The *BEEEEEEP-ing* MTV Movie Awards with dirty mouthed Rob
Since you said it, we’ll second it. So WTF were you thinking with that speech for Reese? Reading it off a crumpled up napkin? Not using the teleprompter? Using jokes Reese probably told you after 4 mojitos too many after a long day of filming Water for Elephants? Being on the same stage as Ronald Miller from Can’t Buy Me Love and Chelsea “I either stayed out in the sun too long or my cheeks have been stretched around my face” Handler and not BRINGING it?
Can I offer you a few words of advice?
Too bad, I’m going to…
Next time let Reese Witherspoon deliver your lines. Or at least ask her for lessons on what to and what NOT to say when on live television giving an award to someone. Let’s start with our main advice… practice and memorize your lines… then pretend as if the awards show is a performance and you are as smooth as Edward. You seem to do better when you are acting as someone else and not being yourself. Don’t get us wrong, we totally think hanging out with YOU at a bar would be, if nothing else, illuminating if not down right hilarious. But at these special events just act as if you’re at an elaborate audition for the next James Bond film and you want to come off as neither shaken nor stirred.
Let’s take some pointers from Reese shall we… (around 7:55…)
First off she saves your jokes…
Might I suggest instead of the “you cut me out but I fucked you” or whatever the joke was maybe you should have asked Justin Timberlake to come back out and riffed off his song from SNL “Mother Lover.” We KNOW we already have the pseudo Color Me Badd jackets in your collection.
Next she calls out the fame whores of our time… the Mileys, the Vanessa’s, the Kim Kardashians, the whoever has a reality show and reminds us all to NOT show your face when you take a nude camera phone pic, HELLO people! So maybe next time you should call out the cheeseball man whores of our time the Situations, the Gerad Butler’s, the Kellan Lutz’s (I kid, I kid Kellan) of the world. Or maybe just call out your own crazy fans and your own crazy Robsten fans and tell them to “get off your dick” cause the tshirt didn’t work… they need a more direct approach.
Man Rob, there’s so much to write you about with me being gone the last few weeks. UGH! I guess this will have to just be the beginning…
Until *BEEEEPing* next time,
PS Dude, you never gave Marcus back his shirt? And you wore it AGAIN?
Who watched? Who started spontaneously writing slash Rob/Taylor fanfic after seeing the above? Was anyone else beyond 2nd hand embarrassed at Rob’s BAD speech delivery? Thank God for Reese.
We break down the new BD trailer over at LTT today!
Oh and glad to be bad!!!