Rob “Britain’s Shame” Pattinson goes out with a non-male friend

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Dear Rob,

Yesterday you were caught with someone who wasn’t a man friend. And we KNOW that’s against the rules. You were called “Britain’s Shame” by Oh No they Didn’t. Are you THAT bored with your one non-man friend out of the country that you’d risk being branded as a cheating man-whore? WHY was there not more than 12” of space between you and that semi-attractive home-wrecker? Isn’t that rule #72? And doesn’t rule #8 stipulate that if you HAVE to go out- and something tells me this enthusiastic guy was the reason you left the house cause who can say no to THAT face- then the girl must NOT be hotter than a 2.5. And she’s DEFINITELY a 6. Possibly a 7.

Have you heard what they are saying about you online? In the comments on Pop Sugar ALONE there were things like this:

Ashaa said:

SHAME PATTINSON, POOR KSTEW

and Oni2 chimed in:

once a cheater always a cheater, and Kris just said she could never be with anyone that cheats on her. This is going to be very bad..

user 1278698 said

false, hypocritical, untalented actor, miserable traitor, disloyal friend, liar, deceiver ………………… disgusting!

and then ashaa chimed in again:

MICHAEL ANGARANO IS MUCH BETTER FOR KRISTEN, THEY SHOULD GO BACK

Are you going to take that? I’ve already set up a username for you User: 1345679 (password: SHAMED) for your rebuttals. And next time you’re approached by an enthusiastic guy, tempting you to join him and, not one but TWO non-male friends, here are some things you can do instead:

  • Vacuum the bear-skin rug. I KNOW there are some sort of fast-food crumbs matted into the hair
  • Knot all Kristen’s Tshirts so she has one less step to do in the morning
  • Compose new love songs to play after your next skype sex session
  • Continue teaching Bear to say “I love you”
  • Start to teach jella to say Kristen- or to use the toilet. Train her to stay OFF of the Bear-Skin Rug 
  • Put together your beer tree
  • Finish your unpublished love sonnets for Kristen- call Stephenie Meyer for some advice on getting published.
  • Go to the Target Photo center with Bear & Jella to get pictures together as a surprise for Kristen. Bonus- use them as Christmas cards & send them to your parents, TomStu & Nick & Stephanie.
  •  Go to all the Twilight fansites and thumbsdown anything that may be even slightly offensive towards KStew (You have that username I set up for you!)
  • Put on a play with the dino nuggets for your secret youtube account
  • Distress your new $80 plaid shirts so they look like they came from a thrift store
The options are endless! And I know you have the Hot Pocket Fort still tucked away for a rainy day. Consider ANY DAY when the only option is “Hang out with non-male” a rainy day, ok? We wouldn’t want anyone to think you have a life, other friends, actually do fun things think there’s trouble in paradise, or anything.
Love,
UnintendedChoice (with lots of help from Moon & Gooseberry)

Disclaimer (Do I have to ???): I don’t think Rob is a homewrecker or a shameful person. And I don’t think that girl is a slut or a 6. She’s probably an 8. I DO think that Rob makes his Dino Nuggets talk.

WHAT DO YOU THINK? WHY WAS ROB WITH ANOTHER GIRL? HOW COULD HE? OH MY GOSH. WHAT REASON WOULD HE EVER HAVE TO BE WITH ANYONE WHILE THE LOVE OF HIS LIFE IS OUT OF THE COUNTRY? I MEAN, HE COULDN’T BE WORKING, RIGHT? OR, HE COULDN’T HAVE FRIENDS OTHER THAN KRISTEN OR THE BRIT PACK, RIGHT? AND HE COULDN’T JUST WANT TO GET OUT OF THE HOUSE AND AWAY FROM THE CAT AND THE DOG FOR SOME BREWS, RIGHT?

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