Rob has a ‘situation’ with a Porta Potty

The one who smelt it, dealt it!

Dear Rob,

News out of Brasil is fast and furious and it’s hard to figure out what’s true and what’s real and… ok, which picture is the best. We picked our faves the other day on LTT so I guess it’s time to tackle my favorite news item from Breaking Dawn filming:

Torched Toliet in Twilight Protest

Besides the awesome alliteration the news source used in the title, it’s really just gold. I laughed a LOOOONG time after reading it. So, in the post they say that because some of the Lapa Locals got annoyed at the inconvenience the filming caused them, they decided to torch a crew toliet. These people so wouldn’t last a day in Los Angeles.

Regardless of this all I have to say is: BUSTED!

You thought after taco day on set you could get away with using the crew porta potty and no one would be the wiser. You would have been in the clear if you hadn’t decided to try out that ‘totally awesome trick’ you saw in Jackass, and lit your farts to see what would happen. Spoiler Alert: you burned down a Brasilian porta potty. Instead of seeing the blue flame you almost passed out from the noxious flumes (hint: it smells like stale Heineken and the inside of Goodwill) but thankfully a kind old Brasilian grandma named Luisa noticed the smoke and knew EXACTLY what was going on (grandsons) and pulled you out before you were engulfed in flames.

They'll never guess what I just did in that Porta Potty...

You almost died from lighting your own farts on fire in a Brasilian porta potty between takes and you get your people to blame it on the locals? For shame Rob, at least own up to it or tell the crew you were taping a segment of Justin Bieber’s new version of Punk’d and it went horribly horribly wrong. Next time save this for when you’re home in Dick and Clare’s basement with Tom Stu on another three day video game bender. At least they have a fire extinguisher for emergencies. Or stupid stunts their son does that go very wrong.

Can’t believe I talked about farts,
Themoonisdown

So what really happened with the burned down Porta Potty? Who could really be that mad that Breaking Dawn is filming in their neighborhood? Think of all the money they’d make selling stuff to the Twicrazies camping out waiting for just a glimpse of the magicness!

Source

Our internet game is ridiculous: LTT, The Forum, Twitter, The Store

117 Commented

What’s going on here? Rob in LA edition

Dear Rob,

With you back in LA and traipsing around West Hollywood like nobodies looking has given us plenty of new material and it’s been our daily ritual to trade pictures of your latest shenanigans back n forth as we break it down. Just like the good ‘ol days. And today’s no different. Only this time we’re wondering what in the crap you’ve been up to and we think LTR readers have some ideas too… so let’s get started shall we?

So clearly Tom took the paparazzo up on Rob’s offer to let him take as many pictures in 30 seconds if he gave him the flannel. Poor Rob… too bad he doesn’t know TomStu paid the pap off since that flannel completes his killer Halloween costume idea of being the Brawny Man.

Moon: who’s the dude in the toyota driving them??
UC: THAT’S WHAT I SAID younger ben affleck? new friend? Tom’s boyfriend? Kristen’s brother? Kristen’s boyfriend? will we ever know?
Moon: a guy who drove a car up to the back door waiting for one of the bar tenders to get off work, then they jumped in and who was like wtf?! but he drove off
UC: haha yes exactly OR .. it’s a robstners boyfriend coerced with the promise of really good sex to act as a driver and get the goods aka film the back seat make-out session
Moon: and then dump them on the side of the road in a rush to get the video to the girlfriend and onto the internet
UC: his girlfriend is waiting by with a few 80s power ballads to use in the video and bella & edward montages to work in
Moon: and dont forget the roaring fireplace effect
UC: how could i forget!?
Moon: i know… and in reality it really just makes it look like rob/kristen/bella/edward are in a bad house fire
Moon: like this…

Next up…

Remember when you were younger and the cool thing to do was use bleach and rubber bands to make tshirts you thought were cool and in reality you just looked like a hippie or as if you had a big laundry accident. Rob is probably used to having Clare do his laundry so when he tried to do his own laundry for the first time he not only bleach the arm of the sweatshirt he shrunk it in the dryer. Thus the reason he quit doing laundry all together and why everyone thinks he doesn’t shower. Mystery solved!

A big thank you, Rob for actually showing your face occasionally this week and giving UC and I something to blabber about in the mornings like we used to. It’s been fun and educational but we’re still wondering what is going on.

Off to tie dye some shirts!
Themoonisdown

Thanks to our lovely pal Gozde and her girls at Robsessed for always having the goods!

So what do YOU think is going on in these pictures? Give us your takes in the comments!!!

Our internet game is ridiculous: LTT, The Forum, Twitter, The Store

93 Commented

A Robert Pattinson professional

Dear Rob,

Yesterday, Moon recommended my work as a “Freelance Blogger” on Linked-in & it went something like this:

UC is THE person you want in your lifeboat and in your company every day. I’ve worked with UC on launching, maintaining and creating online ventures (blogs, media, content, etc). We co-created two blogs and work together to maintain and create fresh, creative content for our rabid audience. She is punctual, persistent, creative, and always on top of the latest “thing.” There’s no one else I’d rather work with.”

After having a discussion where I asked her if she’d REALLY rather work with ME over anyone else, even if that meant you, naked (answer: yes, even then), I started thinking about what I’ve been thinking a lot about lately with you missing, off gallivanting in Europe:

Myself.

That’s right. I thought about myself. I thought about how my Linked-In profile (and resume) includes info on my “hobby” of the past almost-two years. It might seem silly, but all this blogging & social networking has actually made me better at my actual profession (in marketing). So I feel it does deserve a spot. Of course it’s all cleverly hidden under the guise of something professional.

For example, this part of my “job”:

I write letters to Rob Pattinson on a semi-daily basis with a focus on the hottest pictures, funniest content, jabs at his girlfriend and run a reader forum where there’s a place to perv over hot pictures & fight with those who disagree with you over his relationship status.

Sounds much better when it’s written this way:

I create & maintain all content with a focus on timely, applicable posts and populate a reader forum with additional information and relevant topics.

See how it’s done?

But it’s lies, Rob. White lies- words disguised in a sneaky way, wrapped in a pretty bow- to trick the readers. I want to start over. I want to be honest with those considering hiring me in the business world. I shouldn’t be ashamed of what I’ve created here. So as of today I’m not. Meet: Unintended Choice- Rob Blogger

Unintended Choice

Rob Pattinson expert & blogger at Letters to Rob.com
Philadelphia, PA

Current: Freelance Writer & Blogger at LetterstoRob.com
Self-certified Expert on all things Rob Pattinson

Past: Sad, lonely, unfulfilled life, full of males who can never live up to the specimen that is RPattz

Education: Robert Pattinson School, Honorary doctorate

Summary:

Go getter, self-starter who comes up with a vision and goes after it, no matter what the obstacles. The client I have worked with as a Freelance blogger at Letters to Rob.com doesn’t know I exist. Furthermore he’s afraid of people like me, yet that hasn’t stopped me from creating a place where his fans can be completely involved in his personal business & personal space.

I have the acute ability to persist through duress, like when being called a fat, ugly, crazy cat lady. I push through the hard times when competitors try to tear down my numbers and cause me to fail. In fact, I have proven results that the struggles have increased readership and participation tenfold.

Special Skills:

• Songwriting: Rewrote songs about the client using top 40 hits;
• Inter-personal Relations: Expert on the client’s personal relationships;
• Stylist: Expert on the client’s personal style- know exactly where he prefers to shop for underpants;
• Filmography: Specifically knowledgeable about Harry Potter & the Goblet of Fire and the Twilight series;
• Translator: I have the ability to un-jumble the Rob mumble;
• Culinary: Expert in the preferred food(s) of the client; microwaving his favorite snacks & chilling his favorite beer;
• Graphic Design- originator of the RobPorn

Groups:                     Robsten Appreciation, Nonsten Appreciation, TomStu’s fans, RobPorn Originators

Recommendations:

Freelance Blogger at LetterstoRob.com

Do you need some pictures of Rob with mildly suggestive text written over them? Then UC is your girl. Is your company lacking someone who will spend 3/4 of their time on Rob and Twilight sites instead of doing work for your construction/sales/marketing/ad/medical company? Don’t look any further than UC. She’ll drop whatever she’s working on the moment news breaks. She’ll gladly travel for work- preferring travel to London, LA & New Orleans this Fall. And no matter what, the client will always be satisfied. Or he will at least when he finds out she exists.

I truly am a Rob Pattinson Professional!

Love,
UC- err that’s Doctor Unintended Choice to you!

What do you think? Does my Resume/Linked-In profile look right? Am I missing any important “tasks” or special abilities?

Our internet game is ridiculous: LTT, The Forum, Twitter, The Store

63 Commented

Rob out in West Hollywood: The Untold story

Dear Rob,

You, your bushy beard, uni-brown & friends were caught in West Hollywood the other day. This is the untold story:

Robert Pattinson, sad because they were out of wings at Jimmy Fallon’s Emmy after-party, wanted to leave. Or that’s what he told his entourage. And they bought it. Because, well, it’s pretty believable. But in reality he was bummed out because that hunk from The Good Wife didn’t recongize him & he thought he was pretty famous these days. He thought he was Ted Danson’s teenage son. And Rob was also a little bit perturbed because after returning from the bar, Sam Bradley did a double take, circled him & checked out his ass.

So he just decided to leave, with or without the entourage. Leaving in a pack would just make that guy from “The Good Wife” even more convinced he could score an autograph from his dad for his Cheers beer mug. All the while, the security guard is thinking:

Damn- I knew this vampire kid was popular, but this is ridiculous, I just dodged some granny panties, glitter, a vodka shirt, some deoderant and someone’s prostetic leg. This is bananas…… wait did I just hear some yell “sparklepeen?” What in the Sam Hill’s a “sparklepeen?”

Rob makes his way out onto the streets of West Hollywood, where no one mistakes him for the son of Ted:

Rob: You… YOU!!! someones got a hold of my arm… here let me use your hand mr security gaurd.better… YOU…. hey…i like that holey shirt you’re wearing, can i have that? no? ok, do you have a cigarette then? No…?

Meanwhile Stephenie Ritz can be heard saying:

Ouch. ouch. ouch. Oh god there’s antoher one. Hold my hand, Rob!

The gang needs to get out of there. And quick. They start to pick up the pace when suddenly something stops them in their tracks:

Rob: Booooooooobs!
Stephenie: Wow… they are nice….. forget bitchface. This is my boobface.

But the distraction only lasts for so long…. pretty soon they are attacked by pens & a ream of photo paper from Costo

Pap 1: Please Mr. Pattinson- my daughter is a fan of you as a vampire. I swear I won’t auction off your autograph for $1,000 on ebay- I will put it immediately into my daughter’s Twilight book
Pap 2: He’s lying. I’m gonna be straight with you. I was gonna tell you I wanted your John Hancock for my neice, but in reality, it’s for my wife….Come on.. it’ll just take a second.

TomStu: I could sign it. I was in Pirate Radio… naked

The paps ignore Tom & finally Rob obliges them, after he walks square into a bush. But first he asks for 20-25 or so sheets of paper from Pap #1. The other day he wanted to make a grocery list but couldn’t find any paper. He had to use toilet paper. It was embarsasing. It got stuck on his shoe while he was waiting for a 1/2 lb of Hickory Smoked Turkey at the Deli counter.

But enough about cold cuts, shit hits the fan soon after

Guy in pic: Rob…. I’m sorry to tell you- people are starting to notice. You’ve been spotted
Rob: But I thought my overraction over the empty tray of hot wings distracted them?
Guy: normally it would but…Stephenie can’t hide it anymore….your secret is leaking out
Rob: Steph- just a few more steps. Try to get your boobface back.
Steph: think about boobs..think about boobs Ouch- boobs- I can’t– ouch.. boo–

And as the truth to their quick escape is revealed and the whispers start to spread, this security guard can’t contain his excitement and he breaks into song:

Excited Guard: WHEN THE MOOOOON HITS YOUR EYE LIKE A BIG PIZZA PIE THATS AMOREEEEE..
WHEN THE STARS START TO SHINE LIKE YOU’VE HAD TOO MUCH WINE… THATS AMOREEEEE (or what i like to call, Tuesday)

And then suddenly the secret is out- there is no denying what’s going on. Sure Rob was upset that he was called Rob Danson one too many times. Sure it sucked when they ran out of hot wings, but the true reason for the escape can no longer be hidden:

Stephenie Ritz is in labor. Yes, she is pregnant with Rob’s child. KStew is around just to take the spotlight off the REAL gossip. It happened just like you’d think- one night when Rob was crashing on Steph’s couch, Steph joined him. One thing led to another. They got out the Breaking Dawn script & they acted out the Isle Esme parts. And the rest is history.

We can call them Robanie. Or even Stephbert. The news is out- this is the real story……

Love,
UnintendedChoice

Pics Source

What do you think? Def a Steph/Rob love child happening? Are you as 2nd-hand embarassing as I am that Rob showed up to a Hollywood after-party looking like that? Dragging along his 2 bffs like he’s 5 years old and they’re his favorite teddy bears?!

Our internet game is ridiculous: LTT, The Forum, Twitter, The Store

137 Commented

Open Weekend Post Hosted by: TomStu and Taylor Lautner

Dear Rob,

Can you believe these two? Are they trying to make you jealous? Taylor and Tom doing a photoshoot together at the movies eating popcorn.  It’s like Tom knew just how to get to your heart. You two at the movies is like your standard Saturday afternoon bro date and now he’s picking up Taylor for a matinee instead of you?! If they’d had a 6pack of beer (you sneak it in) instead of the popcorn this would mean war. Thank God Taylor is underage so they have to settle for the family friends snacks but you better be careful. Taylor is a likable guy and if Tom starts hanging around Taylor house you may be seeing pictures of them at Olive Garden for the lunch special and then you’re really in trouble. How can you compete with Taylor’s Dad and his passion for sharing his love of chain restaurant Italian food?

You better watch your back and fly Dick over ASAP so you can go vintage car shopping and have him impart some of his special wisdom on Tom. This is your only chance!

Keep the bromance alive!
Themoonisdown

Happy Saturday! I’m currently flying all the way back to Los Angeles from Kenya! See you all soon!!! UC – I’m coming home!! You’re no longer a single blogger! xo, moon

Our internet game is ridiculous: LTT, The Forum, Twitter, The Store

24 Commented