The Notorious R.O.B. – Rapper, actor and white boy lays down the rhymes

Dear Rob,

We know about your love of the Hip Hop and NWA and now you’re saying you convinced yourself when you were younger that you wrote Biggie’s music…

Now, I’m all for some fantasies but for realz? You’re a white boy from London…  nice, middle class London at that, pretty far from Bed-Stuy Brooklyn. But I get it, I love BIG too, Juicy is one of my favorite songs of all time. So I decided to give you the benefit of the doubt and take a closer look at some of BIG’s music to see if you really could have in fact written it… let’s take a look shall we, I translate in parenthesis…

Straight outta 8 mile

Big Poppa

To all the ladies in the place with style and grace (HOLLA LTR!)
Allow me to lace these lyrical douches in your bushes (um no.)
Who rock grooves and make moves with all the mommies (TwiMoms!)
The back of the club, sippin Moet, is where you’ll find me (they ran outta Heine)
The back of the club, mackin hoes, my crew’s behind me (no really, Dean/Steve is behind you. It’s part of his contract)

ladies with style and grace? Um DUH that’s us. We also big booty hoes, but he’ll get to that later. I love that he’s calling out Dean/Steve here. Dean/Steve’s got his back like chiroprack. He gets really creative with the next verse…

Soon as he buy that wine I just creep up from behind (you’ve got NO game and possibly cheap!)
And ask what your interests are, who you be with (do you possible like books about vampires? Did you come to this bar with friends you met on twitter or a blog?)
Things to make you smile, what numbers to dial (do you have a Jitterbug?)
You gon’ be here for a while, I’m gon’ go call my crew (TomStu)
You go call your crew (LTR girls)
We can rendezvous at the bar around two
Plans to leave, throw the keys to Lil Cease (nickname for Dean/Steve. Cease and Desist you crazy Twihards!)
Pull the truck up, front, and roll up the next blunt (you’re bad at driving, we know)
So we can steam on the way to the telly go fill my belly (Srsly, you’re hungry a lot)
A t-bone steak, cheese eggs and Welch’s grape (Breakfast Hot Pocket Steak and Eggs)
Conversate for a few, cause in a few, we gon’ do (you ran out of stuff to talk about)
What we came to do, ain’t that right boo [truuuueee]
Forget the telly we just go to the crib
and watch a movie in the jacuzzi smoke l’s while you do me (hot tub store shout out, UC!)

B.I.G. or R.O.B.?

And neeexxxttt we have…

Been ‘Round The World

Been around the world and I I I
And we been playa hated [say what?]
I don’t know and I don’t know why
Why they want us faded [ahehe]
I don’t know why they hate us [yeah]
Is it our ladies? [uh-huh]
Or our drop Mercedes [uhh, uhh]
Bay-bee bay-BEE!

This is pretty obvious, it’s a diss track on all the dudes who hate on you and call you Edward Cullen and say shiz about your hair and being a p*ssy vegetarian vampire. They’re haters and it’s because you’re getting mad ladies for ALL over the world! Look at this blog you get more action here on a daily basis than Kellan at a TwiCon.

Now let’s hit probably the most damning evidence of all… my fave Biggie song: Juicy, after the cut

Juicy

You never thought that hip hop would take it this far (by hip hop you obviously mean acting in community theater)
Now I’m in the limelight ’cause I rhyme tight (or cause Edward Cullen’s hair is tight)
Time to get paid, blow up like the World Trade (pay up Summit!)
Born filla, the opposite of a winner
Remember when I used to eat sardines for dinner (Still do!)
Peace to Ron G, Brucey B, Kid Capri
Funkmaster Flex, Lovebug Starsky (pet names for Tom, Bobby, Sam, Marcus!)
I’m blowin’ up like you thought I would
Call the crib, same number same hood (Srsly, you still live with your parents)
It’s all good

and then…

I made the change from a common thief (mooched off your parents)
To up close and personal with Robin Leach (Heineken wishes and Hot Pocket dreams!)
And I’m far from cheap, I smoke skunk with my peeps all day (your per diem on location is pretty good!)
Spread love, it’s the Brooklyn way (BARNES way yall!)
The Moet and Alize keep me pissy
Girls used to diss me (Srsly, fans hated you as the choice for Edward Cullen)
Now they write letters ’cause they miss me (LETTERS, you say?! Hmm… interesting)
I never thought it could happen, this rappin’ stuff
I was too used to packin’ gats and stuff (to used to living with your parents)
Now honies play me close like butter played toast
From the Mississippi down to the east coast
Condos in Queens, indo for weeks
Sold out seats to hear Biggie Smalls speak (Sold out midnight showings of Twilight movies!)
Livin’ life without fear (expect for your insane paranoia)
Puttin’ 5 karats in my baby girl’s ears
Lunches, brunches, interviews by the pool (GQ, Interview, Details, Vanity Fair)
Considered a fool ’cause I dropped out of high school  (we still want to know why you got suspended!)
Stereotypes of a black male misunderstood (or a white male from Barnes)
And it’s still all good

then…

Super Nintendo, Sega Genesis
When I was dead broke, man I couldn’t picture this (ate a lot of ramen)
50 inch screen, money green leather sofa (in the basement at Dick & Clare’s)
Got two rides, a limousine with a chauffeur (suck it Summit!)
Phone bill about two G’s flat (international calling plans are expensive yall!)
No need to worry, my accountant handles that (or Manager Nick)
And my whole crew is loungin’
Celebratin’ every day, no more public housin’ (holla Chateau Marmot!)
Thinkin’ back on my one-room shack
Now my mom pimps a Ac’ with minks on her back
And she loves to show me off, of course
Smiles every time my face is up in The Source (Or People, or US Weekly, or OK, or Hello!)
We used to fuss when the landlord dissed us
No heat, wonder why Christmas missed us
Birthdays was the worst days
Now we sip champagne when we thirst-ay (and malt liquor!)
Uh, damn right I like the life I live
‘Cause I went from negative to positive (in your bank account)
And it’s all… it’s all good (in fact it’s bloody awesome!)

And I won’t even go into Big Booty Hos, but DAYUM! Just don’t let someone catch you ridin’ dirtay or party and bacardi-ing cause you be thug lyfe now, Rob. I believe it… maybe you DID write lyrics for the Notorious B.I.G. and maybe he was just the Milli Vanilli to your studio back ground singer. It’s too bad he was cruelly gunned down when you were just getting started with your rap lyrics writing career… Maybe you should think about coming our of retirement and writing more rhymes, you are truly talented.

Ain’t nothin’ but a Rob thing, baby!
Themoonisdown

Who loves them some Biggie?! What other BIG songs should we break down looking for Robisms?

Our internet game is ridiculous: LTT, The Forum, Twitter, The Store

90 Responses to “The Notorious R.O.B. – Rapper, actor and white boy lays down the rhymes”

  1. che says:

    i haven’t read the post yet
    first i wanna ask is he really really serious?what’s he trying to do? those tv Week photos are just
    ………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………
    T.H.U.D

  2. Ok, seriously? “Heineken wishes and Hot Pocket dreams!” and I choked on my coffee!!! Too funny! Great post!

  3. robgirl86 says:

    OMGGGGGGGGGG!!!!! Rob, that Rapper….too funny!

    LOVE the storyteller Rapper/believer in his own fantasy…convincing himself and trying to convince others ..and TELLING that at all in an interview, so Rob! 🙂

    “To all the ladies in the place with style and grace” (HOLLA LTR!) YES, YES, YES!!!!

    AND…..
    …watched the video and have to say….I feel sooo embarrassed again for camping out Twihards….no words!!!

    Dear Rob,
    love me some grey hoodie on you…
    wow!

    me

    • che says:

      oh RG camping Twihards looks kinda emberasing but belive me in those nights we have so much curtain of rain,thundercalp and lightning that last night i was saying i would totaly prefer to be in a tent at LA at least at the end i could see the ROB

    • OMG the campers!!! If I were in LA I’d totes go interviewing them and make a sort of a comedy/documentary/parody/smth. Cuz beyond the Rob and the wolfpack and watever ther’s always more. i’m sure they have trading Twi cards for business balls and Hot dogs BBQ, you know to relax from the pressure of the event.

      And I always loved grey hoodies but now… I don’t even know.

      • robgirl86 says:

        once there was Woodstock….now there is Robstock, just change the drugs…from weed to twitradingcards…from tyed stuff to Edward-shirts….from “love &peace” to “vampires&wolfes”…..it’s amazingggggggggg 🙁

      • roslynstephanieselene says:

        Hahaha! The campers! My friend works really close to where they’re camped out. Says, he was amazed at how many of them were there.
        P.S Can’t believe I saw a DUDE camping out among the Twi-campers. UNICORN in LA alert! 😉

  4. che says:

    i know it’s OT but this question and mostly the answer got my attention
    (tv sorrisi e canzoni mag.)
    In the movie we see again the love tri­an­gle between you,Bella and Jacob. Have you ever been the third wheel in real life?
    Yes, but only for a short time. It’s really hor­ri­ble. But when I’m dat­ing some­one, I always take a look at every other men around.

    i wonder when was that and who were the other wheels…ımmm let me think….

  5. JulieP says:

    Looked at the pics and um, wow! Sorry, BIG who? Am so looking forward to WFE, yum!

  6. Stacey says:

    Ohh Moon, this post is legendary. (Watched a dvr of How I Met Your Mother last night. NPH is stuck in my head this morning)

    As a fellow hip hop lover like Rob. (You can borrow my Tribe Called Quest CDs anytime, Rob) I wonder, because Rob seems to be as white bread as me, if he became a rapper would it be like the second coming of Vanilla Ice or Snow. (remember Informer, anyone? anyone? I hear crickets…) I don’t see him as an Eminem type. Not at all.

    Also, do you think Rob has a crush on Lil Kim? If so…that would be awesome.

    • Goodgirl Gone Plaid says:

      I don’t know if Rob has penned anything of late, But i loved his work back in the day.
      @stacey love me some Tribe called Quest also!
      Everytime I see Tiffanized (Holla) on here my brain starts to play the intro to Hypnotized. Smth to do with ending in ‘zed’ cos yeh, I’m
      a simpleton like that.
      I can’t Big Boi’s song Shutterbug outta my head but I think it’s apt for me these days!
      Dear Rob,
      YOUR in my system!
      I may or may not want you to leave.

    • undecidedsten says:

      “would it be like the second coming of Vanilla Ice or Snow. (remember Informer, anyone? anyone?”

      http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=StlMdNcvCJo

      sorry couldn’t miss an oppurtunity to post this early 90’s gem, i imagine this is how second hand embarrassing it would be if rob tried rapping

      • Xylem108 says:

        I just watched the whole thing. Hilarious! I still like the song, but the visual are oddly disjointed.

        As for Rob rapping, let’s not knock it til he tries it. Remember when we didn’t use to like guys with dirty hair, dirty clothes and wonky legs who wore the same clothes over and over. Yeah, somehow, I get the feeling Rob could make us like the second coming of Vanilla Ice. #ICantBelieveIJustTypedThat

        • undecidedsten says:

          “I get the feeling Rob could make us like the second coming …..”

          i stopped reading after that part sorry !!

  7. shinegirl says:

    Yes I am a long time lurker with one post under my belt. I had to sneak out and profess my love for the best rapper ever (since Chuck D) Biggie Smalls. The fact that Rob was convinced he wrote his rhymes is hilarious (and completely hot). Lets see, I was riding around, 17 years old listening to Biggie (and WuTang, 36 chambers anyone?) on my tape deck in my ’89 Lumina (True Playa Fa Real ;o) back in ’94 when Rob was…., 8 my daughters age. *face palm*

    Thank you for bringing back the memories Moon. Nice to see West coast giving the east coast love!

    • Aro says:

      and WuTang, 36 chambers anyone?

      “Your soul have just been tooken through the 36 chambers of death kid!”

      😉

      When Rob said during that TRL interview that Wu Tang’s was the cd he was listening to in his car at the time, it was solidified love for me.

    • Stacey says:

      Good god. He was 8 when I was a junior in high school. I am feeling like such a cougar right now. However, Witherspoon is playing his love interest in WFE and she’s a year older then me. I can smile again.

      I was completely playing that Wu Tang album too! I loved it, alot.

  8. That was more brillz than South Park’s California love version.

  9. […] This post was mentioned on Twitter by LetterstoTwilight, Katie. Katie said: Genius RT @letter2twilight: The Notorious R.O.B…actor and white boy lays down the rhymes – http://tinyurl.com/29uyvml […]

  10. Alice_NaA says:

    you had me at “Notorious R.O.B.”

  11. tiffanized says:

    I realize the major fail I’m about to admit, but I don’t think I’ve ever heard a Notorious B.I.G. song, as I just discovered rap in my thirties. I did once pose with Biggie’s wax figure at Mme Tussaud’s which, if I’m correct, does NOT make me cooler.

  12. tupelohoney says:

    “We also big booty hoes, but he’ll get to that later.”

    LMAO!!!

    I can honestly say I’ve never been called a big booty ho.

    I don’t listen to rap so I don’t know if that’s good thing or not….

    • tupelohoney says:

      I meant to say “a good thing or not..”

      • Keisha says:

        @tupelohoney- Yes, I’m sure Misty will be around soon to give you a -1 for grammar. 😉

        I’m not a big bootie ho but I am a big boobie ho. I hope Rob likes boobs more!

        • tupelohoney says:

          We have something in common then Keisha. I’m a big boobie ho too! lol. Not too bad in the booty department but definitely big boobies.

          You like big boobies, don’t cha Rob?

          • Keisha says:

            You, my friend, are the total package then! I totally ship Robhoney

          • tupelohoney says:

            For a second there I considered changing my name to Rob’sHoney but nope… can’t do it. Love me some Van Morrison too much so tupelohoney’s got to stay…

    • tupelohoney says:

      Btw, I’m from the 80’s rock generation so if Rob wants to sing/rap about bootys I’d love to hear him sing “Fat bottom girls” by Queen…. Just sayin’

  13. Janetrigs says:

    I love this crazy.

  14. alice_av says:

    I would some gansta Rob! hahaha

  15. Mrs. P says:

    Here I was thinking he was waking up in the morning feeling like PDiddy and brushing his teeth with a bottle of Jack when all the while he was writing for Biggie. You learn something everyday!

  16. Xylem108 says:

    “Who rock grooves and make moves with all the mommies (TwiMoms!)”

    Bwahahahah

    How do you all do this… everyday?! I am in awe. Just when I think you couldn’t possibly get any funnier. I really hope Rob reads this one. He’ll get a kick out of it. Oh, and I can totally see Dick being confused by those lyrics. Dude still kisses his wife’s hand forgodssakes. What’s he going to do with lyrics like: “And I’m far from cheap, I smoke skunk with my peeps all day “

  17. Rob4Deb says:

    I just don’t get it – did some one tell him it would make him coolio to say he loves Rap? (I reckon it was her!) He is soooo white middleclass and so not a rapper – what with his song writing and indie-ness!!!

    Dear Rob
    Sorry, I just don’t believe you!!
    But I still love you!
    Love me x

    • Keisha says:

      He raps a little tiny bit (one line that I can’t even understand) in the behind-the-scenes thing of How To Be. Otherwise I wouldn’t believe it myself. He did say that rapping helped with his American accent though. O.o

      Rob- if you bust into Up In Here during your next interview I will love you so much (oh wait I already do)…

    • Robjunkie says:

      It’s actually not a new thing. He mentioned in one of his first interviews during Twilight promo that he used to write rap songs with his mates when he was a teenager. He even had a rapper name and everything. I forget what it was.

      And being able to recall that info officially makes me a loser.

      • undecidedsten says:

        was it the mtv one and he says his favourite album was by wu tang clan
        and reacalling info like that does not make you a looser cos it’s normal….isn’t it??

        • Xylem108 says:

          You are totes normal. I was just looking for that audio clip. It was a radio interview where they asked him what CD he was currently playing in his car and said he was listening to the new Wu Tang album. I found it odd that I learned Wu Tang had a new album from a white kid from Barnes. So yeah, I went on youtube and bought it.

          New to my bucket list: Watch DrunkRob jamming to WuTang while sipping on Heine while wearing a beannie and his stoli shirt… oh, while steve/dean is not around.

      • j9necessary says:

        Nope…you are not a loser…I remember him saying that a long time ago…I do have a hard time picturing him rapping…maybe when he’s “drunk Rob”….

      • Keisha says:

        Not a loser, RJ! He even mentioned wanting to be a rapper on Oprah so it’s very recent.
        I’m trying to avoid watching all of the recent interviews in fear of it ruining Eclipse for me but I’m missing out on this stuff. I would never have seen if Moon hadn’t linked it.

        WHO HAS THEIR PARENTS LISTEN TO RAP MUSIC????? Dick and Clare are so “down with the kids”.

      • roslynstephanieselene says:

        Wasn’t his name ‘Big Tub’ <—-?
        So random! lol

        • Aro says:

          Was it Big Tub or Big Top? I never could figure it out.

          I think “big” anything in a name for him sounds hysterical!

          Although I hope…ah nevermind (inappropriate train of thought pulled back).

        • Robjunkie says:

          Yes! It was Big Tub.

      • Rob4Deb says:

        yes I remember that and I thought the same thing then! He is funny, and makes me chuckle to think of him rapping – in his private english boys school!! Bless.
        Hey perhaps he will be the next Eminem – who’d have thought it.

    • Aro says:

      Doesn’t surprise me at all. I’m an African-American from California (west siiide!), and when I went to live in London I was surrounded by English folks who were seriously into hip hop (and all kinds of black American music actually) and knew as much about it as — or more than! — I did. And that was uh, a while ago *cough conceals age*. Hip hop’s had a stronghold in the U.K. forever.

      /Tweed hip hop discussion

      Plus you know, this furthers my fantasy of running into Rob while he’s in L.A. someday, picking him up and us driving down Sunset (or at least sitting in the In-N-Out parking lot), bobbing our heads to Wu Tang. Don’t laugh, it could happen.

      • undecidedsten says:

        with rob anything is possible!!!
        must day wouldn’ve been into dre snoop and tupac more than b.i.g back then but i’m irish so what the feck would we know about hip hop!!!

  18. Bleriana says:

    Hey girls!!! *waves*

    So I am gone for a couple of days (read: weeks) and what do I find? LTR being completely reborn, UC and Moon meeting the Steph and you having lots of fun without me? I am disturbed… lol

    Just thought I’d stop by and say hi once in a while 😀

    *bisous*
    Bleriana

  19. Aro says:

    Hyster. iCAL!

    Spread love, it’s the Brooklyn way (BARNES way yall!)

    *screams with laughter*

    Genius. Like seriously, I need for him to see this. Some things are just too good for him not to know about. Can you pass another note to Stephanie? Or get this to PFach with his next drop-off of new Stoli shirts to Rob?

  20. Stacey says:

    If anyone can find a picture of Rob in some gold chains aka his”bling”, I will literally die laughing. Then I will imagine him hanging out with Flavor Flav and I’ll have to die of laughing again. It’s a natural progression after hanging out with Bob Sagat and Uncle Jesse. Yet, he is so cute that he can completely pull it off and not become a show on VH1 Celebreality.

  21. roslynstephanieselene says:

    OFF TOPIC:
    Last night, I was searching my name on Google (#ThatsNormal) “Roslyn Selene” (not a really common name) and found out there’s FANFIC with my name! What?! I also commented on yesterday’s post earlier in the day, how weird it must be to read about yourself on fanfic.

    Dear Rob,
    Now I know how you feel.
    (maybe more like 1/10th of what you must feel).
    Mad props 😉 ,
    Roslyn Selene

  22. twiprof says:

    Moon….too funny…you kill me every day.
    What a range and taste in music Rob has….
    Van Morrison and NWA
    love that range….
    just call him Rob E Fresh, or Easy Rob
    but notorious R.O.B…….perfect
    in the end, I love him playing guitar, not a beat box

  23. che says:

    i know it’s OT
    but did anyone watched mahut vs isner wimbledon game? i mean they were just carzy .10 hour!!?? the last set was 59-59 i guess and they decided to stop and continue tomorrow.
    just wanted to share cuz i got tired while watching them

  24. dazzledtodeath says:

  25. Twyla Socha says:

    Very good blogpost, I totally agree with you! Just to let you know, I find this style very good, I’ll add it to my blog 🙂 Keep up the posting!

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