Would I tell Rob?

Dear Rob,

We got an e-mail from LTR friend, Lauren, the other day that said:

I was reading LTR today and had this thought: When (not if) you meet Rob, do you tell him you run a site devoted to him if you don’t have to? And if you do, do you tell him about all the shenanigans that go on over at LTR or do you let him think it’s normal boring fan site? I know you’ve thought about it, lol!

While I appreciate the confidence that we WILL meet Rob one day, Lauren asks some really hard-hitting questions. And she’s right. I HAVE thought about it. While it’s never been a goal or desire of Moon & mine to do anything but bang you write crazy letters about you, we HAVE thought about the possibility that we could very well meet you or get the opportunity to interview you. Would we do it under the guise of Twilight bloggers from LTT? Or would we say we were Rob-bloggers from LTR? Being a Twilight blogger sounds WAY better than being a Rob-blogger, in my opinion. And that’s the FIRST time I’ve ever said anything positive about being a Twilight blogger. Would we tell your “people” we were from letterstorob.com, risking that they could see things we’ve written that were never meant for YOU to see (despite being written to: Dear Rob)? How sane could I possibly look after someone reads our very first “One Picture, Two Takes?”Β  I’ve accepted that writing my deepest thoughts after “Dear Rob” makes me look crazy, but it’s only because I KNOW how incredibly normal & boring & sane I am in “real life.” But Nick doesn’t know that. Neither does Stephanie. How can someone who refers to Nick & Stephanie by their first names in a letter to ROB with NO context be sane? (And I ask the same question to those of you who read that & knew EXACTLY who I meant without any explanation or context!) Yet we are… So do I let them think I’m crazy and then show up in a hot little dress & act professional & cool? And never utter the words “muff diving?”

There are two scenarios in my head. The things I WANT to do like bang Rob and the things I would PROBABLY do. And they are:

Things I wish I had the balls to do:

  • Do a dramatic reading of something super Robsteny
  • Wear a “Mrs. Robert Pattinson” T-shirt
  • Only ask questions about “The Bad Mother’s Handbook”
  • Show you a video montage of him & Kristen
  • Get you to sign the picture of Moon & Dick
  • Tell you one of the uber secretive “Robsten” secrets I was told at one point to let you know someone close to you leaks private details of your life to fans
  • Ask you to call your mom so I could talk to her

  • Tell you some people think you make love with a certain co-star on a bear-skin rug (never confessing that we were the ones who made that up. Wait. We DID make that up right? Please, God, let Moon & I be the ones to have made that up) and ask how you feels about that.
  • Hand you a cold Heineken & a plate of Hot Pockets with no explanation like it’s totally normal

What I’d probably do:

  • Round up my favorite “Jumping Rob” manips to show you & record your reaction (Move over Josh from MTV. Mine will be WAY better)
  • Slobber & drool while hyperventilating
  • Make you play “F*ck, marry, kill” like we did with Stephenie Meyer & make you choose between female character’s you’ve played opposite of (Bella, Marlena & Ally perhaps?)
  • Say the following sentence: “I know you don’t want to talk about it. I know you get this all the time. I know your people made me promise I wasn’t going to go there. And I really wish I could hold back, But I have to ask, Rob. They want me to ask. Everyone is dying to know. We can’t go another day without knowing the answer; Did you ever hook-up with Cho Chan?” [sidenote: That’s Cedric Diggory’s girlfriend in Harry Potter]
  • Make you laugh. A real, dorky, Rob-Pattinson laugh. That would really be my only goal. (Besides setting you up with Moon. But that’s a whole other story)

I asked Lauren what she would do in my shoes and then what she would WANT me to do as an LTR reader:

Hmmm…So if I were you, I think I’d tell him about LTT. Lord know’s he doesn’t take Twilight too seriously and I think the hilarity of that site might just win him over (a.k.a. get him to take you behind the dumpster and show you his hot pocket ha). Buuut what would I like to see you two do?? Probably show him all the awesomely embarrassing photo shopped pictures you’ve made of him on LTR and somehow record his reaction. Is it still 2nd hand embarrassment if Rob’s the one that’s embarrassed?

Looking forward to our one-on-one,
UnintendedChoice

What do you think? What would you do if you were Moon or I & had the opportunity to talk with Rob? AND is that different from what you’d want us to do as an LTR reader? Let’s pretend this is gonna happen. Andddd GO!

jumping rob image from the ever-so-funny F*ckyeahJumpingRob

Our internet game is ridiculous: LTT, The Forum, Twitter, The Store

98 Responses to “Would I tell Rob?”

  1. natashadushi says:

    I would do this if I had the opportunity to talk to Rob http://roflrazzi.files.wordpress.com/2011/04/9243a5b0-9025-466d-8c13-b173b8d2032d.gif

  2. maah says:

    Expectition: Meet him in a pub and don’t make a big deal about,

    • maah says:

      Opps sorry for the double comment!
      Cont.
      Expectition: Meet him in a pub and don’t make a big deal about, I’d just say: “Can I pay you a beer.” Get him drunk and take advantage of his peen.

      Reality: I’d freak out, I’d be so shaky, and I’d probably ask him to sign everything with his face I have im my home, Books, Mags, T-shirts, Dvds, posters etc

      • natteringyeahrobber says:

        I would not stop at just items featuring his face. I’d have him sign my shower curtain, toaster, headboard, underwear drawer, mirror, refrigerator, dryer and front door. Maybe give him a few shots of whiskey and a Sharpie and give him free reign of the house (when DH comes home, I’ll just blame the mess on the kids).

      • MariaCecilia says:

        You’d ask him to sign all your stuff because of course you lug it around with you in a bag all the time on the off chance that you will run into him? That is a REAL fan!! πŸ˜‰

  3. maah says:

    Expectition: Meet him in a pub and don’t make a big deal about,

  4. drsaka says:

    If such an unlikely (for me) scenario were to arise, I would take one for the team and ask him questions about The Bad Mother’s Handbook; specifically, if he was involved in the wardrobe choices. I still heart the rainbow sweater.

    • tupelohoney says:

      I heart the rainbow sweater too….

      Haven’t seen one anywhere yet but I’m gonna have me a sweater like that someday…. maybe I’ll talk my grandma in to knitting one for me…..

      Love me some Daniel Gale.

      • MariaCecilia says:

        Yeah, how come nobody sells Daniel Gale sweaters on the Internet, when they sell Bella’s jewelry??! Actually, I am finishing a sweater now, and then I will look into what kind of yarn I need to buy for a Daniel Gale- sweater. It looks kind of mohairy, right? Soft and downy like his young cheeks..:-)

  5. natteringyeahrobber says:

    Option 1: play it cool, act like a normal fan and ask questions about previous and current roles, literary stuff, and maybe music. Be dignified and professional, while trying to relate to him in a courteous manner.

    BUT why would I blow my one opportunity in life acting like I’m at work and he’s my job?

    Option 2: Show a lot of skin (for me that just means not wearing a turtleneck), speak in constant innuendo, ask him if he reads LTR (or at least fess up to it like his pal Sam B. did so many years ago). If he does read LTR, I’d tell him there will be a quiz at 8, and toss him the keys to the laundry room in my basement. If he doesn’t read LTR, I’d tell him to read it, like NOW, and that there will be a quiz at 9…then toss him the keys to my basement laundry room. I’m sure by the time I got to the key tossing part, Dean would have me thrown in the rabid fan wagon (where no doubt someone would try to cover me up with a turtleneck). But it might be worth it.

    • drsaka says:

      Rabid fan wagon!!!!

    • GoWithIt says:

      There are so many RP fan sites. You know he’s got to have drunk Googled himself and had a gander. And then you double dog super know his friends and family have, and probably bugged/told him about the funny parts. So I’d say it is entirely possible that he has seen LTR. Although it could have been a quick glance, then a “there aren’t any Robert Pattinson silk screened panties with a RP signature in the crotch” and then on to the next click.

      • natteringyeahrobber says:

        So I follow a few celebs on Twitter and at seems like all of them at some point have tweeted something like “never Google yourself.” Which means they all have done it. Which is human nature, really. So I’m sure Rob has BUT LTR doesn’t even come up in the first pages. If you Google Robstu, LTR doesn’t come up immediately, either. So basically he’d have to be Googling for something else, like “rob pattinson maine love compound.” In that case, LTR does come up. I guess if he was drunk, horny, in Maine, and trying to find a group of women to live with, LTR would come up.

    • MariaCecilia says:

      How about the abridged version: sweep him into the men’s loo and lock Dean out, take out your smartphone and give him a 1-hour lecture on LTR. After that he will be so hypnotized that he will follow you willingly to your laundry room and tell Dean to go home…

  6. ladyofthemeadow says:

    I think I’d prefer not to meet him. I know, weird. But meeting him in RL would make me give up Fantasy Rob who lives in my head. I regret to say, I have nowhere to put Rob in RL. Unless I combine RL with a little imagination… Like make him a hot pool boy or something. Nah, just can’t do it in RL. And I’m okay with that.

    I’ll be really happy if someone else here meets him though! As long as there is full disclosure, mind.

    • natteringyeahrobber says:

      “But meeting him in RL would make me give up Fantasy Rob who lives in my head” – sometimes I actually wish for this. Might make my life more productive.

      Then again, without my Rob fantasies, how would I be able to get through boring meetings, pointless conference calls, bus rides home, football parties (don’t give a damn about football, no matter how hot the players are). He’s helped me through the most boring of life events.

      • pukesten says:

        “sometimes I actually wish for this. Might make my life more productive”

        i hear ya!!! ive been underacheiving in life since Rob walked though those canteen doors.

    • MariaCecilia says:

      “give up fantasy Rob who lives in my head” – strangely I don’t know if I want that or not, because he’s made my life both super-productive and a wee bit more Internet-focused which may or may not mean non-productive. I guess I would like to meet drunk and adorkable Rob with Bamboo legs at the pub for a night of drinking and debauchery and yet keep fantasizing afterward about hot Rob with sex hair.and magic musical fingers..?

  7. Katiebird says:

    Holy crap, it’s been awhile since I’ve commented here, but timing is everything it seems. πŸ™‚ I was just having an email convo. last night with holdmeransom, the writer of the Rob fan fic, Need to Escape. We were discussing the how intense Twilight fans were, compared to people who are just fans of Rob’s. I’ve experienced both, and made a decision awhile ago, that I’m only going to non-twilight premieres. Can’t take the screaming and strange costumes.

    I guess what I’m saying is that “it’s normal” to know who Stephanie, Nick, and even Dean is without explanation. My DH laughed at me, when I pointed out Rob’s family at the WFE premiere in NYC, and struggled to explain when watching videos of Rob interacting with fans, why girls are calling out Dean’s name as much as Rob’s. *giggle*.

    Again, seems “normal” to me, but my perspective is off. I think that you should definitely let Rob know about BOTH sites, BUT I must say that I THINK that if Ms. Meyer knows about you, then He probably already knows too. I’m just saying…

    *waving at Rob, just in case, He stops by today*
    xxoo

    • Katiebird says:

      Sorry about the poor grammar. Not enough coffee this morning. πŸ˜‰

      Ask Him about His music. Is He still learning how to play the cello?

  8. chochang says:

    oh yes. yes we did hookup.

  9. lola says:

    If I were you, I wouldn’t tell him about the site. I’d just try to freak him out by pulling off a very bad impersonation of a horny twi-mom, like holding a homemade playdough sculpture bust of his likeness(but not since you purposefully make it look horrible) and a plate of cookies. And then wait and see if he’ll actually eat one. I think that would be the hottest-forget about truths and confessions, turn the meeting into a performance art exhibit that he’ll never forget!

    • natteringyeahrobber says:

      Performance art/psychological experiment.

      My bet is on him going for the cookie. No matter how awkward and bizarre the situation, I bet he’d go for the cookie. I’m sure he misses homemade cookies. Dean would probably have to intercept and take the cookie from his hand before it hits his mouth, but he’d take it.

  10. allryans says:

    QUIT FISHING FOR A MEET AND GREET.

    (attention whores)

    ILY.

  11. Kaybvee says:

    Yes! Tell him but I bet he knows about it/them, although I doubt he’s on a computer much, if ever.

    As for me, wanna meet him, wanna meet him, or most likely see him from afar while Dean shooshes me, wanna meet him. And I’m sure he would be lovely as most people seem to say, but I just hope not short-that usually seems to be the epic fail when I’ve seen actors in the flesh…argh.

    • MariaCecilia says:

      Actually, I think he is about 6 feet 2 or 6 feet 3, which is not supertall in my books, but quite enough: look at him with other actors in his movies and you’ll see that while they may be short, he sure as heck is not!!

      • roslynselene says:

        😯 Blasphemy! Rob is 6’1″! How could you not have known that?! Do you even know how to spell his name?!?!?!

        • MariaCecilia says:

          Oh no, there is a rumour on the Internet that Ron is 6 f 1 but this is actually not true. Due to bad posture (too much hunching down to escape paps) his height has been grossly underestimated and is really 6 f 2 – and probably growing due to all his gym training. πŸ˜‰

  12. Robjunkie says:

    Tell you one of the uber secretive β€œRobsten” secrets I was told at one point to let you know someone close to you leaks private details of your life to fans

    Say what now?

    • maggie` says:

      Details? It’s only us. We won’t tell anyone. πŸ˜‰

      • Susiecueablelovesrob says:

        Yes – this comment got my attention too! What………? What do you know?????
        Also, if you take the photo of Moon and Dick for him to sign you will def. get his attention plus a loud giggle on top of it – he’ll get a kick out of that for sure!

  13. Kaybvee says:

    Will you guys be attempting this meet and greet at Comic Con? Please say yes!

  14. maggie` says:

    Moon and UC: this covert operation will take some planning and double-teaming. Try to make the meet-and-greet happen in a bar. Check to be sure that the bar has an alley. Be your witty and funny selves and get Rob giggling while ordering him beer after beer. Now for the hard part (well, let’s hope πŸ˜‰ ). One of you has to distract Dean by telling him wild tales from the LTR archives whilst the other makes a fast exit into the alley with Rob. Then, before Dean can say, “Where the F did Ron go?” you do a quick switcheroo. Before Dean can say “Crapsten”, you both have hit the holy grail. Mission accomplished. Then just scurry back to LTR to let us all know how it when down……….

  15. maggie` says:

    OT for a second, but, since I haven’t finished reading Cosmopolis, can someone tell me: does Eric Packer wind up getting a horribly ugly haircut? Cause WTF is up with this picture from yesterday??

    http://noticiasrobertpattinson.com.br/wp-content/uploads/2011/07/new.jpg

    • natteringyeahrobber says:

      lol. it is supposed to be a half haircut because of constant limo ride interruptions.

      Hollywood Life had some dumb headline about it: “Robert Pattinson Is Balding β€” His New Haircut Reveals It! OMG!” (oh gawd)

    • pukesten says:

      i dunno
      i’ve had the book for a month now and still haven’t gotten round to reading it. fan fail. i think he’ll be so hot once it’s buzzed all over!!!

    • maggie` says:

      @nat:

      Well, since Hollywood Life is definitely the place to go to find the Truth, the whole Truth and nothing but the Truth regarding anything to do with Rob, we better send him some Rogaine care packages asap!

      @pukesten:

      Not a fan of short hair at all. Give me long, crazy, justhadsex hair anytime. And Rob was the king of all that kind of mess. However, if anyone could sway me to get hot over a buzzcut, I’m sure it would be Rob.

    • That is a hilarious haircut!

    • guitargirl says:

      Whilst I agree that it is an ugly haircut (and I am a fan of the longer, messier, just got out of bed hair) I have to admit that I prefer the ‘I’ve had my hair cut with a knife and fork’ look to the glued down Hitler hair he has been sporting for this movie. IMHO the ‘haircut’ is an enormous improvement. No one should try and tame the mane. Robs hair was meant to live free and without restraint. LOL!

  16. tiffanized says:

    Don’t tell. Just don’t. We told Sam Bradley we READ a blog about Rob and things went so sour I had to sneak him a bottle of Jameson just to keep him looking at my cleavage.

    If you have to change your names and assume a false identity so that Rob will keep talking to you I’ll pretend I don’t know you when I see you on the streets. It will hurt, but I will survive. But only if you send me pictures of his junk in the dead of night after he’s asleep.

    • Susiecueablelovesrob says:

      Yeah I’m thinking a little bit like you, don’t tell. I think it was during the WFE promotion tour in one fan video I saw there were some girls representing some fan site (I don’t remember which one) and they were there waving a flag or something and Stephanie walked by and asked the girls if they were from that fan site that had talked about her looking like she was pregnant……..(ring a bell anyone?). My heart sank……..that was us wasn’t it? Of course the fansite girls denied it being them……my point is if Stephanie reads LTR (and she looked like she had an axe to grind….), I think Rob has read it too at some point! Then again, if he has any sense of humour he might have enjoyed reading LTR just as much as we do – there’s some HILARIOUS comments/girls here – in other words nothing to be ashamed of! I have a hard time deciding…….

      • I was wondering that too when I saw the vid. I’m not sure if the pregnancy rumors orginated here but we sure did discuss it! Just tell Steph you forgot to add the sarcasm font!

  17. Now that I am currently a Rob co-blogger I feel I can answer this more clearly now. I would NOT tell him!!! I would however, if I was you, see if you can slip in some LTRism into the convo and subtly see if he gets it. This site is so awesome and hilarious I’m sure Rob would enjoy it!

    My dream encounter would be running into him (lit’rally) in a pub or something. That way I wouldn’t have to hear Dean say “NO HANDS” when I nonchalantly touch Rob’s arm when he says something funny.

    The Reality: as mentioned on here previously, I would become a stone statue and pray that my mouth was closed and not drooling!

  18. roslynselene says:

    “How can someone who refers to Nick & Stephanie by their first names in a letter to ROB with NO context be sane? (And I ask the same question to those of you who read that & knew EXACTLY who I meant without any explanation or context!)”

    Wait, wait! The only reason why I know the names of Rob’s family members and his “people” is because I read it here first! You guys made me cray-cray! Lol I never Googled them. I am hanging on to that as “normal”. πŸ™‚

    • pukesten says:

      totally moon and uc’s fault
      i never wouldn’t have ever have googled anything about rob or anything, who does that?! … i just happened upon LTR one day….by accident…….

    • MariaCecilia says:

      The only way to be lazy-crazy is to hang on LTR. Lazy-crazy meaning “too lazy to look for all this stuff on the Internet myself, but lapping it up whenever it is laid out for me on LTR”. Thanks for pimping my craziness ladies!

      • roslynselene says:

        Exactly! At first I was like, “Who’s Dick? Who’s Dean/Steve?” And I didn’t even notice Dean in pics (duh, I can’t get past Rob’s face). Then I eventually learned who everyone was and thought I was super cool for understanding all the inside jokes and being “in the know”.

        @Pukesten, I thought you were being serious up until you said “by accident”. πŸ˜›

        • pukesten says:

          dude i nearly broke google after i saw twilight, and after I had watched every you tube clip i found LTR and spend a weekend reading the archive (that was nearly 12 months of letters) and then i watched that vanity fair video a million times #epiclove

          inside jokes are the best

          (i hope no one is second hand embarrassed – i’m normal)

  19. MariaCecilia says:

    How could you not tell him??
    1. He clearly shares your sense of humour, so he needs to laugh at himself together with you guys.
    2. If he hasn’t run across your site when he googles himself he must think that the only fan-sites there is in his honour are the fawning, starryeyed or rabid drooling ones, and for his sanity and self-esteem he needs to know that he can inspire another type of following too.
    3. What man will NOT be attracted to women with wit, sarcasm and great taste in music who have spent the better part of three years writing a blog about him?The male ego isn’t born yet that can resist that level of sweet, smart, sarcastic attention…

    • pukesten says:

      i do think LTR is one of the very few Rob fansites/blogs (whatever) with any intelligence

      i love the fact that moon/uc make us laugh and rip the piss out of rob
      urban dictionary (to rip the piss is to point fun at someone, slag them off, take the mickey or generally have a laugh at the expense of someone else)

  20. KeepOnKeepingOn says:

    I would love to try and fit Rob’s tall, lanky ass into my Honda Civic.

    • roslynselene says:

      All you have to do is ask him if the rag your holding smells like chloroform and just shove him in your car. Easy peasy.

      • Katiebird says:

        That made me snort like a pig and laugh out loud!! :). I have so much to do today, that I really shouldn’t have stop by…

        This place makes me feel “normal”.

  21. KeepOnKeepingOn says:

    I know! I need a fedora,scarf-wearing guitarist that will help me kidnap Rob and imprison him in a basement. Then, just because I know he’d love it, I’ll dress in eighties work-out gear and do the “Single Ladies” dance routine…

  22. KeepOnKeepingOn says:

    “Rip the piss”
    I like it. We love ripping Rob’s piss. Let’s rip the piss right out of him, lol. All done in love and adoration, of course.

  23. KeepOnKeepingOn says:

    RS, I was wondering if anyone would catch on to my sugarland video reference! I love that video… the song, not so much:)

  24. KeepOnKeepingOn says:

    Yeah, that’s true. However, if we were speaking literally, there’s other bodily fluids I think would be much more fun to get out of him. Damn, I’m crude! I can be that way on the internet, though.

  25. KeepOnKeepingOn says:

    There’s this song by Bush that describe my feelings regarding your question, Pukesten;) I’m sure you know which one…

  26. KeepOnKeepingOn says:

    Gavin is def hot, but Rob’s still it for me…

  27. KeepOnKeepingOn says:

    Oh, come on, you don’t like a beer gut? Haha, just kidding. Although, and you’re gonna think I’m weird,I kinda like Kid Rock – beer gut and all!

  28. KeepOnKeepingOn says:

    That’s what I’m saying, RFM!

  29. KeepOnKeepingOn says:

    @maggie: that would be a magnificent site. A magnificent site, indeed.

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