Recycling Day on LTR

Dear Rob,

I was thinking about you yesterday while scarfing down corn on the cob & veggie hot dogs (and a veggie burger & another 1/2 of a veggie burger plus 2 slices of funny cake- my stomach still hurts) & thinking how quiet you’ve been lately. Okay wait, confession time: I haven’t checked twitter or Robsessed or any news site lately. So you could have gotten married to TomStu this past weekend and I wouldn’t even know. But let’s assume you have been quiet- and because I didn’t get any frantic texts from Moon, I think it’s safe to say you have been. Or at least quieter than a year ago.

If you remember, a year ago you had just finished filming Remember Me, a “Respect Me” campaign had been started in your honor & you were just starting to film in Vancouver. Things were great.

Actually I got so nostalgic that I went back to the old LTR site to see what exactly we were talking about a year ago. A year ago today was Labor Day, so we were back to discussing picnicking & hot dogs, but a few days prior we had a few laughs. In fact, I laughed all over again re-reading it. And I thought today would be a fun day to “recycle” the old news- and hopefully encourage you to do something interesting real soon!

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Dear Rob,

The latest e-mail forward going around my group of friends is called Why men are never depressed… It lists things like: Men can be President. They can never be pregnant. They can wear a white T-shirt to a water park. The world is their urinal. Same work, more pay. People never stare at their chest when they’re having a conversation. They know stuff about tanks. They can open all their own jars. They get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness. Their underwear is $8.95 for a three-pack.

Since I’ve recently picked up the hobby of turning every e-mail forward I receive into a post about you (just wait until you see the post I’m doing about the e-mail FWD where the ghost scares the crap out of you by jumping onto your screen. Bet you’ll never guess who’s mullet I photo-shopped onto your head!), with the help of some friends, I’ve come up with a list of reasons why you’re not depressed.

Why Rob is Never Depressed

Carter:

  • Rob is never depressed because he never has to pay more than 99 cents for a new shirt.
  • Rob is never depressed because he gets sexual propositions everywhere he goes.
  • Rob is never depressed because the most expensive food group he consumes is beer.
  • Rob is never depressed because if he’s having a bad day, all he needs is a microwave and some carrots.
  • Rob is never depressed because when he’s having a bad day, he knows there’s lots of delightful stories online starring him as a main character.

Brooke: Yes, he probably also thought I Love LA (the fan fic) chronicles something that happened when he blacked out, but Rob isn’t depressed about it cause apparently he gave some good lovin’.

Rob is never depressed because Sad Rob sold a lot of magazines and GQ gave him free Jen Aniston naked pic outtakes as a gift

Rob is never depressed because “Sad Rob” sold a lot of magazines and GQ gave him free Jen Aniston naked pic outtakes as a gift

Kristin:

  • Rob is never depressed because he realized that he is able to warm up his chewy chocolate granola bar in the microwave as long as he removes the wrapper first.
  • Rob is never depressed because when you have one leg shorter than the other walking is a fun and interesting challenge!
  • Rob is never depressed because once he endorsed Hot Pockets in an interview, they gave him a huge stack of $3.00 off coupons, thus receiving free hot pockets for the rest of his life.
  • Rob is never depressed because everything matches with flannel.
  • Rob is never depressed because his entire wardrobe fits in a duffel bag.
  • Rob is never depressed because he and all of his friends have amazing musical abilities (minus the 100 Monkeys).
  • Rob is never depressed because when he runs out of cigarettes he knows that Kristen has weed.

Carter:

  • Rob is never depressed because he knows that Sam, Marcus, and Bobby will do his flirting for him.
  • Rob is never depressed because he knows he can make a delicious pot of beans.
  • Rob is never depressed because he doesn’t have to wear Kristen’s wig.
  • Rob is never depressed because he knows that if he’s feeling a bit pudgy, he can just have a makeup artist paint some abs on him.
  • Rob is never depressed because he made Nick write it into his contract that he would never have to work with Cougar Cathy ever again.

UC:

  • Rob is never depressed because there is a website dedicated to writing letters to him daily
  • Rob is never depressed because said letter writers are hot as hell
  • Rob is never depressed because if it doesn’t work out with Stewey he can always fall back on NReed. She isn’t that bad too look at and while the Greek Shipping heir gave her some nasty diseases ‘down there,’ the skills he taught her (which he learned from The Hotel chain heir) make it all worth it.

Brooke:

  • Rob is never depressed cause he has a feeling that a mind-blowing experience is coming his way. (which is obviously me, cause I’ll be in VanCity on 9/9)

More (old) good times after the jump!!!

Why Rob IS Depressed

Rob is never depressed because hes usually too drunk to know the difference between happy & sad

UC:

  • Rob IS depressed because apparently Oregano has been seen in VanCity with KStew

Carter:

  • Rob isn’t going to be depressed much longer because he’s totally going to hit that and plan for Oregano to walk in during the throes… (KStew will be doing the work, of course.)

Kristin:

  • Rob is not depressed because Oregano is only staying for a few days. He can bang her like a screen door in a hurricane as soon as that sad sack is back on a plane.

Moon:

  • Rob is never depressed because now that Oregano is back in town he doesn’t have to listen to KStew yammering on about girl shit and no longer has to cuddle after sex- Oregano’s there to do all the ‘boring stuff’

Calliope:

  • Rob is not depressed because Oregano is in VanCity applying for a greater position for the 2010 winter Olympics. This, obviously, was his second choice, as he didn’t pass the 5’8″ height minimum for his preferred position of Olympic mascot.

WestFriend:

  • Rob IS depressed because he wishes he was my husband last night.

EastFriend:

  • Rob is never depressed because he IS. He IS Rob. End of Story. He’s no fool…His life RULES!

And Rob, if the list above isn’t enough to remind you of how good you really have it, remember the most important positive aspect of your life:

Rob is never depressed because he can do The Tuck. And girls still love him, despite it.

Love,
UnintendedChoice

What things can we add to this list a year later? Rob is definitely depressed because he’s only gotten famouser and less able to go out in public without getting molested. Rob is NOT depressed because he’s rich as f*ck. Rob isn’t depressed because he has a girlfriend OR Rob IS depressed because he’s always dragging his friends with him so he doesn’t have to be alone with his girlfriend! What do you think!?

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71 Responses to “Recycling Day on LTR”

  1. Rob is not depressed because he’s (totally waisted in the middle of nowhere with the love of his life, TomStu) doing a roadtrip with the BritPack.
    (how you do the cut line, doesn’t work with the Word thing?)

    Rob is depressed because they didn’t think of taking a mini freezer to keep the Heines ready, but Rob is not depressed because they spend more time refreshing in little bars than driving.

    Rob is not depressed because there’s nothing more beatnik than going on a roadtrip with no luggage, only the clothes you’re wearing.

    shall I go on?

    • drsaka says:

      Continue, please.

    • robgirl86 says:

      Go on , I love your list….

    • bah, I can’t play anymore I am 2 h late to the biggest manifestation day here in France.

      • The Old One says:

        How can one be late to a manifestation (demonstration), MP? Do you have an appointment? And did the French decide that one labor day in May was not enough, and borrow the American one so they could have another day to complain about not enough holidays? Explain!

        • Demonstrations/strikes are TWEED here OK? 🙂 There’s a reason why French have more social rights than Americans. Also you’re underestimating the number of strike days, it’s a two figures no. per year (= minus a month’s salary, not payed when on strike) but it’s for important causes.
          Can you explain why Americans working here always complain about too much holydays?!?

  2. drsaka says:

    Rob is NOT depressed because:

    he now knows about chicken and biscuits,
    he enjoys a good HobNob,
    he’s been in some great movies lately with great co-stars,
    he’s been fondled by an elephant,
    he’s been licked by a lion,
    he’s bought new underwear,
    he cut his hair cut and still looks incredibly hot.

    Thanks for mentioning the microwaving of carrots!

  3. Bea says:

    UC, what is funny cake? I’m intrigued…

  4. Cazza says:

    Rob is not depressed because:

    He never has to make lunch boxes.

    He knows that the stars shine brightly in Texas.

    I’m depressed because he is so close but yet so far.

    X

  5. dazzledtodeath says:

    Rob is not depressed b/c he’s road trippin’ with his best bud and soulmate and not getting papped in airports with his in-the-closet pseudo girlfriend.

  6. robgirl86 says:

    Rob is never depressed cause he has Tom, a car, LTR, still dreams to realize and soooo much love (from us 🙂 )!

  7. melronin says:

    Rob is not depressed cause he lives in a world where every woman (ok…almost every woman) would fullfill every single one of his wishes and spoil him to death! He just has to stand
    there and do…nothing!!!

    And I am not depressed when Rob is not depressed and right now he is playing the tourist and hanging out with his boys…so he is not depressed…so I am not depressed…so everything is ok in the world!!!

    Normal??? Suuuuure!!!!

  8. JenlovesRob says:

    Rob is not depressed because:

    – he looks ridiculously hot on bear skin rugs
    – women everywhere zoomed in on photos to check out his “ahem” cell phone bulge
    – he’s hanging with the BritPack on Heinie Fest 2010

  9. drsaka says:

    Rob is NOT depressed because

    he has a guitar,
    he gets great advice by email from PapaPattinson,
    he has great friends,
    he wrote some filthy poetry, and
    we send him lots of love (as RG said).

  10. drsaka says:

    Rob is NOT depressed, but he might be ‘bothered’.

  11. shinegirl says:

    Rob is not depressed because he is in New Orleans.

    Shinegirl is depressed because she is at work while Rob is enjoying her city with a mullephant.

  12. Cath says:

    Um, Rob is not depressed because…

    Well, um, because he’s Robert Pattinson! (And Robert Pattinson is never depressed because he got the longest lashes of all men and cutest giggle and blushes like a milkmaiden!)

    Adored by millions, loved by his mummy and sisters, and has high hopes for finally being able to be all about the bromance of the century again; RobStu.

    And as long as we’re discussing depression:

    I am NOT depressed because I just read K’s been spotted with the REAL love of her life in Vancouver…hehehe.

  13. Hermes says:

    Rob is NOT depressed because:
    * He has TomStu (my little cupcake) with him.
    * Kstew is no where near him.
    * He’s hanging with his bros.
    * He’s on hiatias so its PARTAY time for Robbie.

    ******AND FINALLY (DRUM ROLL PLEASE) THE MAIN*
    REASON WHY ROBBIE IS NOT DEPRESSED:

    * The ANTI paparazzi law just got passed here in California, protecting movie folks from crazy, stalking paparazzi, (they should have added the robsteners as well to that law) ahem. see this:

    http://www.gossipcop.com/paparazzi-law-california-driving-celebrities-schwarzenegger-jail-prison-fine-penalties/

    • enviro says:

      Sweet that is SUCH great news! I couldn’t do anything about that since I don’t live in Cali. any more but I was really rooting for it. Now we just need the governator to sign it, right? Really hope it’s constitutional.

  14. blackgirlltwihard says:

    LOL… why is he in Lubbock?? …he looks cute with his beard though!

    • maggie says:

      He’s on a road trip with TomStu and the boys. Probably headed to New Orleans (where some girl he knows is filming a movie) and then on to Baton Rouge to report in for Breaking Dawn. That’s what I think, anyway. I hope the boys are having a great pap-free time on the road!

      Love you Rob.

  15. theseviolentdelights says:

    “he’s only gotten famouser and less able to go out in public without getting molested.”
    Well I have the manners of a lady, so I would ASK him if I could jump his bones before proceeding….but if he doesn’t answer in less than five seconds, its going to happen anyway. 😉

  16. Stacey says:

    That was just a lovely list girls, about the reasons for depressed/not depressed Rob. But now that he and his boys are stuffing their pretty faces with truck stop food, car filling with cigarette smoke and the collective smell of their unfortunate body oder due to lack of bathing, I can bet they are all not depressed. Lucky boys! Why that sounds like the most tempting thing to me right now is just bizarre (Cigarettes yuck!), but the says something about the power of Rob and the Brit Pack.

  17. Ah TOO I didn’t see your comment (blog is still not scrolling well BTW). I know you are kidding, I wasn’t tweed myself. But I had an Am neighbour who was saying on his answering msg that he hated May (because it’s full of 3-4 days week-ends). Last time I called him, it was like July-August and he still had the same msg. 🙂 He also used to drag my bf out for dinner b/c if people worked less, the shops were closed early and it was the bf’s fault (who has nothing to do w/ shops) if he (the neighbour) didn’t have anything to eat at home. He was hilar, he started to do a sort of interview show w/ a guy I knew about Americans in France.

    @draska, I’m sorry again, but this is funny.

  18. Rob is depressed because he is/might be/I hope not banging a twig who looks and acts like a man.

    Rob is not depressed because he looks like heaven personified.

    Rob is depressed because he doesn’t get to see Rosie on a daily basis.

    Rob is not depressed because Texas has UNLIMITED amounts of beer and fried food.

    Rob is depressed because he’s not with me.

    Rob is not depressed because Cougar Cathi stopped stalking him.

    Rob is depressed because he has to do a c-section with his teeth, have a creepy baby, and pretend to think K is attractive two more times.

    Good? I tried. I LOVE THIS POST. I gigglesnorted my iced coffee. j/s. I’ve missed you guys!

  19. southernbelle says:

    Oh my gosh I’m so late again! LOL I have to say yay I finally watched Eclipse! I know, I know, so late to the party! But I had so much stuff going on. I love it, I’m more in love with the pretty! <3

    Anyway Ok Rob is not depressed because he knows if he and Kstew don't work out, he knows he's got a lot of girls to fall back on *wink*. Me…next in line right? 🙂

    Rob's not depressed because he feels warm and fuzzy in his grizzly beard!

    Rob's not depressed because he got BFFs tagging along wherever he goes!

    Rob's not depressed because he comes here and reads all the silly stuff we write about him.

    Rob's not depressed because he is young, hot and rich and he is very frugal, he says so himself that he can live with "very little stuff."

  20. southernbelle says:

    OK more:

    Rob is depressed because he knows I’m already married.

    Rob’s not depressed because he knows I’ll leave my husband for him in a heartbeat!

    Rob’s depressed because I’m too far away, tucked away in KY.

    Rob’s not depressed because he knows I’ll hide him in my plantation and provide him with an endless supply of Heineken and Hotpockets PLUS entertainment!

    • robsfuturemate says:

      “Rob’s depressed because I’m too far away, tucked away in KY.”

      Just read this by itself and thought “Doesn’t Rob prefer glitter lube”. So NORMAL, right?!

      • southernbelle says:

        Lol I love that interview! He’s hilarious, he even pretends to put some on his arms, gotta love Rob.

        So yeah alright if he loves it, I’ll make sure I’ll have it, hear that Rob!?

  21. roslynselene says:

    I’m depressed because Rob’s STILL wearing that crap cap. Jesus Christ, point taken, Rob! I’ll send you a new beanie or something for Christmas. Better yet, I’ll send it as a gift on Halloween cause I (nor he) can’t wait that long.

    • robsfuturemate says:

      @roslynselene- Read your comment from yesterday. And yeah, I’m not really all that into ZygoteRob so I quess it’s a no with your bro! Plus 16 is just a little too young for me, I’m already stretching it at 24 yr olds! hehe

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