My honest confession to Rob

Dear Rob,

I was going to try to break down the following topic Vanity-Fair Style with The Quad, but I’ve decided to grow a pair and tackle the subject on my own.

Today’s class topic has to do with this post that Gozde from Robsessed wrote last week. She said, and I quote,

I am dedicating this song to everyone that freaks out whenever Rob and ANY girl is mentioned!

My motto: “If he is not shagging me I don’t care who he shags.” Adopt the motto, you’ll be happier!

I need to confess today that I cannot adopt this motto. I’ve already told Gozde, Moon & the rest of The Quad, but I am writing today to tell you. I can say those words out loud, but I don’t mean them. I DO care who your shagging. And not just because I care about you and keeping you away from VD and genital warts either, but because I’m jealous. Yep, I’ll admit it- I’m jealous of whomever you might shag, touch, kiss, smoke with, sing with & to, hug or talk to despite that being completely irrational, silly, childish and well, fan-girl CRAZY. And not just in a “Make something up, UC, you write a blog and need content for tomorrow” sorta way either. I really mean it (wow, I’m being honest today and I’m not even drinking anything….)

When I confessed this to Moon she said,

Oh, I care 100% [who Rob shags]. I am a jealous girl at heart, so of course I will care. Gozde is a far bigger woman than I am (and see, admitting that is the first step!)
I have jotted down a few reasons why I cannot adopt this motto as my own:
  • I am a jealous person, too. (I still get jealous when my sister tells her husband something before she tells me, even though that’s normal)
  • I don’t want to think of you as virginal or inexperienced, Rob, but I also don’t want to be thinking of you shaggin’ anyone else either
  • Notice I say “anyone else” in the reason above. By saying “else” that means someone other than me. Subconsciously I must think I have a chance
  • It is wonderful to think that your sexy gazes (see below) are for me and not for some slut that isn’t me (cuz every girl that isn’t me who you shag is a slut, ps)

After reading my reasons over a few times, I had a few thoughts about my honesty and craziness… my crazy honesty:

  • I am 100% aware that the chances of you and I bumpin’ uglies (did I just say that?) are 0%
  • I am also aware that the main hurdle to our bumpin’ uglies is my husband (notice I don’t think us meeting or you falling for me is a hurdle… No, I think that’d be the easy part)
  • I keep using the word “bumpin’ uglies” which will probably make you NOT want to bump uglies with me b/c it sounds like a phrase a 40yr old virgin would use (it’s up there with “Rob, I want to give you my flower”), but I just want to share another term I learned in the urban dictionary when I looked up “bumpin’ uglies:”

Pounding Spam: Refers to a man that cheats on his hot wife or girlfriend with an undesirable, disfigured, or otherwise deformed ugly. “She should leave him. She’s always slaving at home while he’s out Poundin’ Spam”

I’ve been so distraught over my obviously irrational state of mind that I went back to the source of my struggle: Gozde.Β  I confessed my struggle with her motto and told her I just could not make it my mantra, despite knowing I’ll never have you (and subconsciously thinking I just might…) Here were her words of wisdom:
I can’t get jealous of him ’cause as you said, he’s never gonna be mine, so I’ll settle for someone nice and hope for a sex tape to leak
Well, it wouldn’t be as great as bumpin’ uglies with you, but I’d take a sex tape leak too (preferably with the girl you’re with blurred out…. Lord knows no one needs to see Kristen or Nikki in that position)
I decided to take matters into my own hands, and come up with my own motto:
Rob, if you’re not with me, then you’re Poundin’ Spam
Also… I am confessing this today expecting to get some haters (you know we love haters- we have a special folder for haters in our inboxes and they will soon play a special role on our blog) but mostly knowing that I’m going to hear a huge resounding cry of what is slowly becoming the LTR motto (see scene from Monday of my LA Trip) “THAT’S NORMAL”
Oh!? Me & you... yeah... I'm down with that....

Oh!? Me & you... yeah... I'm down with that....

1,444 Responses to “My honest confession to Rob”

  1. Leigh Anne says:

    That’s normal.

    Is all I’m sayin’.

    • peculiar 1 says:

      I think we all agree its normal!
      it hurts that hes not shagging me! πŸ™
      Am so sad, my husbands gona kick me out of the house! i have to pretend!

  2. limeslice says:

    THAT IS COMPLETELY NORMAL. (And not just because that is my motto, also.) Just look into his eyes:

    You can’t deny that he feels the same way. He’s a sly one.

    • Sophie says:

      I love the link thingy for that pic “Robert Pattinson should be illegal” πŸ˜€

    • Verity says:

      I’m pretty sure that picture comes with a UK government health warning

    • izzy says:

      OH MY. The link is fantabulous. His royal hotness should be shaggin one of us so we could at least get on here and share with eachother ( i would have pics if it were me…and details, lots of them). I’m jealous by nature as well so the thought of some skank box feelin up my honey makes me want to commit violent crimes. I hear you ladies, I may be on the border of psycho fangirl but i’ll deal, I will have that man.

  3. Jules says:

    Sadly, I could totally relate to your post today and have been trying (unsuccessfully) to adopt Gozde’s motto. I nearly fell off my chair laughing when I got to your motto. I love it and will use it!

  4. Melissa says:

    preach it girl, preach it..he’s out there poundin spam like that’s normal

  5. chinamother says:

    Oh crap…now I’m the first hater…well, not a hater because I LOVE UC and MOON and this site…so totally NOT a hater…but I disagree. I’m with Godze on this one.

    Anything that keeps Rob smilin’ his sexy smile keeps me happy. And since I know my chances with him are 0% (or less!!), then I want him to find someone who makes him happy and content and smiling. πŸ™‚

  6. Sass says:

    “Normal” is highly overrated. πŸ™‚

  7. Sharpie says:

    HAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!! I am sitting at my desk laughing (and looking) like an idiot!! I am also completely irrational and I too, cannot accept Gozde’s mantra. However, “pounding spam” makes me laugh like an idiot and it would make the thought *shudder* of Rob maybe/possibly with someone else, maybe/kinda more bearable. Imjustsayin. πŸ™‚

  8. WastingTheMorning says:

    Amen sister.

    This site is like therapy for my effed up brain. I love the hurdles.

    As if our hubbies are the only hurdles πŸ™‚ If only..

  9. krazykidd says:

    OMG UC…I am so with you…I DO GET AMAZINGLY jealous when I hear of him and another ‘girl’…and I feel such a relief because for a moment there I thought I was the ONLY one that felt that way!! I was embarassed to admit it to anyone, thanks for giving me a better resolution…’Rob, if you’re not with me, then you’re Poundin’ Spam’…going forth that shall be my motto as well LOL! πŸ™‚

  10. Jennifer says:

    my,my,my….I would have to agree that’s normal if in fact my thoughts are normal. I want Rob to be happy but I don’t want to know about the girlfriends. I am happy being oblivious to that. I like my Rob all by himself in pictures minus the girls. It lets my un-reality live on. I am selfish that way.

    • themoonisdown says:

      ignorance is bliss!! i like to live in my rob bubble too where i hear nothing “bad” or nothing about girlfriends! πŸ˜€

  11. JBell says:

    I have nothing to say. You have depressed me in a way that I am not sure I will be able to recover. It makes me said that it may or may not be normal for him to be out poundin’ spam.

    Good thing Rob and I are getting married soon. Shit. Wait. He WILL NOT be out poundin’ spam whilst married to me. Hells to the NAH!

    PS –
    I couldn’t have said it better myself, UC. <3 Seriously.

    • sorry to depress you!

    • pinkfluffgirl says:

      Time passes. Even when it seems impossible. Even when each tick of the second hand aches like the pulse of blood behind a bruise. It passes unevenly, in strange lurches and dragging lulls, but pass it does.

      Even for YOU, JBell…

      FTR, Spam is pretty depressing in general though! Just take some Robzac and go on with your day.

  12. f_ingdelicious says:

    I agree completely, UC. I’ve really tried to have the Godze attitude on this one, but deep down I know he could do better (me).

    And I’ve never cared for Spam – it’s not f’ing delicious – not even close.

    Thx for posting the pic, limeslice – made my morning – that look should be illegal.

  13. Stacey says:

    OhmyGod this is the best post in a long ass time. And I totally agree with you 100%. I think most of us feel that way. If he’s not bumpin’ uglies with us he’s bumpin’ spam. And yes we all know it’s irrational and we have more of a change of being hit by lightning or being attacked by a gorilla but still we wish we could just have a few naked moments/seconds/hours/days with Rob.

  14. Dany says:

    Wow…well, I don’t really know how to feel about it. I mean, due to what’s left of my rationality (I used to be a fairly rational person before Rob) I ‘kinda’ feel the same way as Jenniffer.
    I just want him to be happy and to find a girl that treats him as he deserves. And since he doesn’t know me -at least not in the way I want him to know me- then someone else will have to ‘do’.

    I’m happy with that, until I see him with someone else and then it just….well, it hurts a little. It’s stupid, but it does. So I much rather be oblivious to that fact….

    @limeslice: WHY hadn’t I seen that picture?? You killed me!

  15. Spank Ransom says:

    “Rob, if you’re not with me, then you’re Poundin’ Spam”

    Brilliance.. right there… Love it.

  16. chinamother says:

    You girls are crackin’ me up…I guess you aren’t of the “if you love something set it free” mentality πŸ˜‰

    Don’t get me wrong though…if he was with some skanky girl, then I’d get upset. But otherwise, I’m good.
    I will secretly (or not so secretly!) lust after him, knowing all of the time that I’d be better for him, but since I’m VERY married and Rob doesn’t know I exist, I’ll just have to hope that whoever he’s with is good enough for him and good enough to keep that lovin’ look on his face that I love so much!

    FYI – Rob is on my ‘5 freebie’ list with my hubby – and the other 4 slots are still open πŸ™‚ so it’s not like I’d turn down the chance πŸ™‚

    • Melissa says:

      @cm hey ur around pittsburgh rite? i cant think of any theatres to call and request little ashes..i did email one in squirrel hill but they havent replied..the only other two ive ever been to are lowes at the waterfront and south side works cinema..its looking like i may have to go to DC to see it.

    • English Girl says:

      I’m with you on this one CM. Except I don’t have a freebie list with my hubbie. But in my own, very rational and entirely sensible, ethical head, Rob wouldn’t count as an affair. Of course not. He would be therapy. Such good therapy.

  17. therealrobzilla says:

    What?! You mean I have 0% chance of bumpin’ uglies with Rob? Why…WHYYYYYYYYYYYY?!?!?!

    Dear Rob,
    I can, one day, accept that you will be bumpin’ uglies with women other than me if you answer my one burning question. Cut?
    Dying to know, but willing to love either way,

  18. twigal0513 says:

    Of all of the writings I’ve read about Rob – and I’ve read tons, trust me on this – THIS was the one that was totally me! OMG – I can’t believe it – it’s like you got inside my head and wrote everything I’ve been thinking, writing, wishing, hoping, dreaming about…and you put it out there! UC – you are the best!

    I’ve tried the Godze motto too – in my more lucid moments – but….who am I kidding? Everytime I hear that he’s been seen with someone, I am depressed for an entire day. Then, I tell myself it was just a rumor. I did a happy dance when he went home from the VF party sans Paris!

    Even in Twilight – when he’s kissing KStew – I had to call upon my inner strength to get through that scene the first few times.

    My motto – which is very similar to yours is “If I can’t have him, I don’t want anyone to have him.”

    Sorry girls – I love you like sisters because we’re all Robluvers, but seriously – if one of you ended up with Rob, it would be the end of our friendship.

    Just sayin’….

    • JBell says:

      What if said girl agreed to share?? πŸ˜‰

      • twigal0513 says:

        Hysterical! You’re on – if you and I can get THAT close – I’ll share! πŸ™‚

      • therealrobzilla says:

        Sharing is good. My Mum taught me well.

        P.S. Have any other “normal” gals out there started saying Mum and litrally now because of Rob? I swear, I’m NORMAL.

        • roslynselene says:

          I know this is one year later in replying and I’m probably just talking to myself, but I don’t care. Yes, I DO say li’trally and my sister says ‘mum’ (we’re not British) now b/c of Rob.

      • Stacey says:

        This is so funny because my BFF and I had this same discussion last night (we are well into our 30s) that if we ever had once chance with Rob we’d share. Then she finally fessed up and said the only thing I’d share would be his big toe. I was distraught – I mean this woman and I have been friends since before we got boobies.

    • oh i think it’s understood that we’d all hate the girl from LTR (me) that got Rob (me)

  19. JBell says:

    @TRR – Yes. Totally have adopted his language/sayings/speech/habits/quirks. That’s normal.

  20. twilighted says:

    If he is not shagging me I don’t care who he shags.”

    yea, thats how I see it. which spam does he prefer??

    Varieties of Spam vary by region and include Spam Classic, Spam Hot & Spicy, Spam Less Sodium, Spam Lite, Spam Oven Roasted Turkey, Hickory Smoked, and Spam Spread.[2]


  21. Kristin says:

    Oh UC! I so waver with this one. I want him to be happy and I want him to have great love in his life even thought I know it won’t ever be me. However I am very possessive person and I get those pangs of jealousy and want to FKL anyone who even talks to him and writes about it. *sigh* I love your motto, it sums it all up quite nicely πŸ˜‰

    Also – Normal is highly overrated. I am not normal, and I stopped pretending to be a LONG time ago. What is the fun in normal? LOL. I’m a crazy, complicated hot mess and I really don’t mind! I love people who are unique and I tell you what, this site and all of you with your incredible wit, personality and humor are NOT normal, and I mean that in a good way. Its rare and hard to find and I thank Rob every day for bringing me to you all!

    Dear Rob,
    I have a lot to thank you for. If you don’t mind, after I get back from the gym I would like to thank you in person. This WILL be fun, I promise. and the things I can do to you? They are so NOT normal, and you won’t be able to get enough!
    Love, Me XOXO

  22. MayaM says:

    I say we wait until they figure out a way to clone humans and then sign a massive online petition to nominate Rob for cloning. That should make us all happy. No?

  23. chinamother says:

    @Melissa….Yeah, I have no idea where to call either. I’m not sure what theaters would be considered ‘Art houses’.
    It’s showing in Philly at the end of June too….I may go to that if I can convince my husband that I have not completely lost my ever lovin’ mind in wanting to travel across the state to see a movie….

    I’m also looking into how to chance my DVD player to an all region player because then we can get it on DVD.

  24. Jena says:

    Haters, you have haters? That’s blasphemy! Let me at em!!!

    “I can’t get jealous of him ’cause as you said, he’s never gonna be mine, so I’ll settle for someone nice and hope for a sex tape to leak.”


  25. ylva says:

    oh, i sooooooo aggree with you – and it’s rather embarrassing. but i wouldn’t mind, actually, if he were with kristen; she seems really cute and intelligent ^^

  26. Jayci says:

    i really need to stop reading these posts at work. People are beginning to talk, thanks to my weird laughing outbursts and creepy smiles I make trying to contain the laughter. i couldn’t agree with you more – if i hear about rob and some girl (ahem camilla belle) i can’t help but feel cheated on a little bit.

    and chinamother, rob’s the only one on myfreebie list also! i just have high standards i guess. maybe when i go to vancouver for my honeymoon (coincidence I PROMISE) i’ll run into rob and we’ll bump uglies, instead of him pounding kstew’s spam

  27. This killed me. Pounding spam? That’s hysterical. And, honestly, kinda gross. I haven’t heard bumpin’ uglies since I was in high school (a long time ago). I think I need to revive that phrase, for some reason. Thanks for reminding me of its existence.

  28. Just a Girl says:

    This is my favorite post so far <3 Love the honesty, love the pounding spam & lOOOOOOVe the idea of a leaked Sex Tape. Going to focus on that visual for a while.

    You know I play for teamGozde…if he’s not shagging me I dont care who he shags.

    • twilighted says:

      Yea here it goes…”deep breath”

      I honestly don’t believe Kstew and Rpatz are doing ANYTHING besides acting together..furthermore, I wouldn’t care if they were..we all deserve someone to love.

      “running, looking over shoulder”


      • limeslice says:

        Yea I really hope they’re not πŸ™ I actually can’t believe that so many people are pro-Robsten!

      • chinamother says:

        I am a Robsten fan…only because it APPEARS she makes him happy. He’s always laughing and smiling with her. I DO think there is something going on, only because, HOW could there NOT be? I mean, if YOU were Kristen, and you got to kiss and work with him….wouldn’t something be going on? Right…I thought so πŸ™‚

        Other than that, I agree with you completely that Rob should have someone to love. I’m fine if he’s with Kristen or whoever…as long as she makes him happy and isn’t a crazy whack job only with him for his fame….

      • English Girl says:

        What changed your mind then? I thought you were a Robsten fan? As you know I am not – she’s too young! Though, quite honestly, I just hope the guy is getting whatever he wants with whomever he wants and whenever he wants … if he wants. If there really are relationship politics going on (and I actually think that most of the speculation is fans getting their knickers in a twist) then that is awful.

  29. Rubytuesday says:

    Hi Gals,
    I have been checking your NO: 1 site out for the past 3 months {at least twice a day}.
    Even though I have wet myself laughing repeatedly, and have gotten *very hot* under the collar a ‘few’ times thanks to your wonderful pics and clips I’ve not commented before. {Due I think to my shame in feeling this way as I am a ‘Lady of middle years’ with 3 sons whose ages I will not mention as it will expose me far too much as someone who needs help}.
    I have cried with laughter today and want to say I totally relate to UC views as hard as I’ve tried to follow Gozde’s lead.
    Someone please confirm that we all have a 20 year old inside us no matter our actual years?
    Love to all

  30. Ashton says:

    So I have a few things to say and well, I’ve never commented before…but I felt moved today (and I love this blog!)

    A1. You talking about bumpin’ uglies with Rob, makes my stomache sort of twist…because I don’t like it…crazy
    B2. Love the sex tape comment…especially nikki and kristen part
    C3. Love that you wrote this post and were so true…without drinking…imagine this conversation if liquor had been involved!!

    ha ha ha

    thanks for the laugh, ashton

    • ashton- thanks for commenting for the first time! now is it the 40yrold virgin PHRASE ‘bumpin uglies” that twists your stomach? or the jealousy of ME doing THAT with Rob? cuz with me.. it wouldn’t be poundin’ spam… just sayin’

      πŸ™‚ HUGS

    • English Girl says:

      Check back in later for the comments when everyone has been drinking … it has been known to happen!

      • Ashton says:

        UC- it is not the ‘bumpin’ uglies’ phrase, but the jealousy of YOU doing that with Rob…and since I love your blog so much, I would agree is wouldn’t be poundin’ splam with you….but just you get that freebie card in my book.

        English Girl- I will check back for when everyone has been drinking…in fact, I may even join in. πŸ™‚

  31. jetbaby_2000 says:

    Godze is a saint … and I’m just a lowly sinner. Thing is …. I’m good with that. So UC here’s hoping Rob’s into sin and girl … that’s so normal!

  32. Mandi says:

    Dear Moon, UC & My Rob,
    Ok this is my 1st post here, and I am posting because I agree with you 110%. (not that I dont agree with just about everything else you say in your posts) but I feel the very same with you on this. I get very jelly even if I hear a rumor of My Rob banging anyone else that is not me. I am a married woman, I should not feel this way, but I can’t help it. lol But since My Rob is on my “list” its ok for me to feel this way with out feeling bad. And i like your new motto. I would love to bang it out with him, just one time! I won’t tell any one, I promise! *wink wink*
    Keep doing what you do ladies, your posts bag me the eff up!!!

    • i know.. it’s SO irrational! but it’s true.. and honest.. and Rob just wants us to be honest :):) hugs!

    • twigal0513 says:

      Just one time?! Are you kidding? You have more self control than I do, Mandi! I’m afraid if i got a taste of all of that Rob yumminess, I’d have to keep going back to the well for more, ya know what I’m saying?

  33. Jena says:

    I’m going through posts from last night and looks l ike I missed a ton of fun!

    I’m laughing so hard at English Girl’s statement:

    “They are all a puddle of incoherant goop. The poor boy has no one on which to practice his seduction techniques because they are all passed out on the floor at his feet so he thinks he is doing something wrong and can’t get a date. When actually they all want a date. Even the married ones. Especially the married ones.”

    I love it!

    • English Girl says:

      Glad to make you smile.

      Of course, though I am married, I am far too cool to be in a pool of gloop on the floor.

      (That was codswallop actually. Scoup me back into my cup Jena would you please?)

  34. Megan says:

    Haha! I’m also an (often) irrationally jealous person who is, at this very moment, upset because my sister is going to be maid of honor in two weddings next year to my one wedding. Yes, I know. But she’s my little sister!! How does she a) have more friends than I do and b) be better friends with these people and c) have more friends getting married now than me?! She’s three years younger than me!

    So that’s normal. I don’t want to think about Rob making out/”bumping uglies” (Jesus I hate that phrase, see what I just said for you?!) with anyone else! GAH! It makes me feel like my eyeballs are on fire!

  35. Heather says:

    Oh man…well….am I the only girl on the planet who’s husband gave her a 1 night pass with Rob? Seriously, he so did this. Not that i’ll ever have a snowballs chance in hell, but you know, at least I have the option. πŸ™‚

    I agree with you though….I can’t help it.

    • chinamother says:

      Heather…no you’re not the only one. I posted above that Rob is one of my “freebie 5” with my husband…and there are 4 slots still open πŸ™‚

      I know I don’t have a chance…but I wanted to keep the door open. I’m “only” 36, so that’s a lotta life ahead of me….who knows where it might take me!

  36. Carrrie says:

    My Motto is- I like living in my bubble. In my bubble Rob and I are together 4ever. Rob has never been with anyone other woman but me. I’m cool with living in my bubble. It’s nice and safe and warm in there.

    • okay… i can live with that- a rob bubble… a robble!? πŸ™‚

      • Carrie says:

        Alright I just spelled my own name wrong. I am such an idiot. I guess I’ve been inside the “Robble” to long.
        UC trust u will be much happier if u stay in the Robble. When u see all these nonsense stories about him and KStew or NReed u can ignore them. B/c in the bubble it’s just you and Rob. πŸ™‚

        • hamnoo says:

          I will remember the term Robble. Me love me some Robble.

        • hamnoo says:

          btw, I would advise you to listen to the shins while you’re in the Robble. The shins has been my bubble music for like, forever, but now, I will use them as my personalized Robble music. πŸ˜‰

  37. foxy gal says:

    Not sure if it’s normal (wtf is normal, anyway?), but i feel the same way… it’s like you read my mind!? πŸ˜‰

  38. Karen says:

    long time lurker, first time poster…. πŸ™‚

    That was the funniest thing I’ve read in a LONG time!

    Thanks for making me feel normal, eh, a little more normal. I can’t convince myself I’m normal with this Hollywood Cougar Crush going on!

  39. WastingTheMorning says:

    @JAG – I just watched your reeks sex vid. One of my fave all time songs – can we share iPods? We seem to have similar (yet varied) taste in music. Anyway, I think you picked all my favorite RP moments and put ’em all together. Esp the VF ones. Oh, I’m melting still.

    And I’m with you – I don’t care who he shags. He’s just delicious to look at. As long as he remains my eye candy, he can shag who he wants.

    • Just a Girl says:

      Thanks WTM, you can download the vid for your Ipod if you want. I can upload it to mediafire later today.

      I think the song is a total giveaway of my age LOL.

      I think I need to do a vid thats all Rome festival pics and video, he looks so hot there.

      @MJ thanks for the NiN song, holy sh*t it made me blush CLOSER 2 is in the works complete with vids too <3

      • WastingTheMorning says:

        I think it was you (and not Rob as I’d never seen his fave songs article until recently) that actually introduced me to KOL. Didn’t you do a Sex on Fire vid? That’s how it started. And now they’re all I listen to! They don’t play ’em on the radio ’round these parts. Sad huh?

  40. Steph says:

    Hit the spam on the head with this one, UC! Well done!

    I’ve been forced to lurk and run lately, but I love catching up on some of the comments and the links are always awesome! That pick from Limeslice. Oi! I hadn’t seen it yet and I had to move the keyboard so my drool wouldn’t ruin it.

  41. Giseli says:

    Good morning!
    Do you read minds? Overseas?! Geez!
    ~Sex tape w/ Rob~ Please and Thanks!
    ~No one needs to see Kristen or Nikki in that position~ Amen!
    I don’t wanna think about this KStew or Nikki on the sex tape thing ***hugging my knees with both arms***

  42. Steph says:

    Ugh *pic

  43. Twitchlet says:

    Sigh. I don’t know how I feel about this. It wavers day by day…but, mostly I’m concerned that he’ll change and date some skanky spam and then there will be no more charming, quirky interviews and self-deprecating humor. Meh.

    Also, I am mildly jealous that so many of you seem to be married…I would hazard the guess that it is so much worse when one is single. =(

    • WastingTheMorning says:

      I would have to say that in some ways it makes it worse cuz you know you shouldn’t want Rob – you shouldn’t want ANY other man besides your hubby. But you just can’t help it. And there is someone there to wonder about your obsession and judge it and get jealous when you cross the line (as I did when I told my hubby “I want to have his babies!” the other night).

      And if you single ladies have 0% chance, we marrieds have -50% chance. The hubby is an extra hurdle. Each kid adds another negative 50% on to the probability that we’ll ever get to “be” with Rob. A dog adds another negative 25% chance. So far I’m up to a -175% chance I’ll ever get to bump uglies with Rob.

      So, I just give up — my chances are too slim. I’ll settle for the leaked sex tape.

      It’ll do.

      • mandyfrance says:

        never posted before, but this is just so funny

        now i really want to cry, cos i’ve not got a hope in hell if i count like you !

        – 50 for the hubby
        – 200 for the 4 kids

        this is already bad, BUT, you got it wrong for the dog, he has one, but i have cats…… that’s bad so – 25 per cat argggggggggg i’ve got five.

        – 125 then for the cats

        i don’t want to count anymore sniff sniff

    • JBell says:

      Seriously wish I WAS married because it seems that this would be so much easier. As the saying goes, “Robert Pattinson has left me with unrealiztic expectations in men.” or something like that… lol

      To quote David Archuletta (lmao don’t judge me!) –
      “Am I crazy or fallin’ in love? Is it really just another crush?… Cause I’m tryin’ TRYIN’ to walk away, but I know this crush ain’t goin’ awayyyy…”

      And that ends my karaoke session for today.

      • English Girl says:

        I know that if I was 20 something and single I would be in serious trouble now, because I was a fussy enough girl as it was and had to find my DH from another country, despite living in the midst of hot brit-fluff at the time. Now it would seem like an impossibly depressing task. I think we need a de-robbing programme for when it all gets too much …

    • twigal0513 says:

      Not sure about that, Twitchlet. My fantasies with Rob are in direct proportion to a disappointing marriage. Probably TMI, but there it is. My DH can’t ignore me/put me down/make me feel worthless often enough these days. When I get to feeling like so much poo on the floor, I come visit UC and Moon and Rob …. and life is tolerable again.

      WTM is right – DH for all of his faults – still constitutes a hurdle. If not for him, I’d be Rob-stalking in Vancouver right now…. (sigh….)

      • Twitchlet says:

        I guess we’re all in the similar boats, regardless of martial status. Rob sets such a high standard.

        It is certainly nice of him, Moon, and UC to provide such effective escapism though.

  44. junsikat says:

    UC, I totes love you for that…I really do <3

  45. Dany says:

    I’m going to study now, but be back in the afternoon!!!

    Love ya all!!

  46. Jena says:

    I don’t mind if Rob dates. I actually would like to see him with someone who is well grounded and down to earth, preferrably outside of the entertainment biz. He is so passionate and such a kind heart that it would be a shame if he didn’t have someone to share that with. I can imagine though that at this level of his fame it’s hard for him to trust someone and not know whether they want him for him or for his fame/money.
    My main concern is that knowing how humble and normal he seems, I hope to God that Hollywood doesn’t get to him and go to his head and change him. As humble, non-egotistical and well grounded as he seems and stating that it’s important for him to remain the same he has, I have faith that he’ll be okay but it just scares the crap out of me. He seems to surround himself with the right kind of people though and it helps that he came from such a loving, supportive, well grounded family. I just really hope this all stays the same for him in that aspect. I can’t read his “ming” but I think he knows that and will stay true to it.

  47. snmlamb says:

    Mornin’ all!

    @jbell – you’re karaokeness woke me up:)

    Question – in someone’s post above the article said that Jackson was pining away for another chick (not Kstew) on the New Moon set…I feel dumb askin, but who might that be?

    • English Girl says:


      They do look very cute together, he is very “caring” towards her. But alas, just like the K/R thing I think it is all a case of people projecting their wishes onto these screen couples – bit like doctor/patient thing.

      But it’s fun to do (well in my case NOT the K/R pairing … just don’t see it, but A & J – yes sweet!).

  48. LaPush Baby says:

    Gah! I can’t decide if I am a hater or not! On the one hand, Gozde’s motto is so noble and respectful, but on the other hand, you are totally right! He should be doing me! (He is on my 5 freebie list with my hubby, tho hubby thinks he’s gay, so he’s not in any danger there)

    OTOH, if he is not having any of the sex with ANYbody, WHAT A WASTE!

    *sorry for yelling, just sayin….*

    All that hotness and all……

    • WastingTheMorning says:

      Totes agree – “if he is not having any of the sex with ANYbody, WHAT A WASTE!”

      I actually hope that he’s gettin some regularly a la “I Love LA”

  49. theresa says:

    i love your humour ! i have never posted before but i had to respond to this. SO FUNNY! i honestly hope that one day you guys get the recognition you deserve, and not just by way of winning some essentially meaningless dazzle award. keep up the awesomely hilarious work.
    i am making the newly decided mantra my facebook status. is that ok? lol

    • haha… PLEASE make it your facebook status! that’s amazing! mine currently says “i may or may not like twilight” πŸ™‚

      Thanks for commenting and for your sweet words! You brought a smile to my face!

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