Wait… why am i attracted to Rob again?

I can be a bad boy...

Dear Rob,

Let’s get physical serious. Last week I was chatting with lula34 about our male celebrity boyfriends. She showed me a recent video clip of her True Blood boyfriend Alex Skarsgard & then we passed out from love over the latest Chuck Bass/Gossip Girl promo with Too_Far_Gone.

Then we said “Remember at the end of Vampire Diaries when we watch the last romantic scene of the season involving Damon the vampire over and over and over” and we reminisced by watching “The kiss” you tube clip over and over and over again. And got excited for the return of THAT show. Yeah, it was a good day. NSFW day.

But Then it hit me. I love strong sexual characters. Chuck Bass & Damon Salvator? Hellooooo. And lula34 loves Alex the vampire (who is pretty sexy even though I’m not a True Blood watcher) and prays every night for dream sex with British hunk Jason Statham. Helloooooo.

So….why do we like you again? You’re not the dick that Chuck Bass is; you’re not an aggressive, cocky guy like Damon Salvator. You’re not overly sexual or full of yourself or anything like those other celebrities or characters we love so much. I posed the question to lula34:

UC: Wait… why am I attracted to Rob again? When normally I like much more sexual male characters?
Lula34: If I were to write fan fiction, it’d be about me, Jason [Statham], Alex [Skarsgard] & Ed [Westwick from Gossip Girl]. And a bottle of Thousand Island dressing.
UC: Hahaha dear lord- I cannnottttt wait for GG. I need Ed in my life
Lula34: Yes. I also need Damon. And all the angst that will ensue on VD. But mostly Chuck Bass. He is a legend.
UC: I’d take both… If I had to!!! Why have I liked Rob all this time when I’m obviously attracted to much stronger sexual characters??? Edward!? Is that the ONLY reason!?
Lula34: That’s SUCH a tremendous question. This must be discussed, because a friend asked me this the other day–why I love the “bad boys” but still have a “thing” for Rob. I don’t know why- Ron is the utter opposite of chuck bass! Chuck makes me shiver. Yeah, I said it.
UC: Me too- let’s become actresses so we can become lovers to all these different men

What's good about THIS?

Now before you go boohooing into your pillow because you just found out we spend all this time talking about men other than you, don’t worry- we’re not saying “Let’s give up on Rob because he’s not filled with STDs like Chuck Bass” NO no no… we’re saying, how can we like BOTH Bad boy, sexual aggressors like Chuck Bass and also like YOU- shy, humble terribly sexy but refuses to admit the fact or play up the sexualness, Rob?

Is it because you played Edward? And sure, Edward is sexxxxxyyyyy- but…. he’s not like those other sexually aggressive guys we mentioned… so it’s probably not just that.

Is it because we’ve been brain-washed by GQ and Details & all the other sexy magazines where you’ve done photoshoots and we’ve lost DAYS of productive work as a result?

Or….. is it because we all THINK that under that humble, shy demeanor there is a sexual maniac waiting to escape!? That if we got you in a room and chained you to a wall you willingly were into us, the ‘front’ you put on for the media & the public would disappear and you’d bring out the sexy bad boy whose only mission in life is to get.it.on with ME!?

I think that might be it. Because, if I’m honest (and I’m always honest), if you are humble, shy and sensitive in every area of your life, including your private life, what in my fantasies sounds like this:

throwing me up against the wall, ripping off my clothes, touching places I didn’t know liked to be touched

might actually be more like this

lightly pushes me to the wall
Rob: Oh no! Did I hurt you? Did I push you too hard?
UC: No, no it’s fine, just kiss me
cute little nibbles & kisses down my cheek & neck
Rob: May I take off your shirt?”
UC: Uh, sure…
fumbling. confusion.
UC: You okay?
Rob: Can we turn on the lights a second? I want to see how this bra claps works- I haven’t felt anything like this before
UC: You’re so hottttt

I hate that I hurt you.....

Rob: blushing Really? You mean it? I thought I looked too much like my dad today…..
a long time later
Rob: Is this okay? Am I hurting you? Does this feel good
UC: yes.. shhhh
Rob: tell me if it starts to feel weird. Does this feel right? I think maybe this is better? How about here? Here?
Rob: bursts into tears I’m sorry. I wanted this to be perfect…….

And that’s not cool…….

So yes, it’s odd that I’m attracted to both you and Chuck Bass, Damon Salvator & other over-sexualized characters when you seem so different. But I have to think deep down, behind that humble, sensitive, charming British demeanor is a bad boy…. yearning to do real bad things to me….

Yours willingly,

Thanks to Robsessed for killing me with those new outtakes

What do YOU think? Are you “into” celebs or characters that are quite “opposite” of who Rob appears to be? Why do you think you are? Is Rob’s humble demeanor just a public front- underneath he knows you want him and he’s happily going to oblige!?

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