I was all fine with packing up my tchotchkes for the big move (5 minutes from my current place) and having an emo night by myself until I saw this picture of you surprising the crowd at the IMAX screening of Eclipse in Century City.
FML. I mean really? FML. I’m home throwing photo albums labeled “Bitches and Hos” and framed pictures of my grandparents into boxes and you’re showing up at movie theaters in my city? And speaking of my city… you were downtown filming that movie Water for Elephants (which I will read at the end of the month on my big trip) which is conveniently located minutes from my shack and after RARELY stopping to take pics with fans or even show your smug mug on the Filmore set you stop and take pictures with fans now?! In a Penguin hoodie?! COME ON!
It’s times like these that I can’t take living here. It’s knowing you may be 10 minutes from my house, your trailer at an intersection of downtown that I know very well, you at a movie theater I walked past a week ago, and it’s just you being in my general vicinity that I can’t take. I feel like I’m on high alert all that time, that as any moment I could cross your path. I even thought about (for a hot minute) going to said IMAX theater last night but then I caught a glimpse of my crazy self in the base of the mercury glass candle stick I was packing and remembered I’m not a psycho and should calm the ef down! I repeated the mantra “I am normal… I am normal… do not walk out of this door with your greasy ass hair thinking you’re going to see Rob. Freak… I am normal.”
Unlike this girl…
Though I can’t say I blame her those cardboard cutout things aren’t cheap AND they make a great conversation piece next to all your tchotchkes (isn’t that the best word ever?)… I can’t also blame her because I would have dared someone to do this during the “Truth or Dare” portion of #leghitch2010 only we never got that far, we only dared someone to sharpie a teardrop under Kristen Stewart’s eye and look how that turned out**. Laugh now, cry later, after all. But don’t think we won’t be daring someone to rip off the Breaking Dawn cardboard cutout at a Burger King or Borders during #PillowBite2011. That is SOOO happening.
So even though you’re out running a muck in my city (like how I’ve claimed it for myself?) I just can’t be on high alert anymore, I might go crazy… or worse yet not get my packing done and then I’ll be the crazy girl with no house and a ripped up Edward cutout from Eastern Europe or wherever that was. So I hope you’ll accept my resignation and revoke my fan card for failing to be at any of these events in Los Angeles. But maybe you’ll understand and hand me that special “I’m Normal” card you’ve got hidden in your back pocket for special folks like me?? I can only hope.
**CALM DOWN I’M KIDDING! I’m SO JOKING about the Sharpie, it was a little girl who accidentally got her sharpie filled hand knocked into Kristen’s face, not us. We have eye witnesses! JOKES PEOPLE! I hate that I have to write this here, but some folks lack of a sense of humor makes me do it**
But anyway… Who wants to pack up my house while I go try to reclaim my fancard? Or is the “I’m Normal” card better to have? Have you thought about using the 5 finger discount on a cardboard Edward in a store near you?
Business time after the cut
Tags: , Borders, Burger King, Century City, crazy, downtown, fan, fancard, IMAX screening, Kristen Stewart, Los Angeles, Pillowbite2011, robert pattinson, secret, set, steal, surprise, that's normal, video, Water for Elephants