*Dear Rob, sometimes we get letters to you that are disguised as letters to us.. and since it’s about the World Cup, which starts today, I thought you wouldn’t care…*
Hello there Moon and UC,
Firstly I am still so excited about your BIG news! There is absolutely no way in Hale that SMeyers picked you two out at random! I’m keeping my fingers crossed that you’ll be able to film it. You two can be shrouded in darkness like on those must ‘protect the witness in an interview ‘style programmes… BUT there are more pressing matters because today…
Something big is happening. It’s overshadowing every aspect of everyday real life, it follows you everywhere! Our whole society closes down and gathers at the nearest Pub with a large screen TV to witness it. No not the release of Eclipse…but that’s a close-call though. It’s not the MTV Movie Awards. It’s the 2010 FIFA World Cup. And it starts today: June the 11th. It rivals the ‘United Nations of I wanna bang Rob’ in the ability to bring the world together, it’s that good.
I don’t know if Americans get football yet? Maybe/ And when I say football I’m talking Soccer, ‘cept its called Football.
Anyway, your team USA must be getting pretty good, you’re in the tournament, and in the same group as England. We play each other June 12th. In fact I’m reckoning you could possibly even beat us. Which is so true to our form as seasoned under-achievers. That slow-clap picture you used last week was our former captain John Terry balling his little eyes out at our last exit. On penalties. Yet again.
Here’s my point, Finally. Whilst speculating on teams/players with friends this past weekend, I was once again reminded of Rob. The official England song for 1990 was possibly the best of all time. It was also the last time England got freakin ANYWHERE. It gets played all the time over here. It has the ability to give everyone goosebumps, one of my friends even Youtubed from his phone, and lo and behold everything reminded me of Rob.
It’s all there: Ray bans, Mullets, wonky legs, Lily Allen’s dad!
(Not really the last one. But I know, it’s #Random!)
Oh my god. There is truly no hope for me. I kind of love this but also despair at myself.
Love and Sparkles
Goodgirl Gone Plaid.x.o.
PS Praying for No penalties!
After having watched the video GoodGirl sent us, I think I truly understand you. Your entire life, your persona, your style has been based off this video and song. I’m sure this video and the ’90 team from England made a really big impact on you. Sporty Englishmen singing about “expressing yourself” while juggling balls all the while a floating head in Ray Bans sings “express yourself, create the space, you know you can win” next to a wall of beefy man legs running after balls probably explains a lot more than we want to think about.
I’m glad you’re kindred spirits with a man who sports a wicket mullet and buzz cut hair combo, but I still gotta say it: we’re gonna wipe the floor with your team! SUCK IT ROB! SORRY! It’s not that I care so much or even know everything there is to know about Soccer (yup, most of us call it that here), it’s that I’m American and we love nothing more than to dominate at sporting events especially when it’s on a world level and the team bears our countries name. You know us and patriotism.
That being said, I do want to clear up some rumors. Though most Americans call it Soccer and though it’s not our countries most popular sport we know A LOT about it. This country loves itself some Soccer, just drive by a park on a Saturday morning and you’ll see hundreds of kids playing soccer for the Y or their city league. I should know, I grew up playing the sport and still love to play it or kick the ball around for fun.
I know LA has a pretty big group of residents from other countries and I know a lot of them gather to watch Soccer matches, getting shit faced at the pub at 10 in the morning because of the time difference between here and wherever games are being played that day. I hope you’re one of them this week or at least find some other English folks to hang out with as America hands your team it’s ass. BOOYAH!!!
PS Seriously U-S-A, U-S-A, U-S-A!!! Slow chant with me people!
Ok so who’s gonna break the World Cup down for us? EDUCATIONAL MOMENTS! Goodgirl got us started, lets keep going with predictions, what will Rob be doing during this? Who’s going to any games… and GOOO!!! This is your time for unabashed nationalism!
Follow the cut for some business time
Tags: , 2010, America, england, Fan letter, FIFA, football, New Moon, Rob, robert pattinson, soccer, South Africa, Twilight, USA, World Cup