We can't say good-bye to the Oscars quite yet
I know you were gagging while complimenting Zac & Vanessa on their performance in HSM3 (good job pretending you’ve even heard of it- and props to the quick thinking on behalf of your manager, Nick, for giving you a heads up)
We all know you were really just wanting to wanting to tell Vanessa “Fabulous performance tonight, but you’re still no Leah…”
And instead of joking with Zac about your matching bow ties, we know you just wanted to give him some pointers on having sex with a co-star. “Dude, I just hit it and ran…why you hitting it and sticking around?”
Speaking of co-stars you’ve hit and run from, was it awkward seeing PapaStew (Kristen’s dad) at all? You guys seemed pretty casual.
We keep thinking we’re retiring the Oscars. Then we remember how damn hot you looked and decide to bring it out of retirement.
In other news, happy 26th birthday to one of our first blog readers and UC’s in-real-life friend MushroomMexLover. In honor of your birthday, Mex, I am sharing with the world my favorite quotes you have ever said about Rob or Twilight.
At the end of an e-mail to me about a party we were attending. p.s. please bring rob. i’m planning on wearing my blue blouse that clings to my frame.
um so today i was telling the guy I started dating how i sometimes have a hard time reading him…. it went something like this:
“i’m usually very good at reading people…with just one exception.”
i met my future in-laws today. still didn’t meet alice…i mean trish (his sister). his father is so compassionate and his mother incredibly loving. just like another couple i know….
he also has a brother that can alter the moods of others.
Love you MushroomMexlover. Happy Birthday!
We got a whole slew of Oscar-related letters sent to us after Sunday and decided to post the highlights after the jump.
Love you Dirty
Let me guess, you got sick of standing alone, awkwardly in the corner fidgeting with your hair and trying to look like you belong.
So, you decided to get blasted on champagne to make yourself feel more interesting. I assure you, going up to people you would never hang out with in real life and telling them the story about how you and Sam pissed on your ex girlfriend’s doorstep one night will not give you any street cred at the Oscars.
I know it was hilarious, and yes, of course you had to be there, and it may appear that Zac and Vanessa are completely engrossed in your tale, but they are being polite honey. It’s okay – Efron is just jealous that you stole his fan girls, and Vanessa probably secretly wants to send you naked pictures of herself.
Oh, and what the hell is Kate Beckinsale doing here? Homegirl needs to ease up on the eyeliner, and how big are those earrings anyways? Why haven’t hear earlobes fallen off? ugh. You need to walk away from that situation immediately. I don’t know who that guy is, but I assume he’s with Kate since his facial expression reads “wow, look at this douchebag.” He’s probably repeatedly interrupting your story with witty remarks that make you look stupid. What an ass. Don’t feel bad, he’s obviously just insecure.
You cannot possibly be having a good time, and I have to say, this is what I love about you… you are dirty and awkward and real. So tell all those fake snobby actors to piss off and come home to mama. I’ve got cheap beer and hot pockets ready and waiting.
We have YouTube in Australia
First of all congratulations on the Oscars you were great! I saw you on YouTube, yes YouTube.. Why didn’t I see you on the national telecast you ask?
Well here is the story..
As you are probably well aware Australia is in a different timezone then the United States so our Oscars telecast was live during the middle of a working day and replayed at 9.30pm on Monday night. I knew you were somewhere near the start (was googling all day during work) and I thought I would stay up to watch. Yes Hugh Jackman did well blah, blah who cares because you know what?!?! YOU WERE EDITED OUT! I watched and watched til I couldn’t watch any longer and I did not see any glimpse of Rpattz, Spunk Ransom or Robert Pattinson! Can you imagine how shattered I was? Can you imagine the tweens around Australia who got permission to stay up and watch the Oscars only to see nothing of remote interest (ok they probably like Zefron too but whatev) the point is Australia was robbed of their Rpattz opportunity and there is only one way to make this up to us……
A visit to our fine land of course! I know couple of lovely ladies in the Melbourne area who would be most willing to show an English gent a good time.. You would however be expected to re-enact the Oscars bit. You know, I’ll be Amanda Seyfried (oh look I already share that name), you’ll be you, bow tie a must, shirt optional! It will be great fun!
Oh and p.s. As there is only one of you and you’ll be rather busy dealing
with me, please bring Jackson Rathbone for my friend Megan…
Australian Amanda xx
Mickey gets an Oscar from me
What can I say? You were robbed last night in more ways than one. You pulled out the best performance of your life in a dirty little indy that wrestled its way to the Oscars, only to have that golden statue stolen by Sean Penn. But to add insult to injury, some greedy marketing exec cleverly placed Rob Pattison right behind you so that your one minute of Oscar face time would forever been burned into the audiences memory as 60 glorious seconds of uninterrupted gazing time at Rob, unscripted and unaware. It was as if I was holding the camera and stealing a chance to stare to my heart’s content while Rob’s long fingers stroked his lips and chin. Even that shiny silver tooth of yours couldn’t distract me.
So, this letter is to thank you for being such a good sport and taking one for the team – Team Rob, that is. I suppose the Golden Globe and BAFTA awards that now sit on your mantle will make up for the fact that not one of us heard a single word that Ben Kingsley said about your incredible performance.
I’d also like to thank the Academy for perfect product placement in your show last night!
And just because we are retiring the Oscars, we decided, what the hell, one last look:
never. retire. the. penguin. suit rob.
Priceless letters today! All very clever!
No wonder KStew is a stoner, judging by the looks of her pop. Dude looks like he just walked off a commune, with his 100% organic hemp bow tie. All I can hear in my head is the voices of Cheech & Chong “Yeeeahhh Maaaaan!!”
If I had to die today, it would definitely be by HIT AND RUN, Rob-style. Use me,abuse me, and make me write bad checks, Rob.
Rob behind Mickey..hmmm “Nobody puts Baby in a corner”..lol Front row next time please 🙂
I’ve noticed new-hot-up-and-comers and people promoting movies often sit behind the nominees. I’m sure there’s some sort of formula that figures out who gets to sit there. Don’t worry Brummie, our baby wasn’t put in a corner. It’s was “product placement”. He got more air time than the nominees, and equal time with the winners, thanks to sitting behind a nominee and being a presenter. I’m thinking his manager must rock.
Vogue, you are hilarious! OMG Can’t get enough of Rob in a tux. Those eyes, that smile. Do we HAVE to retire the Oscar pics? Wonder what he’ll be wearing for Tokyo permiere? Very clever seating arrangement on the part of Oscar producers. That HAD to be planned. Rob was the ONLY reason I watched the show this year.
wait. what?! mickey rourke was in that clip? i thought it was just a clip about rob and well, a bunch of people around him.
its just that rob’s smoldering stare makes me think he knows all the things my dirty little mind is dreaming of doing to him and he’s daring me to try them all on him. and don’t even let me get started on all that lip-stroking! gah!
Mmmm Coffee and RobCrotch, it’s my favorite time of day.
LMAO at the hemp bowtie! LOL!
and WHAT, AUS telecast edited Rob out? You have GOT to be kidding me!?
Happy Birthday to Mex!
Dear Randy Jackson from American Idol,
“Alright, so check it out, check it out” YOU are on my sh*t list! Just because you think you’re all cool for once having played guitar for Journey does not give you the right to tell Adam Lambert that he looks like Rob Pattinson. Are you on crack?! He’s not even a millimeter close to resembling Rob. His look is over done, he tries too hard to be sexy and he’s not, he sounds like cheesy rock theater and his facial expressions are rediculous. I can’t even fathom that came out of your mouth. That’s like so night and day it’s not even funny. You should be ashamed of yourself! And stop saying “yo dawg” because these are no longer MC Hammer days.
omgggg..when he said that last nite my body involuntarily jerked up off the couch and all my friends looked at my like i was crazy..i proceeded to shout ” don’t bring robert into this!!!” like randy dawg could actually hear me..
Please don’t retire Oscar…at least not until we get some Japanese premier shots…
I ran into a Rob-alike last night, omg 6ft tall, full on jaw porn, black skinny jeans, 18-20 yrs maybe. A little too clean shaven for me, I like DirtyRob. Stupid blackberry doesn’t have camera. Mmmm
A friend of mine texted me when Mickey was on and it said “stop looking at Rob…..I know. me to.” LOL!
Okay…I love the letter to Mickey.
Last night I came across this same video clip, but someone added a voiceover for what Rob was thinking the entire time…Too funny!
You gotta watch!
THAT WAS HILARIOUS! “reward myself with a hot pocket”…I love it!
“YES! Hot pocket!” I love it!
p.s To Adam Lambert, you’re so not a unicorn and you know it! “You’re never gonna be jello!”
wooo! you guys are awesome!
watching that clip of Rob behind Mickey Rourke was intense. I didn’t blink once. Blinking in the presence of Rob is unforgivable.
That video is really funny. Someone should make one with the dirty thoughts we all hope he is thinking. Love you girls, but REALLY gotta get some work done today. Will check in later.
I am disgusted that those dipsh*ts on American Idol pimping Rob’s name and his very essence for their lame purposes. STOP USING ROB!!!! Ugh!!
Yes, we all know that Rob is fast becoming the benchmark, or “Gold Standard” for what is hot, trendy, and supreme.
But to have him in any way associate with American Idol is foul.
Ryan Douchecrest isn’t worthy to sniff Rob’s farts! His thinly veiled jealously makes me want to knock his lights out. And as far as Simon and Randy go – talk to the hand, losers.
I’m sorry if there are fans of American Idol here, but I think it is so pathetic. It’s so bubblegum, so……I don’t even have the words. I just can’t stand it. Half the people that win seem to fall off the face of the earth anyways so what’s the point. I love Kelly C, and that cute blondie who sings country, what’s her name? Daughtry was sexy, but we don’t see much of him lately.
Frankly, I was more impressed by that English dude with the jacked-up teeth, Paul Potts, who was discovered on a British show that Simon Cowell is also on. You seen that ??? THAT’S good stuff. He was a nobody, a cell phone salesman, and this dorky little guy could sing Pavarotti like nobody’s business. It is literally impossible to watch his first time on stage without crying your eyes out.
Sorry, I digress.
ATTENTION LOSERS ON AMERICAN IDOL – YOU ARE FORBIDDEN TO MAKE ANY REFERENCES TO ROBERT PATTINSON OR EDWARD CULLEN FROM NOW ON.
I hear you. I have put a hit on this Randy Jackson character. How dare he say Robert Pattinson’s name. How dare he!!!!
Dear Randy Jackson,
I will end you.
Signed not sincerely but with LOATHING!!!!!!!!,
RE: Amanda’s letter – How in the hell do they justify editing out Rob’s part?! I mean, really.
RE: The pic of Rob with Efron and the chick I don’t like. – Efron isn’t even looking at him in that picture. He’s looking further off to the right of Rob and “that chick” is all up IN Rob’s personal bubble with the leaning in and craning her neck nonsense. Rob looks to be telling a really funny story (to him at least) and neither one seems to be interested. I would have paid attention Rob, and I would have laughed… even if it wasn’t that funny.
RE: The Rob vi… crap. Let me take that again… RE: The Mickey Rourke video – “Oh-to-be-that-finger.” I also love how Steph is leaning so hard to her right to be in that shot. She’s really is leaning unnecessarily… lol but I love her because she brought us Rob! (Plus her dress was really nice and her idea of proper plane wardrobe for a million hour flight to Japan for comfort AND style was great.)
Might I mention that it was definitely a move by the Academy to put Rob behind Mickey. I mean, he’s even a row in front of Tina and she presented an actual award and she’s “like, way famous.” [Yep. Clueless reference.]
FINALLY! My last thought this morning – Everybody else at the awards gets 2 seats: you know – SJP & Matt Broderick, Angie & Brad, Meryl Streep & her daughter, Anne Hatheway & her brother… but Rob!? No no no! They gave Rob THREE seats!! THREE! Those seats (ESPECIALLY 2nd row seats!) are PRIME REAL ESTATE!
Thank you again Academy Award Producers & Directors. Thank. YOU.
Jena – ROFL!
…”And stop saying “yo dawg” because these are no longer MC Hammer days.”
Can’t touch this! MC Hammer Time! Ha! ha!
Where are my parachute pants?? (actually never owned any, thank GOD, even though the 80’s were my time in high school!!)
I didn’t know Randy played for Journey! WTF? Can’t picture that AT ALL.
Amber – Oh.My.God. That clip is TOO FRIGGIN PRICELESS!!
Whoever is doing Rob’s voice actually did a very good job. “God! The guy just stole my finger-on-the-chin bit! Bloody hell!”
Totally hysterical, and I’m sorry but I am going to have to steal that for my blog. It’s too good.
This was my VERY FIRST time ever even wacthing the Oscars…LOL Never interested enough to take the time…but when I heard Rob was presenting…I watched and I’ll say I was not disappointed…I LOVED when they were giving Mickey his honors…could.not.stop.staring….at ROB that is…LOL
By Jena! I will MISS you!! Like I said yesterday, I’m gonna be at a workshop for a few days, and don’t know when I’ll be able to visit here which is KILLING ME.
I am supposed to be packing right now, and running errands, but I cannot seem to pry this laptop out of my hands to go get ready.
I’m worried that these people are going to try to brainwash me, and that I’ll come back “changed” like the pod people in “Invasion of the Body Snatchers”!! I’m totally serious!! What if I come back and they’ve washed Rob from my brain? What if they say that I need to free myself of being addicted to him? What if they make me release my Rob-session?? I’M SCARED!!!
Please accept my apologies in advance, my Rob Soul Sisters, if this happens. I might need an intervention!!
We won’t let you be brainwashed – FEAR NOT! When you come back we’ll inundate your blog with oodles of comments and links to SUPA fine pics of Rob. There’s no way a simple few days of meditation can wash away an obsession as beautiful as this one.
No worries Vouge I think your love for the Rob is strong enough to withstand any attempts at brainwashing.
Yes! Hot pocket. ROFL! Thank you for sharing Amber! That made my morning. Seriously!
@FutureMrsP – “I too am fine with being rode hard and put up wet(no pun intended……ok pun intended)”
Great minds think alike! I actually had that exact expression in my mind at some point in the past 24 hours in relation to Rob. It’s a great saying, so nasty, heh-heh-heh
I saw your posts to me yesterday here, and wanted to aknowlege them and say “hi! and thanks!” 😀
Heh. I had the dirtiest dream about Rob last night… and apparently was making some er, noises in my sleep… so my roommate came to check on me… and I was all “Rooob..?” completely confused. He found it hilarious. I’ll never hear the end of it now.
Morning Rob. I missed you in my dreams last night. Where did you go? You have been in my dreams “litrally” for the last two weeks.
Morning all my gorgeous, sassy, witty LTR lovers!!!!
@Amanda – I cannot express to you how distraught I am over Rob being cut from the Oscar presentation in the land down under. It’s just not right. BOO HISS!
@Justagirl – “full on jaw porn” That is an awesome phrase. Might just borrow that one. Rob’s jaw has inspired me to near orgasmic heights on many an occasion.
@Amber – Oh, how I needed that laugh!
I think that maybe the Oscars should NEVER be retired. Just put in circulation. It should be a feature. Like Rob Porn and 2nd Hand Embarrassment. You guys are so wicked funny, I’m sure you’ll be able to keep up a good flow of great stuff until next year, when they bump Rob up to the FRONT ROW b/c he’s so effing hot that the world will demand it! Or at the very least we will. 🙂
I love the retirement photo. Can you do a post tomorrow on that photo? Like a retiring the retirement photo post… 😉
I love that he drank champers in front of Vanessa. ‘Cause she can’t have any. And that’s just hilarious.
Do we ever have to STOP discussing the Oscars? Rob + Tux = Heaven.
I don’t think any of us are ready to let Robscars go as of yet, I concur that we should wait until we have new premeire shots to get off on 🙂
Amber, I’m gonna do MY BEST to get on here, or I will go INSANE.
It’s hard existing in a world where 99% of the people out there don’t share the obsession we have, and don’t get it. This is a place of understanding, comradere, and kinship. I feel safe to express my Robsession and know I’m in good company. UC and Moon are Godesses for their gift to us in this wonderful blog. *bows in complete honor and gratitude to these 2 amazing women*.
I’m just hoping that I’m not too far in the “Ohm Zone” to be able to think clearly and post.
I was instructed to bring a couple of things for this workshop: one being a journal, and the other being something of special meaning such as a photograph, a small personal item.
I am literally torn between bring things like Pocket Edward (btw, thanks for that expression Lauren, I think you originally coined it?), or a photo of Rob, or being “normal” and bringing something non-Rob related. Oh, what to do????
My friend who’s been to this before said “bring something that is special to you, and it doesn’ matter what it is. Bring your vibrator if you want.” I told her “Naaahhh, can’t do that. I wouldn’t know which one to choose.” (do I bring Edward, or Rob?” LOL! Just kiddin, but she DID say that.
Haha! That’s awesome. Bring pocket Edward. I’m moving this weekend and won’t have as much access to internet until we get it hooked up (unless I can talk one of the neighbors into giving me the info for their wireless thingy so I can borrow it…) so I’m probably going to be going into withdrawal myself.
@Spank – LOL!! Retiring the retirement photo? Classic!! 🙂
Did anyone else watch American Idol last night, and catch how at the very end, Randy compared Adam Lambert to our Rob! THERE IS NO COMPARISON! NONE! That dude Adam is skeevy with his makeup and artfully over done hair, and don’t even get me started with his makeup! Rob does not wear makeup. Rob does not do the overblown pop singer karaoke thing that Adam did on the show. So what was Randy thinking? That in some way Adam is sexy, as compared to our Rob? There’s no way. No way in hell. Rob is hot. Adam is not. So shut it Randy.
I amen you like you wouldn’t believe! See my post above. Randy’s a twat!
Jena – I think Randy’s comment just goes to show you just how severely OFF THE MARK they are with reality – with what is popular, what is good, what is hot. Which is why that show sucks so much.
I’m getting bored this year, the contestants are really sucking imo.
I think they should just give the win to Danny Gokey
and call it good! Last week was horrible and this week wasn’t much better.
I think a lot of it is song choice though, but still
I agree, no one I really love yet on AI. Also, I think Randy just mentioned it because Twilight is so popular and he is trying to keep current. Too bad his comment was so far in left field that even Edward couldn’t have ran fast enough to catch it! 🙂
@Sass. Your welcome for the Isle Esme link. It is on my nightly reading list now. Kinda puts ya in the mood – if ya know what I mean.
Oh Soccermom, wasn’t it DELICIOUS?? That author really had a way with words. Just poetic! And I don’t just mean the juicy parts. It was truly a very well written piece. Dare I say this person is a better writer than S. Meyer (preparing to be pelted with rotten produce)?
It was intense, descriptive, and engaging. Every sentence was amazing. I am totally going to follow this author on fanfic. She (I assume it’s a woman!) can really write amazing erotica without being raunchy and super-graphic. It was romantic, but still had enough sizzle to get your kitty-cat purring. prrrrr…….
@Vogue – I too thought that NTF writes as well if not better than SM. People on the site keep asking if she’s SM in disguise. LOL I am hoping she continues through to the cottage scene after Bella is changed. That will be a juicy one!
can i please get the link and what to look for?
Here is the link to Isle Esme…
Enjoy! I, along with everyone else enjoyed it immensely!
thank you @robin522
thank you @robin522
That fanfic kicked arse! I was soooo good! I was really hoping it wasn’t going to be a waste of time and I was not disappointed. You’ll get no rotten tomatoes from this chica.
@JBell – I thought the same thing about Rob getting three tickets to the Oscars. The Academy definitely knew what they were doing with that seating, just wish that they had panned over there more often. Oh, and if Mickey hadn’t been leaning so far to his left, we wouldn’t have seen that much of Rob. Do you think the Academy went over prior and whispered in his ear to lean left?
The photo of Zacquisha is priceless. You can tell that he just hates our Rob, he’s just seething inside, you can almost see the smoke coming out his ears. Little poser can’t stand that a real man has taken his place as the IT guy. And you know that Vanessa would jump Rob’s bones in a second.
Perhaps they should be added to “the list?”
Sadly I actually have to get some work done today. I have tomorrow off so I need to get some stuff done. So I’m signing off for now. I know I always say that and 10 minutes later I’m back, LOL! But I really have to catch up today. So you gals all have a great day! Luv ya!
p.s. If any major news happens, like Japan vids, someone alert me at work email@example.com
@Vogue18 – Tell us how you really feel about Idol!! 😉
I’ve quit watching Idol myself, the last year being when Carrie Underwood won (the cute blonde country singer who also happens to be from my neck of the woods, OKLAHOMA). Lately, it’s just getting to bleh, commercial.
And Ryan really just rubs me the wrong way. ICK!
Unlike Rob, who would rub you the right way…
I give you…..Randy Jackson in Journey….
I still like Ryan, I’ve liked him for years. I don’t appreciate what he said about Rob tho, but I still like him. I use to watch his talk show on fox everyday. I miss it.
Ok gals, I really have to go now. 🙁 Have a great day!
OK, but this one’s even better, LMAO!
So he never has any room to talk smack about someone, LOL!
OK, I’m really going now.
OMG! I hadn’t seen those before! I’ll never look at him the same again!
@Jena. I have been saying the same thing about getting work done! I tell myself to sign off and get something else done, then 10 minutes later I’m back here checking things out. I don’t want to miss anything! OK really, I’m going to do paperwork now. (See ya in 10 min)
@songirl – Hey girl! I mentioned you today *wink*
YES-YES-YES, I am sick of seeing Nick the Stalker lurking behind Rob in every pic. I call him and Steph Rob’s “training wheels”. If you ask me, I think Rob needs them there as support, emotionally and otherwise.
Rob does not tout around a big ego; he is shy and has admitted that he doesn’t relate to the Hollywood and L.A. scene. This stuff (premieres, Oscars, screaming throngs of rabid fans) is all new to him.
He’s been doing it for only a few months and is still getting a feel for it all, assessing the lay of the land. He’s probably better off having a couple of people looking out for him, lest more leeches like Poontang Hilton get their mitts into him.
The day will come (hopefully for Rob’s sake and sanity) that he will feel confident enough to not need to be chaperoned everywhere. I could be wrong in my assessment of the situation, but I really think I’m at least close to the truth.
I feel good knowing that there’s somebody close by protecting him, and people he trusts that he can turn to in an instant, if he feels he needs somebody. There are a lot of pirhana’s out there, and a lot of them want a piece of Rob.
I’m still here! LMAO!
I quote Cameron from Ferris Bueller.
“Alright, I’ll go, I’ll go, I’ll go, I’ll go..sssshhhh****t. I’ll go.”
Genevieve – look at people’s posting names to the left. If the name is highlighted in red, that means they’re linked to a site, and usually it’s their blog or personal web site. 🙂
Click Amber’s name and you’ll be magically transported.
Does anybody care to know that I am currently sitting here naked, slathered in self-tanner? 😀
@Vogue- Thx for the tip! That’s why the names are in RED. Ohhhh! (I’m such a technophobe). BTW ‘Poontang’ LOL!
I think Randy’s comment deserves some sort of restitution to Rob. It was so horrible, so off the mark, he should PAY Rob and give him a written apology, something to the tune of: “I’m so sorry Rob, before the show last night I thought I took one of my “yo dawg I wish I was 20 years younger and still relevant” pills but instead I took one of Paula’s “I make no sense whenever I open my mouth” pills by mistake and the result was my totally incoherent statement that you in any way compare to Adam. Dawg.”
Wow, when that film came out, Rob was 2! LOL!
@Jena I’m still here too! LOL Damn job always interfering with my Rob time.
@vogue I too am fine with being rode hard and put up wet(no pun intended……ok pun intended)
and b/c I really don’t like randy j he is his journey pic
that was suppose to be “here is his Journey pic.” My typing has become hasty just thinking about his comment last night!
@Songirl – dude, I read your essay on KStew and Rob (yes, I too have noticed the aging. His smoking plays a large role in that, along with the stress he’s been placed under).
Well written and spot-on. I couldn’t leave a comment but wanted you to know that I enjoyed it, and will look forward to more of your writings. 😀
@Vogue18 – Damn! I was thinking of blogging about it…oh well, it was too priceless not to share. Maybe I’ll read your blog, see where you take it, then post it on mine and go somewhere else… Hmmmmm…
Yeah, I too was surprised how good the voice was. It didn’t melt me like butter the way Rob’s does, but still, not bad!
No, no!! Amber, I haven’t done it, and WOULD NEVER steal your thunder! I’m SO sorry!
That would be totally rude. It’s yours. *hug* I will enjoy it here and at your blog.