Rob’s Mailbag: Our Intern answers his mail

Dear Rob- Since we run twi blogs dedicated to writing letters every day, we’re pretty busy and we need help from time to time. So that’s why we’ve enlisted you as our trusty LTR intern. We need someone to do all the grunt work we’re too busy to do. Like making manicure appointments, photoshopping you into compromising positions with your BFF’s, keeping the shelves stocked with nutritious food (Gin) and answering your mail. And now that you’re in LA it’s much easier for you to clock at least 40 hours a week in the offices (my bedroom). Thanks for tackling some of the mail in your mailbag, it was beginning to get in the way of UC’s back issues of Cat Fancy. Thx- Your Boss (moon)

Get me a coffee!

Dear Robert Pattinson,

You are such a great actor, your such a talented man. It may sound creepy but I think about you every day. I think about how cool it would be to meet you. My parents say your really busy and probably never could, but I always have hope! I’m not one of those fans that would scream your name so much your eardrums would blow, because I really do care about you, even though I don’t personally know you. I always sit in my room and think “How am I supposed to meet him, or even talk to him?” But now I know maybe ‘Letters to Rob” would help me with it!!!! When people ask me if I’m on Team Edward or Team Jacob, I say of course Team Edward!!!! But I feel bad because most people are on Team Jacob because of looks? i think your actually the better looking one. ( No offence to Taylor.) And I want you to always know that you have a fan like me, that likes you for who you are.(:

– I love you Robert Pattinson <3 please write back!!!!

This is all they want from me, Morgan

Dear Morgan,

Your parents are wrong. Learn this lesson now. I am not too busy to write you back. In fact it’s quite the opposite, I’m just supposed to look important and busy. But in actuality these bitches here have me busy answering your emails and getting them cupcakes and filing their nails for them while they watch Ryan Gosling movies on repeat.

Besides Moon and UC holding a squirt gun filled with Gin to my head and yelling that this is “me time” so I need to reply to their emails in silence with my shirt off. Who knows why, I stopped asking after having to take 5 showers one day from all the Gin bathes they gave me. Hell, I know I said I don’t shower often but I drive like a blind grandma as it is, I don’t need a DUI when the cop pulls me over because because my clothes are drenched in dry Gin.

All this to say I really wanted to write you back to thank you for NOT screaming at events. Recently on a trip to Costco (Moon and UC needed more Gin, a half gallon pump top of Pantene, life with your legs, and a wholesale size box of Mint Milanos) I had my hearing tested in that booth next to the eye glasses and they told me that I had the hearing of 65 year old man. So essentially because of being a Vampire I now have the hearing equivalent of my dad. So thank you for keeping it under a dull roar if you ever saw me.

Thanks for being who YOU are Morgan!

PS Show your Team Jacob friends the Alpaca picture next time they’re talking about who’s hotter, Edward or Jacob. That’ll show them! TRUST ME!

1. What is it like when you kiss kirstin, what do you feel?
2. Are You Really Dating?

-jack bates

Like kissing this thing. Maybe.

Dear Jack,

1. Like I’m kissing a big loquat crumble right on the mouth. Or like licking an oil slick at the Jiffy Lube. Or maybe it’s like kissing any other costar I have (see #2!)
2. You above all people should know that the allure of KristEN and I is in the mystery of whether we’re together or not. You care so much you’re emailing these girls who blog about me hoping that me, their intern will tell you the truth about Rob and KristEN. But I just can’t do that man then you’ll stop wondering about #1 and we just can’t have that now, can we?

Kristen’s boyfriend/costar/fuckbuddy/I’ll never tell Rob

Do you have a letter for Rob that he needs to answer? Email him here! Or you can just email us a letter ABOUT Rob. Our Intern. What other intern task should he be doing? Crank faxing Nick & Stephanie?

Our internet game is ridiculous: LTT, The Forum, Twitter, The Store

114 Commented

How I Fell for Rob, NOT Edward!!

It’s time again to share another story of how one of our readers fell for Rob… RobRuinedMe shares her story today

So you're saying this guy doesn't turn you on?!

Dear Rob,

I am a 28 yr old, intelligent, practical and sensible woman….Or at least i WAS till a few months ago….Let me explain how you’ve totally ruined and corrupted me (you beautiful bastard!!!!)…..I saw you for the first time as WHOLESOME Cedric Diggory in Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire, when i was still a Draco Malfoy fan… You barely registered in my conscience at the time because of your squeaky clean Huffelpuff image…. (You see, i have a thing for BAD BOYS but that’s a tale for another day)….Fast forward three years and i came across a trailer for “Twilight”  on Rotten tomatoes and was intrigued…..Dear hubs always trusts my judgment when it comes to choosing movies for the weekend movie/dinner date, so off we went to our local AMC…..I had watched the trailer at home on my laptop’s tiny screen so i was totes unprepared for your imminent assault on my “senses” and might i add “sensibility” …..

Here comes dreamboat!

I bit the bait when i saw you strut into that blasted cafeteria …When the camera zoomed in to catch your golden eyes in the biology lab the hook got twisted in deeper….You totally reeled me in when you jumped back from Bella’s bed after the first kiss and leaned on the wall with your impossibly sexy,tortured, shadow-lit face…….

I Wiki-ed the shit out of Twilight after i got back home and discovered “Twilight THE BOOK”…For a rabid reader like myself that was like manna straight from heaven…..I promptly smuggled in copies of all four twilight books (Mind you i was still hiding this from dear hubs due to utter shame over my fan-girlness….I never really fan-girled over anything like this even when i was a teenager so how could i admit to this now!!!!)….

You're dumping me for a 16yr old?!

I snuggled in with my copy of Twilight ready to be swept into the awesomeness of EDWARD and BOY was i in for a surprise…..I was struggling to stay awake through whole chapters of Bella whining (or) Edward whining (or) BOTH whining about the other’s whining……How could this be?……I always fall in love with characters and not actors (Case in point: Draco Malfoy)…..This was really confusing…..I then discovered Jacob the character and i was hooked again…..Jacob’s angst was much more multi-dimensional and complex than Edward….Plus he has a kick-ass sense of humor and no girl can pass up a dude with a wicked wit….So i redirected my obsession to Jacob and finished reading all the books squarely on the side of Team Jacob ….It wasn’t hard at all then because all Edward had over Jacob was your pretty face…..Plus, why would a chick prefer ice cold Edward to hot smoldering Jacob …It was so against my own sexual intuition…..Heat-Friction-Sweat….Get IT!!!!

Follow the cut for RuinedbyRob’s full decent into Robsession

111 Commented

MTV Movie Awards – My blinking heart crotch beats only for Rob

(Welcome to our new digs!! This is LTR, have a look around and update your bookmarks!)

Dear Rob,

The MTV movie awards started off with such promise…

This happened…

You and Taylor kicking ass in a fake movie with a BLONDE handlebar mustache!

MTV could have just stopped the show after this, really how could it have gone up from here? MTV blew their wad in the first 5 seconds… Time to get some TV Viagra MTV, so you can last for the WHOLE 93254902348 hours this show drags on.

Didn’t see it live?

Also kudos to MTV for resurrecting a movie character over 2 years old as the main character for half the bits they played. Len Grossman?? Way to stay current folks! Who ever said you gous lost touch with pop culture? Speaking of, what about that Len Grossman (Tom Cruise) slash Jennifer Lopez performance, huh?! Another banner moment in irrelevancy for the night.

Follow the cut to see Rob win some awards, some other stuff happens and we have a GIVEAWAY!!

311 Commented

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