RPattz: What’s in a name

Dear Rob,

I’ve seen a pattern. And it’s that the media calls you by the worst nickname of all: Rpattz.

I CRINGE every time I read of or hear you called that (I do realize the irony in that a simple nickname causes me to cringe as opposed to things I’ve read heard about in Fan fiction like “Rob Pattinson sat reading a children’s book outloud to the kids during story time when his eyes locked with the hot, 40something MILF sitting in the corner, with spit-up on her t-shirt. He asked the weird library volunteer to finish reading to the kids while he took the MILF into the bathroom to get add to her t-shirt mess….”

It’s like those who refer to you as RPattz don’t even know you. I mean, your MOM doesn’t call you that! When she rings you up to check on your health it’s not “RPattz, how is your rash doing? Have you been trying that powder down there that dad told you to use? It’s “Robert- I’ve been concerned that no one is caring for you. I’ve emailed you a spreadsheet with the locations of the 5 nearest CVS pharmacies” or when she texts you about the latest letter on LTR she read it’s not “Rpattz- did ya catch those crazies on that blog about you?” it’s “Rob- you should really heed my advice & look up UC & Moon. They’d make a nice addition to the Pattinson family (Plus they already have t-shirts for the reunion next holiday)” (the Clare of my fantasies is a thorough texter)

Why must the media continually cause me to shudder by referring to you by that awful nickname? Think I’m exaggerating? Hop over to any major media blog (MTV, VH1, E! Online, Extra, etc.) or turn on any celebrity channel and you’ll immediately see RPattz written in all it’s shudderlicious glory or hear a plastic-looking female say “Rpattz” in a whining voice. It’s annoying- and I know you think so too.

Since I know you so well and have known you for so long, I’ve figured out what names you are referred to and when.

There’s Robert- your given name, the one you sign on legal contracts, Twimom’s Edward Cullen underpants and the one the Queen calls you when you go over for tea.

There’s Robbie- Lizzie pronounced it “Wobbie” when she was 4 and had a speech impediment, and from ages 3-5 it was the name of choice from your family (except for Grandma, who firmly believes that by calling you anything other than your Christian-given name “Robert” she is surely damning you to an eternity of fire & brimstone) The only one who still calls you Robbie is that aunt who sells you out to the tabloids. She does it to make it seem like she’s still in with the Pattinson clan. Even though the last time anyone spoke to her was in 1994 when your cousin Billy ate too many hob nobs and threw up on Patty the dog.

I like dogs

Speaking of Patty- that’s a name you were first called by the boys in primary school during a game of soccer. It was printed on your jersey for the next 3 years until you named your dog Patty Pattinson.. and then that just seemed weird.

Hey- call me Claudia

You can’t mention names without talking about Claudia the name your sisters called you when they dressed you up as a girl. Besides the occasional TV reporter who, in prepping for an interview, read that fun fact and thought it was relevant to bring up, two years later, no one calls you that anymore. Unless you count Victoria & Lizzie who, quite often after sensing a girlfriend is about to ask, one more time, if she can see the pictures from the Pattinson family vacation at the lake with you in your swimming trunks, whip out a picture of you in a dress & heels, with blush on your cheeks and say, “No- but I’ll show you Claudia.”

Of course there’s Rob which is a name that has stuck with friends & acquaintances, much to grandma’s dismay. Not formal like Robert, yet not so casual like Robbie, it’s the perfect name for friends and wanna-be friends. Plus one syllable is always easier to scream out during the throws of passion.

Then there’s Roberto which they scream at you at Mexican photocalls and is the reason why all Twihards suddenly love Lady Gaga. She’s singing our anthem- for you.. Not sure who this Alejandro fellow is, but we sure as hell know Roberto!

And the name you’ll be cursed with forever, but is still a gazillion times better than RPattz, Robward. You play Edward. Edward is loved. Therefore you are loved and so you’ll be connected to that character forever. You’ll be in your fifties and have 75 films under your belt and the media will still refer to the good old days when “RPattz was “Robward” “ It sucks. But it’s life. And also the reported 41 million you’re probably going to make from Breaking Dawn parts 1 & 2 probably makes it worth it. I’m not 100% sure, but I’m 97.2% sure. Think of all the full dumpsters you can buy to put in your backyard so it’s like you have your own personal mall with 41 million!

You’ll always be Robbie, Robert, Rob, Really hot to me,
UnintendedChoice

SO what do you think? Do you have an RPattz pet-peeve like me? Have you noticed that it’s those who don’t know him “well” who call him that? Notice how NORMAL that last sentence I just wrote was? What’s YOUR favorite name to call Robalicous!?

Our internet game is ridiculous: LTT, The Forum, Twitter, The Store

157 Responses to “RPattz: What’s in a name”

  1. Edible Art ? says:

    I liked it when he was in Cannes in 2009 (?) and all the photographers were calling him Robear, Robear (ya know with the heavy french accent ).

  2. Edible Art ? says:

    ….And he looked so good in Cannes – and that picture of him as a kid up there is adorable !!! so cute

  3. robgirl86 says:

    hahahah, the many names of Rob..

    I love Rob, simple and the best <3

    sometimes works Patty, pattypattz, puppypattz, Robbaby or the Pretty
    never…like NEVER:
    Rpattz
    Robward
    Robler
    Robroy
    and
    I truly hate RON!!!

  4. Edible Art ? says:

    “I like dogs” lmao

  5. drsaka says:

    I’d love to opportunity to see him blush when I call him ‘Wobbie’.

    • melronin says:

      I would love the opportunity to hear him laugh when I call him…Robako or Robitso or Robuli…LOL…all soooo greek!!!

      Rob
      I just love to say your name!
      Robert Thomas Pattinson!!!
      Sexiest name eva!!!

      Love
      Mel

  6. niahid says:

    41 million. WOW. He can buy some small third world country with that.

    • “small” and “a third world country”?
      Well, Bangladesh fits both the descriptions. SO maybe Rob might decide to buy this country?
      Can you imagine a world leader as f*ckhawt as him?
      He will dazzle the entire female population during the inauguration (sp?) ceremony fo’ sho’.
      Thanks for putting that idea in my head. Tonight I’ll go to sleep imagining Rob as our country’s future PM.

  7. JodieO says:

    I don’t care what I call him as long as he comes. 😉

  8. drsaka says:

    Don’t forget his attempt to rename himself ‘Spunk Ransom’.

    • telepathy, telepathy…

    • robgirl86 says:

      I always wondered if Rob was really aware about the american meaning of “spunk” (from what I know 🙂 ), I always took that as a Pippi reference and I loved it!!!

      • drsaka says:

        I certainly hope that wasn’t aware of the American slang use of spunk- that would be too ….. Icky.

        However, that was classic Rob.

        • Rob4Deb says:

          Well I dont know what the slang use of Spunk is in US, but here in UK it means jiz – and he so definately knows its UK meaning!!!!!

          Robear is to die for, I love that interview, but he will be always be ROB to me… Rob goes with Deb sooo well! Hey we were meant for each other!!

          In the T4 interview with his bestie Miquita, he said his mom called him RPatz, and him and Miquita both pulled really horrid faces – they both HATE it. (and I’ve never like that Miquita much, but I like her even less now!!!)

      • robgirl86 says:

        the classic….lol

        Rob about “Rpattz” and the invention of “spunk ransom”
        I hate my name….hahahhahaha

        http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y4fIYxte9vU

      • robsfuturemate says:

        I love Pippi! Even more so when I found out Rob does too! But the debate has been…does Rob love the classic Pippi that I fell in love with or the new improved 80’s Pippi? Probably the latter 🙁

    • southernbelle says:

      Someone needs to ask him in an interview if he realized what Spunk Ransom meant! 🙂

      He’s adorable!

  9. A journalist should ask him if anybody calls him Spunk Ransom.

    • Rob's beanie says:

      Something tells me that brit pack might use that moniker for all kind of taunting purposes. Like in a pub after 20 beers. I totes can picture that in my mind.

      • oh Gawd, drinking in a pub with the britpack…

        I was about the buy tix to visit your city last WE, then found out I needed a visa and the plane was leaving in like 4 h.

  10. Jayde says:

    I like Rob.
    (duh)
    I HATE RPattz.
    I hate reading it on media sites or hearing the say it. Cringey!
    And I don’t like Robert because I know a few Roberts and I do not like them, even though we’re related. Bleck.
    So I stick with Rob.

  11. robgirl86 says:

    The last pic is from my all time fav. Twilight scene….
    Ohhh Edward 🙂

  12. […] This post was mentioned on Twitter by LetterstoTwilight, LetterstoTwilight. LetterstoTwilight said: It's time for a NEW LTR: RPattz: What's in a name – http://tinyurl.com/2eddj6v […]

  13. Stacey says:

    Claudia, ha! That’s a win for the Pattinson sisters! It reminds me if the month I renamed my little sister, Kyle. We were 15 & 14, but she was pissed. It works at all ages!

    Little Rob was a cutie. What was he like 4, so I was thirteen. I could have been his babysitter. Oh great, I just went there again. When I was little and read The Babysitters Club, I never said Kristy is so going to hit it with little Teddy when he turns 18. Darn you, Mr. Pattinson and your pretty, now I feel dirty again!

  14. Nikra says:

    I’d go with Rob.
    It kinda sounds like God. Very useful “during the throws of passion”.
    Just sayin’

  15. shinegirl says:

    I am kinda partial to Mr. Choice’s name for him, Pattleston? Piddleton? But HHH is a good one, along with The Pretty.

  16. There’s another nickname some tabloid gave him
    —> Bobby Pattz. *hands over a bucket to puke*

    Every single time I see that pic of baby Rob, I can’t help but smile. Sigh, that little boy grew up and still makes us smile and makes us feel other things too…-_-

    That Claudia reference? Total win…I was laughing so hard at that! I had completely forgotten that his sisters used to dress him up as a girl. Thanks for reminding.

    Finally, that Robward in Raybans shot? Smoking!

  17. Marta says:

    I love RON!

    😛

    Janet will be miffed you missed that one, hahaha.

  18. Keisha says:

    I also like His Sparkliness even though I cringe when people talk crap about sparkly vampires.

  19. dazzledtodeath says:

    I hate all the stupid nicknames people like Giuliana on E! use to refer to celebrities, but I especially, intensely hate Rpattz. I grit my teeth when I hear him referred to as THAT name. The man has a name, it’s Rob, use it.
    Thank you.

  20. robsfuturemate says:

    “Not sure who this Alejandro fellow is, but we sure as hell know Roberto!” LOL

    Thanks for getting this song stuck in my head! It’s only been a half hour and I’m already singing it and I don’t even know all the words!

    • roslynselene says:

      I’m 1st and 2nd hand embarrassed for myself and everyone else included for singing Lady Gaga’s song as,
      “Don’t call my name
      Don’t call my name
      Alejandro
      I’m not your babe
      I’m not your babe
      Fernando
      PLEASE call my name
      I AM your babe,
      Roberto”
      😉

  21. Proselyte3 says:

    So yeah, my Grandpa was a Robert. Nuff said. Everyone referred to him as Bob. *shudder*

    Pretty sure he will answer to the follwing… OhMyGod!, AHHHHHHH!, OverHere!, etc.

    • robsfuturemate says:

      Proselyte3- mine too! Why was it such a good idea to go by Bob?! Seriously, there’s only one B!

    • robsfuturemate says:

      UC- can you please stop promoting the Patz Family Reunion shirts? I really want one in the ringer tees and they’ve been unavailable since the first day! What I don’t need is more people buying them!!!(But seriously, when will they have more?)

      • robsfuturemate says:

        I don’t know how this got here! It was supposed to be it’s own post!

        • Rob's flaming dashboard says:

          While we are nagging UC, howsabout a “Feathers 2011” design? Oh please oh please oh please x eleventy billion.

  22. poochi_mama says:

    Is it bad that I kind of want to call him Daddy?
    Ohmylord, I actually just said that.
    *facepalm*

    • southernbelle says:

      LOL, Daddy! He’s one hot papa!

    • babiesbrown says:

      Reminds me of that movie, Couples Retreat. “I call all my boyfriends daddy!”
      Awesomesauce.
      Hey, Rob. Come be my boyfriend and you’ll get sole Daddy privileges. Hell,
      I’ll call him “master” if that’s what he wants.

      • babiesbrown says:

        Or “bitch,” actually. However he wants to roll.
        🙂

      • SingleStrand says:

        I’ve been calling Mr Strand ‘papa’ for about two years now. We are expecting in October and he told me under no circumstances can our child call him ‘papa’. That’s what I call him and it would be too weird. I guess maybe I call him that ‘in the throws of passion’…who knew? This is weird. I’m an oversharer.

        • southernbelle says:

          HI SS! We have the opposite, my DD calls my hubby papa. I call him all sorts of other embarrassing names that I won’t share on here :).

          How you feeling?

          • SingleStrand says:

            I’m good! How are you? 28 week appt was today and everything looks great. 12 pounds gained overall, BP 121/76 and glucose was 133. So they say everything is perfect!
            My Robsession has had to take a backseat to RL and Mr S but we are really happy!
            Have you seen the crazy over on LTT today? Oh lawdy!

          • southernbelle says:

            SS, hey girl so glad you’re doing well, baby too!

            Email me, haven’t heard from you in a while! I haven’t been to LTR, been so busy these past few weeks, I can’t keep up :). I’ll check it out. Maybe you can give me a synopsis? LOL

    • Stacey says:

      Just make sure Big Daddy isn’t around! He might get confused and come right over thinking you meant him. He might bring over some Olive Garden To Go, so maybe…no let’s not go there.

  23. Vera says:

    Robward is not a mistake, since Robert gave Edward his pretty face and sweetness and Edward gave Robert his aura of mystery, making both very sexy.

    But I love Roblicius. It is so mine.

  24. kristen's bestie says:

    My co-workers know that I am a (ahem!) fan of Robert. I have one male co-worker who LOVES to call him Rpatz and yes he knows NOTHING about him. Annoying! He thinks he is being hip by calling him that. Errrrrrr!

    I prefer Rob or Robert. I also frequently refer to him as HHH.

  25. mountainlion says:

    What’s the name of the fanfic about Robert Pattinson as a teacher who gets durty with MILFs?

    • robgirl86 says:

      lion, there is a fanfic where Rob is a teacher? Don’t tell me…..hahahhahahah…oh my…and there “he” loves what to do with Milfs? that is sooo funny…I hate it!

  26. Janetrigs says:

    HATE

    Ron is the one and only. You both are hookers.

    PS Also, I hate Obird.

  27. Al says:

    Hey, what about Flippy? LOL

    I use to call him Rob or Roberto most of the time. I only use RPattz in my Twitter nickname. What I really hate is when people call him Edward, not because I hate him (duh), but HE is NOT Edward, so don’t call him that T_T

  28. Jamie says:

    As he was the baby of the family I’m sure he also has some strange nickname from when he was an infant that has nothing to do with his name. My sons nickname is “Bubba Goo”, which isn’t close to his first name at all.
    I’m sure Mamma Clare had a ton of nicknames for her lil boy.

  29. Shleeeigh says:

    Clare DOES call Rob ‘RPattz’! He said so in an interview with T4 last week!

    PS: T4 interviews are always the best!

    • rpisthenewps says:

      That was the interview that he said *they* do it all the time….had to replay that a few times 🙂 There was a link to it in yesterday’s comments!

  30. ViviLit says:

    Oh Wow, I was thinking about that the other day. I Hate this RPattz thing! I NEVER EVER call him that! It’s annoying and stupid, I would rather call him Spunk Ransom than that (even tough I think it is also a awful nickname, it is fun in a ironic kind of way that YOU did that to yourself)

    But for me, he will ALWAYS be Rob! Specialy after considering that this nickname “is always easier to scream out during the throws of passion” LOL

  31. TeamJacobEdward says:

    I’ll never forget the day I watched Rob on Regis and Kelly when Regis called Rob “Bob”

    I cringed (completely horrified) and then replayed it like 20 times to confirm I’d heard Regis correctly. Bob? Noooooooo! Ew! Anything but Bob!

  32. LauraBee says:

    I usually forget the whole Rob Robert Rpattz thing and call him Dorkosaur. Especially after I watch the recent T4 interview for the millionth time.

  33. snowwhitedrifted says:

    Sweet Tits

  34. @BarnesGirl11 says:

    I call him Robert, ‘cos, ya know, I don’t know him, and in my Brit way, I think of Rob as a name that his besties and family call him.

    Formal, much?

    Also like Ron, ‘cos it makes me think of Janetrigs and ONE DAY, I am going to get drunk with her ::))

    Is that okay Janetrigs?

    And “Ron” makes me think of LTR.

    Also like HHH. Obviously.

    🙂

    • Aro says:

      I hear you. I always refer to him as Rob here and amongst other fans, but yesterday I was talking to my unicorn friend (normal) and referred to him as Rob and felt the need to ad, “Well, I call him that cause I know him like that,” because I felt like an asshole because um, I don’t know him. So talking to other people about him — which I er, rarely do cause, you know — I say the whole Robert Pattinson, which sounds very formal and odd and so yeah.

      He’s hot; s’all I know.

      (RPattz doesn’t actually bother me. It’s like the whole Brangelina thing, don’t take it seriously. But I do sometimes use it around “normal/regular” people (i.e. non Twi-fans) to sound flippant and nonchalant and jokey about it because they can’t know that I um, adore him with all my heart because that would be weird).

      He’s just hot, whatever.

      • rpisthenewps says:

        Lots’O Thumbs-up

      • Rob4Deb says:

        OMG thats EXACTLY how I refer to him to my friends too! and i always refer to things I have read on say, LTR, or other Rob sites as oh just something I found on tinterweb the other day, soo nonchalant and not that I spent hours staring at the pretty or reading about him on ToR, LTR, etc., etc!!! Totes Normal!!

        • Aro says:

          Dude, seriously. I was mid-sentence with unicorn friend (normal) and heard myself say, “So this thing about Rob came out…” You know when you’re talking and feel your lips moving but your brain goes totally elsewhere? Mine just went, “Did you really just call him Rob all familiar like that in conversation?”

          YOU’RE EXPOSING YOURSELF!

          Thank God it was unicorn friend, but even then :-/.

  35. Robjunkie says:

    I hate RPattz. I also hate Robbie – makes me think of a toddler or a plumber. One of those things.

  36. southernbelle says:

    Great post!

    I always stick with Rob….when I first started crushing on him I called him Robert, I’m really not sure why. That lasted about a month. Then as I got deeper into this, well I called him Rob. There were times I said Robbie too. But mostly Rob.

    Come to think of it, I think Robert is such a special name. I haven’t met any Robert who is not good-looking. I had a long-time RL crush named Robert too(Rob for short).

    • rpisthenewps says:

      Rob is my Pastor’s name. Robert is so formal. Everything else is just wierd. I usually just call him “Him”.

      • southernbelle says:

        Pastor Rob…oh dear that just sounds wrong!

        OK honey yes I agree, stick with calling him “him!”

  37. southernbelle says:

    I forgot to add that I also call Rob “Babycakes!” I go on and on about Babycakes on Twitter!

    He’s Babycakes because I think he’s sweet and we all want to take a bite out of him!

  38. cedvanhalen says:

    I tend to stick with The Hotness.

    Sometimes a Roberto for good measure.

  39. Aro says:

    It’s like those who refer to you as RPattz don’t even know you. I mean, your MOM doesn’t call you that!

    Has it been mentioned already? He recently said in an interview that his mom does actually call him that sometimes. That Clare, such a knee-slapper.

    (and the interview, with his friend, is adorbs. Sure y’all have seen it all over the Internets, but here ya go):

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ifP2bov8pfA&playnext_from=TL&videos=adVrf2m-A-U

  40. roslynselene says:

    Bhahaha 😀
    “That Clare, such a knee-slapper.”
    I love you!

  41. LauraBee says:

    L.A. ROB FANS!! –> http://twitter.com/theburiedlife/status/18480473448
    The Buried Life is a show on MTV about 4 guys that go around crossing things off their bucket list and they help other people do something they want to do before they die. One of the things on their list was steal a lock of Robert Pattinson’s hair. I can’t guarantee that they accomplished this nor can I guarantee that you will win it as a prize, but hey, it’s worth a try!!!!!

  42. Jamie says:

    My name is Jamie, and I totally call him RPattz.

    “Hi Jamie.”

    I don’t know when it started but I can’t stop. What’s weird is that I think it bothers me when other people and the media do it.

    I’m weird.

  43. Robsessedgirl says:

    I think Rob will suffice. Simple, sexy, and AMAZING. “Plus one syllable is always easier to scream when in the throws of passion”. YES. Crap, now my mind is doing, as Rob would put “terrible, terrible things”. I daydream about him too much.

  44. Anna says:

    I’ll be the odd one out and say I use “RPattz” sometimes when i’m writing just b/c i feel weird referring to him as “Rob.” It makes me feel too pyscho-obsessed like I know him personally (wish i did) when i refer to him by his name. Yes i’m totally over thinking this, but I’m still in a teensy bit of denial about my level of obsession. :/

  45. latuyacantante says:

    I’m guilty of using the Rpattz nickname (drops head in shame). The first time I commented on LTT*, I referred to him as “Rpattz.” I actually can’t stand that nickname either but in my defense, I was just being lazy (as evident by the way I misspelled “Rpattz” as “Rptaz” at the time ‘cause I didn’t bother to edit). Because I was being lazy I didn’t want to type out his full name & Robert just seemed too formal. I don’t want him to drink tea with me – I want him to tea bag me! And “Rob” sounds like “slob” which is just too [honest] horrible a description since he’s rumored to stink and dress like the homeless.
    Ron seems somewhat appropriate now as he was channeling his inner anchorman at the eclipse premiere in his [Ron] Rob Burgundy suit.

    *my first comment on LTT, robsfuturemate replied to my comment with a “welcome” to the site. Thanks, robfuturemate, for the friendliness.

  46. Very nice stuff, I very agree with you! By the way, I find this website very informative, I’ll add it to my website 🙂 Keep up the good job!

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