Robert Pattinson is auctioned off to the highest bidder
Remember a few weeks ago when I wrote to explain that a meeting with you was being auctioned off and that it was oddly worded to include a 2 night stay in a hotel and that at press time the bids were around $10,000. WEEELLLL the auction ended and you’re never guess how much the package went for. No, seriously you’ll never guess!!! Ok, ready? A POSSIBLE (yea, the description saidthey couldn’t even guarantee you’d be there!) meet-n-greet with you on the set of Breaking Dawn in Vancouver went for a bid of EIGHTY THOUSAND DOLLARS!!!!!!!!!! That’s an 8 with 4 zeros behind it!! For that kind of money I would expect to live with you in LA RENT FREE for like the next 5 years where you feed me Flaming Hot Cheetos while I watch episodes of The Office in my Hello Kitty pj’s. Not a MAYBE chance of seeing you in a city where it SNOWS.
In light of this news we came up with some mini letters we want to share…
Dear 15 year old who won,
Your Daddy regrets missing your Quinceanera, huh? Is this his way of making it up to you? Did you threaten to runaway if he didn’t buy this for your episode of My Super Sweet 16 (or 15 in this case)?
You lucky bizzzznatch. Too bad you will not have the life experience to know what to do with this man. Once again youth (and My Super Sweet 16) is wasted on the young.
Moon and UC
Dear Grown-ass woman who bid 80,000 bucks and won,
You do realize that you’re now on “The List” right? The maker’s of “The List” don’t care that it’s going to a charity that no one’s ever heard of. Nice try on trying get 2 days with Rob in a hotel room but clearly, you’re not an LTR regular to know we’re about as serious as a fanny pack. But you…you’re full fledge on “The List.”
Scared for you,
Moon and UC
Rob- tell your people they better step up their game and make sure you don’t just decide to take off one day to make a quick run to Norman’s Rare Guitar’s in the Valley, while some poor rich girl sits in a Vancouver hotel room sobbing about draining her 401 and her inheritance on a POSSIBLE chance to meet you. Show her a good time, buy her a pitcher of PBR at a dive bar, show her a couple dumpsters and wash your hair. You know a real Robert Pattinson experience. I mean it’s EIGHTY THOOOOUUUUUSAND smackers!
Wishing we had a 80 thousand bones (to NOT spend on Rob),
Moon and UC
Srsly, 80K?! WTF? Anyone? Is this just us or do you guys think this is insane?