Fan made Robert Pattinson items that need to be purchased

Dear Rob,

It’s been awhile since I’ve perused Etsy looking for beautiful art & crafts for your fans to wear, for their homes or to give as gifts to other Robsessed fans. And as I checked out the site today, I was disappointed in the descriptions that went along with the images. It’s clear that the artists are inexperienced in the art of marketing & sales. Luckily I have experience in both of those things, and I’ve decided to re-write the descriptions for the following beautiful items in hope that they sell out on Etsy & the streets are flooded with even more Rob fans in Rob-inspired clothing, accessories, shoes & decor for their homes.

With the Robert Pattinson Bottlecap Necklace you will stop people in their tracks in the street, cause traffic accidents when it catches the light & be the most popular woman in your MOPS class when you wear this beautiful cap (from a Heineken, of course) with Robert Pattinson’s shining face looking up at you. Bored in church? Just look down, and meditate upon the face of Pattinson. Tired of talking to your kids? Try talking to Rob Pattinson instead. With Rob around your neck, you’ll never feel lonely. Hubby bothering you for an HJ while watching sports? Just look down at your neck and you’ll get right in the mood.

Do you have anxiety? Are you spending hundreds of dollars a year on co-pays for anxiety medicine that does nothing but quiet you down and lower your sex drive? Then you need the “Keep Calm & Carry On” Rob Pattinson picture. Something stressful creep into your life? Go into your den and stare at this photo for just 5 minutes and all your stress will melt away. PLUS- if you hang the image in your bedroom, when the stress overwhelms you, just step away and sit on your bed as you stare longingly at the picture. As you begin to relax you may feel a warmth down below- don’t be afraid- that’s the added bonus of the picture- it actually increases your sex drive. Lay up against your Edward pillow, pull out your Vampire Dildo & carry on.

Really into Rob but feel like he’s a little too pretty-boy for your taste? Try putting this “Bender Rob” portrait on your wall. It’s like Rob spent a weekend eating a case of Hot Pockets, drinking only Heineken straight from the tap, got stung by an entire hive of bees & then shot himself up with steroids.

Or maybe you’d prefer “Slow Rob” so that your man doesn’t get so jealous. Hang him on your wall & your guy will no longer feel like he has to compete with perfection to get you into bed. With this hanging in your bedroom, you’ll actually be thinking of your man next time you get it on.

Feel like there aren’t enough artistic Wood pieces in your home? Then look no further than “Wood Rob.” Painted on a piece of bark found back by the dumpster, “Wood Rob” is the perfect accessory to scare away unwanted visitors & make you appreciate nature while remembering the 70s & the amazingness of the Afro on the white boy.

When the blogs, forums, twitter accounts & collection of images under your bed aren’t enough Robsten for you, there’s the Robsten Victorian Style Ring. Just wear this every minute of every day and the magicness of Rob & Kristen’s relationship will never leave you. When you’re distracted during a lecture at school, glance down at your finger & imagine the love Kristen & Rob are making at that moment. Think about how the bear-skinned rug must feel under their asses. Imagine the crackle of the fire and the flashes behind them as a montage of all their Edward & Bella scenes play on the TV to a soundtrack of the moans from the New Moon birthday kiss.

See! I told you I could sell! Coming soon: Houses filled with Bender Rob, women everywhere wearing Robsten rings and lumberjacks cutting down trees then carving your face into them- SIGN ME UP!!


All items found on Etsy or Regretsy. I did not link to the owner’s pages because that’s just too 2nd-hand embarassing.

Want to wear something about Rob but it not be so obvious about Rob? How about this from the store? “Big in Japan” or “I heart British Boys” OR the famed “Pattinson Family Reunion

Our internet game is ridiculous: LTT, The Forum, Twitter, The Store

86 Responses to “Fan made Robert Pattinson items that need to be purchased”

  1. Cazza says:

    “Hubby bothering you for an HJ while watching sports? Just look down at your neck and you’ll get right in the mood.”

    I am dying slowly at this…….

    And “Slow Rob”……..

    I died quickly at this.


  2. che says:

    i think it’s not ‘wood Rob’
    it’s ‘wood Xavier’

  3. LauraBee says:

    Does anyone else think that “wood Rob” looks like he has Taylor’s face??

  4. melronin says:

    “As you begin to relax you may feel a warmth down bellow-don’t be afraid…” LMFAO!!!!
    Ok…will buy this picture!! For my anxiety of course…
    the sex drive is not a problem, it’s always there 😀
    Thank you Rob for the sex drive and…carry on baby!!!

  5. I was just about to purchase it, when, oh misery, I realised the pendant is not made of sparkling plastic diamonds and the effect won’t be the same when tastefully put on the wooden portrait. Now how can it stand out in the glorious shrine of wood pieces and other underground intellectual Rob pieces of art in my living room?

  6. hahahaha, this is too much win.
    Can I say that wood Rob, to me looks like poodle-haired Jasper, a.k.a New Moon Jasper?
    Slow Rob literally scared me..who knew Rob had yellow hair?

  7. misty says:

    those drawings are creepy…and I suck at scrabble…la gay.

  8. Edible Art ? says:

    I have no words – yucky but the worst is that Keep calm and carry on picture – just WHY

    I love that photo and they have ruined it by colouring it weird and WRITNG OVER THE FACE – breaking rule no 1 in my book

  9. Chrissy says:

    I’m highly disturbed that the “wood rob” looks like a mix of Taylor and Rob.

    Don’t sparkly vibrators exist already? If not I might’ve found my profession! :op

  10. Janetrigs says:

    I am scurred. No likey.

  11. robsfuturemate says:

    “the most popular woman in MOPS” only you guys can make churchy stuff funny and smexy!!

    And UC, stop promoting the Patz Family Reunion shirt!! I’m still waiting for it to come back on ringer tees!! Now, your hyping up the British boys shirt too! I’ll never get what I want! (thanks for the great shirts btw!)

    • snowwhitedrifted says:

      That’s so weird that cafepress is out of ringer tees. There must have been a natural disaster near where the tees are manufactured. That always slows down tee production.

    • kandnandb says:

      I just bought the Brits journal. I wanted a T but I don’t think my husband would appreciate me advertising the fact I love British boys, when he is, in fact, neither British nor a boy. The sacrfices one makes for marriage….*sigh*

  12. robgirl86 says:

    Where is the Rob-candle? 🙂

  13. Chocoholic says:

    Thank you for making me laugh so hard that I cried. Just what I need first thing in the morning. Creepy Rob merch never fails to entertain.

  14. Stacey says:

    All of a sudden, I’m feeling an artistic urge coming on…. Let me get out my daughter’s crayons and some construction paper, then create an epic representation of Rob playing baseball. I will then scan it into the computer, make several copies and sell them for $15.95. I need to save up for two college funds, my friends.

    Wait…even better…playdough sculpture. It will put the wax Rob sculpture to shame. I’ll make the big money on that one, catering to the Rob loving art collectors. Must get busy creating…

  15. Alice_NaA says:

    Wood Roc actually looks like Robward, Jacksper and Xavley all mixed into one creepy work of art. The creativity of the fandom has no limits…

  16. […] This post was mentioned on Twitter by LetterstoTwilight, LetterstoTwilight. LetterstoTwilight said: It's time for a NEW LTR: Fan made Robert Pattinson items that need to be purchased – […]

  17. Robsessedgirl says:

    Oh I’ll take the bottlecap necklace foshoo. Could they make a Rob vibrator? Wait–A ROBRATOR! Then my life would be almost complete(it would be complete if it was actually Rob instead of the Robrator)

  18. dazzledtodeath says:

    My fave is slow Rob. He’s shirtless, got fab orange hair and and an eye problem. My husband def wouldn’t be jealous but he’d probably be too creeped out by the fact that I had a picture of a “special” guy in our bedroom to get it on.

  19. snowwhitedrifted says:

    Since we’re talking Rob art, I’ll share one of the “outtakes” from the LTT/ LTR store. This was the original AwardRob but Cafepress wouldn’t allow it since it was too reconizable as Rob. Sad, silhouette Rob can’t get into production, but RegretsyRob is OK?
    I dig where he’s pointing.

    • RoslynSelene says:

      I totally want that shirt! Gah! You’re such a tease. LOL

    • Stacey says:

      Oh how I love that! Maybe it’s a good thing cafe press blocked it, only because you know what would happen if I wore it the house. (new car cleaning towel)

      But, now that I am feeling all sorts of creative to make Rob art, could I recreate it in hot pink Model Magic? I have discovered that playdough crumbles when it dries. You’ll have a perfectly nice, but creepy Rob bust then all of sudden his nose plops off! Model Magic is the way to go.

      • snowwhitedrifted says:

        How about a Moonsand or Shrinky Dink Rob?!!! Wait a minute, I don’t think we want to associate “ShrinkyDink” with this man.

        • Stacey says:

          The artistic possiblities are endless and perhaps a goldmine. So many sucke…conniseurs of fine art.

    • The Old One says:

      I love your Silhouette OscarRob, but it’s missing an important element. An element that would be great in silhouette, but unfortunately only visible in profile. I have the virtual T-shirt in my head, so I’m OK if they’re blocking you in RL. Cheaper that way.

  20. kandnandb says:

    Is the picture of Slow Rob one of those ones that have eyes that follow you, like in a haunted house? ‘Cause it is FREAKY. Far be it for me to knock someone’s artistic “ability” but I’m pretty sure Rob’s not cross-eyed. Of course, if he ever sees this “art”, he will be. Curse you Etsy people….you’re going to ruin The Pretty. (Even more than you already have)

  21. lovethesefries says:

    Holy hell, slow Rob!!! I seriously almost choked on my lunch laughing so hard! Also, I need an educational moment, what is the “Keep calm carry on” thing? Because I saw Rupert Grint wearing a tshirt with that on it in the special features for Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince (huge nerd alert). I suppose I could always Google it, but I’m just lazy.

  22. 3hboyshouse says:

    I am just so glad that their are so many talented artistic people out there! (Insert sarcasm button)

    Love the post UC! You really do make me love Fridays even more than before!

    “Keep Calm & Carry On” will now become my “Live long and Prosper”. No one will get what the hell I am talking about, but they usually don’t get what I am talking about anyway!

  23. Robsessedgirl says:

    I’ve been thinking about this lately, this is random and doesn’t have to do with this particular post, but is it possible to change your avatar? To a picture of Rob perhaps? Just wondering.

    • robsfuturemate says:

      @ Robsessedgirl I think it’s It’s pretty easy to do.

      • Robsessedgirl says:

        thanks! I went on that website and selected one but it’s not on here. 🙁

        • robsfuturemate says:

          Well, you did it somehow!! And how come your pic doesn’t surprise me one bit! You and those pants, lol!!

          • Robsessedgirl says:

            lololololol! THESE PANTS KICK ASS. white vampire ASS. Rob picked them, but see if he would’ve consulted with me first he would’ve known to get something tighter in the groin area(AND ASS AREA). 😉

  24. Robsessedgirl says:

    ded. on the floor. salivating. COOTER IS QUIVERING.
    ROOOOOOOOOOOB. take me nowwwww. eff.

  25. rpisthenewps says:

    (*_*) that’s me after seeing that pic

  26. Hilarious! I’m pretty sure these would all qualify to be featured on

  27. adrienne says:

    oh boy. these are the best yet. especially Slow Rob my personal fave.

  28. lovethesefries says:

    Omigod, when I first viewed this post I was using my phone. Now viewing with my computer, and those images are full-sized…I lit’rally jumped in shock when I saw the Rob-bottlecap-necklace.

    ……..that’s not to say that I haven’t already placed my order for one.

  29. Nadia737 says:

    I want the Rob wood, I MEAN wood Rob hehe.

  30. Can't believe I like this shit says:

    This is something I would ONLY admit to via strangers on the internet:
    I totally went to to check out the Keep Calm and Carry On Rob.
    Sadly, it doesn’t appear to be available any longer. I could have hidden it in the back of my walk-in closet. I already had a plan. No one would’ve been the wiser 🙁
    That’s normal, right?

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