Meeting some of your “friends” ruined THE fantasy, Rob

Dear Rob,

You may have not been in San Diego this weekend for Rudy’s (aka Keisha Knight Pulliam) birthday but some of your fellow countrymen were. Though I will say I totally thought the first guy was faking the accent for at least 5 minutes, but when his totally toasted friend joined us I knew no drunk boy had the stamina or presence of mind to keep up a fake british accent for that long to say “lit-trally” that much.

I appreciated Nick and John (their names) for chatting us up in a room full of creepy old dudes and for their willingness to put up with our dumb questions BUUUTTT I must insist on a few things from your friends and maybe even yourself next time we meet. First, if you approach a group of ladies toting a mojito in your hand, it just confuses us. If we’re drinking gin and tonics and your glass has more frou frou and umbrellas than ours we might think you are le ghey. If you insist the mojito is your thing and you insist on living the island life while outside your country we must insist you not drink it through a straw because it LIT-TRALLY looks like you’re sucking on a… well you know. Also please put up with us as we inadvertently create international incidents by insulting your military. But accept our apology when we back track to say England taught us everything we know but then we used it to kick your asses in that little revolutionary war skirmish.  But we love you as allies, we really do!

Essentially what we met… only in denim

Also don’t think we’re the CIA trying to figure out if you’re lying about why you’re here but we LIT-TRALLY really don’t understand what the crap you’re saying and why you’re helicopter pilots/gunmen/crewmen in San Diego and how you got here. So come up with a good story as for why you’re here and how you got here.

If we ask lots of probing questions like “Yes, you’re from London, I get that… but what NEIGHBORHOOD are you from?” It means we really are interested and we love the civil engineering of your great town and not because we’re wondering if you know where the Barnes after school theater program is and if you attended oh maybe 5ish years ago.

I also appreciated that they humored me when you told me you were from the East End and I brought us East Enders. We did refrain from asking any Prince William and Harry questions though we REALLY wanted too especially since they are helicopter pilots in the British Army and who doesn’t love a Prince Hot Ginge story or maybe some insight into the much ballyhooed Royal Wedding.

Oh and here in America when one wears denim on denim we LIT-TRALLY call that a “Texas Tuxedo”… a questionable look.

Perfect for your mojitos!

And lastly I now know that most of the LTR girl’s real life Rob run in fantasy is to meet you drunk in a bar somewhere but I found out the harsh reality: it is just that, a fantasy. Because after talking with drunk brits for a bit there is NO way in hale we’ll be able to understand you after 10 mojitos either. This is a deep, deep sadness.

It sounds posh… but it isn’t!

So (minus our english girls) who’s had a similar run in with some brit boys and not only pumped them for information (inconspicuously of course) but been super confused the entire time? Would the Rob fantasy of meeting him drunk in a bar ever really live up to the fantasy? Did anyone else celebrate #birthdayRudy? Need a wardrobe for meeting British boys? Go Here!

Our internet game is ridiculous: LTT, The Forum, Twitter, The Store

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Most Desirable Celebrity Husband: Robert Pattinson and… Justin Bieber??

Dear Rob,

So clearly someone at CTV (whatever that is) is a big Twilight fan and has been waiting with bated breath, watching all the non-goings on in Baton Rouge. Yesterday, some pictures of you and the gang walking around on the studio lot shot around the interwebs. In them you were wearing a wedding ring (I’ll pause to let the ladies collect themselves) and looking verrrrry husband-y. So when I saw this list CTV created of the Top 10 Most Desirable Celebrity Husbands, I knew! How else would they have seen the ring and been so inspired?

It’s a pretty interesting list to say the least though I have a few questions for the creators. I can understand being blinded by the Edward ring pictures but some of the guys on the top ten just maybe perhaps don’t belong. Let’s take a look…

Most Desirable Celebrity Husband:

Uh yea… we’ll take both

1. Prince Harry – Besides Rob this is probably the most plausible entry. Who wouldn’t want to be a Princess? AND it’s Harry, aka Prince Hot Ginge (™Dlisted) aka the Prince who still has all his hair. ANNND he’s a fine piece. I cosign this choice for the list.

2. Justin Bieber – Let me get this straight… a 16 year old BOY who’s about 5 feet tall and thinks he’s God’s gift is a DESIRABLE HUSBAND? They have the good drugs at CTV, right? You might wanna check over your should for Chris Hanson. I hear he doesn’t like this kind of thing. And besides that what would Selena Gomez do? Sad. (that I know that)

Uh yea. ZERO competish here Rob.

3. Robert Pattinson – DUH for days (and one of the only single guys on here)

4. David Beckham – Married with a 4th baby on the way? This is a big NO and I bet Posh can throw down like a chola in a street fight. Bitch looks FIERCE. But he is mad hot, I’ll give him that.

5. Russell Brand – N0, just no. More power to Katy Perry for picking a guy that undoubtedly makes her laugh, but no thanks for me.

6. Colin Firth – The possibility of Mr. Darcy role play is making my head spin… or maybe it’s the caffeine in the TRENTA sized Starbucks I just drank. Either way: YES, ALWAYS YES to this.

7. Prince William – That bitch Kate Middleton beat us to the punch but we’ll have the last laugh. See #1 and this guys hairline.

8. George Clooney – Terminal bachelor who has said he’ll never get married. So

Rob, WHO?

either he’s super closeted gay or leaves the seat up and he doesn’t want to change. No thanks.

9. Piers Morgan – The dude from X Factor who took Larry Kings spot? Oldie McOld? NO!

10. Brad Pitt – Who wants to step mom like 2309402394 kids? You can have him Angie, we’ll send Bieber over too! There’s always room for one more, the kids’ll love him!

Ok so it’s fun to imagine Rob as a possible hubby but let’s remember he’s playing a character AND he’s TWENTY FOUR!! He hasn’t even been broken in yet. Let’s let someone else take that bullet and then we’ll sweep in and take him. DUH.

Thanks though CTV and whoever the Twihard/Rob fan was behind this little piece you’ve provided many laughs and mental images of Justin Bieber at my wedding. *shudder*


And for kicks follow the jump to the Top Ten LEAST Desirable Celebrity Husbands

164 Commented

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