Message for your stylist

Dear Rob,

Hi 🙂 Yes, I just used a smiley face. Sorry, I just get all gooey inside when I say your name..

Anyway, I’m actually writing to criticize you. Or your stylist.  But.. I’m sorry.. I actually think this might be your fault because I can’t imagine there’s a stylist in the world that would allow you to wear the SHOES you do.

Take for example, your photos from today in Paris:


You look hot, as always.  And look at cute little Kristen in her adorable little heels.  And Catherine is rockin’ the hell out of those boots.  But is there a war in Paris that I’m unaware of that you’re planning on fighting in after your photoshoot?

Also, I get the “I just got up and I’m so sexy and don’t give a shit” look, but sometimes when you give a shit about tying your shoes, you don’t fall on your face (just a nice little FYI from a girl who falls on her face all the time)


Now, I know what you’re thinking.  “How can you hate on my Nike’s?” I know, I know.. Their a classic shoe- an American shoe (are they really? Or did I just make that up..?) But here are my reasons why these shoes are a no-no:

1) You’re British, so stop trying to make this classic American shoe work . It doesn’t work on Americans either
2) They’re black sneakers- ew
3) They just don’t fit with your utter-beautifulness
4) They make you look like my 15 year old sister’s boyf.  They are totally shoes for people born after 1990.

I have other examples, but this is already a hard enough post, critcizing you, so I’ll stop. 

But I know what you’re gonna ask me.  “What DO I wear?”
Try this for starters: 


Yeah, yeah, I know. Not practical shoes for an every-day photo opp, but yummy pic, so I had to throw it in!


I’m not gonna lie. I’m a fan of the chucks. Always have been, always will be.  In fact, a pair in light grey, just like the ones you wear here, are on my xmas list. What a coincidence. Maybe we could wear them together? And hold hands while doing so… just like twins… or lovers.. or whatever.. You could put your head on MY belly..?

Just promise me you’ll stop it with the combats and black sneaks. I can’t handle criticizing you. It hurts me just as much as it hurts you. I’ll stop if you stop…


No Responses to “Message for your stylist”

  1. themoonisdown says:

    3rd pic… i think i’m more disturbed by the low-budget vamps they rented for the london premier. seriously guys?

  2. christapie says:

    I will not start focusing on his shoes. I will not start focusing on his shoes. I will not start focusing on his shoes…

  3. […] don’t forget what I said about your shoes. […]

  4. Mrs. P. says:

    OME! themoonisdown…

    I so commented on this on a forum, and umm no one seemed to be bothered by the creepy *BEAUTIFUL* VAMP ENTOURAGE! Who are they supposed to be?? Edward’s PEEPS? Vampire Movie Stars? I was so confused by them. In some of the pictures you can tell Rob was too!

    Also where do they get these people, I’ve been to England, granted it was only for a week, but I NEVER saw anyone who looked like the dude on the end! (Although I did spend a lot of time in Pubs and Museums, and he clearly spends all of his time in the gym & in tanning salons)

  5. […] to write because I’m discussing one of your flaws (yes, this will hurt similarly to when I made fun of your fugly shoes). I don’t quite have the best words to articulate what I’m feeling, so I’m going […]

  6. littlem says:

    Go the doc martins. Bring them back……

  7. […] was a major FAIL. I mean… I can kinda get over the linen purple jacket circa 1993, but your shitiseous Nikes? Come on ROB! It’s a good thing you have the face you do… and forgot to tuck in your […]

  8. whatever says:

    Holy cow! His shoes had been bothering me as well! I am so glad UC and Moon that I am not the only one…and his black Nike sneakers…he wears them EVERYWHERE! He wore them last year and even this year at the Teen Choice Awards! He really needs a new stylist….

  9. InsaneJediGirl says:

    Ugh, those black Nikes are indoor soccer shoes(I work at one of their stores). Not meant for walking around it, and they are ugly to boot.

  10. […] dressed male celebrity, but meant to give the award to his stylist (who has been listening to me, obviously) so what did you […]

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