What’s going on here? Rob in LA edition

Dear Rob,

With you back in LA and traipsing around West Hollywood like nobodies looking has given us plenty of new material and it’s been our daily ritual to trade pictures of your latest shenanigans back n forth as we break it down. Just like the good ‘ol days. And today’s no different. Only this time we’re wondering what in the crap you’ve been up to and we think LTR readers have some ideas too… so let’s get started shall we?

 

So clearly Tom took the paparazzo up on Rob’s offer to let him take as many pictures in 30 seconds if he gave him the flannel. Poor Rob… too bad he doesn’t know TomStu paid the pap off since that flannel completes his killer Halloween costume idea of being the Brawny Man.

Moon: who’s the dude in the toyota driving them??
UC
: THAT’S WHAT I SAID younger ben affleck? new friend? Tom’s boyfriend? Kristen’s brother? Kristen’s boyfriend? will we ever know?
Moon: a guy who drove a car up to the back door waiting for one of the bar tenders to get off work, then they jumped in and who was like wtf?! but he drove off
UC: haha yes exactly OR .. it’s a robstners boyfriend coerced with the promise of really good sex to act as a driver and get the goods aka film the back seat make-out session
Moon: and then dump them on the side of the road in a rush to get the video to the girlfriend and onto the internet
UC: his girlfriend is waiting by with a few 80s power ballads to use in the video and bella & edward montages to work in
Moon: and dont forget the roaring fireplace effect
UC: how could i forget!?
Moon: i know… and in reality it really just makes it look like rob/kristen/bella/edward are in a bad house fire
Moon: like this…

Next up…
Remember when you were younger and the cool thing to do was use bleach and rubber bands to make tshirts you thought were cool and in reality you just looked like a hippie or as if you had a big laundry accident. Rob is probably used to having Clare do his laundry so when he tried to do his own laundry for the first time he not only bleach the arm of the sweatshirt he shrunk it in the dryer. Thus the reason he quit doing laundry all together and why everyone thinks he doesn’t shower. Mystery solved!

A big thank you, Rob for actually showing your face occasionally this week and giving UC and I something to blabber about in the mornings like we used to. It’s been fun and educational but we’re still wondering what is going on.

Off to tie dye some shirts!
Themoonisdown

Thanks to our lovely pal Gozde and her girls at Robsessed for always having the goods!

So what do YOU think is going on in these pictures? Give us your takes in the comments!!!

Our internet game is ridiculous: LTT, The Forum, Twitter, The Store

93 Commented


Seriously you all, get off their Dicks. (Shhh, just act like you care)

Dear Rob,

You know that shirt you wear when you wanna be flippant and cool and think you’re all hardcore? The BEASTIE BOYS Tour shirt from whatever over priced online vintage store you bought it from which according to people with too much time on their hands is worth about 250 bucks. Yea, like I said too much time on their hands. BUUUUTTT that is neither here nor there. When you bought it they told you it was super limited edition and no one else would have it… WELLLLLLL lookie what I found…

(Google “Rob Pattinson ‘Get off my dick'” and you’ll find the picture!)

DUDE… you know how they say pets resembles owners or couples start to look like each other after they’re together a long time? Yea, whatever it is she’s becoming YOU. Dude, maybe she wants to BE you. All along it’s hasn’t been about love or lust or like it’s been about her taking your place! I mean look at the signs bro… TomStu is now in a movie with her, they’ve been seen at parties together, she’s probably played the guitar with him, she’s hung out with your family and now she’s trying to tell you to stay off her Dick! She wants your dad all to herself. Who wouldn’t want to be the recipient of those emails?

So this is a little warning letter just so you’re watching your step. This has the hints of a Stage 5 Clinger, if this ends bad, she will either burn your house to the ground like Angela Bassett in Waiting to Exhale or will skin you and wear you like last years Versace (holler Real Housewives of Jersey!). I’m just saying watch out… and like Eric Yorkie says, ” I got your back baby.”

It’s alright, stay on my dick,
Themoonisdown

So what’s the deal with this shirt? Classy, trashy? A “statement” to anyone? Or kids who think they’re so cool?

Learn more about KStew’s outfit than you ever cared to know at Kristen Stewart Fashion courtesy of a fan

Our internet game is ridiculous: LTT, The Forum, Twitter, The Store

403 Commented


Inside the Robsten love lair

Right this way to the pantry...

Dear Rob,

I have jetlag… still. I find myself not being able to sleep till 4 or 5 in the morning then waking up at 8 then crashing out again around 2PM. I’m currently fighting to keep my eyes open and it’s 8PM. This sucks… bad. I can only imagine if you live with this all the time, but you probably never really get used to any schedule because you’re in and out so much. So you can imagine my lack of enthusiasm for anything these days much less the circus that is your life what with all the hoopla surrounding this whole Robsten debacle.

So when UC sent me a link to some creepo arial paparazzi photos and photos that someone probably got from the rental website where this place is listed of where you and Kristen are supposedly staying,  I clicked on it hoping to see TomStu hanging out in the bushes near you guys installing a satellite dish or setting up a wading pool in the backyard (LA chic yall!), you know just about anything you can do together without including him.

What I saw though made me grossed out a bit and of course intrigued as the wheels in my head began to spin. The pictures featured a wide shot of the house…


Where is this “Little Cabin in the Big Woods?” Where is Ma and Pa Ingalls? Where’s Laura and Mary? Do you make a balloon for Kristen and Tom to play with out of a pigs bladder? Can you tell I loved those books a lot? What is this house? This looks nothing like the Bel Air I know!


Is there dust on the bathtub because it’s never been used? And is that a half empty bottle of Dakar Noir I see on the counter? You preferred cologne of course. It’s easier to find Dakar at Rite Aid and Walgreens when you’re on the road than it is to find a department store with those fancy designer scents.

And what about these pictures of the master bedroom and (insert your own “duh duh ddddduuuuuh” here) THE BED that you and Kristen might be sleeping on at this very moment. Did the Robsten fangirls instantaneously orgasm just by looking at this picture?


Is that Kristen I see in bed giving the helicopter pilot the middle finger?


Does the property have a loquat tree? How else will Kristen make you crumbles and tarts and pies without one? Was that one of the necessities of your rental search?


Does the mini really have a vanity plate that reads “1 Mad Hater?” Cause I’d much rather live in a world where Kristen and possibly you drive around in a car that says mad hater on the back. I don’t want to think Kristen or her family are just really big Alice in Wonderland fans. So I have forever dubbed the black mini: “the hater mobile.” Long live the hater mobile!

Sadly, this isn’t anything like what I pictured the “palatial pad” to be like but I guess once I blew the lid off that place with my amazing writing skills you had to up your game, I get it. But now I’m going to take a shower because I feel skeevy for looking in your bedroom windows. Figuratively of course. But really now Joe-Realtor you couldn’t have taken these down?

Oh and if you have any good tips for jet lag that just won’t quit, I’m all ears!
Themoonisdown

Have you seen the pictures? What did you think, any initial thoughts like mine? Does Rob seem more of a Dakar man or a Cool Water type guy? 🙂 And seriously, jet lag tips?

Pictures from Twilight Central

Our internet game is ridiculous: LTT, The Forum, Twitter, The Store

183 Commented


Breaking It Down: While I was gone Robsten came out, he wore plaid and we were NOT surprised

Dear Rob-

I’ve been away from you for over two weeks and I know you’ve undoubtedly cried yourself to sleep every night, drowned your sorrows in a few cases of beer and even flown to Montreal thinking I said I would be in Canada and not Africa. Oops tiny mistake on your part. But alas I’m back and I’ve missed SOOO much but UC and the crew here have kindly filled me in but as luck would have it I made it home just in time to Break Down THE PICTURE from what is now being dubbed Moantreal. Yea, you’re up there kissing on ol Stew. Some welcome back. THANKS A LOT.

The one where they just won’t let us forget
UC: okay well, should we DO this!?
Moon: YES lets DO THIS… so what the HALE has been happening since I’ve been gone. I’m mildly interested.
UC: ha…i’m barely interested…well,i feel like i need to research to remember what happened last week and since it’s SO timely i feel like we need to just discuss the biggest news since Taylor found out he resembles an Alpaca….The Robsten kiss outside of a Montreal House party
Moon: oh god im already sad… outside a house party?! they really are forever 17
UC: otherwise known as……. “I always open mouth kiss my lover before heading into a party- oh wait look there’s a photographer oops i hope they didn’t catch me!” Otherwise known as… They knew the photographer was there.
Moon: otherwise known as everyone was starting to forget about robsten/twilight/new moon/eclipse/throwing money down the toilet and making summit rich, LOOK THERES A CAMERA!!
UC: and.. Moon this is the best part you can see TOM STU standing there. THEY MADE OUT in front of TOM STU!!!
Moon: They ARE stuck in high school! this is what happens parents when you let your children be actors too soon. they miss out on formative things like making out in front of a house party in high school and now theyre forced to do it while the world is watching
c

UC: Now let’s clarify lest the Robsteners call us those who think Robsten is a PR-ploy…. I do NOT think that. I do however 100% think they knew there was a camera there. NO ONE OPEN MOUTH KISSES before going in a party.. and in front of Tom stu… unless you’re over it and want to be caught
UC: so.. good for them… they’re OUT. and I don’t know about you…. but I felt the magicness emanating from their open mouth kiss
Moon: i still have not seen the open mouth party kiss. should i open it now?
UC: oh you haven’t seen!? omg this will be epic yes. please Open…. if i Had time I’d make you a video… with the pictures and the hallelujah chorus playing but… that would take me 3 minutes and i really don’t have 3 minutes to give to robsten from here on out known as “open-mouth-kissing-sten”
c
c

The one where I finally see IT
Moon: wait what are all those dots?! did some crazy robstener pop out from a bush nearby with confetti and threw it into the air when they started kissing?
UC: yes, that’s exactly what I did. i Mean what they did
Moon: then a disco ball fell from the ceiling, a publishers clearing house person walked out with a big check and kool and gang played Celebration?
UC: And it started snowing. IN august that’s what the magicness does changes the seasons
Moon: THATS the power of robsten
UC: effs with Mother Nature
Moon: and their magicness… they ARE mother nature
Moon: wow this is was underwhelming
UC: hahhaa sorry- did I build it up too much?i mean.. .can you actually tell that there is liplocking? or are they just holding each other close? teaching tomStu how to do it- there’s a girl inside he’s hoping to get stuck in the closet with for 7 min. in heaven
Moon: its just not what i imagined… but i guess real life kissing cant compare to the fireplace and the bearskin rug in my fantasies, i mean the lemony fan fic i write, i mean the delusions in my brain

follow the cut as we figure out if they’re kissing or not, what kind of camera the paparazzi were using and what fabric is only allowed to touch Rob’s skin
Continue…

228 Commented


This is how you found us!?

Dear LTR fanatics & the occasional passer-byers via Google,

It’s been awhile since we’ve dove into the deep end of the blog statistics- in fact, we haven’t done it once since we moved to the new blog. (And may have never done it at LTR- we used to do it all the time over at LTT!) Are you still googling creepy shit to end up at LTR? Are you still misspelling words just as badly as you were a year ago? Let us find out. Here is what you’ve been googling lately to find us at Letters to Rob:

what white actor is dating someone white- I’ll take Angelia Jolie & Brad Pit for $200. Wait no… I know this one…Zac Efron & Vanessa Hudgens? No? How about Taylor Swift & Taylor Swift? Ooh Oohh- Nikki Reed  Paris Lastis? Damn- WHO is it!?

robert fans mad at paps- Yeah we are! Mad that we don’t get to be up in Rob’s face experiencing for ourselves what a “nice guy” he is. If we were to throw a camera in Rob’s face & use a fast shutter 100 times over, we’d be considered stalkers. And how is it stalking if I’m just using those pictures for my OWN personal collection? To add to my 2010 “Rob Pattinson Sex on Legs” 5″ 3 ring binder? Explain THAT.

rob’s crotch- Sigh… my grandmother would be so proud

sad faces with letters First there was Sad GQ Rob then there was Sad Panda Rob- we don’t discriminate. We write letters to all forms of sad faces:

robert pattinson croatia- Sorry- probably never gonna happen but I hear Beirut has a chance this year.

pattinson muscle car- HA! Little did you know that your man, after he caught you up late Robsessing &  LTRing one too many nights, would believe you when you told him you were actually doing “research” for his birthday present by looking at pictures of an old “muscle car” Rob Pattinson was seen driving around. Better hope you’re not recognizable in your gravatar because 4 of your men found LTR by searching for more info on their “birthday presents.” You don’t want them finding out “birthday present” really means “Horny talk about sparklepeen with women I met online”

interpretation of too far gone by sam badley- Good try Sam. We know you’re still Googling stuff about yourself- hoping to find legit sites interpreting your songs. Sorry- it’s just us. Just us here STILL after all these months interpreting “Too Far Gone” as a completely different song from “Never think”

what is robert pattinson’s cell phone number- Well, Jitterbugs don’t have numbers- you just dial 0 for the operator and ask to speak to your grandson in Toledo. But his iPhone # is 1-800-FUC-KOFF

robsten are officially on- It’s about DAMN TIME you found out! You finally figured out all those secret messages we wrote in between paragraphs in the margins of our posts didn’t you? They were code from Kristen & Rob themselves passed thru us to you. Highlight the page- you’ll see what I mean.

Robsten are on
gold brocade bedding-
Not here. Maybe try Bed Bath & Beyond.com but we’re glad you found us. Do you like all the pictures of Rob’s crotch?
Hey this is Rob- I love Kristen

michael crea bookends– I had no idea what this meant. I was so confused that I googled it myself & what do you know? LTR pops up. Apparently one time Moon wrote about a “michael Crea bookend” Of course she meant to write Michael Cera just as you meant to google, but we’re glad you found us. We’re like Michael Cera except completely different, although one time some writer called Kristen Stewart to the female Michael Cera & we haven’t stopped laughing since.
Hey this is Kristen. I love Rob. But shh sometimes I miss Oregano. He had better pot

edward cohen dance me to the end of love– Dear lord THAT is the worst mistake ever made on google. Take it back. It’s Leonard Cohen. OR Edward Cullen. Two different people. One amazing song (this is my fav version in case you’ve ignored my attempts to have you listen to it before)

do all people jizz in pants- Nope Only Edward Cullen in Biology class. And you apparently since you googled it. You might want to get that checked out….

dirty ridingboots- I have no idea how you ended up here and I hope you figured out a way to clean off those riding boots & that it has nothing to do with jizzing in your pants … or your boots..

draco malfoy porn picture- Finally- a google term that makes sense as this is something we clearly post about quite often. I mean who DOESN’T want to see Draco Malfoy completely nude?

in n out burger swim trunks- nope not here. but when you find them can you pass on the link? I know a guy who would DEF buy those…

how to get over my obsession for robert pattinson
help im a mother and obssessed with robert pattinson
help, i’m 45 and obsessed with robert pattinson
– Wow.Clearly you’ve come to the right place. Also.. you need help. But Come back after you get it. That’s Kinda not really Normal

sockless zac efron– There’s nothing we like more either than a kid on the verge of gaydom without his socks on. We understand.

True love is in black AND White

show proof that rob loves kristen july 3rd 2010– You want proof? Here’s the proof: Have you found any bear skin rugs in stores lately? Nope. Me neither. That’s your proof- Rob & Kristen bought them all. They plan on being together for a long effing time.

porn+bearskin- And now even MORE proof. Even the people searching for porn know that this is the place to go to get the proof that bear skin rugs are proven magicness-match-makers for long lasting, fireplace co-star love making

rob pattinson and kristen stewart porn– You’ve definitely come to the wrong place. Unless you’re looking for Robsten Fan Fiction- We have Plenty of that. It’s a somewhat past time of ours. Side note: there were 5 searches for “Nikki Reed Porn” but this was the only search that mentioned Kristen. SAD FOR KRISTEN. Also SAD for Nikki REED! Also
SAD for us for having a site where “porn” is googled & we are found!!!!

What have YOU been googling lately!?
UnintendedChoice

NO seriously…. I love this game- It’s fun to see how other people found LTR. So whether it was FOREVER ago or just recently, how DID you find us!? Oh and after the jump, enjoy a surprise: Continue…

138 Commented


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