even with no consistent internet connection till tomorrow that I would see these and forgive you for the Summer House image. And I do…on one condition. Drive that Nova to my neighborhood and flip the hydraulic switches so we can really get this party started.

Rollin’ with the homies! *does the hand motion*

PS I should be back to 24/7 internet connection today. FINALLY! So I’ll be back to commenting and hanging around.
PPS We’re looking for new letter submissions so email your letters to Rob and Twilight to us!

How can Rob be simultaneously repulsive AND awesome at the same time? I can’t wrap my mind around whatever power he has that makes this possible. What would the RobStu reality show be called? Where else did they go on their fantastic voyage?

Follow the cut for the theme song to the RobStu reality show Continue…

120 Commented

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