Robert Pattinson was made for Dancing with the Stars
Recently the Examiner (purveyors of quality news stories) reported that both you and Kristen Stewart had been approached to join the cast for the next season of TV’s classiest, danciest, glitteriest (that’s a word), most man chesticle baring, A LIST competitive dancing show! Yes, you Robert Pattinson were supposedly asked to be on Dancing with the Stars. Sadly, the Examiner tells us you turned it down, though it’s not certain whether it was a flat denial or you mulled it over a bit. Because clearly, that’s what’s important here: the amount of time it took you to say HALE NO to ABC.
You may have said “when vampire’s DON’T sparkle” I’ll be on that show, but I’m thinking maybe you should reconsider! I mean look at your past dancing record, you’re a force to be reckoned with on the dance floor.
Let’s take a look back at your dance card and see why you need to be on DWTS:
Dancing in E’s bedroom
Cedric Diggory at the Yule Ball in Harry Potter
(approx min 4:00, 4:37, 5:06, 7:33)
Why Cho Chang ever left you is beyond me. Look at those moves. Maybe DWTS should also ask both the Weasley Twins to join next seasons cast…
More fun after the jump
I’m not saying you’re the Fred Astaire of Twilight cast or some sort of A lister like the Clooney or the Gos or whatever but let’s take a look at PAST DWTS contestants and see if Rob fits in this bunch…
- Bristol Palin- Ex Vice Presidential Candidate’s daughter and poster child for unwed teen mothers
- Like a gazillion kids from now defunct Disney TV shows
- Lance Bass AND Joey Fatone – two fifths of the greatest late 90s early 00s boyband to ever grace this planet!!!
- Various assorted other boyband members NOT part of the greatest late 90s early 00s boyband (ie Drew Lashley, Joey Mac – luv ya Joey!)
- Jennie Garth – your costar’s wife and castmember of the ORIGINAL 90210
- Tucker Carlson – Fired MSNBC political commentator
- Michael Bolton – long haired, ex rocker turned old lady panty dropper (Sorry MamaMoon, its the truff)
- Buzz Aldrin – 2nd dude to ever walk on the moon. Husband to delicate flower and Dlisted fave Lois
- Gilles Mariniwhatever – The dude Samantha sees in the shower with the big no-no, in the Sex and the City movie, that convinces her to leave Smith Jerad (STUPID!!!)
- Kate Gosselin – Mother to 8 kids and reality show trainwreck.
- The Situation – Dude from the Jersey Shore with the most STD’s and cheesiest white man’s fade haircut
- Tons of professional sports players, past Olympians, Z list reality stars and clinging to their last shread of dignity actors.
Clearly, you can see from the caliber of stars on that list your presence and dance ability and general joi de vie is needed on a classy show like Dancing with the Stars. Not to mention the possibility of you wearing sequined polyester pants with a shirt cut down to there and high heeled male dancing shoes is reason enough for us. I’d even set a DVR Series alert for this mess and you KNOW my mom would vote for you every week. On her cell AND via the interwebs because she’s a dedicated DWTS fan and you need those to win this juggernaut.
But whatever be committed to being an actor and bringing us the best Breaking Dawn or whatever. I’ll just be over here wondering what could have been with you on Dancing with the Stars.
That mirrorball trophy is yours!
Wouldn’t you die to see the trainwreck that would be Rob or Kristen on DWTS?! I might even pay money for that.
Tags: , Breaking Dawn, dancing, dancing with the stars, Eclipse, harry potter, Kristen Stewart, robert pattinson, rumors, speculation, Twilight, vanity fair, west side story
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